Online Dating: Men Don’t Get It And Women Don’t Understand

Ryan Dube 15-01-2014

Do online dating websites work? Okay, it’s time to have an open and frank discussion about the battle of the sexes and the dating game. It’s far too complex, scary and difficult for mere mortals – so let’s bridge the gap by asking both men and women what doesn’t work when it comes to online dating services Tinder vs. OkCupid vs. Match vs. Happn: Differences Between Dating Apps With so many different dating apps out there, how do you know which one is the right one for you? Don't worry, here's a breakdown of the four most popular choices. Read More .


To explore this topic, I pulled aside two individuals who I knew were hunting for a long-term relationship using online dating websites, and asked them about their experiences with the services. The two services used by these individuals were OKCupid and, two of the largest and most popular dating websites on the Internet.

What I learned from carrying out an interview of a female and the interview of a male trying to dig into this intriguing subject was that using the Internet for dating is equally painful for men and for women, but for very different reasons. Ironically enough, if you could take the best of those women and the best of those men, and place them in a big room where they could sit at a table and ask each other questions in person – you’d probably have 4 or 5 new match-ups by the end of the night.

The problem with online dating is that you can’t see the person’s face when they’re telling you about themselves. You can’t watch as they smile, and that smile spreads up into their eyes and transforms their face into one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen – a thing that warms your heart and makes you realize you want to spend more time with the person. No…online dating involves just cold, shallow text. Not much else.

Online Dating Is a Woman’s Worst Nightmare

I think it’s hard for guys to comprehend the world of online dating from a woman’s perspective. As far as a guy is concerned, women have it made. (What is mansplaining? What Is Mansplaining? The Origins (And Misuse) of the Term Have you noticed the word "mansplaining" appearing a lot lately online? Are you not sure what it means, or why people seem to be upset about it? We'll explain everything. Read More ) All they have to do is get online every day, sitting on their princess throne and file through the dozens or more profiles of men who have messaged them throughout the day.

They then flippantly toss out all of those well thought out, carefully crafted messages from most of those poor schmucks, and then they log onto their Facebook accounts to complain to their girlfriends that there are no “good men” left in the world.


Unfortunately, the reality is nowhere near that fantasy. To get some insight into what women go through on these dating websites, I pulled aside one of my family members who I knew had spent some time on these sites looking for her future spouse. By the time of this interview, she had already given up and moved on, finally discovering her future husband while visiting old friends at her alma mater. Her responses completely surprised me.


Ryan (RD): What year did you sign up with an online dating website and how long did you keep your account?

Anonymous Woman (AW): I can’t remember the exact year I signed up… I think it was either 2006 or 2007. I was active on the account for a week…if that.


RD: What were the majority of messages that you received from guys like?

AW: Creepy. I got some commenting on my picture The Perfect Online Dating Profile Picture, According to Research Online dating relies a lot on first impressions. Use these tips to have the perfect selection of profile photos in no time. Read More telling me how “hot” I was….or how “good” I looked. Actually, now that I think about it, that was how most of the messages I got started. I don’t know, maybe some girls might think of that as a compliment but personally, I would have preferred a simple message like, “Hey, would you like to talk? I saw that some of your interests were the same as mine,” or something along those lines.

Also, some of the messages I got were from a few guys that ranged from early 40’s to late 40’s and I was maybe 19 at the time. That was one of the main reasons I called it quits. It made me SO uncomfortable that guys so much older than me, older than most of my siblings (all of which are 8 years plus older than me), were sending me messages telling me that I was “hot”. I am getting terribly uncomfortable just thinking about it.



RD: Did you get ANY messages from guys that seemed nice at all? Worth meeting up with?

AW: No, but the creepy messages most likely ruined it for any decent guys that might be around. Those messages made me run far, far away from online dating. In hindsight, I suppose if I had stayed active with it for a little longer MAYBE I would have encountered a “nice” guy.


I have to mention that I did get maybe a message or two from guys that seemed okay, but once I checked out their profiles, it didn’t seem like we had anything in common so I didn’t bother. That’s one of the issues I see with online dating though. Words on a page can only tell you so much and often, they are not the best “first impressions”. Personally, I think there is so much more to be gained from talking with someone face to face – you are able to read their body language and listen to intonation in their voice, which are much better indicators than online messages or profiles.


RD: From your experience, do you think dating sites The 10 Best Free Dating Sites to Help You Find Love Don't want to use a dating app? Here are the best free dating websites to find your next date or one true love waiting for you. Read More can be at all useful for girls?

AW: Sure. I know people who have had great successes with online dating! It just wasn’t my thing. I have a strong preference toward meeting people in person FIRST, instead of online first.

RD: If there are guys looking to actually get the attention of a girl on these dating sites, do you have any advice for them?

AW: Do your best not to be a creep. Please. Remember that a simple message can go a long way. You’re much more likely to get past the initial message if you can get a girl to first start talking to you based on interests.

RD: How did you eventually end up meeting the guy you ended up marrying?

AW: We lived across the hall from each other our first year of university. We became good friends first and we only started dating 2 years later. That was mostly because I transferred schools, but because we became friends first, we had a connection that drew us back together for a chance at something more. What we found out was that we had much, much more than friendship in store for us.

Online Dating Is Frustrating for Men

Being a nice guy is probably the worst thing to be when it comes to online dating. You are a little more than collateral damage, as the large majority of guys slather, drool and stomp their way through the crowds, scaring off most of the nice girls that arrive on these sites, as evidenced by the interview above.

This experience is best exemplified by my close friend who I will call Eric. Eric has been using a couple of online dating websites off and on for the past year, with very little success. He spends time every day carefully browsing through profiles and looking for women who he feels share his same interests – beyond the dating site’s algorithm which promises to perform its own magic in matchmaking. Despite his efforts, few girls ever answer his carefully crafted, very kind messages.

RD: How long have you been using online dating websites?

Eric: Too long. It’s been about six months now. I started out using, but then a friend told me that the success rate is much better on OKCupid, so I switched over to that.


RD: How’s it going – do you get any dates at all?

Eric: It’s not. I spent hours trying to create a profile that shows people what I’m really like. No dice. Sure, I get a lot of profile “views”, but no messages. I’ve scheduled about an hour a day to browse through profiles and I look for several things. Most importantly is that she likes doing similar things that I do. Secondly of course is that the profile gives me some feeling that there could be chemistry.

RD: Why do you think they don’t answer?

Eric: I don’t know. Maybe they don’t like my pictures, or maybe I’m not being as nice as I feel I am in my messages. Part of me thinks that they’re just so overwhelmed with messages from so many guys that they just pick the few that strike them as the “best” and just ignore the rest. Women’s choice is what it’s all about I guess.

It’s weird to me because if I didn’t normally have girls asking me out in real life, or showing that they are attracted to me, I’d probably start to develop a complex or something. Maybe I’m just not really portraying myself very well in my profile or something. I’m not sure what it is.

RD: Do you think the algorithm and the other tools the dating sites offer help at all?

Eric: Some of them I guess. I mean, I like the fact that you can IM with people when they’re online if you want, but as far as the “matching algorithm” goes, I don’t think it really works very well. Like, OKCupid gives you a percentage of match or non-match you are with certain people. In some cases, I’ve read the profile of a 90+% match and find myself wondering what in the world the developer is smoking.


In other cases, I’ve seen profiles that have a 40-50% match with mine, but from the profile I can see pretty easily that they would be perfect with me – common sense of humor, common belief system, everything. So, I really don’t think it’s a proven science quite yet. They try – and I’m sure most of it is just for marketing.

RD: Do you have any advice for women out there who use online dating sites and might be reading this?

Eric: Yes. Stop ignoring all of us. You know, guys get accused a lot of being superficial and basing everything on looks, but I can’t help thinking that most of these women just file quickly through a guy’s photos and then fly right on to the next one without actually getting to know what the guy is like. It’s so frustrating, because you know, I think a lot of really nice guys out there could make for amazing boyfriends who would treat these lonely, single women like they deserve to be treated. Instead, you know, I think a lot of them are still hung up on hunting for the bad boys, the smooth-talkers. I don’t know what more a nice guy can do, but I do know it would be nice if some of these women would at least give us a chance to show what we have to offer.

Sleepless on the Net

So there you have it – the whole story from the female perspective and from the male perspective. What is shocking to me is how different each perspective is from each other – with women claiming Here's What Dating Sites Are Like If You're A Woman As an experiment I set up accounts on three of the more popular free dating websites, then spoke to some women about their experiences. Here’s what happened. Read More there are nothing but creeps on these dating sites, and with guys claiming there are plenty of nice guys. Obviously, there’s a disconnect somewhere.

Thankfully, I’ve been happily married for a decade and a half. I met the love of my life my second year of college, and was married before I graduated. The extent of my online dating was chatting to a few girls at other colleges over the now-archaic IBM-mainframe based chat network. In the end, I met my wife in person, at a party. The old-fashioned way.

What’s your take? Why is there this disconnect between the sexes when it comes to online dating. Is there some magical solution Confused About Bumble? Bizz, BFF, Boost, and Next Modes Explained With its many functions and modes, the Bumble app caters to people interested in dating, meeting friends, and even networking. Read More that would make all of the nice girls and all the nice guys of the world come together more easily?

Image Credits: Pretty Young Woman via Shutterstock, Gangster with Cigar via Shutterstock

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  1. Pat Stewart
    July 29, 2020 at 2:25 pm

    Let’s face it, women want the same thing men want, looks, financial, normal yet bad ...perfection! And we all know how elusive that can be. No one wants to settle even a little bit, so we wait and wait until we grow too old and our options are diminished. And, it doesn't end there, older people are worse!, only lesser optioned.....

  2. Jeremiah Diblasio
    May 11, 2020 at 8:02 pm

    Without question there's a problem with the guy's side of things.

    For women it seems like a rather simple solution, they should be able to set filters for what type of messages they receive. She doesn't want people over 40 messaging her, that's a really easy problem to solve.

    For men, it's not the real women on the site that are the problem. It's the fake ones. Single lonely men make up the majority of the money these dating sites take in. The FTC just sued for using fake profiles to entice men to pay for premiums. they also leave up old profiles that haven't logged in in years.

    Dating sites are annoying to wome sure we can all agree on that. But dating sites are predators/parasites to men.

  3. valeria
    September 6, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    Am new on here and seeking a partner soul mate or some to flirt with or have a meet and see where it leads us..

  4. Rick
    August 4, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    Most women nowadays are real Gold Diggers since they only want men with a lot of money which makes them real phonies altogether now since they really can't like many of us single men for who we really are. And to think that most women in the old days weren't like this at all, and real ladies as well compared to the women of today. Now Feminism is everywhere.

  5. gamenew
    July 4, 2019 at 8:07 am

    Interesting read. I am an Asian male & have been using online dating apps for sometime now. I deleted my Tinder app after two days. I did have a few likes but since Tinder was asking for a payment as it wasn't a match I just called it quits. I wrote nice messages to women on okcupid after reading their profiles carefully & still got no response. Now I use an app that is both local & international. I have tried to reach out to Asian females even they don't reply back most of the time. There are few exceptions- I have had a few decent conversations & been rejected maybe our ethnic backgrounds are not the same-SHITTY RULES IN ASIA or because the girl is not ready for a serious relationship.

    I want to stress two points. Probably many men just view women as commodities that they can buy & it gets reflected in their messages. I think it's important to think of women as human beings & understand they have feelings also. Just write a decent message & don't call her names just because she did not reply back.

    Also if a female rejects you just be nice & end the conversation in a positive manner. I got rejected by this Asian girl a few days back just because our ethnicity did not match-how shitty is that. I still wished her well for life & ended the conversation there. BOTTOM LINE: BE RESPECTFUL AT ALL TIMES.

    And to all the males there is no problem a girl rejected you online or does not reply back to your messages. Just don't take it personally. It's not the end of the world.

    Maybe if you are feeling too depressed about it just take a walk with your headphones around dusk or go somewhere decent & give yourself a treat-Tacos anyone? Or do something that you like to keep you engaged-reading a book, playing a console game, gym, shopping etc

  6. Anon
    July 3, 2019 at 10:23 pm

    I never understood why woman are complaining about creeps to begin with, when they receive literally 1000+ of messages each month (unless you're extremely fat or ugly (yes even just ugly or fat is still good enough to get tons of messages)). Now let's assume 90% of these messages are from creeps, way too older man or terrible messages like "hey!" etc. that still leave you from 100 to choose from, 100 of which already like how you look at the very least and made the effort to approach you.

    Then all you have to do is to filter down, you OUGHT to be able to find at least 5 persons you would be willing to date out of that. So from 1000 messages, we're down to 5 "quality" profiles. And despite all that woman still manage to claim that online dating is hard, that's a solid joke. From those 5, 3 could be rejected after the first date, the ideal partner would be among the two lasts. That's basically how woman have it. And they could re-iterate the above EVERY month if needed.

    Online dating is just a number game for woman, regardless how much trash there is at the beginning of the funnel, due to the quantity of men thrown at them, unless you have unrealistic standards then you're bound to easily find someone. Meanwhile for us, we get at most 5 messages a month if we aren't 7+ looking, have a career, decent income etc. You just cannot find anyone you like with such a small quantity.

  7. Mike
    June 25, 2019 at 11:51 am

    i have read this artificial and found it offers no help to anyone, i am also a completely fed up and frustrated 42 year old man who has never been on a date with a woman, i have never had a one night stand, i have never kissed a woman, i have never had any communication with a woman and i am at the end of my rope now. i have been on E-harmony for a year and also use Hinge and OK cupid, i have sent out about 200 introductions on E-Harmony and around the same amount on both of the other sites, can you guess how many responses i got? yes that is right none, absolutely none, the issue is this, for one thing women are far to judgemental, they assume if a man is 42 and still looking online that something must be wrong with him and take the attitude "if no other woman wants him then neither do i" but that is not the biggest issue, a complete lack of manners is the main problem, i cant say if the men who are online are not showing any manners because i am not trying to talk to them but i can say for sure 100% that women do not have any manners online, to explain this let me ask you a question, if a man came up to you in a bar or on the train and asked for your number would you A- roll your eyes and walk off without saying anything. or B- be polite and say thanks but no thanks. ( of course this is when you are not interested ) i think you are all saying you would opt for B, and you are right to choose that option so then why is it women cannot show the same level of respect and say thank you but no thank you when they receive a message online, to me it takes just as much effort and courage to write a well thought message to a woman as it does to approach her in the street and the same level of respect should be shown to us, i get it if i was to just send a short message saying HI and put no thought into the message but women expect us to make the effort and so we do and then get ignored, this is completely unfair and is the reason why everyone is becoming so rude online nowadays, so my main point it this, if you are a woman online dating and you want to complain about how rude men can be i suggest that you take a long look at your self and ask , am i being a bit too judgemental? am i being rude myself? if you answer yes to these then maybe its you who needs to change.

    • valeria
      September 6, 2019 at 4:16 pm

      you sound interesting to you and i would like to have a private talk with you..

  8. Mit
    June 14, 2019 at 5:44 pm

    I am a middle aged male that maintains an athletic physique and I don't think I am bad looking. After more than 3 years of using online dating sites I gave up. I had several good conversations and a couple dozen dates but never found a mutual attraction.
    Before giving up I ran an experiment on 2 different dating sites. I had my cusin, a real ladies man, but a profile up and make contact with the women I had some really deep conversations with. Everyone of the woman claimed that they would never have casual sex and certainly not on the first date. They wanted to discuss long term relationships and marriage with me. Funny, the first contact with everyone of these woman by my cusin, resulted in an immediate date and the woman suggesting sexual encounters.
    The truth is that the woman will give themselves with no hessitation to a man that really arouses them but will demand everything from a man that is more likely to comit to a relationship.
    That is why men act like a-holes on dating sites now. They are tired of having to give their soul to a woman just to enjoy sex while the woman gets sex with men our way out of their league whenever they desire. And then these same woman have the nerve to complain about the average looking male that makes sexual advances.

  9. Davamp
    June 13, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Hello Ive been on POF and man this comes with interesting characters.I think everyone on these dating sites expects to get laid,and if you dont go thru with it you never hear from them again.That was from my experience. Its like wtf .............................................................................................

  10. Travis
    May 31, 2019 at 2:10 pm

    Hey, I'm a dude. I've been in the online dating game for a while, although I don't put much effort in anymore. Mostly for the reasons the author said, although he's not 100% accurate, he's more or less on point for both sides.

    What guys don't understand is that women are the gatekeepers of dating in all forms. We're made to believe that we choose or "hunt" for the woman we want, because that makes us feel like men, if we're adhering to traditional gender roles. But the reality is that women make the choice. Guys are slinging dick to them every single day, and if they want sex they can get it easily. Unless they're fat or really ugly. So they want a different approach, something that makes them excited about meeting a new guy, pique their interests and most of them are happy to admit they are putty in your hands.

    So they're inundated with all these messages, yes, they choose you if they happen to pick your message and like what you have to say, if the moon is in alignment with Jupiter and you don't remind them of their tenth ex who said that really mean thing to them that one time and you have your facial hair trimmed but not too trim because baby faces aren't attrac ...(sorry, we're all a little bitter about this, judging by the comments).

    So from the male perspective, as a dude who loves sex, but is also a romantic, we can enjoy a casual hookup just as much as a deep relationship, what makes us start giving crummy messages, just saying "hey" or saying creepy crap is the stifling lack of effort the majority of women put into THEIR search. More often than not, I'll see a poorly written profile with the same two sentences that give me no useful information to base my approach on. Women love to be desired, chased, and interacted with. Stimulate the mind, and the body will follow, fellows. But how does anyone try and say something interesting to a person who reads only as "Spontaneous, adventurous, funny, down to earth", and who has answered maybe 10 questions, the bare minimum to get on the site.

    This tells men that you're only willing to do the bare minimum, that you've probably logged only once or twice for like 5 minutes, or that you don't have anything interesting to say, but hey, she's hot, she might be good for a lay. So the creepy messages come out because we're bored, and we know you won't reply anyways, or only respond with a one word sentence, forcing us to try and pull your lazy ass through the conversation. Guys like good conversation, we like to have our minds stimulated JUST as much as our bodies, but a downward angle cleavage shot and four words about yourself points us in only one direction. Time is valuable, and the expectation that guys should be spending hours filtering through profiles while women pick and choose for a few minutes a day before giving up is absurd, especially if you want a long term relationship. How the heck you going to last with anyone if you give up because you didn't meet your soulmate inside of a month?

  11. D
    May 22, 2019 at 10:23 pm

    Women give up too easily on there and have unreasonable expectations and can be shallow. Plenty of men creepers out there but tons of nice guys that women ignore. Women need to actually work sifting through the creepers (for more than a day), stop blocking/ignoring the good guys that only said a nice hello or put some effort into a message that was callously deleted. Men need to wait for women to start doing this, stop being creepers/perverted.

  12. KC
    May 5, 2019 at 3:27 am

    As a woman, I want to feel that a guy genuinely enjoys my company whether or not we are in a sexual relationship. I want to see how he interacts in groups with other people. I really like it when a guy has enough courage and finesse to ask me to do something in person, and I'd prefer that we do something fairly casual that might not even be a "date." That is a very high bar, and it means I am not expecting it to happen with 80% or more of the single guys I meet. I was divorced, and I am picky because (for me) being treated poorly is not an option. After reading this (and several other articles) I am inclined to avoid online dating. I am trying group meetups. I think a huge part of the problem is the speed at which genuine, natural, organic relationships form. It usually takes a lot more time than most people want. It also is easier when there isn't a lot of pressure because it is a "date." I guess I am just the sort of person who prefers a longer pre-dating period to get to know somebody before there is much pressure to get physical. I also feel more comfortable if I can see a guy isn't putting on an act, faking, or lying. Personally, I am not interested in having a large number of strangers sending me naughty texts full of innuendo or explicit material. So to the guys who are frustrated online...maybe try making some female friends in-person who may eventually turn into something more. It's a slower, longer strategy that takes more investment, courage, and trial and error, but it may lead to better results than the false promises of online dating.

  13. Jane
    April 30, 2019 at 8:03 pm

    I learned quickly that you can have several conversations (chatting, texting, even phone calls) leading up to the date that give the impression of their being outgoing with a shared sense of humor, and non-conservatism, but in person, two of the guys I dated ended up being very introverted, anxious and conservative. It's just to say you can vet some things prior to a date, and you can craft a careful profile, but not only can you not predict chemistry, but you can't tell what their overall personality is like. I also found a huge difference in the quality of men between Bumble, OK Cupid and Zoosk. With the highest level of quality starting with Bumble. There was a significant quality drop-off on Zoosk, yet it has a much larger pool of users.

    Finally, I am dumbfounded by the cluelessness of men who know nothing about what women find attractive, by (continuing to post) photos of themselves, despite what is now becoming common knowledge turn-offs for women: bare chested, holding dead fish, standing by their beloved car, lifting weights, on a motorcycle, bathroom selfies, the only photo being fuzzy or otherwise unflattering (looking angry or scary, too far away to see, large gut hanging out, standing next to their ex (!), wearing a wedding ring (when their profile says they're single). I mean, WTF? If they are really this clueless as to what women find attractive, that disconnected, is there any question about why the divorce rate is as high as it is? I mean, women contribute to relationships breaking down, of course, but just considering online dating, it's obvious women don't have the same cluelessness about what men find attractive, as men do, simply by looking at the photos women post of themselves.

    • Paul
      June 24, 2019 at 9:39 am

      "it's obvious women don't have the same cluelessness about what men find attractive, as men do, simply by looking at the photos women post of themselves."

      Haha. We all have our delusions.
      Many trashy photos of women on dating sites showing them smoking, drinking, bathroom selfies, duck face, etc.

  14. Rachel
    April 23, 2019 at 7:58 pm

    Not a man hater. But online dating is the worst.
    Plenty of creepers looking for sleezy hook ups. I can find that kind of thing offline by the way. Weird how easy it is to"get" a man for hook ups--which I don't do--but impossible to find a decent guy who is into family stuff.

    Gave up years ago. Too chronically ill to get out much. But I still have guys asking for free prostitute services--sick, old, ugly as I am.

    I don'y know. Maybe it's geography, or that all good men over 30 married long ago.

    If my IBD goes into remission I still won't mess around. Dating is nothing but heartbreak. Men and women are horribly selfish nowadays. Only want mindless sex with strangers. That stuff repulses me.

    Too old for a family now anyhow. Why bother?

  15. Blunt&SomewhatApologetic
    March 10, 2019 at 12:30 am

    I honestly was really glad to get to read a male perspective. I do feel bad for men and in my experience most of the messages I've received on OkCupid have been very thoughtful and kind, so I can't really relate to the woman in this article. That being said I want to just add this for the men out there wondering "why isn't she answering?"
    If you're a woman who gets 10 messages a day you can't answer them all. It wouldn't be appropriate because you wouldn't even be able to keep track of whose who and that's a dick move right there. Even if you get one message a day you might choose not to answer. Why? Well this is my experience for perspective: I work 70-80 hours a week. My personal rule is to only talk to two guys at a time: so maybe you're great and exactly my type and sent an awesome message: doesn't matter because when I've made exceptions to this rule things go south. Ex.: all of a sudden everyone wants a four hour date at the same time (I don't even have the time to see my friends for that long). I'm guessing every woman has a way of doing things. Some might just sit there and only pick 10's I wouldn't know. I just only add one person to my chatting if someone else didn't work out - and that person is whoever has messaged me recently and seems to have the personality that matches my ideal the best. It is what it is.
    Every person has their own system for online dating, I think you just have to be patient until you find someone who matches your system or get the hell off the apps.

    • hjolly
      July 14, 2019 at 3:36 am

      so true!! I get lots of nice messages from decent gentleman, but I end up with too busy a social calendar. And then those I do date, or talk to, go off one cliff or the other with red flag issues. One of the last...told me, after three nice phone calls, that he is 60, not 50 like his profile states. That was that. ~shrugs~ I am trying, but this is a drag.

