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The Force Awakens: 25 Alternative Names For Star Wars VII [Weird & Wonderful Web]

Dave Parrack 09-11-2014

Star Wars is back. The new film, titled The Force Awakens, is the first in a new trilogy set 30 years after the events of Return Of The Jedi, and it’s due to be released on Dec. 18, 2015. The name was revealed on the last day of shooting, with the following tweet making headlines around the world.


However, The Force Awakens has, as a title, left a lot of people disappointed. They claim it’s dull, predictable, and liable to mean the J.J. Abrams reboot is set to start slowly. So, unhappy with the title decided by Disney, the Internet suggested its own alternatives, 25 of which are listed below.

Clickbait Wars

A classic clickbait headline used to great effect there, and admit it, you’d be more inclined to watch Star Wars VII if that was the title.

Poor Chewie

A play on words of the title of the 2009 film, He’s Just Not That Into You. The question is, who is not into Chewbacca? Has Han Solo dumped him? No, say it ain’t so.

Not Han Solo!

Fine, you have convinced me, I’ll go and see Star Wars VII. Harrison Ford is a national treasure, and I’m not sure how many more bones he can break before he can take no more.

Starring Snoop Dogg

A play on words of the song, Drop It Like It’s Hot by Snoop Dogg and Pharrell. Ironically, Hoth isn’t at all hot, being a planet blanketed by snow and ice. So there.


Reality Star Wars

I’ll be honest and admit I’d be much more likely to watch Keeping Up With The Calrissians than Keeping Up With The Kardashians. And Lando didn’t even need a sex tape to become famous.

Paternity Test

A slight play on How I Met Your Mother, supposedly, but who is uttering this sentence? Luke’s mother is long dead, so this would require a major plot revision.

Exhausting Exhausts

A play on the title of the novel The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. This works on several levels, because the Death Star did indeed have a fault in its design.

Friends Forever

What line? Who knows. But a Friends/Star Wars mash-up would be amazing. Monika would be the villain, obviously.


Not Starring Hugh Grant

This is an extraordinarily creative play on words of the title of the 1995 film, The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain. Starring Hugh Grant. Oh dear.

Admirable Anagram

I would hope everybody reading this has the wherewithal to work out the anagram for themselves without me having to spell it out. Quite literally.

I Am Groot

This may seem like nothing more than a subtle dig at the chances of Star Wars: The Force Awakens sucking, but there’s a hidden truth there; Guardians Of The Galaxy is going to be hard to beat.

Lucas Lucre

I’m not sure DVDs will exist in 25 years, but that may be missing the point. Let’s just hope Disney has more respect for the originals than George Lucas ever did. That’s wishful thinking, I know.


Scarily Accurate

Harrison Ford is 72-years-old, Mark Hamill is 63-years-old, and even Carrie Fisher is 58-years-old. This title may turn out to be painfully true.

Why Bother?

Yep, he’s right, I will, you will, and all of the other Star Wars geeks 10 Twitter Accounts All Star Wars Fans Should Follow In October 2012 Disney acquired Lucasfilm, the production company primarily known for the Star Wars and Indiana Jones franchises. For a fraction over $4 billion, Disney therefore landed the Star Wars franchise, and promptly announced... Read More in the world will go and see the new movies no matter what. So, why bother?!

My Eyes!!!

J.J. Abrams is a fantastic filmmaker, but he does go just a little overboard with the lens flare. Let’s hope The Force Awakens isn’t blighted by it too much.

Stormtrooper Academy

This is a reference to Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, one of the worst films you’re ever likely to see. Let’s hope Star Wars VII turns out better than that pile of steaming horse excrement.


Record Box-Office Takings

Enough already, just get the film out in theaters so I can go and see it. And be disappointed. And curse George Lucas, Disney, and J.J. Abrams all the way home.


If the force is anything like the rest of us, it won’t want to get out of bed for a good few minutes after the alarm clock goes off.

Mocking Mickey

A slightly snarky references to Steamboat Willie, the first Walt Disney short to feature Mickey Mouse. And now I want to see a remake with Chewbacca cast in the starring role.

Casting Cage

A very clever play on words of the title of the 2001 film, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. Starring one Nicolas Cage. Please give him a cameo in Star Wars, J.J., the Internet demands it.

Millennium Munchies

This is a reference to Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, and suggests that Han and Luke are a pair of stoners in need of some food after getting high. Stranger things have happened.

Culture Clash

With this mash-up of a quote from Return Of The Jedi and the title of the 2008 film, Slumdog Millionaire, I’m now imagining a Bollywood version of Star Wars. And it’s joyful.

Woah, Darth!

A remake of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure with the titular Bill and Ted played by C-3PO and R2-D2? I’m in.

Binks Begone

There are plenty of title suggestions featuring Jar Jar Binks, and none that are particularly complimentary to the character who ruined the prequel trilogy. This is my personal favorite.

Old Geeks

That’s a little harsh, but, who are we kidding, it’s all true too. Star Wars was once the best thing we had in our lives, and now it’s just another Disney franchise, and we’re all old. Damn you, J.J. Abrams, damn you to Ryloth!

Suggest Your Own Title For Star Wars VII!

You have seen our pick of the alternative names for Star Wars Episode VII, but do you have a better suggestion? Either choose your favorite from the #BetterStarWarsTitles and #RejectedStarWarsTitles hashtags on Twitter, or, even better, conjure an original one up from your own mushy gray matter. Either way, leave a comment below telling us what Star Wars VII would be named had Disney left the decision entirely up to you.

Image Credit: Piutus via Flickr [Broken Link Removed]

Related topics: Star Wars, Twitter.

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  1. clownlen
    November 10, 2014 at 10:36 am

    If they really want to sell some tickets, why not just call it:
    Star Wars Episode VII - The Gruesome Death of Jar Jar Binks

  2. Vince V
    November 10, 2014 at 3:15 am

    Star Wars 7: It's a Crap!

    • Dave Parrack
      November 13, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      Oh, that's good. I really hope it's not crap though. Surely J.J. will do a better job than George Lucas did with the prequels.

  3. Christopher Wetmore
    November 9, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Wookie Mouse?

    • Dave Parrack
      November 13, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      I swear if Chewbacca has grown two mouse-like ears, I'm walking out of the movie theater.

  4. James Bruce
    November 9, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    I'm going with "Crappy Generic Space Movie Number 7"


    • Dave Parrack
      November 13, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      No, no, no, no, no, no, no. OK, maybe, but no. J.J. won't let us down.

  5. Dave
    November 9, 2014 at 8:48 am

    Dude, where's my Death Star?

    • Dave Parrack
      November 13, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Oh, I'd totally watch that. I'm surprised no has has made a spoof and titled it that yet.