  16. Alotofguys
    February 20, 2019 at 1:46 pm

    If it's a choice between online dating band being single for the rest of my life (which is probably what is going to happen)

    I'd rather be single.

    I'd rather be dead in fact. I hate online dating. It's a soul sucking hell pit.

    • Rick
      August 4, 2019 at 6:44 pm

      Women today unfortunately aren't very nice to meet at all, especially these days.

  17. Ben Franklin
    February 7, 2019 at 10:45 am

    Yes, women have it easier on online dating sites then men. They watch their inbox fill up then pick and choose who to reject (almost all of them). So what? That's the way it is, so get over it, guys. I should know, I am one of you, not what you'd call attractive, and used online sites for years.

    There are a few principles you need to realize, and obey, to save yourself work and heart-ache. The first one is, it is a numbers game! As the male you are still expected to be the one to make the first move and usually, get rejected, that's just how it is! Fortunately, on-line rejection usually just means, no reply. Give her 3 days to reply, if there isn't one, NEXT! Forget her. Maybe note down her username somewhere so you don't waste your time messaging her again and find another woman to message, and on and on. You WILL eventually find someone to go out with you, (since I did, anyone can!) you just need to persist in messaging women and most important NOT take rejection personally. Look on it as a challenge, you are just going down the line and finding someone you might be compatible with . Believe me, on-line rejection is MUCH easier to take than the in-person kind (rejection by lack of a response is better, to me than a solid NO delivered straight to your face) and you have instant action you can take to make the sting a little lighter: Message another girl!

    Stop blowing this dating game up into something complicated, or something personal because it ISN'T! You will see plenty of women on a dating site YOU wouldn't want to get with, either, and there's nothing more fair than that. Women are on these sites taking chances and getting rejected too, never doubt it, it's part of the game and no big deal .

    The only thing you need to do, is keep messaging women until you get a reply. NEVER keep messaging a woman that doesn't reply, because WHY? There are 7 billion people on the planet, which means roughly 3.5 billion women - and at least SOME of them will want to date you. There are hundreds if not thousands of women who will date you, and your job is to find them among all the others out there in the world. Don't give up, NEVER take this game personally, and you will find someone.

    • Sebastian
      February 7, 2019 at 8:22 pm

      Wishful words.
      To play online dating need a lot of patience, a lot of luck, and harden mind so you won't get frustrated or anxiously or addicted to everyday or every hour log in to match (I stop that by cancelling my subscription)
      The most bad thing is that if it show a member is online , she just might have left the app running in the background , it does not mean she is actually online.
      I am feeling that we should stop chasing online women on match. Instead try those Ukrainian Russian or asian brides. They are beautiful and younger compared with those middle age obese women with baggage inside They want the green card but I am sure you can have a lot of fun , attention, chats, perhaps travel, until you think she is the one you are willing to marry her. The game is on our side if you try the international green card loving women

  18. Sebastian
    February 5, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    Hi, I think I am also a nice guy. I tried for a year. I am in high tech here in silicon valley. I filled out a very detailed profile and wrote hundreds of emails but I got very little attention. I am asian. No white women ever replied to me. You can see Asian women married with white men. But no the opposite. For that matter I feel like white women are racist. I also did not get much reply from Asian women. I am average looking guy, so for that matter I think women online dating are also very superficial. So in my last week's of my subscription I did an experiment. I remove all of my photos and add one single photo of a handsome looking Asian guy I cut out from a magazine while on my travels to China. Result: I got profile likes and emails from white black asian left and right north and south. I had a good feeling on my last days from match. I just exchanged some chats for the fun value and then I told them something like this " thank you for your interest but you are outside of my age range, or distance, and for the most pretty ones I also said that I was looking for marriage but required a pre nuptial agreement." So basically I got my revenge I denied them their dream of meeting a handsome guy.

    • D
      May 22, 2019 at 10:28 pm

      You’re a hero!

      • Sergio
        July 28, 2019 at 4:01 pm


  19. Chris Corbett
    February 3, 2019 at 8:52 pm

    Women do have it easy as pie. They have the luxury of passing on men, as they know all men want them. A man has no luxury to pass on a women, as it's impossible to get a wife unless you are wealthy.

    • Ashley
      February 13, 2019 at 7:54 am

      Have you heard of Bumble sir? I've had men unmatch me before I could even get a chance to finish my message. Also money can't buy personality, which is the first thing a woman will be interacting with upon contact.

      • Sebastian
        March 1, 2019 at 5:39 am

        I've had men unmatch me before I could even get a chance to finish my message.

        Ashley, I did not understand your sentence above.

        I never said I am buying a woman so much so that I really need a prenup , unless I really know/date her for a long time and I can really count on her.

        I want look for personality, a nice person .

  20. Tammy Mcgee
    February 3, 2019 at 3:24 pm

    Old men need to stop hitting on much younger women. It's creepy. I'm 55 and am getting responses from men in their late 70's to early 80's. One guy took his picture with his oxygen hose on. What I'm thinking is really?? You will be in a nursing home soon.

    • Ashley
      February 13, 2019 at 7:56 am

      Oxygen hose ahaha it's no different down here in the 20 mile zone where men older than my father are asking me if I want a new daddy.

      • Sebastian
        March 1, 2019 at 8:03 pm

        Of course those men are just fed up and know they won't get anyone so they might just make comments like that.

    • Chris
      February 28, 2019 at 1:06 am

      What’s wrong with older men hitting on younger women? What if a young woman hits on an older man? What if a old woman hits on a young man?
      A girl at work told me she would fancy a sugar daddy- she then said she felt bad for saying that but it’s true she said.
      I can totally relate to the guy in this article. It’s verbatim what I’ve been through. I eventually met a really sweet girl but the work involved was insane. While she just had to pick. I could go on and on about the reasons online dating is unfair for guys but it’s the internet, so enter at your own risk.

    • Sebastian
      March 1, 2019 at 8:01 pm

      Tammy McGee, you are 55. Are you obese? Why all the women age 50+ on looks like United flight attendants?

      American women in when they are 50plus somehow lost their self maintenance. They are very big, fat, big hips.

      • charade
        April 12, 2019 at 3:41 pm

        And here it is. Exactly why women hate online dating. Any woman who doesn't look like a model is either ignored completely or only gets the absolutely most desperate guys. And yes, we can tell when you're desperate. Last time I tried online dating I got obviously copy/pasted messages, messages that proved the guy was literally sending this same spam to everything with breasts. No girl likes being reduced to that.

        Men say women have it easy...I say we have it worse. Sure, we get a lot of messages, but 95% of them are "hey bby dtf?" and other similarly degrading crap. If there was a dating site that limited people to only messaging 1 person per day, maybe we could fend off the spam. But for now, it's self-esteem crushing to open an inbox and see nothing but guys who have zero interest in you beyond sex.

        I quit after some random jerk messaged me, commenting on a nice photo of me sitting on the couch with my dog. I was not posing seductively, just sitting and smiling. And he decided to comment with "Mmmm, I'd like to eat that". Seriously? That's the kind of crap girls have to deal with. I'd rather be single than withing 10 miles of men like that.

        • Autumnleaves
          May 9, 2019 at 11:13 pm

          Exactly, thank you. I have experienced that also.

        • D
          May 22, 2019 at 10:36 pm

          So you want a guy to write long, well thought out custom tailored messages to you about your profile when you might be average, over weight, unkept with the high probability that you will just trash the message, and move on to the next one? Men send copy and paste messages BECAUSE women aren’t getting back to them. Women are actually the ones reducing online dating to what you mentioned.

    • Caroline
      June 10, 2019 at 3:16 am

      oh my God Tammy! that's awful. I've had the same experience every guy that contacts me is not only 15, 20 years older but also overweight and dresses absolutely terrible. If in real life men my own age didn't check me out on the street I would think I'm a troll, not a single guy my age contacts me. either 25 year olds looking for a cougar experience(Gross!) or guys my dads age or older it's the effin worst.

  21. SH
    January 22, 2019 at 7:27 pm

    I knew this article would be b.s the second i read that the female interviewed was only on a dating site for a week? What would she know? Ask someone who's been on it for a year. The comments are more informative

  22. J
    January 12, 2019 at 5:01 pm

    As a woman on an online site, personally I want the man to make the first moves for the first few times. Women like to be pursued and men should initially be leaders that way.

    • Chris Corbett
      February 3, 2019 at 8:54 pm

      Im Shy and like the women to be in charge

      • Ashley
        February 13, 2019 at 7:59 am

        How far does shy get you on the Internet though? The moment you mention that on a profile I'm sure women will see that as work before they even know your worth.

  23. Tim
    January 9, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    Online dating? Well, lets see, I live in Boise, Idaho. There's a starter for you! It just plain stinks here. I am a almost 55 and in good shape, yes, that's someone else is perspective. I was married for 24 years: I divorced her. I have dated many women I found "attractive". Should I settle? I don't think so! Do women have to settle? No! Online dating here in the Treasure Valley is exceptionally bad due to it is very family oriented atmosphere. Most women I found I was attracted with online websites to other than their physical attributes is their profile. Many women are either bombarded or the file is fake or maybe my profile and images need adjusting? I'm not sure, dating right now at least with online dating is at an impasse. I do understand the pool becomes smaller the older you get. GOOD LUCK MY FRIENDS!

    • Autumnleaves
      May 9, 2019 at 11:15 pm

      Are you still single?

  24. Truthhasbeensaid
    December 17, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    Women in the old days were very old fashioned and real ladies which the great majority of women really were at that time. Today quite different and Not ladies at all either.

    • Ashley
      February 13, 2019 at 8:00 am

      The same could be said for men: Chivalry is non existent and manners are out the window.

      • Chris
        February 28, 2019 at 1:14 am

        So women want chivalry AND equality. Go figure.
        But yeah, maybe we shouldn’t generalize like that.

        • charade
          April 12, 2019 at 3:46 pm

          Yes, we want men to be polite and have good manners while also treating us like human beings. Who'dathunkit.

    • Autumnleaves
      May 9, 2019 at 11:12 pm

      That's because of the jerks we have to deal with.

  25. Nadine
    December 2, 2018 at 3:16 pm

    Good guys seem to think good women are looking for assholes. From my experience, even when I start dating a good guy, a few weeks / months down the line, they start acting like assholes. So perhaps good women have a reason to be cautious all around. I wish people would acknowledge how much of finding love is the luck of the draw, not a meritocracy.

    • Robert Godden.
      January 12, 2019 at 6:53 pm

      Nadine, what a load of BS YOUR talking

      • Emily
        April 21, 2019 at 9:47 am

        Congratulations Robert Your response is the only one received, so that's 100% of guys are a**holes! Guess you just proved her right!

        • D
          May 22, 2019 at 10:52 pm

          And you’re a legit a**hole just because a guy was disagreeing with a woman, you had to interject calling all guys aholes. Probably the same woman that expects chivalry.

  26. S--
    November 25, 2018 at 9:41 am

    That "AW" girl deserves to be raped or something worse. No more. No less. She is downright evil.

    • Susan
      February 3, 2019 at 2:32 pm

      ^^ Welp, there you go. Perfect example of a gross man ruining it for everyone.

    • Susan
      February 3, 2019 at 2:33 pm

      ^^Welp, there you go. Perfect example of gross guy ruining it for everyone.

    • Caroline
      June 10, 2019 at 3:23 am

      So when a woman wants to express her opinion and you don't agree with her, then your immediate reaction is to destroy her suggesting rape? What a godamn coward piece of shit you are, I hope you never find love, you really don't deserve it.

  27. AnonymousDM
    September 14, 2018 at 5:45 pm

    Hi Folks, I won't reveal who I am on OkCupid, But i'm a software engineer and I made my own program to datamine the profiles to find out the odds of everything. I don't live in Melbourne, Australia but I datamined this city as an example. What it revealed was the following:

    There is about 10000 users active within the last month at the time I datamined.
    70% of those users were male, 30% of the users were female. Nice ratio huh. Turns out Dubai has better odds for dating. 45% of the western women identified as either "curvy, full figured or overweight" and 55% western women identified as "thin, fit or average build".
    11% of Asian women identified as "curvy, full figured or overweight" and 89% identified as "fit, thin, average build". With just white women and Asian women, there were about 30% Asian women and 70% white women. 95% of white men identified as "fit,thin or average build", while 5% identified as "curvy,full figured or overweight". The most conflicting question between the two sexes were "men like playing video games a lot" and women don't like men playing video games. For one particular question that was asking what is the most annoying thing about dating online, women said "men just want hook ups" while men said "Sick of the same type of dates each time".

  28. David
    September 4, 2018 at 5:08 am

    The "research" of this article seems pretty weak and uses a bad example. She was active for a week or less? Meanwhile, the guy had been active for months.

    I tried online dating for a couple of years. I spent time writing my profile, adding pictures and trying to accurately list hobbies, etc. I wrote crafted messages, carefully read profiles and was always respectful. I did not write to women who said "don't write me" for criteria I didn't meet. I stayed in my age range (37) and wrote to women 30+.

    Most of the women were very much like the "alternet" article, above. They were not serious about a relationship (even if they claimed to be) and they took advantage of the situation. It's hard to blame them and they didn't mean any harm by it. It was simply "too easy". They could enjoy the ride for however long suited them and hop off when they wanted. The online dating experience for men is nothing like that.

    I definitely had to do all the work (in addition to sending the first message). Decisions were always left to me (such as where to go). It was always my responsibility to make sure the date was interesting. It was up to me to provide or initiate interesting conversation. So, we'd go out (once or sometimes more) but then she'd stop responding. Almost exclusively, that was the way women dealt with it. There was only one I can remember that bothered to reply and tell me we weren't a match (after a date).

    More than one woman told me she wasn't interested via message (before we dated) and I appreciated the response and always said so, in a polite response. It's discouraging to hear how many men abuse women who take the time to say "no thanks". Decent men appreciate it, believe me!

    Sadly, the experience was fruitless and frustrating. Most of the time, women didn't respond and I had to work really hard to get those dates. This breeds an environment where men have to "shotgun" out messages. I've never done that but it might be the better way to have success.

    I think online dating is bad for women because they get flooded with crap and at the same time, can fall into the trap of taking the good ones for granted. Online dating can be difficult for both sexes. However, it really is more difficult for men. That's just the reality of it. And I know it's not all bad. It's worked for a lot of people.

  29. Joe
    August 12, 2018 at 4:44 am

    The Internet has RUINED our Social Culture. From Social Media to Television brainwashing Women that you can have the "Perfect Guy."

    Then women date a guy and when she learns of his Flaws, (as no Man is perfect), she gets tired of putting up with less-than-perfect and then boot him to the curb.

    In 30 seconds or less she is then back on the Internet searching for Mr Perfect, she finds the next Man and the vicious cycle repeats itself.

    For the Divorce Cycle just replace "Dating" with "Marriage."

    Men are doomed.

    • Steph
      November 21, 2018 at 7:05 pm

      I'm a woman, attractive, good head on her shoulders, financially independent. And the experience you are describing is happening to me on The men I went on dates with just tried to hook up, although claiming that they are looking for a life partner on their profile. Looks like this is not a gender specific problem, but perhaps the majority of people on there being low quality.

      • SH
        January 22, 2019 at 7:42 pm

        Yes, i'm in the same boat too!

        I just cant wrap my head around as to what I'm doing wrong. I've used so many different approaches & yet i don't get what guys want in order to pursue a relationship. The guys i've dated or been on dates with only want it as far as the bedroom & thats it. So frustrating. You guys have good women in front of you but then see something 'better' & drop the good ones like a bag of garbage

        • Chris Corbett
          February 3, 2019 at 8:58 pm

          I hate it when women want a man with money. I don't judge women on money. That's just wrong.

      • Chris
        February 28, 2019 at 1:28 am

        Steph, can you not tell that the man you’re chatting with wants to get into your pants? You could also be misinterpreting their intentions. Personally I’m totally cool just hanging out at a woman’s place and not have sex. It happened so many times, a girl actually said to me one day that she was expecting me to make the move when we were hanging out at her place. So basically I got shit for not asking her to sleep with me. Women can sometimes be extremely hard to read. But some men too, to be fair.

  30. Some Guy
    June 26, 2018 at 8:13 am

    The problem here is pretty simple: Women know that they will get a shit ton of messages and likes, even the marginally attractive ones. Therefore, they have a reason to be as picky as they want. But that comes at a price. Most of those messages are awful and disrespectful. Men on the other hand get nowhere unless theyre, like someone else said "a non famous Brad Pitt." So men become frustrated that women are shallow, and women get frustrated that men are shallow. In reality its only a small percentage of both parties that are shallow and only interested in "the book cover" so to speak. So to men: Leave them alone if they are not interested. Dont be a disrespectful creep, because not only will you not get anywhere yourself, but you will ruin it for all the nice guys. And to women: Give some of them a chance. The ones who arent being disrespectful dont deserve to be brushed off just because "eh, Ill get more like them anyway." The issue is, women in their 20s are picky, while women who were picky in their 20s realize they shot themselves in the foot by 30 because all the nice guys who were interested in them are long gone, having gotten better at the game and managed to meet someone themselves, while all the bad boys you were chasing for a decade dont care anymore either since youre now 30. Women: give people a chance. Dont complain about how all guys are the same when you only go after certain types of guys and ignore ones that are possibly different. Men: dont be pigs. They dont want someone to treat them like a sex object and make creepy remarks about their bodies. Also learn to take no for an answer. If shes not into it let it go, dont harass her. Thats basically it .

    • Ryan Dube
      June 26, 2018 at 1:17 pm

      That's actually the best summation of the last 24 months of comments. Nice.

      • Joan
        July 12, 2018 at 6:37 pm

        Please unsubscribe me from all dating sites I am not well please help. HELP

  31. Lilz
    April 24, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    I tried OkCupid for a month and made my best effort to keep up with ALL messages in my inbox. In my early twenties and got roughly 600+ messages a day. I agree with what the AW in the interview said. Most of the guys who messaged me were older men posing as men in their twenties. I got messaged a lot by guys who just were interested in hooking up, a decent number of which had fetishes, some of which were kind of terrifying. I got repeated death threats for turning men away, actually about 3/5 guys threatened me or told me they wished me harm. I went on 20 dates all of which ended in flames. One guy talked about his ex the whole time and then told me he planned to take me to his family reunion for the second date to meet his family. Another told me he was talking me to dinner, drove me to his place and then demanded I clean his apartment if I wanted a ride home. Another completely lied on his profile and I thought he was just another nice college student. He was 35, jobless, living in his car because his ex threw him out and he was hoping he could crash with me in exchange for sex. The only successful date I went on was with a nice guy pretty far on the spectrum. Unfortunately we didn't match very well in real life and now are just friends.

    I'm incredibly introverted person so I have to say, I'm still pretty traumatized from the experience. I messaged guys and only responded to messages that seemed to be from "nice" guys. I am not huge on looks, I could care less about colors or height or things. I really based my selection off of the profiles the guy's wrote. I don't care a ton about education level, I honestly was looking for a nice guy to sit down and talk to but got nothing more than a horror show.

    I work with all men so I am very sympathetic to the nice guys out there who get the short end of the stick. It just takes a very thick skin, a lot of courage and energy for us ladies to put ourselves out there like that, same as you. A lot of nice girls aren't cut out for it, so try to be patient and understanding.

  32. Tommy
    March 20, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    Well. It's obvious we speak different languages. Men, we need to stop being afraid of rejection. I'm happily single, but not for lack of options. If I see a pretty woman, I say hi. That's it. If she's into me, great. If not, her loss. If you work on being the man you want to become, you don't have to worry about some girl sifting through profiles to find you.

  33. josi
    February 24, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    Geek or no geek dating: men want only cheap ugly dirty free sex..or looking for a comfy hotgirl who provides then with income, a home and free and easy sex...that pisses women off. These men who are still stuck in their teens are players/gamers and no real men material. But this is my humble opinion after dating and trying for years.
    These men play games, which are directly connected to Realtime Porn and Sniffparties, rape & trafficing of kids/women/boys and hunting games, harrassment jobs for the secret govn and Real Killing expeditions, all life shows and they don't even know they are sometimes handling real war-type drones and kill real people. i don't find that very smart, not geeky at all and not very grown up. I don't understand men/boys at all; they distroy our earth and all its citizens, in the name of "fun, sex and gaming/programing. It's time to wake up and grow up i guess; maybe they would date real women for a change, or it will be pumping a soullessclone or avatar pretty soon. The elites are already on to it for 50 to 70 years...

    • Ryan Dube
      February 24, 2018 at 4:04 pm

      A wise man once said, "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

      Saying that men destroy the planet and all it's citizens provides a pretty good explanation of why you're finding what you find when you look for men.

      • That Guy
        May 17, 2018 at 4:07 pm

        Bro I died laughing who let the feminist on here anyway I guess she is partially right guys are more responsible in the sense that we have more powerful positions in the the world over all but to say women aren’t responsible in the slightest suggests that they have no say sorry but your not your not thinking realistically I’d even call you sexist against women

  34. Gman
    February 2, 2018 at 6:31 am

    You used a 19 year old girl for this survey ? She can't even qualify for half the profile questions AND she was online for 1 week ? C'mon son ..
    I think the legitimate women are online because of busy work schedules and lifestyles and they don't hang out anywhere much (My reason too).. The rest of the "flakes" (yep , met three flakes in 2months online) have insecurity issues , are demanding to the point that they should probably start adopting cats for the future (they will eventually be that older woman with a bunch of cats , sad but ...) Think about it . Meeting someone in person is by FAARRR the best way to meet anybody , and its free ! So WHY would a woman resort to online dating if real life meetings and dating was working for her ? Why ? Cause they were NOT working for her !! They were extremely unsuccessful in the real world so the last resort is get tons of attention online and live in that fantasy romance which will prob never happen .. Watch out fellas !

    • Ryan Dube
      February 2, 2018 at 1:10 pm

      Hi - No, actually at the time of this interview she was in her mid-20's and already married. She was talking about her past experiences with the service.

      • SH
        January 23, 2019 at 1:26 am

        She was still only on a dating site for a week. That's merely not enough to have an opinion on the subject

  35. Tony
    January 29, 2018 at 11:48 pm

    The author says that men are mistaken when they think that women pick through messages and discard them all without answering. Then the author interviews a women who describes how and why she picked through messages and discarded them all without answering.

    Are men also mistaken to assume that women aren't putting any serious effort into finding someone via online dating while guys are laboring over carefully crafting personalized messages for months? Because the interviewed woman quit after one week and sent no messages.

    I just... don't think the stereotypes have been dispelled, here.

    • charade
      April 12, 2019 at 3:53 pm

      When 90% of those messages are "hey bby dtf?" then yeah...90% aren't gonna get answered.

  36. Jessica Nazareno
    January 10, 2018 at 11:24 am

    I was crushed when my boyfriend of three years left to be with another woman. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. I wasted so much time and effort trying to get him back until I hit on the real thing. And that is Dr Mack. He was different from all the rest Thanks Dr Mack from the depths of my soul! I am extremely happy now. I hope God blesses Him as much as he have help me to get my Lover back, Thanks to Dr_mack@ yah oo. com for bringing my ex lover back, he can be a great help to you all.

  37. Jessica Nazareno
    January 10, 2018 at 11:22 am

    I was crushed when my boyfriend of three years left to be with another woman. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. I wasted so much time and effort trying to get him back until I hit on the real thing. And that is Dr Mack. He was different from all the rest Thanks Dr Mack from the depths of my soul! I am extremely happy now. I hope God blesses Him as much as he have help me to get my Lover back, Thanks to ___dr_mack @yahoo .com for bringing my ex lover back, he can be a great help to you all.

  38. Chris
    January 9, 2018 at 1:52 am

    I don't think that's the case with online dating...
    The problem is too many women are skipping through every guy interested, and looking for the tall dark and handsome guy in a sports car. It's like the women are standing above a box full of little puppies (single guys) and trying to decide which worth adopting. Guys can only hope someone will be merciful enough to answer any of our messages.

    • Jenny
      January 26, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      I feel the same way about the guys looking at my profile. I actually told him that I was not a puppy that he got to pick out and decide to date.

    • Autumn
      March 2, 2018 at 3:10 am

      I don't answer most messages because it's a sexual comment or some other creepy message. I also don't give a second look to people who have nothing further than a high school education. I've gotten several messages saying "would you date a felon?" or something like that. I will also ignore messages from guys who have no job and live at home. I'm 34, I don't need that. If they look normal, and not stalker-ish, I'll respond, but I don't have the time to answer 50+ messages a day. Am I being too picky? I don't think so. I have also found that the guy who says he's the "nice guy" often isn't. That's the guy I'll go on a date with, I will SHARE the cost of dinner and whatever activity we choose, and then he gets pissed that I won't sleep with him on the first date. THAT IS NOT A NICE GUY!

      • Gabe
        April 15, 2018 at 11:14 pm

        Some of your complaints seem legitimat --I've also found that women who claim to be "kind" and "caring" on their profiles are usually anything but. Once you've read the answers to their "match" questions, you discover they're extremely judgmental. And pressuring someone for sex is never acceptable.

        That aside, the rest of your comment seems excessively harsh. A college degree isn't necessarily a measurement of intelligence, nor is it an absolute factor in determining someone's income--these days a person can have a degree and still only find work that pays so little, they're forced to live with their family--school teachers would be an example, many are forced to drive Uber or Lyft to make ends meet. On top of that, many successful writers, artists, musicians, programmers, people working in tech, etc. are degreeless. But it seems many women like yourself rule out all these men because some are forced to live at home and others don't have degrees.

        This kind of attitude is what's creating the kind of experience men like the one in this article described--not just ones with serious emotional issues and troubled pasts. I would urge you, and all women using these apps for that matter, to greater consider your position. Passing up men for superficial reasons who you'd otherwise click with does no good for yourself. It will also destroy online dating as men start to realize they can't get a foothold and start leaving in droves.

        • amber
          May 29, 2018 at 8:32 am

          Men can be very superficial

        • Kristin
          November 7, 2018 at 9:42 pm

          Lol. Men are nothing BUT superficial.

      • S--
        November 25, 2018 at 9:49 am

        Kristen, Amber and Autumn. Have you girls been gang raped yet? Lol

    • Steph
      November 16, 2018 at 6:49 pm

      The thing that strikes me as strange is, on a visual medium where you 'look' for a partner, the undesirable, or relatively unattractive contestants are doomed from the start, why would either man or woman go out of their way to set themselves up for failure? Exhausting, and illogical.

      I've met, and been enamoured by men that I wouldn't have looked twice at online, find a playing field that lets you play to the strength you have, instead of throwing yourself at the mercy of the Adonis that's only a click away!

      Go outside and find groups to meet people, go walking, join a band, anything! Socialising is far more likely to land you a date, and a real connection on top of that!

  39. Asad
    December 29, 2017 at 5:32 am

    Lol what false information. Well you studied engineering so I can understand.

  40. Abe
    November 28, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    Let's be honest here. Most (not all) women on dating sites are extremely demanding when it comes to selecting a merely casual dating partner. They want a non-famous Brad Pitt kinda guy, still single, relatively young, super confident, with body/height of an athlete, success, long term oriented BUT still stuck in online dating sites.

    Let that sink for a moment. That.. ladies.. is extremely demanding to say the least, if not yet delusional.

    Lest not forget. Even OKC themselves stated that women are MORE shallow than men, when it comes to judging (men) profiles. Just google it.

    Some marketing shills of those dating sites might appear here in the comment section, saying stuff like they found his/her spouse through dating site(s). But if you think about it, why the heck they still searching (googling) these kind (the dating sites cons) of articles? Because all dating sites sell illusion, a digital age illusion. The illusion of:

    "Look! Your true soul mate is just clicks away!"

    Women who hang around in dating sites today, are usually smartphone zombies & chronic social media addicts. Severely insecure. Hence their lack of communication skill IRL & why they're still single. Hint: It's not because of their pretty faces or their slim bodies.

    In short, dating sites girls are usually have nothing else going on in their lives, aside from their smartphone notifications. They will never find that "click" feeling, EVER. No matter how good men treat them, since they are mostly (again, not all, hopefully) subjects of FOMO/FOBO mental issues.

    • charade
      April 12, 2019 at 4:03 pm

      Let's be honest here, only the girls who look like supermodels get messages, and of those messages, 90% of them are "hey bby dtf?" and similarly degrading and creepy BS.

      As for "Only want men who look like Brad Pitt"....are you being serious? Have you ever messaged a girl who was say...slightly overweight? Ever? Look at how many times you talk about the girl's looks. Well guess what, if you're superficial, you get superficial. Since you claim they only want Brad Pitt then I'm assuming you're not exactly Brad Pitt material, so how about giving non-supermodel level girls a chance? Just a thought.

  41. Olivia Hanna
    November 11, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKS!! Andrew and i are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to Dr. Trust email him for any kinds of help is very capable and reliable for help
    Ultimatespellcast@yahoo. com

  42. dan shirk
    November 11, 2017 at 12:27 am

    american women suck! period. Guys date European women so much more classy,engaging and fun. Dont play these silly immature games with women from america. They are way out classed in everyway. Just sayin...

    • amber
      May 29, 2018 at 8:36 am

      those european women prefer to date american men for green card, though, and to come live to a richer country

      they be looking out for their best interest like anyone else, not really love
      they reject the guys in their country cause they offer them less financial status

  43. Fiona
    November 5, 2017 at 9:29 am

    "Eric" seems like a good guy. Will be happy to get to know him if he's still available. *wink*

  44. Anon
    October 25, 2017 at 10:39 am

    Women have all the power. Due to slut shaming they don't message guys first unless you're A) a male model or B) look like you have a lot of money.
    Online dating is pointless for men since men have to do all the work.

    • Jane
      October 30, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      Women have all the power if they are young, thin and pretty (under 30). Otherwise women are invisible.

      • Oops
        November 17, 2017 at 7:07 am

        Yet, Ironically, women will spend their 20's chasing all those players and bad boys who will never in a million years settled for these girls only to figure out that by the time they hit 30, all of the guys they could have had are long gone an these players and bad boys want nothing to do with a 30 year old girl cuz they're still getting attention from the 20 year old ones. Lifelong cycle. I'm 37... I haven't had to date a 30 year old EVER. there's always been a 20 something year old interested in me.

        • Sj
          November 24, 2017 at 9:46 pm

          hahaha You are 200% correct "Oops". Yes, I'm a man in my 40's who married a girl I met in my 30's. She was 19yo at the time and I married her years later.

          While in my 20's I was one of the "nice" guys who rarely could get a date, this was pre-online dating. This was more due to my shyness of physically approaching a real live girl than looks b/c I had quite a number of women "looking" my way. While I spent a decade overcoming my shyness the "alpha" dudes were pounding the young women left and right, pump and dump, ignoring the masses of nice guys who could not compete for one reason or another, shyness, etc.

          By the time the "nice" guys reach their 30's, they have their "game" together and yes, it is now the women who spent their 20's ignoring them that can not compete b/c they are now in their 30's...

          Sad but true and an example of "Youth is wasted on the young(women)", who don't know by experience how to make the best use of their youth...

  45. Billy G
    September 2, 2017 at 9:21 am

    totally useless waste of my time & resources online dating

  46. John Howe
    September 2, 2017 at 8:24 am

    PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE, Ryan - tell me that your entire article was a facetious ramble that was written late one night after you had consumed way too many drinks. Yeah - like two quarts of 151 proof rum!

    I have never read a less informed article on inter-net dating. You have the sheer audacity to state that what you have written is 'the whole story'? You state this, based on two interviews? You, my friend, are naive, foolish and ignorant beyond belief. I would have more confidence asking a street sweeper to conduct a triple bypass on someone's heart than to rely on your advice on dating.

    Finding a match on an online dating site takes a lot of work, especially since most sites today are overrun by scammers. That said, for most people who are no longer in school, they are probably still the best 'focused and pro-active' option. Yes, you are likely to be disappointed, to be hurt along the way, but then I suspect that even though you were married before you left school, you still had your heart broken once or twice before you met your wife. And yes, it is possible to meet people in church, at meet-ups and other special interest activities. However, a good many people you will meet in any of those places have no interest in finding a new partner.

    If it were possible to rid the internet of all the articles written by people such as yourself - people who ramble on about subjects of which they have absolutely no knowledge, simply to stroke their own ego - we could reduce the content by at least 50% and probably a lot more.

    Pay close attention to what I have written my good sir - you married young and have only been married 15 or so years. The odds are still about 50% that you will one day find yourself on a dating site looking for a new partner.

    • Alexie Corrs
      September 9, 2017 at 3:50 pm

      WOW!!! That's a bit harsh isn't it? What's Ryan ever done to you apart from waste a few minutes of your time reading his article..and a few more (self-inflicted) writing your comment? That poor guy might not have all the answers but his article still provides food for thought - in my humble opinion (please please don't bite my head off for it! ;). And while I had the same reaction as you, that ironically one day Ryan too might end up on a dating site, I really wish for him that he does not (because dear god it is an ugly parallel dimension!). Ryan, may your happily ever after last forever! :)

    • Ryan Dube
      September 10, 2017 at 1:40 am

      20+ years actually. We're already planning the places we'll be traveling together during our retirement. But thanks for offering your perspective.

      • Oops
        November 17, 2017 at 7:11 am

        Congrats, Ryan. Happy to hear of your success. All the best to ya and many more happy memories come your way!

  47. Samantha
    August 23, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    I have tried online dating on and off for a year, 2 years after my divorce. Met a few in real life. First one seemed decent, professional, fit and all but too arrogant and thinks he's perfect. Second guy almost stalked me so poof, I was gone! Third, I actually ended up dating. Normal looking guy with a decent job and seems to be responsible but way too insecure. No thanks! Currently talking to someone for 4 months now, the very last one I met online. I don't know where this is going but I don't worry whether it works or not. I am the type who lives in the moment. We talk everyday and are getting along very well. But I have deleted my account online, not because of him but because the people I saw on one site are the same people I have Encountered on another. Same creeps who thinks they are 10 just bec they are muscular. I am well toned but never considered myself a 10. Most people online think so highly of themselves but once you start talking to them, red flags started to come out. Pictures are so outdated, like 10 years or so ago...and I am not kidding. And those are just some issues I have encountered. People online are serial daters. Call me old fashion but once I start dating someone (regularly seeing him), I don't entertain any other men. I feel like I am not giving this one a fair chance if I do. But most people online don't think that way, they think they always have a "reserve" so they don't take one person seriously and wolf easily let go of one. I don't blame them as there are too many people online to choose from. So good luck to all online daters!

    • Oops
      November 17, 2017 at 7:17 am

      I've experienced the same exact thing you described as a man.

      I think the most relevant thing you say is people are serial daters. Insecure. Most people I meet online, especially the hot ones, are some of the most insecure people I've met... they use online sites for validation, attention, they need it. Makes em feel better.

      I just want to meet a girl I could be friends with before I start dating her. Most girls I meet (like 99% of them) complain that all these guys ever want is to sleep with them right away and after they meet me, all these girls complain about is that i don't want to sleep with them right away.

      It's comical, at best. downright cringe worthy at worst

  48. Tammy
    August 20, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Very interesting article! It is nice to get a male and female perspective on their expereiences. I never thought I would be trying online dating at my age (over 50). I am from the old school world of dating and have found online dating to be awkward and uncomfortable, not a fun way to meet people. I put up a direct, honest profile, stating what I was looking for on more than one different site. Tried all the sites (POF, Cupid, Match and Our Time). It has been extremely hard to find honest, genuine guys locally. I get turned off by guys calling me gorgeous, not saying more than hi, instead of simply asking questions to let me know that they are seriously interested in getting to know me. When a guy does write me to say something more than "Hi," I have found out that a lot of guys have had their own drama with women. I hear the same thing over and over: women are very forward and chasing the guys, followed by lots of drama, high maintenance, which ends the relationship and the cycle continues. Once you finally find someone who is looking for the same kind of relationship as yourself, you find you are both very skeptical of each other. I have only been able to go on a hand full of meet and greets only to find no connection. So, I too am trying to find outside interests to get away from the social media and hopefully, find the kind of relationship I am looking for. Trying to remain hopeful and realistic. I also do not want to settle, as that is unhealthy, dishonest and not fair to both parties. I wish everyone the best of luck in searching for that special guy or lady!

    • Gman
      February 2, 2018 at 6:34 am

      Liked what you wrote .. What is your reaction to a guy the says Good afternoon . How are you ?

  49. Chris
    August 12, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    Since I've never been married, outside of a few long term relationships, I've been dating offline and online for a long time. I've been on a lot of dates I've met online and 99% of the time, the women use online dating sites to boost their egos. They get hundreds of emails, and a lady you may have met at the gym who is a 5, thinks she's a solid 8 online. In the last year alone, I've met 4 women who said they were divorced but were really separated all with really unique stories as to why their divorce wasn't final. 3 of the 4 looked just like their pictures, and were successful, and we went on more than one date until the truth surfaced about their divorce not being final, and the stories behind each of them made me laugh and lose their number. Turns out, 3 of those 4 had family violence felonies pending against them! The 4th, I should have got up and walked out after she started talking. Not only did she lie about the little things on her profile, like having a degree, her occupation, and marital status, but she was a solid 2 compared to her pictures. What did all the women I've met online have in common, a solid relationship with their phone. Now I call them out on the phone issue and I don't care what they think of me. If you can't take 30 minutes or an hour and put your phone in your purse or leave it in your car like I do, then stay at home browsing, FB, POF, Match, Instagram, or whatever else is the in app. I think you're giving women far too much credit. Granted there are guys out there that are creeps and they probably never leave the house and use somebody else's pictures, but I'm willing to bet they're few and far between.

    • Gman
      February 2, 2018 at 6:47 am

      BRAVO ! Well said ! I see no reason that a decent looking woman has to resort to online dating , unless she is super busy (which i beleive is a great alternative for a busy person..) The other reason for the majority of women online is simply because they suck in real life dating /relationships , and the last resort is the (majority of) false attention received from the fantasy world of online dating.. Essentially playing the role of the opposite equivalents of their male trolls , jerks and perverts... (that also suck at real life dating)...

  50. Robert
    August 6, 2017 at 5:36 am

    You know what I'm a nice guy who's romantic, successful, and respectful and I get passed by and ghosted once things start to get real. I think women like the idea of a relationship but have horribly overblown expectations. The three things I keep coming across are women who have no time to commit, just broke up recently and shouldn't be dating or they think far too highly of their prospects. Close your eyes picture the perfect guy now open them. If you were that perfect guy would you settle for you?

    • Gman
      February 2, 2018 at 6:48 am

      Ecellent !

    • amber
      May 29, 2018 at 8:44 am

      are you practicing what you preach?

      Or are you also ignoring great matches for yourself because they're not as hot as others

  51. Janice
    June 22, 2017 at 10:19 am

    Having tried internet dating and meetup, I personally prefer "live and in person" approach to finding a match. Here is a point by point breakdown of the two different approaches.

    Dating sites
    -spend a lot of time setting up a profile which you hope will convey my personality and attract interesting guys
    -answer some multiple choice questions with four answers, none of which actually work for me (really, I have to choose between a. I just want sex b. I'm okay with sex on the second date c. I always wait for the third date before having sex d. I'm a complete prude who will never ever ever have sex.? Hey, since I'm definitely not comfortable with the whole casual sex thing, I guess I must be a complete prude. Yay! Now I'm feeling really great about myself!)
    -fight endlessly to try and get the filters set up right. Okay, I'm interested in guys within a 100 km radius, between 35-45, looking for a relationship, between 35-45, doesn't smoke, between 35-45, is single, between 35-45... no, I don't want to date someone old enough to be my dad, so please stop changing the age range to between 35-75! #%$&!!!!!!!
    -walk away, come back later to check for matches, read through a few profiles, send a few messages
    -come back next day and check messages... hey look, there are messages! Yeah, I got a bunch of "hey sexy!" "Nice eyes" "ur hot", oh, here's a nice one that actually seems to have read my profile...oh damn, he lives in a different country. Look through some more profiles, send a few more messages.
    -repeat last step for a week, then start checking weekly...
    -finally the day comes when I get a message from someone in my city, who seems nice and interesting, and after a few messages, we agree to meet in person. Show up, and the evening starts off really nice... 1 hour into it, things are getting a bit awkward. This guy doesn't seem to get it that I'm not that into hearing ghost story after ghost story. Okay, now he's trying to talk me into going to some dark secluded area on a ghost hunt... either he's a complete creep, or completely clueless. What female in her right mind goes to a dark, secluded area with a guy she's just met?
    Conclusion: The whole internet dating experience is highly unpleasant.

    Meetup groups
    -create a profile, upload one picture, answer a few questions about interests, and I'm good to go
    -okay, let's see what meet ups are happening in my area. Oh... that one looks like fun, let's join it! Join 2-3 meet ups
    -pick an event that works with my schedule, show up for an evening of board games at a pub
    -have a nice meal out, play some fun games, meet some nice people. Hey, I didn't meet the love of my life, but at least I had some fun, right?
    -Go to my second meetup, this one is a city hike. Meet a nice guy, exchange emails... get together once or twice, oh well, it didn't work out.
    -continue to attend meet ups
    Conclusion: even if I haven't yet found the love of my life yet, at least I get to meet some really nice, fun, interesting people, have pleasant evenings out and expand my horizons a bit. Plus, meeting people in person just feels more natural.

  52. Stephen
    May 27, 2017 at 6:51 am

    I've tried POF and am currently using OkCupid. I've gotten to speak with a few women, but only have met one outside of the digital world and we found that we didn't really connect. Which is my main problem thus far with the sites; lack of connection. I can think of plenty of reasons why women wouldn't respond to me, but for those who do, we just can't seem to connect. Eventually, we seem to run out of things to chat about, and the conversations die off.

    I want to approach women in the real world, but I get in my own way as a shy nerdy introvert who has a roommate (read, doesn't have a private place to take a girl back to, if they were so inclined). It's a lie that there's someone out there for everyone. After all, if that were true, there wouldn't be so many lonely people out there. Guess I need to just drop the sites and focus on trying to make myself happy in life without romance.

    • Bart
      June 16, 2017 at 3:38 pm

      Nature didn't takes it's course as it did over 200.000 years for us to connect over a wire. That just doesn't work, period. She can be however interested if you got a smooth talk and decent pictures. Most of the time a woman is not self aware of what she wants and gets bored with the chat because they thrive on emotion, unlike us men. But in the end you need to be your own man in the real world and become the best version of yourself. Attraction is not a conscious choice, meaning a women can't control to who she is attracted to. Just take care of yourself, read self improvement books. Go buy "Mind lines" from Michael Hall and educate yourself to create a healthy view of the world and stay away from negative news and media.

    • normal guy
      June 16, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      Who cares about your roomate? They will probably support you getting to know someone better...

  53. Kimberly
    April 10, 2017 at 1:07 am

    I've been on Plenty of fish, okCupid, and Zoosk since November. It is now April. On PoF, I got lots of views, but the only message was an offer to sell me drugs. On okCupid, I didn't even get but a few views, and no messages at all. On Zoosk, I got lots of views and lots of winks, but only from guys out of the state, and again, no messages. On Zoosk and PoF, I even tried messaging guys first, but no responses. Almost all of friends married guys they met on these sites, but I have no idea how they did it.

    • Charlotte
      June 8, 2017 at 6:46 pm

      It's like you're describing my experience on the dating sites. I sit down, think of witty things to write to guys, and I get nothing back. One evening, I read like 10 profiles, made custom messages that I felt were well thought out. Nothing. This is on both OKCupid and Match. I do have one guy on OkCupid though who likes to send me dick pics... He's finally blocked...

      • Andre Kenji de Sousa
        December 24, 2017 at 1:37 am

        I've met my girlfriend on a dating site. But I've read literally hundreds of profiles, contacted dozens of women, went to a dozen of a really bad dates before I've found someone.

    • Robert Petijevich
      August 6, 2017 at 5:29 am

      The problem is you're messaging guys out of your league. Close your eyes and think of the perfect guy now open them. Would you as that perfect guy settle for you?

      • Kimberly
        August 6, 2017 at 7:27 am

        I'm not messaging guys out of my league. I don't want a guy that's super fit and looks like a movie star. I want a guy that I'm attracted to, but that I'll feel comfortable around. Eventually there would be sex, which won't happen if I'm too self-conscious or if I'm grossed out at the thought. So if I dream up my perfect man, he's going to be a little hefty, he's going to have a receding hairline and his face won't be clean shaven, he's going to wear comic book characters tshirts, he's also not going to be hugely successful, but he'll have his act together, he'll be well educated, and sarcastic, and a little bit dark, and if I were that guy, yeah, I'd date me because I'm pretty sure if I were a guy, this is the guy I'd be. I think perhaps you're reflecting your own insecurities and prejudices on others.

        • Max Sedanka
          December 26, 2017 at 4:19 pm

          Kim, if you're not getting replies, you simply aren't attractive. I'm not being mean just being real. Men are not anywhere NEAR as picky as women and they WILL reply to an attractive woman almost 100% of the time. Don't kid yourself for the sake of saving your ego.

        • Anonymous
          March 14, 2018 at 6:11 am

          I agree with you, Kim. F*** that Max guy. It's the men who are delusional. I'm an average looking (35, slim but not gorgeous) woman and I've had terrible luck online. Men DO assume that women have it made on dating sites, and we can just sit back and let the (decent) messages roll in. Not true. It's only the women who are under 30 and look like models who can do that. I started online dating when I was 26 and a size 3. It didn't work for me much better than it does now. Men who look like George Costanza think they deserve Jessica Alba. And, will ONLY message the super hottest women out there. While we try to message guys in our own age range, with a similar level of looks and intelligence and get ignored. It's a waste of time and I am so done with it.

  54. Josh
    March 23, 2017 at 1:21 am

    Online dating is absolute garbage and I wouldn't recommend it to my worst enemy.

  55. Bobster
    February 19, 2017 at 7:11 pm

    There are some very interesting posts here. For the ladies I would say I'm sorry that you have to put up with so many rude, insulting, crass men and their messages. Very unfortunate, but most likely the culmination of a cultural whirlwind that has swept over the land the last 50 years or so.
    I typically respond to messages from women that I have no interest in and do so in a polite manner, encouraging them to stick with it as it takes time to find the right person online.
    However, I don't think the online dating model is productive, for all the reasons mentioned in the posts below. And to those that say that millions of people have met and married via online dating sites, I say prove it with hard data, not conclusory statements bereft of evidence.

    In my case, I've had several dates from these sites. The first gal profiled herself as 59. She was 65. Game over. The next gal was very nice and I had met her at a gym that we both were members several years back. Very attractive woman, but I was sure that I would be happy being with her every day for the rest of my life. I could have continued into a relationship with her just for companionship and sex, but that's not who I am. I have to be convinced that I am falling in love with a woman, or could do so, before I am willing to fall into bed with her. Old school, I guess. That last gal messaged me relentlessly. She stated in her profile that she was "curvy"---she was not, she was obese. Next.
    Now here's the interesting thing. Like most other men here, I don't get a lot of message responses via online dating. But if I go out to meet women, I will get approached by fairly attractive women 20 years my junior, routinely. (For some reason, I don't get approached by women within 5 years of my age or unattractive women.) I don't have to do any of the work. And again, they could end up being friends with benefits, if I were so inclined. But again, the issue is do I want to wake up to this woman every day for the rest of my life. So far, the answer has been no so no sexual activity occurs subsequently.
    I have thus concluded that real life, 3 dimensional contact is vastly superior to online dating if you are searching for a mate. You get to examine the product up close and personal, and you're not confronted with them whipping out their photo album to show you 18 pics of them skiing, hang gliding, with their pets, their kids, grandchildren, or ex's. And conversation actually ensues without a 418 question questionnaire. Best of all, you don't have to travel 30 miles to be disappointed.
    That's it...I'm out of material for now.

  56. Maria Laster
    February 11, 2017 at 6:18 pm

    I respect the experiences of those quoted.

    However, millions ( yes MILLIONS) of men and woman have met their partner on line. I met my guy. We have friends who met their partners on fact it is the norm.

    If you havent met anyone after a few months then it is not the flaw of on line dating or the other gender. Why is it that many of the men or women behind those profiles you flip throgh have found success? The men ARE messaging, the women ARE responding. People ARE meeting in person.

    Conclusion. YOU are the issue. You may be the greatest catch in the universe but YOU need to shake up your profile, message style, responses, etc. Dont just tweak a few variables but start afresh.

    • Pedro
      March 25, 2017 at 1:17 am

      Haha, isn't that funny, the guys profile needs to be shaken, as usual is the guys fault. I have done online dating, for a good while, and met people, got some short relationships, out of it. One of the main issues are, a guy needs to send loads of emails to get very little replies from women. The other issue is due to women having to make nearly no effort, as are mainly the guys who contact them. So, all they need to do is look at the photos and choose, without even bother to read the emails, deleting them straight away. All because they think with so many guys contacting them, there's always a better one just about to appear!
      The other issue, is how quick they are at labelling guys, any little thing he said she didn't like or goes how she thinks he should have approached her he is a creep a weirdo etc. etc. isn't wonderful how women are so, perfect!

      • Eric
        July 13, 2017 at 7:53 am

        Man, I totally feel you. But I think probably there is some other issue because I followed all the possible tips and i have never ever even thought about saying "ur hot" or stuff like that and I only met a girl who wanted to find a man to get a passport to stay in the country (after several years). And then there are these girls who write sh*t like that. As if they were so much more special that we have to go beyond the moon not to even get an answer, because their "emotional" brain (I am sarcastic about both) labels you in two seconds. I think it is really too simple for them (at least too many of them) and what does that say about their ability to approach real difficulties in relationships and life?

      • Larissa
        August 14, 2017 at 6:16 pm

        Women dont send dick pics to guys. That's why we are not creepy. If men didn't immediately make everything sexual they might have better luck. I never get guys that ask me about my interest or hobbies. A lot of the men are their own worst enemy. Its their APPROACH that is not working. Guys rant in their profiles. They have few good clear photos or they choose photos with other women in there (and dont crop them out). Most guys put very little effort into their profiles and then they are shocked women aren't interested. I've also had guys get angry because I didn't respond FAST enough. A lot of men come across as bitter, self-absorbed, shallow, perverted, womanizer. They can be the nicest person but if they display any of those qualities they wont get the time of day.

        • Sean
          September 26, 2017 at 8:37 am

          You know why men on dating sites are like that? Because after weeks or months of sending deeply thought out, interesting messages to women with shared interests and trying to talk about those interests, only to get completely ignored or get a one line reply and then nothing, most of us realized there's just no point in wasting time. In fact, I found this article by googling "why do women never want to talk about common interests on dating sites", trying to figure out why this is the case. From all my experience it seems clear to me that all women want are cheap thrills from a hot "bad guy" - nice, interesting guys with common interests don't tickle their libido so we get ignored.

        • Asad
          December 29, 2017 at 5:58 am

          Women aren't creepy? Lol very funny. You just embarrassed yourself.

  57. Mark
    January 17, 2017 at 4:43 am

    Women get some creepy comments but some nice comments too. Men get no responses and are wasting their time on money on these sites. Wise up.

    • Dee
      January 25, 2017 at 11:05 am

      Men don't get responses because they have a failure to communicate and they don't type so how do you communicate when you don't type the internet bathing system requires one to know how to type and if you pack it gets boring waiting on someone to respond back to you

      • B
        August 25, 2017 at 2:34 am

        Says someone that seems to not know how to type a coherent sentence.

    • Jim
      January 31, 2017 at 9:46 pm

      Then again unfortunately there are so many women now that are either gay and or bi adding to the problem too.

  58. Ej
    January 14, 2017 at 11:25 pm

    As an internet busybody I hope to add my contribution to this awesome topic that has baffled the greatest and the not so great.

    The trend I see in most of the comments is Women siding with women and men siding with men, with few exceptions. Lots of people list personal anecdotes and use it it to generalise to what the real issue is.

    To me, after giving a lot of thought to this matter as a result of my own dating frustrations on Tinder, match , OK Cupid, and PoF.
    I think the problem is a matter of choice. The ballooning of choice that internet dating has brought on now means we are no longer satisfied with our current options until our hands are forced.

    In the old days,people just met partners I. School, at church or at work and found a way to make it work. Now you have a seemingly unlimited supply of partners. Even when you find one that is good enough, the current societal conditioning not to settle for anything for the best, or 'the one' just means the search continues. The 'top ' as in the most desirable of both sexes on these sites go on dates upon dates and most of them never quite find what they are looking for. Making us all a little more shallower as a whole.

    Also, the modern individual is a little more narcissistic than ever. This gives a lot of us a false sense of our worth as people.

    This leads most young men and women to casually date till they wake up in Late thirties and early forties with a sense of urgency to find somebody anybody.

    I do not know how we can solve the dating problem but it's a problem both sexes have.
    PS : Even Ladies on bumble the pro-female dating app aren't having much luck either.

    • Igor
      April 14, 2017 at 5:34 am

      I totally agree. Don't know why but it seams to be very logical. For every average looking guy 50% of other guys online are above average, period. That's a lot of competition. And those guys that get picked don't have to settle at all, why would they? That's why women complain. They simply pick guys that they can't "afford". Women and men do exactly the same thing, they drop less interesting people as soon as possible. The difference is such that women drop guys before they meet them, guys drop women after they have sex with them.
      It's the same outside the online world but on much smaller scale. When I look at my friends, 50% of them are divorced by now. But which 50%? The ugly 50. The more attractive 50 stayed together not because they were never interested in opposite sexes, oh no, exactly opposite, they had very interesting encounters. They are just cool and every woman wants them.
      So I just got this thought. Maybe the whole idea with monogamy is just an absurd? Maybe everything is all right but we are looking at it from wrong perspective? Maybe handsome guys should have many women and many kids and ugly guys should go to war and die?

      • winzig
        May 23, 2017 at 1:46 pm

        Ha Ha! Like your last line. Conscripted natural selection.

  59. Aaron
    January 12, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    I've been on Plenty of Fish quite sometime and a few other dating websites, I'm a genuine guy, who will make an interest in reading and talking about interests. Yet get very few replies, but I have had people say I'm a good looking guy.

    The biggest problem with dating websites, is ratio, there is more men then women on dating websites... FACT! Go in chatroom's and you will see probably about 6-7 men to every 3-4 women in these chatrooms.

    Dating websites, is a bit like a competition at least it seems like that, where you're competing with everyone else.

    I set up an experiment once, just to see one of the reasons, why guys might struggle on these sites... I set up a female profile, with permission using a female friends photo's. Within 2-5 minutes of setting up the profile, creating a fake bio... the fake profile had between 15-20 messages from different guys... and over 30 Meet Me's.

    Within half an hour, that profile had an incredible 75 messages from different guys, most put no effort in their messages or asking for one thing.

    Sadly if that's the case for a lot of girls getting so many messages, I can understand why so many of us guys struggle on these sites to get replies.

    Another thing is and I have noticed it on quite a few of these female profiles, is the unrealistic expectations certain women set themselves. e.g a girl of 6'2, will only date guys taller then herself. In the process extremely limiting her picks and possibly excluding somebody who's a bit shorter that could be the best partner for her.

    We all have expectations but it's those unrealistic expectations sometimes that I think is another thing guys have to compete against and why these women are single themselves, the knight prince on horse back doesn't exist in real life.

    • Igor
      April 14, 2017 at 5:49 am

      He does exist. He comes to the village, impregnates all young women and goes away. To another village. Then he comes back next year. Women are programmed to have children with the best men they can find. That's natural selection. I'm not blaming anyone. The rest of life is a bunch of different stories, some are funny, some are happy but half of them are sad. And now because of the computers are running dating scene, we have data to prove it. I think that this is first stage, we just noticed that something is wrong.

    • Larissa
      May 2, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      That was actually very smart experiment. I've heard 90% of men are targeting the top 10% of most attractive women. Majority of these men are chasing after women that are not in their league. That explains why as a single 35 year old female with no children that I constantly get messaged by 19 years olds, 54 year olds, guys with 3 kids, and other men where we dont share the same values and ANY common interests. I am also approached by men in other states that want me to pick up and move for them. I've clarified that I'm not interested in men outside my parameters but many think they can change my mind. They think they are so amazing that if I met them I will fall in love. Many women are different in that if a guy rejects us MOST will just move on to the next. When I reject men they become hyper focused on changing my mind. I wish more people would adopt the notion that if someone doesn't want you that you should just move on. Even if you change their mind its usually temporary. If I want to have a child of my own and a guy has 3 kids and doesn't want more...I'm not going to change my mind. I dont have time to give everyone a chance. If guys stopped messaging women they have no chance with and messaged women they have things in common with they would be better off instead of messaging some hot dream girl that is out of their league. Many of these men get angry and lash out. And I'm also tired of the overtly sexual messages as well.

      • Pingas
        September 26, 2017 at 8:44 am

        You are not the top 10% of women. You've deluded yourself into getting it the opposite way around. The truth is that 90% of men target 90% of women - that's why a 19 year old, who should be way out of your league as a woman way past her prime , will still contact you and not just focus on the more attractive girls his own age. Meanwhile, 90% of women really do target only 10% of men. You are looking for nothing but hot, single men in their thirties, and so is every other woman on the website. Goes to show what primadonnas women on dating sites are when you can get it all this wrong.

        • Mike
          November 3, 2017 at 1:38 am

          Easy there, buddy. I actually agree with your general premise that 90% of women target the top 10% of men. But don't go telling someone you've never met she's "way past her prime." I've met some absolutely stunning and wonderful women in their 30s and 40s. I do think it's funny that you label a "hot single guy in his 30s," as tops among men. That's Me. Let me tell you , they're not all looking for that. I'm in my 30s and in great shape (best of my life), 6ft tall, friendly, respectful, own a house, two cars, my own business, and vacation around the world. And I still struggle to get women who aren't overweight or who have kids to respond to me! My guess, for whatever reason, I don't photograph very well. And apparently, that's the most important thing. I've always done much much better meeting people in bars. Honestly, I'd ditch the computer and go back to that in a second, except all of my friends are married and don't want to go out anymore. So, if I go out to a bar, I'm the weird guy out at the bars alone. It's not easy for anybody, unless you look like Brad Pitt.

  60. John
    January 12, 2017 at 12:55 am

    "They then flippantly toss out all of those well thought out, carefully crafted messages from most of those poor schmucks, and then they log onto their Facebook accounts to complain to their girlfriends that there are no “good men” left in the world."

    That is EXACTLY what it is like for women online ... I can't believe the BS in this opinion piece.

    • B Singh
      February 9, 2017 at 11:27 am

      How exactly? I've been online dating for years and only once in a blue moon will I receive a "well-crafted" message from a woman.

      I used bumble and exactly the same experience, usually it's just a"hi" or the equivalent. Which effectively negates the idea that a woman has to message first because the onus is still on the man to create an interesting dialogue. What makes it even worse is that women generally will either have a lack of interesting photos and/or nothing to latch onto giving you less to start a conversation with.

  61. This Is Why Many Of Us Good Men Are Still Single Today
    January 6, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    Well i will certainly have to say that the real good old fashioned women of years ago really did put the women of today to real shame altogether since they were so much nicer with a very good personality as well as having good manors which made it very easy finding real love back then as well which today Most of the women are very Horrible to date unfortunately. It is very difficult for many of us men to start a conversation with a woman since most of them aren't nice at all unfortunately which they will totally ignore us and walk away as well. Online dating is a real joke altogether since many women will not even show up when you set a place where to meet. So looking for love for many of us good men is like looking for a needle in a haystack which makes it very sad for us since many women nowadays like playing head games to begin with. At least years ago there were really good places to go to meet a good woman for a very good relationship since you had parties, church dances, at school, through friends and families as well as neighbors that would introduce you to someone that they think would be right for you which now it has become very impossible unfortunately.

    • Eric
      July 13, 2017 at 8:16 am

      Man, I totally agree and I am saying this even if I am 30, sporty guy, can cook, have a PhD, write poems, participate in photography contests and earn a decent buck. However I am short, of very clear Italian descendant with baby face and slightly piggy nose and I might strike people as a bit nerdy even if I am very outgoing after you meet me. Even following all the possible tips I almost never got a reply on either OKC or or any other website (I tried many) this even made work on myself to improve myself as it almost got me an inferiority complex going on these sites. The fact is after all this effort and not having any glimpse of success I am also thinking that maybe I will not have kids (or I will try to relocate on another continent), try to be rich and have fun with my good friends and establish a charity to help people in need also because I earn more money than I need for a single person. And by the way even if all of a sudden some of my efforts would pay off, I am so irritated by years of insuccess that I would not settle for a girl shows some slight interest without putting any effort like all these "queens" on these websites, what can they really do? Can they sustain all this stress, what do they do? Are they sporty/cultured/smart/rich and successful if not, they would probably irritate me at this point, unless they were wholesome and able to put some effort and creativity as well, but this is impossible to find and I say this after many years of on-line dating.

  62. Kim
    December 30, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    I am currently on Tinder, and have been for about a month. All of the messages I have received from men have been respectful so far. I'm not sure why, but I'm guessing it has something to do with how I wrote my profile, as well as the pictures I chose to show. My profile is pretty straight forward, without being bitchy. My pictures are tasteful, and there are also some that show I am pretty jacked. I swear that after I have become more buff, men have gotten a ton more respectful. Ridiculous, but true. And no, I don't think I'm special because I'm fit, it is just a physicality.

    I think one very important thing that any female can do, is be straight forward with what you want, but with a trace of ambiguity and openness. This way men feel comfortable enough to state what they really want, which is course paramount when finding someone of any decent quality and character. Also, this prevents men from molding themselves to what you want so they can get laid.

    If you receive a pervert message (which you will- it's pretty much guaranteed), do not give them any type of reward (attention). Simply block, or keep the message so you can remember them, and therefore not be subjected to the behavior again.

    • Igor
      April 14, 2017 at 6:08 am

      Agree totally. The way women present themselves provokes how men will react. When I see genuine and cute profile, I try to be as well mannered as possible, I don't want to loose this opportunity. But when I see a woman that I don't like and she's a bit off, like desperate or bitchy, then my first idea is to ask her if she agrees to have sex with me, nothing else. I don't do it because I'm fully aware that it doesn't work that way and I simply don't message her. But this illustrates the difference between my messages based on women's profiles.

  63. anonymous
    December 22, 2016 at 9:10 am

    I am a woman trying st internet dating. There is no guarantee for a man or a woman that they will meet a great partner on the internet.
    I would say at LEAST 50% of the men who message me are totally not appropriate. Their age - very young - there location - in another state - their marital status - married - no pictures - incomplete profiles - they have not bothered to read my profile.
    That's AT LEAST 50%.
    Then I read through their profile to see if they might be a person I would consider meeting in person.
    After READING that they like to do things and have beliefs I do not share, this cuts the pool to about 10%.
    If I message them (those that seem POSSIBLE) I get about 25% return messages.
    That means, as a woman who gets 20 plus messages per day only 1 in 50 are even POSSIBLE dates.
    Guys, don't think the women are ignoring you.
    I READ the profiles. At least half the men are excluded because they have pets and I am very allergic to animals.
    Love your dog and your profile picture has a dog? I will pass over you. Say you are an animal lover in your profile? I will pass over you.
    Every man I have messaged that has a pet says "too bad - I love my pet".
    That's great! But just one of the reasons I do not message you. I actually READ the profile to see if there is compatibility.
    Want a girlfriend who is kosher? Not me. Want a girlfriend who is a great cook? I could learn. Want a girlfriend who likes casual sex (how is sex casual?) - not me. Want an animal lover? Not me. Have a fifth grade education and want a woman who can keep house? Not me.
    Think about it. If you just want flattery, don't expect it on the internet. It is nice to get messages, but if the guy is completely incompatible in many ways, why do I have to send a message?
    I don't expect men who do not like my online profile to message me either.
    The fact that I get dozens of messages from completely unsuitable men does not mean I am ignoring "nice guys".
    Your neighbor is "nice". Is she dating material for you? My neighbors are "nice". Are they suitable dating material for me? If so, I would be married by now. Very difficult to find a suitable partner on line or anywhere .
    Think about it,

  64. Elayna
    December 21, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    I'll admit that I ignore most of the messages I get on okcupid. I'm not interested in forcing myself into a relationship with someone that I'm really not attracted to. It frustrates me that so often do people think that just because they're "nice" they deserve a shot and that simply isn't how attraction works. Men especially think this way. If you're nice and I'm not attracted to you, that makes you good friend material, but if I have to kiss you, I'm going to be forcing myself to do it. That doesn't even take into account sex. I'm not going to date you so why bother?

    I also ignore or block creepy messages for which I get a lot. If you're okay looking and you message me about something we're both interested in I will reply. If I replied to every single message, even the ones I wasn't attracted to, I would have to be talking to at least 15 different guys every day. And they would probably continue talking to me for a week at least. That's around 105 different people I would have to talk to by the end of my first week. Almost all of those guys will probably be ones I'm not interested in so why would I bother? It will be a waste of time for both of us.

    Also you can't TELL a guy you're not interested. I've done this, I've tried to be nice, I'll even say "Hey you really like 'A' and I'm more of a 'B' kind of girl" or "you smoke and I'm not really a fan, but good luck!" and what I get back are messages calling me a whore, a retard, a bitch. I get people desperately trying to tell me those things shouldn't matter if we connect on such and such another level that maybe doesn't matter to me. So what I'm seeing is I should accept every guy no matter what, even if there are personality traits I don't like and I can NEVER turn down a man because I'm not attracted to him. Clearly I can't make my own decision on who's worthy of my time and I should just accept all these supposedly nice guys that flip the moment I'm not interested.

    This also doesn't mean all guys are like this. There have been maybe 3 that I told them I wasn't interested in after talking to them and why and they went on their merry way.

  65. JJR
    December 14, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    100% agree. Women on these sites are also so flaky. Meeting people in person is much better.

  66. JR
    November 20, 2016 at 1:54 am

    If the majority of messages women receive are juvenile, insulting, generic or just plain creepy, why is it that those rare men who study women's profiles (the written ones) and craft each message around the woman's likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc, still receive almost no replies?

    And speaking of likes and dislikes, has anyone noticed that in many areas men and women like different things? How many men will say "Hey, I like romance novels too!" How many women will say "There's nothing like a good martial arts revenge movie!" These silly questions just discourage both parties over things that are trivial and will rarely overlap.

    • F
      December 1, 2016 at 10:32 pm

      I am a woman who loathes romance novels (and films), but loves martial arts revenge films. I am not saying this to be funny.

      • B
        January 2, 2017 at 5:41 am

        You should absolutely put that in your profile. You will get more messages (juvenile and otherwise), almost guaranteed.

  67. Carlo Vito
    November 11, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    While I certainly appreciate the desire to write about the travails of online dating I find your claim that this is the whole story from the male and female perspectives to be laughable. The whole story is likely impossible to tell but any story told from the perspective of two individuals to describe the experience of tens of millions of people is bound to be a bit shortsighted.

    I think that a large part of the problem with online dating is how we view ourselves and others. The vast majority of profiles I've seen read like job applications. It seems as if a healthy smattering of keywords is all that is required to share who we are as individuals. The majority of profiles are as similar as mainstream medias concept of beauty. In the end there isn't much to differentiate one profile from another.

    On rare occasions someone has shown a willingness to write something unique. A rare individual that is capable of thinking for themselves and doesn't feel the need to be a carbon copy of what society tells us are our desirable traits. Of the hundreds of profiles I've viewed this past few years I have come across a handful (less than 10 and closer to 5) of women that stand apart from the crowd. That is a very desirable trait in my search.

    A few years ago I had a profile on okcupid. I uploaded a few decent pictures of myself. I received a lot of views and a decent amount of messages. A year ago I created a new profile on okcupid and uploaded one picture that makes it somewhat more difficult to tell what I look like. This time around I've received considerably less profile views and considerably less messages. I have no way of knowing how okcupid may treat my profile due to this difference but I have experienced enough to know that women just like men are swayed by physical appearance.

    Fortunately i am content with who I am as a person and recognize that at this stage of my life I am looking for a woman to connect with intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Certainly for myself physical attraction is important but it has moved from the top of my list to the bottom. I wish I could state that my shifting ideals have made it easier to find potential partners but in reality it is now immeasurably more difficult.

    In a society that values shallow beliefs, physical beauty, and cultural uniformity my attempt to find a truly unique individual has so far been unsuccessful. Due to my differing belief system (actually formed by myself through a couple decades of searching both inside and out) utilizing the internet to find a partner provides slightly better odds than winning the lottery without buying a ticket.

    To those still looking. May your search prove fruitful and may you not only find a partner but perhaps yourself along the way.

    • Charlotte
      November 24, 2016 at 4:13 am

      What an intelligent, well-crafted description. I have to ask, I really have to, but I already know the answer: Where are the men who treat words this way? You would think they would know how to treat a woman, too. So... where? Obviously not on Websites, which is why there is hope in this world, that past the wave of flat, online-dating lameness perhaps people will once again resort to real Life to get one... Wow! Thank you, this is refreshing.

      • Carlo Vito
        November 24, 2016 at 9:27 am

        It has become clear to me with the passing of the years that my knowledge and understanding are very limited much to my own consternation. However I will do my best to explain the situation as I see it. My answer will likely seem off topic and possibly confusing. Unfortunately the real issue, as is almost always the case with problems we are facing today, exists far beyond the usual scope of answers proffered.

        For a large society to function social stratification must be present. When a population expands beyond a relatively small number it is impossible for everyone to have an equal voice as the time and energy requirements would preclude the accomplishment of the necessary workloads. To skirt this issue society requires managerial positions and base labor or worker positions. Just as managers help organize workers the governing of society requires the same type of organization.

        The organization of humans into groups based upon responsibility (and therefore power) so affords a hierarchy of inequality with managers/rulers coming out on top. The answer to this problem would seem to lie in providing an equal education for all. That answer provides a couple glaring issues.

        First off it is important to recognize that those in positions of prestige will seek to maintain their position and furthermore will seek to promote the inclusion of their offspring into similar positions. Secondly our education system isn't so much a system of learning as it is a system of training. For our society to function we require managers and workers. If our education system really sought to equalize knowledge our current system would cease to exist. Instead our education system is designed to separate gifted from normal students as potential managers versus the working class.

        The design of our education system clearly has its roots in the workings of industry. Teach children to be on time and ready for a full days learning. Teach children to submit to authority early (teacher) so as to be prepared to submit to those in managerial positions later on. Teach children to seek out permission in regards to bodily functions so as to further separate them from the ability to govern themselves. Likewise our education system separates children from families to further degrade our communal nature (including compassion and empathy) and therefore connection to each other.

        This is where it gets interesting. Consider what we've done so far. We've separated people into disparate groupings while taking away their autonomy and ability to think/reason for themselves while also putting them at odds with one another and lessening their ability to connect on equal footing.

        Now I'd ask that you reconsider your question. If your question was based upon a society of equals who were all knowledgeable, reasonable, autonomous and yet cooperative we could easily reason that people would treat each other with kindness and respect. However we've created a system of inequality in which the common citizen holds little if any power and instead lives by the whims of society at large. This system promotes competition as it is undeniably preferable to gain power and move up the social ladder.

        My contention is that inequality and competition are the precursors of societies ills. Men mistreating women certainly but more to the point people mistreating each other for gain. It seems odd to think that men seeking a partner would act as many so often do but it is important to remember we're not dealing with intellectually compassionate equals. We're dealing with generations of people that have been bred to compete with one another and ultimately not see each other as equals but as enemies of a sort. We're not killing each other (for the most part at least within our own society) but we are competing for limited resources to our own detriment.

        It is important to note that women are playing their own role in this game of losers. Women by evolutionary design (primarily revolving around the unequal distribution of effort regarding procreation) seek out comfort and safety which play into the unequal distribution of power and wealth. Early on men realize their ability to find a partner directly correlates to their ability to acquire wealth so as to be a better provider of safety and comfort for a wife and any potential offspring. While it is true a poor man can find a partner it should come as no surprise that the greater wealth a man possesses the more opportunities he has to find a desirable mate.

        So we are left with a very complicated answer to what seems like a reasonably simple question. Unfortunately we are dealing with complex systems based upon an unequal distribution of wealth, power and knowledge. My explanation is quite limited in its scope but explains the answer as I see it. Unfortunately the answer I've given also infers similar issues with offline dating as ultimately this has little to do with the internet and more to do with society.

        The internet plays its own role in this debacle with its inherent anonymity further allowing a debasement of the civilized forms of respect we've come to accept as normal. Consider for instance civilization isn't so much truly civil as it is civil within the confines of its power structures.

        Also I can attest to the fact that I currently hold an account on okcupid. I am currently looking for a partner. I have also chosen to abstain from competition regarding wealth and power and instead am attempting to find a place on the fringes of society where I can be myself without harming others. I own very little, earn very little, and struggle to find women willing to get to know someone in my societal position as a potential partner.

        Certainly there are many good women open to dating a man such as myself but the difficulty is increased immensely.

        • Charlotte
          November 26, 2016 at 10:08 pm

          I have to be honest, your reply, while very interesting on societal analysis level, in very interesting, but it is indeed slightly off topic. I am just surprised, being that Website dating starts with writing and pictures, that men put so little effort in writing. It would be like going to a date wearing really sloppy clothes. My question was not based upon a society of equals, but it was based on a society where all have access to school, which is the case in the US. However biased the system is, we all have choices and access to literacy regardless of gender. I was also not considering dating based on a marketing transaction -men with fat bank accounts and women stuck in comfort zones- but based on feelings and building a life with someone of the opposite sex because when you're with that person, you don't feel like you need or wish to be anywhere else. And that has absolutely nothing to do with bank accounts and comfort zones. But in this country, everything revolves around marketing laws, including what cannot be bought, sold, or quantified. Which is why I don't have an account, because dating accounts are marketing tools, too. That said, you might run into a human being on one of them at some point, because anything is possible.

        • Carlo Vito
          November 27, 2016 at 2:29 am


          I really appreciate your succinct description of our issues with marketing in all facets of our life.

          Regarding the point you have made in regards to how little effort men put into writing as a means of sharing their true selves I would like to suggest that the issue is not limited to men. I've perused hundreds of women's profiles and I can attest that it is a rare person that writes of themselves in a fashion that isn't simply a marketing job. The vast majority of women's profiles read exactly like a job application.

          I don't believe the issue has to do with literacy per se. Instead I believe the issue lies with the individuals capacity to think for themselves. I mentioned education as I believe a large part of the intended goal is to afford people the ability to receive instruction. As opposed to being able to decide whether or not they should be following the instructions.

          My most recent relationship was with an intelligent and compassionate woman who received a Waldorf education and in turn taught at the Waldorf Highschool she attended. She repeatedly informed me in our year and a half together that she wasn't comfortable with showing me her true self. Instead she often acted in ways to impress me. Even after we'd been together over a year she was still putting on airs.

          Certainly this could be attributed to my actions. However having lived through the experience I can attest that I strove to make her feel loved and accepted as she was. Ultimately what I've come to understand is that she has not yet learned to accept herself. I believe this is incredibly common in our society. After all our marketing systems have done a very thorough job of setting impossible and often inane ideals and as we are both aware the primary victims are women.

          For someone to truly connect with another person and feel completely content with another they must first know and accept themselves. In my forty plus years in America I believe that to be a rarity. I have known people of all ages including countless couples who seem to have a better grasp on celebrities lives than they do on their own. I can count perhaps a handful of people I've met who have formed their own systems of belief. The vast majority have simply accepted whatever belief system they were fed without question.

          It seems as if very few people have done the internal work required to truly know oneself. That was one of the main points I was attempting to get across. My long winded explanation may have been an ineffectual attempt at explaining my reasoning behind this issue.

          Thank you for sharing your insight and reasoning behind your disinterest in online dating. In regards to myself I have done a lot of work to understand the world in my own fashion as opposed to what I was taught. My dating profile is quite lengthy and is intended to share who I am as a human being in hopes of finding someone that has done similar work. What I have shared of myself also has the benefit of eliminating a lot of potential conflicts that typically arise in conversations with people as part of the process of getting to know one another.

          I have no way of knowing whether or not any of this matters but I figured that trying a new tact certainly cannot cause me to be more single than I already am.

          Thankfully after many years of discontent I am finally happy with my lot in life.

        • Mich in Canada
          February 20, 2017 at 5:10 am

          I wonder if the information provided about there being more men than women is for a particular age group? i m in my early 50's and trying online dating on e-harmony only. I am reasonably attractive and several of my photos were taken by a professional (not altered in any way-I wanted it to be clear that they are really like me and give the date taken). I've put a lot of effort into my profile so that it gives unique info about me and describes the qualities of a good guy are to me and despite having at least one hundred matches in my region I haven't received any communication sincc
          e the first week when 2 men contacted me with questions. So I have communicated with several men. Only 2 replied. Are all the men contacting the same small subset of women or are they to lazy to communicate at all. Several of the men I communicated with then viewed my profile and neither responded or blocked me. It takes only 2 clicks to block a profile. I find it inconsiderate.

    • En
      July 8, 2017 at 10:45 pm

      Wow... I think I'll connect with you Intellectually. It remains to be seen if I'll also connect spiritualily and emotionally.

  68. Morgana
    November 8, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    I'm 19 going on 20 and the first messages are from guys way older than me at 30 and up to their 50's. Where are the dudes closer to my age ! Its bloody creepy. Seriously why, Even when I dont have a picture...

    • Tim
      December 10, 2016 at 7:41 am

      Well, some men prefer younger women maybe for their youth or maybe they feel they can manipulate them before they get older? Some older women are bitter after a divorce or bad relationships with bad men could be another reason. I am almost 53 and no offense prefer women around my own age, say 47 to 55. I have had younger women in their early 20's to 30's interested on Match: yes they are beautiful but I wonder why they would want to date a guy almost twice their age? I was married for 24 years, been divorced 3 years. I am 5'7 in shape and the dating world seems wicked since I was married and I have dated some attractive ladies. Good luck.

  69. David
    October 28, 2016 at 4:59 am

    No there isn't. Dating sites do NOT work

    • Tim
      November 11, 2016 at 7:55 am

      It does work but the odds are seriously stacked against men. Women, if they know their value and are pretty, want Superman. Women do have to worry about freaks/rapist but seriously online? They block or ignore them...moving on. Online dating sucks for men. Women have to weed through the countless messages determining who the winner is.

  70. Bill
    October 23, 2016 at 11:25 pm

    Pretty accurate assessment when it comes to men. I recently read that 80% of women find men on dating sites are not good enough or beneath their expectations. That same article said that men find more than 60% of women in their "league".

    Let's cut to the chase. I have been on and off dating sites for 8 years. Had a couple of relationships but from women, here are some of what I get regularly: "thanks but I don't think we are a match", "you sound like a nice guy but I don't want to 'settle'", "are you willing to do a background check and credit check? before we go on a date?", "thanks for your email but I don't date men who are not 6" taller than I am".

    To attract men, the majority of women describe themselves as "athletic and toned", "liberal", "love the outdoors" and most of them kayak, mountain climb, zip line, hang glide, parachute, run marathons, swim, etc. When do they find time for a relationship? I don't think that many men on these sites fit that criteria. 75% of men are moderate to conservative, 75% of women are liberals......Uh Oh.............

    Men also exchange messages online and all of a sudden it goes dead but women are online still talking with others but not responding to your last message......happens constantly!

    Then it comes down to what women want "tall" is on their list, women are 5'2" and they are looking for men 5'10"+++.......something psychological going on there. "Handsome" is always mentioned and "if you don't have a picture" is always mentioned. I have read "no receding hairlines", "no skin problems", "no facial hair", "only vegans should write back", "if you did not vote for Barack Obama don't bother replying", "if you are voting for Trump please don't email me", "no men with brown eyes", "only blue eyes please" and even "if you have toe nail fungus don't bother contacting me". I could write a book. BTW, these same women call themselves "down to earth" and "looking for a great guy who is thoughtful, caring, a good communicator, financially sound, etc." So women ARE shallow.

    Myself, I have a great job, financially set, not picky, average looking, 5'7" 168 pounds, etc. But women are looking for George Clooney, Brad Pitt (hey ladies here is your chance) dating is so stand few chances of finding anyone.

    • Tim
      November 11, 2016 at 7:57 am

      I agree 100%.

    • Karen
      November 15, 2016 at 3:59 am

      I'd say caring who the person is going to vote for is important. If you have liberal views you want someone else who does too. If you have conservative political views you might not get along with a liberal political view.

      I personally don't even want to be friends with anyone who would vote for Trump. Why would I be willing to date someone who does?

      I think if it comes down to values and lifestyle choices, it's ok to state those. But yes, requiring a specific height, hairline, etc is very silly.

      You also do have to be attracted to the person. As someone who has dated someone just because they like their personality and has tried to look past their appearance, I can tell you it has lead to be not wanting sex. Now if the guy is ok with no sex, then sure it doesn't matter what someone looks like.

      But yeah media and society has screwed with both genders view on what is and isn't attractive and that can make online dating, and non-online dating very difficult.

      • Mike
        December 27, 2016 at 11:39 pm

        I dated a Liberal woman and no conflicts arose from our political differences. I find it troubling you wouldn't even want to be friends with someone who would vote for Trump, or even someone who wouldn't be friends with another who voted for Hillary. You sound grossly intolerant of other people's views. You should be open to people with differing views than your own, otherwise you will fall into engaging in groupthink and confirmation bias. In other words, you will not learn much in this world seeking out people who will just agree and affirm your opinions on life. You grow by seeking those out who can show you a different perspective. In my experience, I've found people like you frustrating to say the least.

    • David
      December 6, 2016 at 7:00 pm

      I also Agree! 100%!!!

    • Steve M.
      March 6, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      Agree 1000%

    • Igor
      April 14, 2017 at 6:42 am

      My favorite moment is when they stop messaging in the middle of conversation. You try again and again but there is no response although she's online, like she had a heart attack suddenly. Another one is when they don't show up. First date and without any warning just no show. Then no response of course. Love those moments especially when they call men creeps. After several contacts like this in the row, men can start acting creepy, I guess. They learn very quickly to not give any respect to women because they are not going to get it back even when everything is going very well.
      Well, I'm not there yet but I get pissed sometimes, it's nothing like in real life.

    • Eric
      July 13, 2017 at 9:52 am

      I agree 1000% I think we are also probably very similar in both financial situation and physical height. I never thought that beeing 5.6 would be a problem when I was in high school then I realised women are obsessed with tall guys.

  71. Brooke
    October 19, 2016 at 5:05 pm

    Asking women to give you a chance and message you back after looking at your message and profile is like women asking you to message and reach out whenyou have zero attraction, nothing in common and zero interest in taking to. It goes both ways. Just because you're intrested and they aren't doesn't mean they want bad boys and smooth talkers. Men you don't reach out to women you're not attracted to, don't except women to make the exceptions lol. Dumb.

    • McLovin
      November 15, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      The difference, Brooke, is that men find a wide variety of women attractive. Women all find the exact same men attractive.

      Get over yourself.

  72. Mridul
    October 14, 2016 at 7:46 am

    The popularity of online dating is increasing day by day as some of amazing apps are already out in the market.We can expect some more apps which will be safe and great to use in the future.

  73. Ben
    October 6, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    Very hard to find a real Good old fashioned woman nowadays.

  74. Josh
    October 5, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    Online dating is garbage for men. Why? Well, either:

    1) Women online can't walk away from 50 messages a day telling them how hot they are. Attention complex.

    2) Women online are so picky they are constantly dumped and back online.

    3) Women online are so picky they talk to you until something better comes along an hour later.

    It's all garbage.

  75. Flibberdigibbit
    October 4, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    One poster wrote: “I'm human, I like sex, and I will pursue and sleep with girls I'm not totally into if it's been a while. I know some girls might not want to hear or accept this but it's a reality. I'm not a pig and I have good intentions, I want nothing more than a real relationship with someone I'm mutually attracted to. But if I can't have that I will take what I want and go from there. Ladies, my advice is if you take the best men available to you online this is likely to happen. Remember, we men are taking our best options because we're in a totally different ballpark. We get messages once every couple weeks if we're lucky, you gals get up to hundreds in that time-frame and rarely message us back. It sets you up to be shallow. I probably would be too if the roles were reversed.”

    First let me say that I am by no means attacking any one person in particular and I though it may sound like it at times, the statements I am making are simply my opinion and only my opinion. I am not making generalizations about ALL MEN or even ALL women, It is simply an honest sharing of my experiences and the experiences of just about every other female I’ve known or heard from when broaching this subject. Beyond that, I do not pretend to be an expert on what women want or what men do incorrectly. I am merely being as honest as the others on this site (to whom I say thank you). So please, know I am coming from the same frustrated place as the thoughtful and honest men and women who have commented here. I only hope to give my viewpoint to perhaps shed some light (however dim, LOL) on the incorrect, ill-advised thoughts and information that men make about women vs. the real opinions a lot of we women actually have. Though it may be a pie-in-the-sky “agenda” it is my hope that the battle of the sexes will end, or at least have a period of cease fire. And that men and women can somehow reach a semblance of mutual understanding. (or the closest facsimile thereof). It is never my goal to exacerbate the problem or further drive a wedge between us.
    So- having said all that – (whew!) - I believe the “disconnect” and the reason for well- chosen title of this article are perfectly illustrated in the comments. Allow me to explain:
    Men, please don’t say that you go online hoping for a “real relationship” and in the same breath admit that you’ll settle for bagging an “uggo” just because...why? Because blue balls. Not cool.
    See, we women love sex, too (depending, of course), but we are not coming from the same, ahem, overwhelming pressure point as most men. I get it…you “have needs,” right? And so do women. We are human, too. However, it is clear to me and should be to anyone being honest with themselves that this “need” is what drives most men (not ALL) to go on “the hunt” in the first place. So to say you are looking for a “real relationship” is a bit of a misnomer. Whilst wasting the time of a women you find physically repugnant or repulsive or even (lucky her) – “f*ckable” - when she is actually online – news flash- looking for a real relationship too! It’s not fair at all to then advise the women of the world seeking a relationship online to basically “settle” just because you men only do it to get laid.

    Why don’t reply? NOT because we are “princesses on our throne” or rude b*tches in the cat-bird seat. Far from it. One, we aren’t the ones who, as you put it, are “set up to be shallow.” Sister, please. Yes, I admit, we too have eyes and are attracted to someone good looking but guess what? It ISN’T OUR PRIMARY MOTIVATING FACTOR. And with men, it is. Period.

    All this “real relationship” talk is, IMHO and based on over 30 years experience, a lot of hokum, B.S. and guys who are basically saying what they think will sound good to the female ear.

    So my “advice” back to me, if I may, is to please STOP with the dismissive, totally inaccurate and insulting myth that women only going after “bad guys” or assholes. I’m so done with this diatribe of excuses, denial and lack of accountability from men. And, for the love of God, please STOP saying “nice guys finish last.” This infuriates and frustrates me the most. I cannot speak for all women nor would I claim to,, but I know enough of us sufficient to go out on a limb here and say the following with measured confidence: if you asked ANY WOMAN whether they would prefer to date an a**hole or “bad boy” who treats them like crap (and/or has money, drives a nice car, whatever it is you guys are always saying) - over a “nice guy” who they click with, have a lot in common with and treats them with respect, I would wager my life savings that less than 1% would honestly say they prefer the former to the latter. And they would not be lying about that, either.

    A lot of times women date guys that might have an edge or they find exhilarating and sexy – there a million reasons - but it is not because he is an a**hole to us!! And it almost NEVER solely because he drives a Porsche!

    (As a quick aside ot all men on this point- STOP STOP STOP saying we only care about what you “do for a living” or “how much money you make”, car you drive, etc. Just STOP. 9 times out of 10 it is men who tell me within 30 minutes of meeting me that they drive a Mercedes or go on and on bragging about their big shot career without ever asking me a anything about me. Also, “nice guys” (whatever you mean by that) do not always finish last. What you are referring to as a “nice guy” is not the same thing, I think. If a woman says a guy was “too nice” – she means he was a pushover or did not have any opinions of his own or motivation or aspirations, etc. There’s a difference. A true nice guy, in our minds is a man who treats us with mutual respect, And those guys are cherished and sought after, not overlooked. Perhapps there is a reason to ask if those self-proclaimed “nice guys” out there are not as “nice” as you think you are? Or, if you are, maybe you are not allowing that to shine through in your profile somehow? Just a thought. Please get it straight, please).

    So as I was saying, we date guys we find interesting, or funny or has similar likes/dislikes, etc. I am referring to non-physical, non-employment or money-based attributes which we women, (go figure), are truly looking for in a partner.

    Notice I said a PARTNER. As in someone with whom we can share a “real relationship” – (that thing many of you keep claiming is your primary motivator when searching online).

    So, no, contrary to overwhelming belief, we are not rooting around, looking for a big d*ck. And we don’t care if the guy is ripped or drop dead gorgeous. Looks are rarely if ever at the top of any woman’s list. Or even #2.

    We carefully “peruse” the onslaught of “opportunities” (a.k.a. responses and messages) we receive because WE HAVE TO. Not because we a rude, stuck-up b*tches atop our thrones. Meanwhile, you guys are doing the ole, what is it? Oh yeah – “numbers game.” So – you tell me, men - as you are keen to say, “ if the situation were reversed” – maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t find it quite as glamorous and fun as you are imagining. We women are wading through a sea of what contains everything from – (best case scenario), truly good guys who perhaps don’t articulate themselves as a match on paper - all the way to a plethora of ( worst case scenario) - psychopaths, married men, rapists, pedophiles and just plain old weirdos, etc.

    (And yes, it is not lost on me that there are more than a healthy percentage of problematic women, as well…or what you guys call ”psychos,” et al. But we are not being ruled by the same…(forgive me)…”throbbing need” as men, nor are we inexplicably playing “the numbers game.” Ever thought about what a pain in the butt it is for us? (No pun intended). You may THINK you want 200 emails and texts and IMs pinging you every second…but trust me – soon enough you too would discover the errors of your “princess atop the throne” thinking and you too would become jaded . Jaded, NOT shallow.

    And as much as I despise the whole “victim” role, you guys tend to forget the risks we women DO realistically face. We have to expend a large chunk of our lives and real energy thinking about crap you would never dream of,. This is largely because men honestly have not been born with a lifetime of it as we women have, let’s face it.

    And it does not make one a “femi-Nazi shrew b*tch” to bring that up, either. It just needs to be said because it truly is not something within most mens’ realm of experience. Fear and risk are a real thing and do play into the whole online dating thing for us, as much as you might not want to believe it or ever even factor it in. It’s not just a paranoid notion, but a statistical reality.

    To clarify - we women aren’t going through our lives thinking, “Poor me, I’m so afraid of men!” Or, “all men are murderers and rapists,” either. It’s just a fact of life that is so absolutely ingrained in us from Day One that it becomes a subconscious part of our DNA. So please, try to remember things beyond your own paradigm. We will do the same for you. ? (At least the “nice, good” and worthwhile of we women will).

    Anyway – to sum up, what you men may interpret as women online being “privileged or “rude and picky” is often just simple self-protection…NOT us being a choosy b*tch. ;)

    Thanks for “listening” a.k.a. reading all that…and I mean that sincerely. Good luck out there everyone!


    • Zap
      October 7, 2016 at 3:27 pm

      "Hey i just pissed on you all..thank for listening. Good luck you poor saps haha!"

      There...fixed your post.
      You're welcome.

    • Felix Deck
      October 10, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      Hi mademoiselle!

      You did spend a lot of time on your tex to clarify the situation! I salute you for this effort. I do understand and identify to all of what you said. I am only saddenned that the phenomenon of online dating is a speculative viscious circle where the more men need to date someone, the more selective because submerged women are and therefore the more men need to date someone! = / (I guess men pushed the button first)

      II don't think you are spitting on us and I understand that it is a delicate matter on both sides. Reversing the mechanism will take a lot of goodwilling people ready to change their attitudes!

    • Abbie
      October 24, 2016 at 4:39 am

      One guy sent me this message: "You are so hot. I can make sure you are kept well dressed and have all the latest handbags. All you have to do is give it to me whenever I want it."

      My response (seeing as men complain that they don't get a response and women are just being rude): "I am already well dressed and I have enough handbags. I can buy these things on my own as I am self sufficient and make my own way in this world. You sound like you are looking for a whore. You may want to spend your time at a brothel instead of wasting your time on dating sites."

      Another guy: "You are exactly my type of girl. You are everything I am looking for to complete my life. I think we could be great together."

      My response (after looking at his profile or lackthereof as a headless torso with only a vague description of what his interests are or any indication that he has a personality): "Thank you. I am very flattered by your compliment. However, you have stated in your profile that you DO NOT want children, whereas I have stated in my profile that I DO. I can foresee major problems in this relationship already."

      His response: "But why do you want children for? You and I can be great together, and that's all we need. You are my perfect dream girl."

      My response: "Ok, so YOU get what YOU want out of this relationship (a trophy partner), but I get denied what I want out. Sound fair to you?"

      Here's my fave: "Hey, gorgeous. I have 8 inches!"

      My response: "That's pretty stingy, dude! Subway has 12 inches."

      And these are just some of the ok ones ...

    • Josh
      November 21, 2016 at 7:52 am

      I can dig what you were trying to say here ... Cause there is a lot of substance. But some of what you say completely contradicts the evidence that has been compiled on this subject. The fact is ... A lot of women only talk to/give a reasonable chance to the top 1% of attractive men. This isn't an opinion... They've done studies. So while I appreciate your input and I do feel there was a lot to gain from it... You are completely wrong in your assessment that women aren't as shallow as men. If anything because they have so many choices... They filter them by looks. It's sad but true.

      • Catherine Elliott
        May 30, 2018 at 8:01 am

        Society in general and men in particular are very critical of women's looks. Many unattractive men have beautiful partners but rarely do you see the opposite. You rarely see unattractive women in movies or on the news media and yet there are many men who are not gorgeous who have successful careers in these fields. You almost never hear of women older than 40 dumping their longtime husbands in favor of men 20/30/ even 40 years younger than them. Women know, from their teens, that their prospects throughout their lives will be limited if they are not beautiful. Most men, especially attractive ones, will not give them the time of day if they are not a "10" or close. Women tend to focus on relationships and family while men are driven by their desire for sex. The notion that women are only motivated by looks in the search for a partner is pretty far fetched when you consider the natural tendencies of women and men.

        • Ryan Dube
          May 30, 2018 at 11:55 am

          Hi Catherine,

          I think you're close but still off the mark. The only unattractive men with beautiful wives are those with money. I think this statement is incorrect:

          ". Women tend to focus on relationships and family while men are driven by their desire for sex. "

          It's more accurate to say Women tend to focus on money and men focus on sex.

          Women often call unattractive men (without money) who flirt with them "creeps", but these are often the same women who welcome the advances of men who are either attractive or are wealthy. You can see this in how most women still expect men to pay for the first date or women joke with their friends that he was "cheap" and in most cases won't go on another date - and this often has no reflection of the actual incomes of the two parties.

          Your view as women as inherently more moral than men in the dating game is a bit sexist and outdated to be honest. Women have their unfair standards about men as well, and society strongly supports those in how they socialize young boys. The main difference is people mostly recognize unfair standards they set for women while society has failed terribly at recognizing the unfair standards set for men.

          So you almost hit the mark but you're only halfway there.

    • Zaphod
      July 18, 2017 at 7:11 am

      What a load of bullshit

    • The Bloke
      January 3, 2019 at 11:08 am

      What women say & what women do are two different things.
      Men who are seriously seeking a long term relationship will watch how the woman behaves and he will take what she says with a pinch of salt.

  76. Kam
    October 4, 2016 at 6:39 am

    As an older woman (49), I felt obligated to respond to anyone that contacted me, even it it was to acknowledge we did not have much in common ... as it was how I would like to be treated had I reached out to someone.
    I do believe this is one of the downside of online dating ... individuals not seeing how rude it is to ignore someone. We would never think of behaving like this if meeting someone in person but we think it's ok to do so when behind a keyboard.
    As mentioned by one of the poster... one week is not sufficient to have an opinion on the subject

    • John R
      November 12, 2016 at 1:17 am

      My god you're a saint. Ireally didn't think anyone like you still existed in our society today, I try to do the same but some are so touchy and perhaps so used to ghosting that they lash out, but I still won't stop..... well there's no need for a conversation after you made your lack of Interest clear, I believe that the sender is entitled to at least one written rejection before being ignored, call me crazy but I stand by this firmly and will continue to do so.

      Your post litterally made my eyes swell and I just nearly cried. I don't need all women to like me, just a little compassion and empathy.....just a LITTLE. Have the decency to tell me to f*** off at least.

      • Kyra
        January 9, 2017 at 8:48 pm

        The unfortunate aspect of "being polite" or "having respect" for individuals who have taken the time to message you is the percentage of men who then lash out in anger or rage when you do send them a succint, polite "thank you, but I don't think we're a match, but good luck to you" message.

        Some men resort to insulting your looks, your weight, your single status ("oh, i see you're stuck up and think you're too good for guys. no wonder you're single and on this site" - basically communicating a woman does not have the right to not be interested/reject interest), etc. Some go so far as to threaten you physically if they ever see you in public.

        So, while sending a nice, polite "no thank you" message is a lovely thing to do, I'm afraid to say a number of your more rage-filled brethren have ruined that for you and made women absolutely fearful to even attempt to turn a man's interest down, even if politely.

        • B Singh
          February 9, 2017 at 11:44 am

          And for that you have options like blocking and reporting.

  77. Kyle
    September 13, 2016 at 7:02 am

    I find the topic of online dating very interesting. I try as much as possible to understand it from both male and female perspectives and I enjoy talking to women about it to see what their experience is like. I'm not your typical male in online dating, while most of my messages go unanswered I do converse with and meet women online. I've had several relationships from online and I plan on continuing to use it. I'm a 27 year old male and I'm not a "hottie", but I am tall and in shape and maybe that helps me. It seems online dating is starting to get easier for me these days especially. I'm successful which I do say in my profile, and I'm wealthy which my profile does not say.

    All this being said, there are some major drawbacks for me. We all have our things we're into but I'm often guessing if I'm even attracted to the women I agree to meet. I take the chance anyways because it's my best option at that time. Some of the women I meet I find attractive, but most of the time they aren't as good looking as girls I would date in real life. As a guy who does really well in a date setting, almost every girl I meet wants to see me again, I'm left frustrated by this. I know I'm a catch, and I carry that with me but online I rarely have the choice to date women I'm attracted to. They come around once in a while but most don't answer me back.

    So what do we have here? We have a guy who is dating mostly girls he's not really attracted to because those are his options. But it doesn't end here. I'm human, I like sex, and I will pursue and sleep with girls I'm not totally into if it's been a while. I know some girls might not want to hear or accept this but it's a reality. I'm not a pig and I have good intentions, I want nothing more than a real relationship with someone I'm mutually attracted to. But if I can't have that I will take what I want and go from there. Ladies, my advice is if you take the best men available to you online this is likely to happen. Remember, we men are taking our best options because we're in a totally different ballpark. We get messages once every couple weeks if we're lucky, you gals get up to hundreds in that time-frame and rarely message us back. It sets you up to be shallow. I probably would be too if the roles were reversed.

    As a guy who's more successful in online dating than most men I just wanted to share my experience. I know, I'm technically adding to the very problem I'm complaining about by dating and sleeping with women I'm not attracted to. But, can you blame me if that's usually all I can get online? Meet us halfway, you might find a guy who is amazing and will treat you with love and respect. There is a clear divide in what men and women can attain in terms of physical attractiveness online.

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 12:10 pm

      Yep you sound like a total catch! Sign me up...NOT! "As a guy who is who's more successful in online dating..". Anyone that says they are a "catch" usually are not. Get a grip.

  78. Davey
    September 7, 2016 at 12:14 am

    " I would have preferred a simple message like, “Hey, would you like to talk? I saw that some of your interests were the same as mine,” or something along those lines."

    This is a fun line, because it's so easy to prove that it is a lie. Last week I sent 20 messages on match that said "Hi, you seem like an interesting woman. Want to chat?" I got ZERO responses. And so we see that what this woman says is a lie. If you still think she's not lying, try if for yourself and you'll see.

    • Erin
      September 7, 2016 at 6:38 am

      The problem with Match is that most of the profiles are inactive. The people you messaged probably never saw it to begin with.

      The best way to get your foot in the door is to find something in their profile to start a conversation about. Ask them an open-ended question so they start talking about that and themselves. Say they list Adele as one of the musicians they like. You could say something like, "What do you think of Adele's new album (whatever)? I think her best effort on it was (whatever song) because... What is your opinion?"
      Just an example. I mean at least it shows you read her profile AND it is a conversation starter.

      Just saying, " seem interesting..." isn't very solid. It would be like saying, "Do you want to go see some movie?" instead of having specific ideas.

      • Sim
        November 23, 2016 at 12:11 pm

        Exactly Erin!

    • Chris
      September 10, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      In her mind, it's not necessarily a lie though...

      Most women don't understand that their way of seeing things tends to be more solipsistic because they're not aware of how emotion-centric their decision making processes are (something that's based mostly on a simple biological difference in gray matter/white matter composition of male vs. female brains)-- i.e. they make decisions and answer questions based on how the answer they give makes her "feel" rather than giving an more reason-centered and objective point of view, which means they tend to give more individually, emotionally-subjective answers rather than answers based on broader abstract thought than men do.

      In this case, since it would make her happy to get a message like that from a guy who she's REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY interested in to begin with, she interprets sending that sort of simplistic message as being a good standard move that ALL guys will have a lot of success with.

      It's like when women give you that infamous piece of advice to "just be yourself"... what they mean is the guy she's going to like is going to keep her interest by "being himself", but she doesn't make the connection that in order for him to "be himself" and have him be interested in her at the same time, he has to actually have characteristics that she's interested in to begin with...

      • rabbidrabbit
        September 29, 2016 at 4:01 pm

        You're right. I agree.

      • Catherine Elliott
        May 30, 2018 at 8:32 am

        I think you should do some research on what the differences in amounts of grey and white matter mean. Your interpretation of the difference between genders and the effect it has on how women think is skewed and not fact based. It does account for why men are better at math and women are better language skills, but it does not mean that women make decisions based on feelings. Maybe you want to believe that, but it does not make it true.

        • Alexis Rod
          March 16, 2019 at 9:02 pm

          Your response is a good example to what Chris said.

  79. kevin
    August 30, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    Your relative is exactly the wrong example to use for why online dating is bad for women. A week? That's not nearly enough time.

    Yes, it's creepy that men twice her age were hitting on her, that shouldn't even be allowed. There should be a filter and I think there are more of those now.

    Are there going to be total weirdos sending you messages? Yes, but you have the option to ignore every new e-mail as a woman. Whereas statistics show that 20% of men respond to emails from women. 2% of women respond.

    That means a woman can spend an hour writing five emails to the "perfect" matches they're looking for. They'll get one response and likely that guy will ask her out within a week.

    Guys have to send FIFTY thought out, witty emails to get ONE girl to respond, and then there's about a one in three chance she'll agree to a date.

    If you don't like the creepy emails, don't read them! Men on the other hand have no other option then to send out hundreds of emails and they better be more then just, "Hey, I love your smile in that one photo and we have this, this, this in common." Women say they just want emails like that, but that's boring and they don't respond. You have to "perform" for them and they have to get your sense of humor through text. Then if you're good looking and tall (at least 6'3' because they're going to assume you're adding three inches) you've got a shot.

    And even then they might blow you off because they don't want to tell people they met their boyfriend online.

  80. Amber
    August 30, 2016 at 5:04 am

    I just deleted my profile on OKCupid and I'll tell you why...I received many messages from men, some creepy messages...some 'hey Baby blah blah blah, some down right offensive, the few that warranted responses, very few I might add, became a back and forth of messaging, I do not understand if the purpose is to meet in person and find if there's any chemistry why the back and forth messaging? Seems that a lot of men are quite happy to remain behind a screen and those who are up to meeting right away are seeking sex..which is funny really because a woman could go out pretty much any night of the week to a bar and get sex if that's all she wanted...we certainly don't need to go online for sex... One man messaged me and stated he found my profile interesting that we had much in common, we messaged back and forth and then he asked for my cell so we could chat...that was 2 weeks ago, never heard from him, it's like why bother?

    • beentheredonethat
      September 6, 2016 at 11:48 pm

      Probably because some other woman was more willing to meet up and cut in front of you without the needless back and forth.

  81. JB
    August 28, 2016 at 2:06 pm

    Yeah, this seems pretty spot on. For women its a barrage of messages and makes them think thery're god's on Earth, no matter how ugly. For men it's a quiet hole to realize women are a lot more shallow than they knew, no matter how attractive. This makes the women bat way above their league and the men bat way below. The best part to illustrate this? I'd say all of the women I message first are at least around my physical attractiveness league, but all the women that message me first are way, waaaay below it. Like obese chicks levels below it.

    Now if there was a way you could fix this by making an environment that gave men the upper hand and not women... Maybe it'd be more balanced. But as it is systems where men get the same features as women on dating sites are stupid asymmetric in terms of payback. Women get crazy shallow and men get crazy depressed.

    • Marissa B.
      October 5, 2016 at 3:18 pm

      Interesting idea, but not my experience. I get my fair share of messages.. on average, 5 a day. I'm pretty good looking by most standards, though I'm fully aware I'm not the most attractive, and I often find messages from men who are far less physically attractive than the men I've dated IRL (some of whom I've met online!) Of all the men, most find my profile interesting and say so, even if there's a blatantly obvious comment (about interests, what we're seeking, or looks) that should make it obvious that we aren't compatible. It's like they ignore it and try, anyway.

      Perhaps (again, based solely on my experiences) if they spent time seeking and messaging women who seemed like they'd be mutually compatible (not just that they find good looking) then they'd have more success. I would certainly not waste my time messaging men who I figured wouldn't be interested. It's not genuine, and not a good use of time and energy.

      • JB
        October 7, 2016 at 2:34 am

        First of all, saying "not my experience" is wrong in this case. You seem to have had success as a woman on these dating sites. Maybe not "the perfect experience", but I can say with certainty that your experience was far better than mine. My theory here is the odds are stacked in women's favour (only on dating sites; don't get this mixed up as a anti-feminist bash fest).

        It's a pretty big statement to say that men don't get dates because they look way too high out of their league. it doesn't scratch the surface of the problem at all and rather delegates it all to one side.

        I did a social experiment in June after never used dating sites. I wanted to take it like a game so that the huge amount of rejection I predicted wouldn't sting so much. I signed up for 5 different services and sent around 500 message. I also used an auto right swipe bot on the services that provided such a feature. I varied between questions, jokes, statements, compliments. Any advice I got from anyone, including your grandma, I tried out. I got a professional photographer and only used his photos on the site.

        The response rate was terrible. Somewhere in low 1%s. Many of those women I found incredibly compatible, but many I skipped. The "basic bitches", the club rats, the "you-are-crazy-out-of-my-league-ers". My only rule was if I thought I wouldn't hate talking to her I would give it a shot. It didn't tend to matter though; I had 2 terrible dates after two months of work.

        Then I started talking to my female friends. They all had pretty good conversation rates, getting anywhere from 5-20 messages per day. And their conversations tended to last if they wanted it to. What I realized was the dynamic was completely different; women naturally start becoming a lot more arbitrarily selective because of this constant initiation. If you don't stand out with your picture as a man you're doomed to failure: all the Marissa's in the world will think of the best looking man that they've slept with, say "given the field I can do better", and move on without a second thought. Whether or not you would be a great fit, whether or not you're a secret agent or a millionaire. It's totally arbitrary.

        So to say the reason I saw so much rejection was because I focused on women way out of my league is a total insult. It's a hypocrisy too; you keep having success being totally selective but advise others to bat lower. It's mindsets like this that keep traditional dating sites as traps for the average joe.

        • Anonymous
          March 14, 2018 at 3:21 pm

          To say that WOMEN focus on MEN out of our league is an insult!! I can assure you that I do NOT! I know I'm average looking, say a 6/10 (even though I hate those stupid scales). I have tried messaging a variety of looks types because I focus more on compatibility factors, as Marissa stated. So I look for guys with common interests and humor who are ok looking (no, I'm not going to message an obese guy 20 years my senior, but someone average looking and in my age range). I have messaged men who were short, chubby, bald, etc. I've also messaged men who are taller and thin like I am, but they very rarely respond, and if they do, it usually doesn't last long. Men are completely out to lunch when it comes to their definition of "attractive." I am tall and slim with an average looking face. Is that "attractive"" to men?? No. Most men, if they answer at all, lose interest as soon as they see me in person. And I've NEVER gone out with a "Brad Pitt." I won't even bother with those types; what's the point? I'm talking about very average Joes here. Yes, I do choose flattering photos, but so does everyone. So don't say that all women are shallow and delusional. Maybe do what some of the above posters recommend and look for something you like about a woman besides looks, compatibility perhaps.

      • Sim
        November 23, 2016 at 12:21 pm

        Agree Marissa

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 12:25 pm

      I think both men and women both have the raw end of the stick. But to say "women have it easier or men have it easier" is ridiculous. I think it's basically about finding a needle in haystack and that takes patience, and a lot of us (both men and women) don't have the patience. I certainly don't!

  82. Jim
    August 4, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    Looking for Love these days is like looking for a needle in a haystack especially when many of us men keep meeting the Wrong Women all the time.

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 12:27 pm

      Agghhh I agree with the "needle in the haystack" comment, I don't agree with "many of men keep finding the wrong woman" it goes the same way for women trying to find men!

  83. Jane
    July 21, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    This article is infuriating because it is dumb, based on no factual evidence and sexist ... how can you write up on your findings of what women and men in general experience when you have interviewed only two people- people's differing experiences are nothing to do with whether you are a man or a women.... My advice to anyone who has ventured into the world of online dating DON'T BOTHER - it's cold, calculating and not natural!! You are better than that :)

    • Felix Deck
      October 10, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      I agree! I agree. One man feedback, one woman feedback and we get, quote: "So there you have it – the whole story from the female perspective and from the male perspective."

      At best, I think conclusding this way is to attract more comments. And it's working with me ; )

    • Eddie
      December 31, 2016 at 6:54 am

      I agree that the article is very brief without any real findings. However, the excellent comments more than make up for it.

  84. Michael
    July 16, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    Dating sites are full of incurable dreamers looking for something that doesn't exist. In the case of women, unattractive yet fussy old mingers who think they are gods gift to men.

    They could all find somebody locally on the street, in a supermarket or wherever without wasting their precious and limited time and money on rip-off dating sites.

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 12:28 pm

      Bitter much?

  85. Abbie
    July 13, 2016 at 12:17 am

    Try being a divorced single mother who works a full-time job. I get a decent amount of messages. Most start off in the most disgusting and degrading way, which is such a shame since these guys are very attractive and don't need to be so crass to get attention. But such disrespectful messages, particularly as your initial greeting, I will delete straight away.

    Then I get down to the decent messages. We chat. I have to ask where they live and work and I flag with them that they are my standard initial questions due to my situation. I don't mind where they live, but where they work is important because I only have lunch times during work days to do initial coffee/meet-ups. My daughter lives with me, but alternate weekends she is with her father. I don't want to commit my free weekends to anyone until I've met them first and have decided that I would like to progress. My free time is scarce so I'd like it to not go to waste.

    Sweet! No problem, they say. That sounds reasonable. But then they STILL ask me what I'm doing on the weekend without the initial meet-up. As soon as I tell them that that weekend is my weekend with my daughter, but if we have an initial coffee meet-up some time in the week, I would be open to spending time with them the following weekend (my free weekend). Yep! Don't hear from them again.

    One guy even said to me "So if I wanted to have a wild night with you, I'd have to schedule it? That's a huge inconvenience and turn-off!" Bear in mind, on my profile it states CLEARLY that I have a child. Needless to say, it's a huge confidence reducer!

    • Erin
      September 7, 2016 at 6:58 am

      Unfortunately, when a woman is raising kids, it puts her in a similar position in the dating world as a typical man.
      Most men, even good ones, have to struggle to find dates and/or romance. Women can easily find reasons to reject potential suitors. Women have more choices in the dating scene.

      However, nothing causes a man to lose interest faster than if a woman has kids in tow. Not even the jobless, video game playing loser living in his mom's basement (the man that most women view as the ultimate "zero") wants to hassle with that.

      Think of how grim a man's chances are in dating. Now understand that a woman with kids has equally grim chances. Then and only then can a woman understand what a man goes through in the dating scene.

      • Abbie
        September 30, 2016 at 5:19 am

        I've never been in the dating scene until after my divorce (and I didn't jump into it straight away either). These guys also put on their profiles that they would date women who already have kids. What were they expecting? That said kids can just be stashed away like luggage in a wardrobe, out of sight, while he gets wild with their mother?

        I would rather have no one messaging me than getting messages that they totally respect my being a working single mother, then complain about how inconvenient it is for them that I have to plan things in advance rather than being able to drop my panties whenever they snap their fingers.

      • Ryan Dube
        October 8, 2016 at 1:58 pm

        I tend to agree, but there actually are a lot of guys out there who love playing with kids - how silly they can be and how easy it is to make them laugh (and how good it feels to make kids laugh). I think for guys like that, finding a beautiful woman who happens to have little kids is like a dream come true. It's a win-win in my opinion. I really don't understand guys who don't like kids.

        • Abbie
          October 17, 2016 at 1:58 am

          The concept sounds great initially, I'm sure. That's probably why they say on their profile that they would date women with kids. But when the reality of "I can't meet you after work, I have to pick my child up from day care", or "It's my weekend with my child, so I can't go out with you this weekend" hits, it's a different story.

          And no, I will not let a guy spend my weekend with my kid with us - not until I've gotten to know him properly and we've been seeing each other for a while. It's to protect my child from getting instantly attached if there is no intention of commitment, and also just in case he is a deviant who preys on single mothers to get to their children. It happens, so I am very cautious. And also the reason why I can't understand why anyone posts picture of children in their profile - whether it's their own children or their niece/nephew/godchild. Dating sites are full of perverts. Keep children's pictures off them. (Sorry, that was going off the topic).

  86. John
    July 12, 2016 at 5:00 pm

    Whats funny is that talking shit about tinder is one of the most interesting and meaningful conversation you can have with a woman in real life because you'll almost always both be on the same page at how shallow and disgusting it is LOL

  87. John
    July 12, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    The internet is the number one reason for the rise of sexism on the modern age. Women see men for what they are and vice versa. Women ignore most men and clump them all together as pathetic or creeps in broad generalizations and only go for the male model looking profiles. Result is good looking men with professional grade photos and the women willing to have casual sex with them are the only ones getting what they want. Meanwhile other women despise that, the ones that arent interested in casual sex. They see the guys they would want to be with acting like apes because they get an all you can eat buffet while simultaneously ignoring men they could have chemistry with, because meeting people in person is very different from online.

    I for example get a lot of attention from women in real life but I can't get bottered to take nice pictures of me for dating sites. I think the system they perpetrate is disgusting. Women have way better judgement in real life.

  88. Marcy
    July 6, 2016 at 2:47 am

    Ok guys. I have no idea what the other women's profiles look like. I post decent pictures but average on purpose. All I seem to get are the men who I wouldn't ever go out with. Don't take this wrong but their photos are terrible. Maybe good for a desperate woman. Fix yourselves up! Look good. I mean really it is hard to judge a book by its cover but you can at least try. Enough with the bathroom/gym selfies. Macho look at me or a beard down to your chest and beer belly aren't going to cut it no matter how awesome your profile seems. When you message us be cool about it. Don't come across as desperate. My problem is I'm good looking and they won't look past that to see the real me inside. You know the type. The women that you say: you are so beautiful. Why are you still single? Because no one takes a chance to get to know us except for the creepy guys. I don't understand it. Maybe the guys I'm attracted to don't want someone like me. They want an average woman. Can anyone make sense of this? If one more guy asks for a nude photo or worse sends me a pick of his junk I'm going to scream!!!

    • Ryan Dube
      July 6, 2016 at 3:04 am

      Marcy - your perspective here is fascinating to me. From the perspective of a married guy (20 years now), and having tried to help my guy-friends get answers from women on dating sites, what you write here is really interesting.

      I know guys who constantly say, "Why won't she respond -- I don't get it?" I don't think many of these guys have the kind of creepy-profile pics you describe at all. They're mostly pics of them playing sports, running, spending time in nature, etc... At the same time, most of the women who do actually reach out to these guys are just like you describe -- they come across as desperate. I think that's the most revealing statement of all.

      Personally, I think almost everyone on dating sites have standards that are unattainable for them. To put it bluntly, they want someone outside of their own league. And they judge, quite harshly, those who are within their league, as not good enough.

      I'm just guessing here -- I certainly don't claim to understand the dating game, and I'm so thankful that I'm no longer a part of it, and never want to be again.

      • Roelien
        August 10, 2016 at 11:58 am

        Or the don't smile!!! That gets to me the most. They look so down and depressed. And then you give them a chance and they can't hold a conversation! It is infuriating!!

      • Sim
        November 23, 2016 at 12:37 pm

        I get turned off by guys base jumping, skiing in the Swiss Alps and all that jazz, even running, because that's just not me. None of that stuff would interest me. If you play a sport like soccer, baseball, then perhaps. I am sure though there a lot of women into that sort of stuff. It's just about odds really. I guess a lot of women just don't care that men run around the block and jump out planes! But then again I'm sure there would be many women into that.

        • CP
          December 1, 2016 at 8:06 pm

          And you sound like a real bore who is clearly intimidated by guys who 'BASE jump, snowboard in the Swiss Alps, and all that jazz.' Sounds like you know you don't measure up and how they probably wouldn't be interested in you. You're problem (based on some of your other snide comments) is that you are anti-men. You probably don't even realize it.

    • Dave
      July 9, 2016 at 1:34 pm

      Most of the women nowadays really do Stink Unfortunately to date these days as it is since they have become so very Greedy And Selfish over the years since they will Only want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less which is a very Good reason why many of us Good Guys are Single today Unfortunately do to the lack of Good women now which tells the whole story.

    • Roelien
      August 10, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Or the don't smile!!! That gets to me the most. They look so down and depressed. And then you give them a chance and they can't hold a conversation! It is infuriating!!

    • JB
      August 28, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      Marcy, I think you're just another shallow dating site girl :)

      Know what's funny? Most people would say they're at least more attractive than 50% of the population. Which is statistically impossible.

      You're uglier than you think :)

  89. Ben
    July 3, 2016 at 11:16 am

    Well with so many women that now have their Careers today are a bunch of Narcissists, Greedy, Selfish, and very Power Money Hungry too which Most of them really Believe that they're all that since they really do have a very serious Attitude Problem which they really do need help very badly. Online dating really Sucks to meet a Good woman these days which in the Past Most women were Definitely much Easier to meet at that time and had a much Better Personality compared to the women of today which is why many of us Good men are still Single today which Most of us are Not really to Blame at all. Women today do want the Best and will Never settle for Less at all which it is very Sad how the women of today have really Changed.

  90. Tom55
    July 2, 2016 at 7:36 pm

    Women are Not women anymore these days Unfortunately.

  91. Anonymous
    June 12, 2016 at 2:47 am

    Good article. Thank you for posting this.

  92. Rob
    May 21, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    I've been on dating sites for about 15 years.

    1: Dating sites need to earn money. Of course they just want a few matches (for their success stories in their commercials). It's big money keeping matching failing, but the hopes up. It's like gaming or lottery addiction - the next ticket may be a winner.

    2: Why do I so seldom hear about the sexual needs and dreams of woman? Are you all asexual? I thought that sex was a part of your "serious" relationship (that is for you who are everything but asexual). And if you're not polyamourous, this should be even more important to you, stuck with just one partner for a long time. If one of you are into something that your partner is not, and it is important to you, how long do you reckon the relationship will last? And no, for me love is not about sacrificing this and that, it's about respect.

    3: I've tried so many different approatches as a man, the few dates (or meet-ups) I've had, did mostly render nothing. And we're talking about 3 to 5 dates in 15+ years. And the times that a woman initiaded a contact with me, is about the same amount of times.

    4: If you want a heterosexual paradigm: Woman; only actively seek profiles up. Men; stop initiating any contact. This is of course an utopia. From my experience (probably longer than most of you), the silver platter women are handed is not going to change. Those in power will seldom let go of it. And yes, there are some degree of initiating contact from woman, but it is truly unbalanced. What happened to equality and girl power?

    5: Open up for the possibility of polyamory. You monogamous people are so fixated with sex being the thing that differs the love in a deep friendship and "love" in a partnership. Yes, sex is important, but limiting sex as only having it with one person, for the rest of your life (or a very long time) with that reason, is futile. It's like sacrifice peeing, because the "love" of yours hates seeing urine. Again, that's not love, it is sacrifice and sort of slavery.

    Hugs to you all from Sweden! :)

    • Juju
      June 6, 2016 at 4:35 am

      All you want is what most beta men want. Sex with random women without any commitment or responsible to that woman until YOU fall in love with her then she will be expected to commit to you only. Can you see how childish your expectations are? I mean what is the difference between your desires and most 15 year old males?

      • The Worst
        October 24, 2016 at 8:49 am

        AND you hit him with the beta male. That would probably really hurt if he was from america, and actually 15. Its amazing how you were able to psychoanalyze his desires and boil it all down to sex. Great job Freud. You think he is attracted to his mother also? What a obnoxiously entitled post that rips someones pain. Congratulations you harpy, I'm sure you can sleep easy telling that guy he is a deviant pig. Honestly why didn't you call for his castration? I'm sure the hardest thing you have done in the past 5 years was not calling him a rapist. Good luck with life, maybe you can develop a modicum of attractive personality and men will want to have sex with you too.

  93. Asteroth
    May 20, 2016 at 4:54 am

    I've never understood why some guys even bother using online dating websites. The odds are clearly against you. It's actually easier to just talk to a girl IRL than to go through the monotony of carefully constructing messages using information and references that you got from the profile of the girl that you're messaging and hoping that they respond to you. Which they usually don't. Sometimes they won't even read your message.

    But let's be honest. Why would they? If you've got a huge selection from which to choose from then why would you ever feel any real sense of surprise or urgency after getting message number 1096 from Blake Everyman.

    Women keep saying that despite the large amount of attention that they receive a certain amount of it tends to be negative or creepy. However, that still sounds a lot better than maybe receiving one message a week (HOPEFULLY). As a general principal having a surplus of anything good is better than having none of that good thing. Lots of attention (some good some bad) vs No Attention (no bad or good). I don't really see how anyone can reasonably argue against that and not sound like an insane person.

  94. TheVeryTruthOfAll
    April 25, 2016 at 7:01 pm

    Well with the type of women out there these days which really speaks for itself.

  95. KilljoyWasHere
    March 24, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    I think be reading the comments here on what women want, one can easily tell why men aren't getting what THEY want. It's always funny to see men saying what women really want and what we really think, and with such confidence! Oh, the laughs. Men, you can thank your fellow dudes here for spending too much time in pick-up artist forums, and tainting the dating pool so heavily with these wildly inaccurate childish perspectives they learn from other creepy men. Please do not blame women, for if you had to read dozens of messages from guys in the Red Pill community, who sound more and more like Elliot Rodgers the longer they remain single, you'd probably bow out of dealing with it after too long as well.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:30 pm

      I don't want a friend...I can get friends literally anywhere anytime.

      Finding decent looking women that want intercourse for the purpose of orgasms is not easy

      When I bow to their "relationship" demands, sex goes out the window. I just do not feel sexy based on "friendship" or "companionship." Its a turn off for me

      • Konnect Life
        April 19, 2016 at 7:34 pm

        The first prerequisite to beginning to solve this problem - STOP BEING NICE.

        Women are NOT attracted to NICE guys, regardless of what anyone tries to tell you.

        The second solution for getting yourself to start heading in the right direction is to learn to do what has been PROFESSIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY PROVEN to attract women by the experts and others who are good with women and stop listening to those who try to deny or get upset at those who teach or learn what actually works.

        Women will often deny and even protest and throw tantrums once you start pointing out what they actually respond to or the type of guys they go after. They will tell you it's not true and try to convince you to stop doing certain things that actually work. Those who aren't smart enough will fall for it and remain single as the girl continues too chase bad boys and "get stuck in" bad relationships.

        I no longer listen to what people say. I don't even argue about it anymore. I simply go by what REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE has PROVEN to work, then act accordingly. Whether or not people get upst for me doing or using techniques, strategies and other things that actually work, ..... that's their problem for them to deal with.

        Case closed.

  96. DominantEmperorTiberius
    March 20, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    Online dating is awesome. I'm one of the bad guys who exploits the medium to meet hundreds of girls (not all in one year, obviously, but nevertheless, that's a true magnitude).

    Here's a key reality that the white knights and princess-defenders/apologists cannot understand, but that explains everything:

    Girls are online because... they want to get f###ed. Properly. Hard. Well. By an expert.

    This means...they will NOT seek life partners online. Not usually, it can evolve by accident...but in the main, they are cruising the hood looking for a man to make it worth their while to cheat/hookup. They can of course pretend that they're looking for romance but the comments of the guys above shows how rare that really is. No, they want my style of assertive domination. I meet lots of beautiful, smart, worldly and engaging 20-25 year old women now...... who would never have deigned to meet the young NiceGuy me. And they love every moment of our interactions. No angst, no problems, no "romance."

    Some less honest and confident females will actually deny this reality, believing their p***y-whipped white knights/NiceGuys will swallow the social-reputation-defense hook, line and sinker.... but the more honest women will acknowledge, a lot of this goes on. The strongest women will even admit that they do it themselves, and sometimes, in spite of themselves. The primitive brains of both women and men are compulsively powerful.

    We could term this "hypergamy" as some commentators do.... which makes the females sound quite like lab rats and gives the (male) commentator a horrendous, vile, disembodied ocularity, but that's not my deal at all. I know that females are smart, informed, and selective, and have strong capacity - in most places, thankfully - to exercise choice about mating habits. Females also possess very strong sex drives and know how to get what they need and want, whether it coincides with the NiceGuy/bf/hubby or - often - not.

    BTW, one reason for the gross underestimation of how often this happens is that women are overall much smarter than men when it comes to cheating. I know well, I've listened to the plans of numerous wives/gfs and how they move around their SO to find their playtime with me. I make it worth their while and I don't buy them/patronize them/manipulate them. If a woman wants what I offer, then she and I can meet and find out for ourselves like adults should....

    Dominant Emperor Tiberius

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:32 pm

      Where are they?

      Every one I reply to is a phishing scam.

      Or do you feign interest in socializing with them?

  97. jen
    March 20, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    Just try being a girl with a few extra pounds, message men with the same and they are not the least bit interested. They all think they can get supermodels. Men like the attention just as much as women and are far more superficial.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      Its not that they think they can get that the female is not good looking enough to keep their penises erect

      • Juju
        June 6, 2016 at 4:37 am

        They would like to believe they can get prettier women then come on sites like this and cry about how NO women answer their emails.

      • Anonymous
        March 14, 2018 at 3:37 pm

        So a woman with a few extra pounds is "not good looking enough" for a man with a few extra pounds. Double standard much. But yes, it's very true that men message women way out of their league and ignore the average women. Don't blame us for not being attractive enough, instead maybe stop watching so much porn and then expecting something completely unrealistic.

        • Ryan Dube
          March 14, 2018 at 3:43 pm

          Sounds to me like both sides are assuming the other side is only contacting people out if their league, without any actual evidence proving so.

          The way it looks from where I stand, the bias both sides here have against the opposite gender explains a lot more than anything else does.

    • Asteroth
      May 20, 2016 at 4:59 am

      Meh. I disagree. Roughly half of the women I've dated have been "portly". But then again, I'm not from America so....

    • Josh
      November 21, 2016 at 8:08 am

      There is a difference between a few extra pounds and a lot of extra pounds. I like thick girls. I don't like really fat girls. Just sayin.

  98. ken
    March 8, 2016 at 12:29 am

    Men falsely assume modern women are romantic creatures....they are not.

    Women are practical. They are calculating their lists.....must be tall, must be financially secure, must make me his centre, must not want a prenup.......and they have their tests for all these.

    The "bad boys" understand all this, and they know how to play the modern game to their advantage with "catch and release" strategies.

    If you are an old-fashioned decent guy, you might try church. There are still some decent non-feminist women there.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:34 pm

      ....Must be profitable for me to justify intercourse with.

      No prenup= prostitute

    • Juju
      June 6, 2016 at 4:38 am

      Historically these are the things women looked for in men. As in the past men sought out younger less intelligent women... The more things change the more the say EXACTLY the same.

  99. Gaylon
    March 6, 2016 at 7:50 pm

    Women aren't looking for a nice guy that want a guy with an edge. Instead of sending chicks nice messages. You should instead try sending a message like,

    "I like your pics, they are sexy and classy. I love a woman with class and style. I'm a man with direction in life and I'm looking for a Certain kind of woman to include in my life. What say you? Are you that one?

    Or send a message like this to see how she responds...
    Hey, how r you? I would love to have a woman like you. You're the total package..

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:35 pm

      Thats retarded...its her looks..if she was a hag, class and style would yield nothing.

      Be honest

  100. IgotITall
    March 2, 2016 at 2:39 am

    Women want tall, fit, masculine, ambition, big dick, social competence... It's not difficult to figure out. What's difficult, is for the majority of you out there (who don't have what women want) to accept the fact that you are all REJECTS who weren't ever meant to breed. Cut your nuts off. Die. Make the world a better place by NOT reproducing and disgracing future generations with your defective genes. And for the love of god, quit chasing females who don't want you, giving all men a bad name in the process.

    • chessman
      July 30, 2016 at 12:11 am

      Are you being sarcastic, or really an egotistical prick? If so, you forgot about money. It's the great equalizer. So, if you're young and vain, you'd better get hopping before you're old and obsolete. If you're just being sarcastic, my apologies.

  101. Name
    February 19, 2016 at 3:50 am

    If you look at this article at its core you find this:

    Women - "This is too much work."

    Men - "I can't do enough work."

  102. David
    February 16, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    Women aren't looking for a nice guy. They want a guy who is going to make them feel something and a guy who shows up with a plan and has his balls intact. That guy isn't going to be found online. He's out meeting women in person.

    • Anonymous
      April 9, 2016 at 11:33 pm

      I agree with you. Online dating is a place to hide behind the screens.

      • Sim
        November 23, 2016 at 12:48 pm


        I think any smart woman or man, is looking for someone who just "gets them" and you know what that, the odds of finding that is pretty low (especially online). It's probably easier finding a match through work or social situations. Life ain't easy.

    • Juju
      June 6, 2016 at 4:41 am

      NICE is old English for STUPID. look it up.

      • David
        June 6, 2016 at 4:47 am

        Or foolish

    • Steve
      January 24, 2018 at 12:56 am

      Amen to that

  103. Steve
    February 15, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    This is BS. It's always the men's fault. Women go there for attention only and have no serious intention of going out. It's an ego boost for them. I had girls initiated contact after they read my profile but when I asked them out, they didn't reply. It's simple. They got what they want, attention!

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:38 pm


      Just a few months ago, I got a number from the grocery store from a super hottie...answered the text twice and no more

    • Ej
      January 14, 2017 at 11:42 pm

      You have just nailed it. Most ladies on these sites , aside the bots and the escorts just want attention.
      Not all but most. Cancelled my subscription once I figured this out. Looking to meet someone the old fashioned way.
      Even when a lady initiates the chat, it's difficult to keep it going long enough to get a date.

      • Ryan Dube
        January 15, 2017 at 4:23 pm

        Women (statistically speaking -- not meaning to generalize too much here), are very emotional and social. By emotional, I don't mean crying all the time, I mean they read very much into every little statement and facial movement you make in order to draw as much meaning as possible out of what you're expressing. There are two disadvantages guys have in the scenario where you're only offered writing as a vehicle to impress a woman.

        #1 -- The woman can't see your face (which is how they usually draw more meaning out of what you're trying to say). So, all they have to rely on are your words.

        #2 -- Statistically speaking, guys are generally atrocious when it comes to words. Many of them couldn't express emotion in the form of text if their lives depended on it.

        This means that the reason the conversation stops is because the woman may have drawn an alternative meaning from your words that you didn't intend to imply. If you've been married for any extended period of time, you'll know what I'm talking about.

        If you are fortunate enough to enter into a dialogue with a woman on one of these dating sites, actually take the time to carefully develop your words so they really express who you are as a person and what you're looking for in a partner. Use humor too -- this isn't a job interview for Pete's sake. But at the same time don't use inappropriate humor -- be cute, but not an idiot. Focus on emotional words -- express how you're feeling about things at the moment. Are you an uncle? Did you just spend your weekend playing with your nieces and nephews and miss them already? Mention that. Are you anxious about something in your life? Excited? Sad? Talk about it -- the more emotion you show to the woman you're chatting with, the more she'll be able to gauge what kind of man you really are.

        I disagree that most women on these sites just want attention. Men and women are certainly on the site for the same reasons, but they don't communicate the same way -- and this is what makes it difficult.

        As a guy -- you're using the site as a tool to get a first date, where you hope to impress her with your personality, your humor, your looks -- whatever. But on the site, you can't use your dashing smile or your wink after a joke to make her fall in love with you. All you have are your words -- so slow down, carve them out, and let her see your personality and your heart by what you write.

        I'm not trying to blame guys here -- I find it unfortunate that women are so quick to judge guys based on words alone...but in a playing field as wide as these dating sites they're inundated with men, so how can you blame them to try and gauge more meaning out of your words as quickly as possible?

        The more guys who start to understand this, the more successful these dating sites will be, in my opinion.

  104. jomamas
    February 12, 2016 at 11:37 am

    Total BS.

    Women rule online dating.

    Would you rather have tons of unwarranted 'let's have sex' messages?

    Or struggle and strain to write nice messages to girls and get zero responses.

    Women are waiting for 'Mr. Right' - the perfect guy - who does exist - and he comes a long, screws them, and moves onto the next girl.

    Online dating just exasperates the 'king of the jungle' thing in the real world.

    Now - the 1% alpha guy can have 100 partners instead of just 10. Those 100 girls, even after being betrayed by 'mr right' - still think they are in that league and so will continue on waiting for him again and again and again.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      Yes..I'd prefer to be lets have sex messages from 5's and above...none from women who are obviously not attractive.

      I don't like all this focus on my nonsex traits just to get some action. I do not have low self esteem and getting laid does nothing to change that.

    • Juju
      June 6, 2016 at 4:42 am

      Studies have shown that older men who are attractive and successful are the most successful online. The men who are less successful and less attractive tend to do poorly on line JUST like they do off line. BIG SHOCK.

  105. Kell
    February 12, 2016 at 4:46 am

    They should make the date sights where men cannot make first contact with the females, women have to make first contact... Put the wrong shoe on the right foot.

    • Name
      February 19, 2016 at 3:51 am

      They do it's called bumble. It's like tinder, but when they match you they still say nothing.

    • IgotITall
      March 2, 2016 at 2:41 am

      Yup ????

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      Women would do that if men weren't sooooooo pussy hungry that they cannot wait.

      Seriously, the vast majority of men cannot wait for her to come after him..most don't realize that if most men ignored women, they would be far better at sex and relationships.

  106. Steven
    January 29, 2016 at 11:41 pm

    Thanks for posting this article. I completely emphasize with "Eric" in the article. I, like him definitely consider myself your typical "nice guy". I have morals, believe in being a gentleman, and am a romantic at heart. I also don't consider myself too old or bad looking. I'm in shape, excercise, love to travel. I've been told by past relationship partners I'm very cute (and co-workers as well). Not trying to brag here, just trying to put this into context. My only flaw I'd say is that I'm bald. Which does matter with online dating sites, since so much hindges on your pictures when it comes to women.

    Having been on match.come and POF for the past month, it's extremely disheartening when a guy like me really reads the interests, words, political beliefs, etc on a womans profile, and then takes the time to craft a humorous, friendly, very NON creepy message that mentions something specific in their profile, or their words in order to find some common groud for conversation, only to see "Not Read" on the message status. Or worse, they viewed your profile and simply didn't respond in addition to not reading your message. That's when you know that even though in their profile says something like "I'm not looking for a hookup or the perfect guy, I really just want to meet a kind guy that will treat me with respect and love for a long term relationship" or something similar - are at best misrepresenting themselves or at worse flat out lying. Sure, they may indeed want those things (what woman doesn't?), but they definitely want them in a specific package. Like Eric it's very hard not to start becoming cynical about women when you constantly get ignored.

    In comparison to the work nice guys have to do, women (particularly average to good looking women) absolutely do appear to have all the advantages. Average nice guys are competing for attention from the creeps, the jerks, the ugly guys, the good looking guys, the hookup bad boys, even other women. All the cards are stacked against us. It's like a message in a bottle or winning the lottery to catch them at just the right time at just the right moment to get a response.

    It's hard to drum up a lot of sympathy for the girl in the article. Yes, I totally get they are getting messaged by jerk guys sending them pictures of their junk, or sending them stupid and worthless messages asking for a hookup. Those can be creepy, and don't often happen in real life. But the other messages of older guys or losers telling them they are "hot"? That stuff happens in real life also. Older pervs hit on younger women all the time and loser guys hit on women in rl and tell them they are beautiful or attractive. They can handle this stuff in rl but can't handle it online? It's more disturbing for this to happen to them online than in rl? Sorry not buying it.

    The point is this - they don't have to WORK to get attention. Attention comes to them, both good and bad. If they post a picture with them in a swimsuit, they are going to get some pretty bad attention. If they instead post of picture of them praying in a church, they are likely to get a different kind of attention. They do have some control, and some means of filtering and directing what attention they want, at least to some degree. Nice guys don't have that option. We have to put our best pictures out there. The most attractive. The most interesting. Our profiles must be perfect. Our messages must be interesting, eye catching. It's pretty unfair when you really think about it.

    In all reality, the odds are FAR better to actually meet someone at a bar, as much as we say we hate it. Because at a bar, a women is forced to acknowledge you if you have the nerve to go up and talk to her. Sure, she can still dismiss you and shut you down (or worse embarrass you). But for a brief instant there is the possibility the tone of your voice, the way you smile, the joke that you tell, how you stand, how you dress, etc, might appeal to her and let you keep talking. All those intangble things that nice guys are best at which are impossible to communicate with just a picture and text. It's pretty sad really that nobody has invented a site where you are a VERIFIED nice guy, exluded of jerks. A safe place where women can go. Women who also are VERIFIED to be looking for what they say they are.

    • mean girl
      February 1, 2016 at 7:23 pm

      You arent getting dates because you think the word "emphasize" means to empathize.

      • Steven
        February 1, 2016 at 7:51 pm

        "mean girl" - how apt.

        • Loretta
          February 7, 2016 at 11:18 pm

          I'd be interested in someone like yourself. I'm probably too old, but I can appreciate decency.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:44 pm

      All that relationship stuff is a facade they delude themselves into.

  107. Jason
    January 28, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    What part of the female interview did not provide evidence of having a pick of the litter? She seemed to have the pick IRL as well.

  108. Ms Jones
    January 28, 2016 at 4:02 am

    I tried on line dating for 3 years and had exactly 4 dates. I posted current photos and an honest profile.

    First date lasted 10 minutes and the man did not take off his hat or coat.

    The other 3 dates - the men had out of date photos, were not as represented and were in a big hurry to jump on me. I am a middle aged woman and clearly state in my profile that I am seeking a serious relationship. These guys all had good jobs and plenty of money. They were all cheap, poorly groomed and too sexually aggressive on the first date. Extremely immature as well. I also had many on line chats with men from other States and countries when I stated that I was interested in a local man. I also engaged in many protracted email chats and the men never actually made a date or exchanged numbers with me.

    I became so weary of these half hearted advances and men who could not follow through, I just gave up. Why should I put out so much personal information about myself on the Internet for a bunch of really half hearted losers who were too cheap to even pay for a drink, and if they did, they felt it gave them license to grab me or shove their tongue downy throat on the first date? These men had no dating etiquette at all.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:45 pm

      Why should they be forced into bondage just to get some ass?

      There are plenty of non-sexual objects for you to get companionship from and yet you demand cock for companionship

      • Ms Jones
        April 10, 2016 at 9:16 am

        Uh - bondage? I don't think you read my post very carefully.

  109. Andrew
    January 21, 2016 at 6:30 am

    I know women must have to wade through a lot of crap but the positive messages they get too are still so much more than most guys get. Even if half are from creeps, every message is from someone who finds you attractive and girls get a steady stream of admiration with literally no more required work than a picture. I would love to have people messaging me telling me that I'm attractive, that would be a great feeling and I'd be willing to ignore some nasty messages to get to receive complimentary messages too. Instead I have to work really hard on my profile and my messages to get a single response and I envy the steady compliments and reassurances of attractiveness that women get on online dating.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:47 pm

      Half of female profiles are pretty much just a picture...go fig

      Yet we still its all about the "relationship"

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      So you would like "hey how are you?You are really attractive!". Is that a conversation that seems like it's going to go somewhere?

      You can do that once you get to actually know the person and you sense some chemistry.

      • Ej
        January 14, 2017 at 11:53 pm

        Hi Sim,

        Check out some articles about ladies on bumble. Guess how women start most conversations. You guessed it, hey, hi, hello or variations of the above.
        Imagine having crafted twenty well meaning g opening messages and getting no replies. You also have work and other obligations. So I think just hey isn't a bad opener.
        If the recipient replies, then the conversation can progress from there or not.

  110. Pjdance
    January 18, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    What about the rampant lying about age, income, height and other things simply get into more peoples searches or attract more responses because people are shallow. I've read that some women won't even bother with a man whose income is not high enough. LOL! So men lie about it try and get a shot and then it of course tanks. Or women lie about their age because they "feel younger" and want to fall into a wider search. And then the man finds out...

    Look if you can't list your real age don't bother. You don't want the man who has set his search setting to block your age bracket out anyway.

    As to the creepy responses... Some may be legit creepy but a lot of them are jaded men who know that writing a well thought out response is an utter waste of time for them, especially older men. That said the older men are just living in denial about the reality the young women by in large do not want them all. Same for older gay men. Yes it's partly ageism "Ewww he could be my father". But that's because they are young an don't understand that really what would you talk about, you pop culture connections would be so out of date for them (unless you luck out with an old soul). Also another reason for short messages is because guys HAVE ALWAYS by in large done it short and sweet. Think about the cheesy pick up lines or conversation starters at a bar. They are not deep probing question that want to know more about why you are in medieval crossbow shooting.

    Women don't message because they think they don't have to. But the jokes on them because the quality men, those who have done a lot of self-reflection and possibly therapy to figure out who they are don't generally want a passive woman. They may or may not message first but if you don't message them at all... Also a women once wrote about her dating experiences saying, "If all the men you date are assholes, you (meaning she) are the asshole. You get what you bring to the table. I have to say that all the good men seem taken because you are not a good woman and vice versa. I can't tell you how many people I meet that complain about bad relationships they've had or are in and I can just TELL they've are projecting their own issues.

    It needs to be faced that a long term match for those of us who know what we want are going to be 1% if that of the on-line pool. Because for me (I'm gay) a man who responds with a thought out message, has a well thought out profile, or strikes first says something about them as a person. They are not timid, they have self-confidence, they can write, they considerate enough to reply and all of these traits translate to traits in real life.

    Lastly for some people even if you get prospective buyers to look beyond your pictures, and look at your profile or message you, you may just not be a good writer and that can SUUUUCCCKKK in on-line dating. SO my advice is get some help writing your profile and somewhere in the profile or in your messages say something along the lines of, "I've never been good are writing what I want to say I much better person to person". And get to the date as soon as possible. NEVER write, "I don't know what to say/put here." Never.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:54 pm

      Its lame that I can't bang women because they are dumb....I want to but all the standards I'm subjected to make it impossible to accept....

      I wish they would like me for my big cock and then we could have judgement free orgasms granted they can commit fully to not getting pregged.

      • Loretta
        April 9, 2016 at 11:25 pm

        Mr. Bongstar 420, you're completely ridiculous and full of yourself. Nobody has that kind of looks. I do notice you think without your brain.

        • Sim
          November 23, 2016 at 12:58 pm

          Yeah, Bong we women are really dumb! You sound really smart. Women are totally missing out (sarcasm).

  111. Karbo
    January 2, 2016 at 1:42 am

    These sites are not interested in you finding someone forever and bye bye online dating site. It goes without saying. So all their algorithms to find your match (as if you could define the type of person you're looking for, it doesn't work this way, you just happen to find the person), all those info sections are useless. I tried these for a while after my separation and clearly, didn't work very well. Ok, for some it does, same as some people win the lottery. But once again, I met my current partner the old way. First as a friend which turned out to become more than a friend. So don't waste time with these online dating sites, let alone pay any subscription.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 10:56 pm

      Finding someone forever is retarded..our biolgoy is barely monogamous let alone forever

      • Anonymous
        April 9, 2016 at 11:37 pm

        Charlie Sheen says that and he's now afflicted with HIV. There are benefits to monogamous. Many long term married couples are happy.

  112. bob
    December 28, 2015 at 7:40 am

    Wow, makes me lol to hear women complain about OKC. Oh no, you had to sift through a bunch of messages from really gross people? Oh poor baby, the internet really just isn't for you, is it? That certainly is somehow equivocal to the disappointment a lot of men receive on these sites of getting no attention at all...... oh wait, those two aren't even remotely comparable. If you can't deal with ugly, sleazy, mediocre people, get the fuck off the internet!

    • Ghod Ahfool
      January 20, 2016 at 3:15 am

      Wow "bob". Nice post! Sensitive subject? Trolls like you are the reason nice people are so disappointed.

      • Name
        February 19, 2016 at 3:58 am

        But he's right, though. If you can't handle a passing stranger how are you going to handle a relationship?

        • Loretta
          April 9, 2016 at 11:26 pm

          Men behind the computers and gadgets are afraid of real life.

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 10:57 pm

        He is correct asshat

    • Loretta
      February 7, 2016 at 11:27 pm

      I don't think that's what is really happening. People don't really think they're superior to each other. I think they feel inferior and afraid to reach out to others. They end up staying home and being miserable. They give up too soon. The websites are supposed to be a screening process to find the right person. The next step is to date. I'm a woman who has tried the dating scene on the internet and this next batch can't get from behind their gadgets. The men won't even make a phone call. I don't think they are serious about dating. It's a lengthy process some times to find the right one. Patience is needed.

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 10:59 pm

        Na....I just think they are deluded

        Would you spend time trying to persuade deluded people?

        • Loretta
          April 9, 2016 at 11:27 pm

          I think you're talking about yourself. Your tale is unbelievable, narcissistic and ridiculous. The perfect deluded person is one who thinks they are better than they really are.

        • Sim
          November 23, 2016 at 1:01 pm

          BURN!!!!...nice one Loretta :)

  113. Kayle
    December 3, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    I understand that online dating is harder for males, in the sense that they are expected to message women first. I don't sympathize with men who get turned down by women who are out of their league. If I message men who are 9s or 10s then I would expect to be turned down.

    It seems that men are only interested in hot 18 year old college girls, no matter what his age is. If you are established and have tons of money then maybe you will attract one, but that will be all you are to her. Same as these girls who want really hot guys. They want to look GOOD. They don't care about how nice you are or your interests etc. They care about making other girls jealous. They want the best. The man is like a fashion accessory to her.

    Us average looking girls, but with a great personality, who aren't as fussy and just want a genuine guy... get ignored. I do believe that men are more shallow than women. You can see this everywhere you look online.

    • annonmous
      December 21, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      I never go for 9"s, or 10's. Usually, they have issues. They know their "hot". I, one time met a above average looking woman and she ended up being a compulsive liar and had other issues. Another one used guys for their money. I'm older 51 and go never go for any women below 44. It appears that you women want tall, dark, handsome CEO types of men, or looking for Brad Pitts's of the world needs to get realistic. Also, I notice the shorter the woman are like 5'0" are wanting these 5'8 tall or taller guys to feel "protected" are overlooking us shorter guys who can make them feel secure and protected. I was a successful wrestler and coach. And can provide that.

      Again, I've read studies that say shorter men have longer lasting relationships than taller men. Why? Women are attracted to taller men and taller men have more of a pool to select from. Therefore, tend to cheat. Shorter men, make it up elsewhere in the relationship where they lack in height. Sorry to the taller men. But these were what the studies says.

      I read a study that says women are more picky than men. They fall for the bad boys and think they can change them for the better. In the end, they get their hearts broken because they didn't change. Again, studies has proven that dating bad boy's never ever work out. By the time they get older and wiser and go after the nice guy that they blew off. They nice guys end up blow them off. Or is taken. So in the end. To me, both sexes need to relax and stop playing the games and act like mature adults if they're any more left out there

      • Ryan Dube
        December 24, 2015 at 6:12 am

        It's an interesting almost seems like whether you are male or female, the human tendency is to try and aim for a mate who rates higher than oneself on the "appearances" scale! :-)

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 11:02 pm

        Thats right..shoot low so you can keep the facade of monogamy together.


    • Loretta
      February 7, 2016 at 11:29 pm

      Do you think that everyone is that shallow?

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 11:04 pm

        You don't understand what "shallow" is

        Why is selecting for one genetic trait shallow and the other not?

    • Name
      February 19, 2016 at 4:01 am

      Alright, since you're looking for a relationship, wanna Skype? If not then can you really say you're any better?

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 11:05 pm

        How about you chat without exchanging any value indicators or photographs?

        • Loretta
          April 9, 2016 at 11:29 pm

          Scammers use that logic.

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      I think there are just a lot of crazy people that flock to internet dating sites (both men and women) and so it's hard to find really decent people. Most sane people probably don't want to use internet dating sites.

      I did find one person that suited me. Unfortunatly, it didn't work out. But I have learnt it's hard to find people that "get you". We're all unique, it's hard to find someone that aligns to what works for us (especially some random person on a dating site).

  114. mgm531
    November 28, 2015 at 1:56 am

    RD: So Anonymous Woman (AW), did you or have you ever proactively messaged any man that you wanted to meet on online dating?

    AW: Ummmm....*crickets*

    There's your answer as to why online dating does not work.

    • leena
      December 26, 2015 at 5:50 am

      Yeah....when I was online dating, I messaged quite a few men. SEVERAL. All at a similar level of attractiveness to myself. Not a single one replied. And in case you're wondering, my photos were quite nice, and my profile was thoughtful and grammatically correct. All the guys online sift through looking for the "hot girls" and don't give a crap about anything else -- and then whine that online dating is so hard.

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 11:06 pm

        Ask for me for NSA and show me some xxx photographs. I might give you enough time to have several orgasms

        • Sim
          November 23, 2016 at 1:08 pm

          You are typical of what women have to deal with on dating sites Bongstar. Thank you.

    • Ms Jones
      January 28, 2016 at 4:26 am

      I am Ms Jones. I messaged MANY men first. I am beautiful, kind and intelligent. I used the dating site in every way possible. It is not accurate to say that all women get tons of fabulous messages and wonderful invitations from countless fabulous men. There are lots of sketchy guys out the there. After 3 years, for my own protection and peace of mind, I felt it was best that I remove my profile. That's how many "super great" guys I connected with. They were all very strange and I am reluctant to try Internet dating ever again. It was a very stressful experience sharing information with perfect strangers from the Internet. My personal dating experiences were not great and one in particular was disturbing.

      • Loretta
        February 7, 2016 at 11:31 pm

        I have had similar experiences. It is difficult to build trust when we're dealing with screens. We can't see the person or hear them. Anybody can sit behind a screen and type. We need to be careful as women. We don't know who they really are.

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 11:07 pm

        Your definition of beauty is probably inaccurate.

        Did you ask for hard cock in your throat?

  115. Anonymous
    November 16, 2015 at 5:10 am

    This is hilarious. Reading these comments about dating from 20-some year old people.

    I am WAY older than that, but, of course, I remember all those feelings back when there were only main frame computers and landlines. Back when women's lib was just getting going in the 70's. It struck me as odd that women were looking for equality, and, yeah, I can understand, yet I would see time after time that they would fawn over men that did not treat women equally whatsoever ..... the same women going for the "bad boys" ..... hasn't changed.

    Now that I am north of 60 years old, and several years post divorce, I find that I do get occasional messages from women that message me first. I remember even getting a message from a women nearly 80 years old once, and quite a few more than five years older than me. But it is so different after about age 50 as different people age differently. Of course, all the boomers say that they "look younger than their age." Of course, men look older, but it seems more gradual. Once women hit menopause, that SUDDEN drop in estrogen really affects a woman's looks, some moreso than others. It's probably related to the fact that estrogen provides that desirable softening of facial features that men enjoy. Again, women complain that men only care about looks. But of course, how do we as men make ourselves feel attracted to someone? Since I live in the Midwest, there is an overabundance of Scandinavian men at 6 feet plus, I have realized both from my lack of responses, and from responses that indicate that the only women interested in me whatsoever are six inches shorter ...... meaning my universe of women is 5'4" or less. No, I don't have a height preference, but women will REQUIRE that a man be a minimum of 6 feet, and then complain that men only go for attractive women. That is funny.

    Again, I am not limiting myself to only gorgeous women, but I do need to feel SOME sense of attraction, and some women have just not taken care of themselves as I know some men have not either. At my age, I only bother with messaging women up to ten years younger, and several years older, as I have to feel more of a connection age wise. I hate to be harsh, but the years are harsh on some women. Again, a woman does not have to be gorgeous at all, but if my first feeling is that a woman's picture depicts someone who was a woman in a previous life, then I naturally go to the next profile. Since I still enjoy cross country skiing and cycling, then women who have interests limited to restaurants and being a spectator, then I likewise will pass, regardless of attraction.

    Life is tough after 50 years of age. Over 2/3 of the divorces after age 50 are initiated by the women, as my ex-wife did. So guys, treat her right .... and still hope for the best. I suspect, that once a woman's estrogen drops and the kids have flown the nest, then women's innate sense of maintaining that nest flies away as well. Women naturally become more independent and more critical of whatever it is that they want the husband to do. Funny thing is, I did all the man's kind of work like mowing the lawn and such, and always did the housework stuff like bathrooms and the laundry, but to no avail.

    I am still on a dating site, but have little hope as many women do not even want a relationship anymore as their libidos oftentimes drop with menopause. At least I can console myself that my lack of a relationship is ok, as single men my age statistically don't live that long anyway.

    • Ms Jones
      January 28, 2016 at 4:49 am

      I am never married no kids, swim a mile every day and wear the same size I did 20 years ago. Most men 10 year younger than me do not know what the words "dental hygienist" mean. It is a generalization to say that women have been cooking and doing laundry for so long they no longer are interested in sex. What does one have to do with the other? Maybe you should get a maid to do your cleaning and laundry for you and you might find a woman who is interested in going out to dinner, cycling and having fun!
      Your comment is a very broad generalization about a certain group of women who have "let themselves go". Most women I know keep themselves looking youthful, exercise, color their hair, watch their diet and look after their health. Plus we have to pay our own bills and keep our own homes together as well. I do not understand your comment - or maybe I do - that it is pointless after a certain age to think I will find a suitable man as a companion.
      I am sorry your marriage ended in divorce. I have never been married and have 3 divorced brothers. All with very nice wives. I could never figure it out - all of the men initiated the divorces.
      Thank you for your illuminating from the heart comment.

      • Bongstar420
        April 9, 2016 at 11:10 pm

        Lets see that ass ms jones!

        I can keep up with post grads easily.

    • Anonymous
      April 9, 2016 at 11:42 pm

      Men in the menopause period are bald, with big bellies, stupid mannerisms, with bow legs and pigeon toes. They've forgotten how to treat a woman or court her.

      • Evelyn
        July 28, 2017 at 6:21 am

        So true!

  116. DJ
    November 12, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    The experienced women realize that the less you message back and forth the better your chances of meeting in real life. All you need to do is scan to see if you're attracted to the guy or girls pictures and scan the profile to see if there's commonalities and and an overall positive attitude and intelligence in the other person through what they write. That is sufficient to get an idea of weather or not you would want to go on a simple coffee date where you can chat with them about their life and their passions and interests and see if there's any real life physical chemistry. Doesn't that make sense? Instead people waste their time messaging back and forth about things that don't matter. "What are you passionate about? What's your favorite color? What kinda coffee do you like? What's the craziest you've ever done? Where have you traveled to?" If you get into conversations like these with women online you will find that they just fizzle out over and over again. Messaging goes on for days and days and days or hours until it just suddenly ends for no apparent reason. They just get bored and stop talking cause they've heard it all before and are jaded. But at the same time if you don't message them the boring get to know you stuff they are shocked and afraid to meet up with you because they "need to know you more and get a vibe off you before meeting". You end up constantly stuck in this gray zone where you need to build comfort with women before meeting them, but they're jaded, nitpicky and messaging back and forth online never translates to getting a real vibe off of someone anyway. All it accomplishes is wasting your time. Online dating just devolves into women becoming extremely jaded from hearing the same things over and over again and over analyzing and nitpicking every little message down to all possible meanings and projecting all kinds of negative bullshit and stories into messages that aren't even based in reality. If your message is too simple it's too boring. If it's too in depth it's try hard. If you spell perfectly, you're trying too hard to impress. If you make one spelling mistake you're a retard. Nothing is ever good enough for them to consider just meeting for some coffee to see if there is real chemistry. The only way you're ever going to figure out if you like someone is if you see them face to face talking to you, see their body language, hear the sound of their voice, their smile, and the general vibe they have with you. Reading sentences on a screen will never translate to women getting attracted to you or deciding to go out with you and if it does it's usually just a random fluke 1/1000 chance. Unless online dating forces matches to actually meet up without any of the b/s ancient email style messaging or IM'ing it is never going to be successful..

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Bingo! Face-to-face ASAP is the way to go.

    • Ej
      January 15, 2017 at 12:10 am

      This is so on point. I have so little time to waste, if I am matched with someone and after about fifty lines of texting . There is no possibility of a date in a near enough time window to access compatibility I just say thanks, it was good knowing you.

  117. Anonymous
    September 5, 2015 at 8:28 am

    My problem hasn't been so much with the issues mentioned in the article....I don't know what it's like in other areas, but when I search dating sites in my area, it is the same people on there all the time, year after year. I'm sure it doesn't help that I live in a relatively low population area, but when you do a 150 miles radius search with your preferences and they give you 10 options, none of which peaks your interest (or you already know who they are and not for good reasons), you start to wonder if the only way you are going to meet someone locally is to move, which is sad, if you enjoy where you live. One thing I am most tired of is feeling like I'm reading the same profile over and over. 'Cliches' is a good word to sum up the majority of really becomes a bore. You know what I mean..."ask me anything" " I have kids and they are my number 1. if you don't like it, move on!!!" "No games" "Im an open book" ..... the minute I start reading and see one, I next. Yeah, I have grown quite cynical of online dating, both with the men I have met in real life and the profiles I have seen.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      I dislike being expect to establish a relationship before sex...Thats a lot of time and energy to spend to find out the sex is totally lame but she is a decent "friend"

      I don't want friendship. I want hot, wet orgasms! If a relationship is in the cards, it will be after many months of hot sex.

      • Anonymous
        April 9, 2016 at 11:42 pm

        Oh, get a life, dumb-dumb.

        • Sim
          November 23, 2016 at 1:13 pm

          Bongstar - you sound like every woman's dream. Just work on your grammar and you will be good to go!

  118. Anonymous
    August 8, 2015 at 6:17 am

    Sorry to break the news to people, but online dating is like playing at the casino. The odds are stacked against you. Sure it works for some, if you are counting cards or using any "tricks" but it doesn't work for the average person. The real problem is the system fails to do what we all want it to do!

    Ask yourself, this simple question. What is the end goal you want from a "dating site". Meet people? for those that say yes to that, you are the minority! The rest of us go to "dating site" to find the person you want to live with for the rest of your life. We focus so much on this that we forget that to get to point Z, you need to start at point A. Baby steps.

    The tools given to us are superficial ones. It's not that women or men are superficial, it's the "dating sites" itself to be blamed! We want to interact, talk, laugh, share experiences, look at people's eyes, hear their voice, feel their touch, etc... We are human after all! We have many senses to makes us who we are! Computer? Well, computers and these "dating sites" focus on one thing only. How you look! You create a profile, with an amazing headline. "I love the smell of pancakes in the morning" then throw in a few pictures and let's not forget, answer those important matching questions. Click apply and expect the woman/man of your dreams to appear! How can you fulfill your senses with only an image and a few words about this person you are looking at? YOU CAN'T! So what happens? For most of us your defense mechanism, (more so for women, kicks in). You need to filter out the creeps, jerks, etc.. so you focus on what you have. Is his smile too big? Does he look off, no fashion sense (white socks and sandals), sounds too needy? She's not perky, she looks high maintenance, she sounds like a girl that just wants to travel, she looks bossy? You pick your excuse, it doesn't matter, in the end, it's enough for you to click next or ignore the person! Is it your fault? No! Your time is important, and you don't want to get hurt!

    I call these online "dating sites" more of a "meat catalog site". Even their TV ads promote this superficial ideas. I laugh so much when I see ads showing this woman a picture of a guy and saying, hey doesn't this meat bag look good enough to date. There is a gazillion other meat bags like this on our site. Join now!

    I've yet to find a real dating site. What is missing from all these sites is the social aspect. almost has it. They have their "events", but they are few and far apart. A dating site should be where people.... wait for it...... TALK... interact, have people exchange their opinions and see if they are compatible. Hell, even have them play some games together as ice breakers. Instead of have this computer assume that just because you like Rock n Roll and she likes Jazz that you can't be together. We are a complex creature, we want to be challenged. We want to learn and get new experiences. Maybe he will love Jazz, maybe she'll love Rock. Maybe they will never love each other's music, but they will love each other because of their deep secret love for Captain Crunch cereal! However, without trying, or interacting, we will not know. Is there a risk? Of course, there is a risk at love. But, all good things come with a bit of risk after all. The faster people accept this, the faster you will find what you are looking for.

    Step 1) Accept the tool you have has it's limits and work outside of it.
    Step 2) Reply / Send the message. Try to ignore the pictures, not all of us are photogenic! For god sakes, just try sending five emails/messages to see if it sounds good.
    Step 2A) Skip the email! Meet up at a public coffee shop during the day and tell a friend you are meeting a person for extra security. Chat, talk and if you don't think you connect then say. Thank you for the lovely night, I'll message you later. Then from a safe distance say yes or no for another meetup.
    Step 3) Be creative with the tool you have. Put a picture of Captain Crunch! Keep the profile short. Be direct! People would rather you say, no thanks over silence. Don't talk about her looks, see step 2 (try to ignore the picture)
    Step 4) Taking off the site as fast as you can. Some sites cost too much money. Get a free email account for dating.
    Step 5) Always play safe! Encourage double dates, besides, maybe the person you are with is better with the other at the double date. This one is tricky since the "dating sites" don't encourage talking with others of the same sex to team up. I find that odd, for all you know, you might find a new friend.
    Step 6) Ignore all I've said and just have fun.

    • Bongstar420
      April 9, 2016 at 11:16 pm

      Dating sites are for finding sex partners...not lifetime partners- thats nonsense people delude themselves with.

  119. Anonymous
    August 4, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    My problem with this article is that you use only one respondent for each perspective. Moreover the female subject is only experience online dating for a very short period (2 weeks is nothing), was very young, and was a long time ago. Most sites now do not allow people with age range that being specified to contact you (unless they lied about the age).

    Online dating works - if one take it seriously - put a good picture, good profile, and be clear of your boundary (and state it in the profile).
    Read the other person profile, respect his/her wish (if being stated), and greet politely.
    I clearly state my expectation and engage in conversation with whoever meet my expectation.

    Online dating is a very competitive world. The artificial quantitative assessment work like elevator speech - the qualitative value come next if you can pass the first phase.
    Although in real life uneven match happen, in online dating world the most beautiful girls talk with the most attractive men (highly educated, with good career, and handsome).

    So be reasonable on your own expectation (I totally agree with John Easley of "Homer Simpson" fantasy is a fantasy).

    If you are just high school educated a not pretty female - hard to expect a handsome doctor that is younger than yourself.
    Same with men - if you are just college graduate with so so career and a messy selfie pictures - does it surprising if highly educated beautiful women do not answer your mail (especially if she already stated that she want someone that equally educated).

    contact people in your range - I am sure some of them will answer - good luck

  120. Anonymous
    July 26, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    To Ryan Dube: Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Ryan. And sadly, I suppose you are right. It is frustrating, for both men and women I guess, how shallow and looks-focused internet dating is. In fact, a study by OkCupid revealed pretty clear data that profile text matters not at all, and pictures are what drive activity on the site. I think, to some extent, this is the case in "real life" too - that people can be superficial, and everyone wants a "gorgeous" mate. But in real life you don't have this fake world where all the pretty people are spread before you as available to you... You meet who you meet, and can tell quickly in many cases if they will be interested or not, and can also experience more than just the visual. The profiles are meant to give that experience, but I think perhaps, for a variety of reasons, internet dating becomes some fantasy world where everyone seems to think their gorgeous mate is waiting, and it is work to read a profile, and if he/she isn't attractive enough, why bother?

    It is incredibly frustrating for me. I honestly don't care much about looks. I care quite a bit about things like kindness, intelligence, ability to have a conversation, sense of humor, patience, understanding, and a couple of interests/values that I have which I would love my partner to share. But try though I might, I literally cannot dislodge the looks obsession from the minds of those contacting me. It seems that is all that matters - and almost all the responses I get are exclusively, relentlessly, persistently about my pictures. I have even gotten people on the phone and tried to talk and keep hearing nothing but talk about my looks, my pictures. At best they may say something like they like my voice. But whatever topic I introduce, there is very little feedback and the conversation centers around the guy assessing my appearance, and endless comments that I suppose they think are flattering, but I simply find frustrating and a bit offensive, and insisting we meet up asap. It is as though nothing about me matters, and this one, most superficial thing about me is the center of everything. It is very sad, and I have tried hard. I know there are "nice" guys, and I work to give everyone a shot, and not be rude, not ignore anyone, try to connect, but to no avail.

    I think you are right, Ryan. I have used match, and I suppose I could try others. But I don't see how any would get around this fixation on appearance. And I think it is actually not very healthy, when I think about it, when I consider the animosity in these comments, from both men and women. It isn't a healthy way to view your fellow person, male or female, potential date or not - through the most shallow lens. And I think it clearly creates a lot of hard feelings. I will have to find other ways to fine my nice guy.

    • Anonymous
      July 31, 2015 at 8:31 am

      Hi Anna, just wanted to say I wish more people were like you on online dating.
      Without seeing a picture of you I already know that I would message you if I read your profile online. Good luck finding someone you have a connection with!

    • Anonymous
      August 1, 2015 at 7:26 pm

      Thank you Daniel Anthony Jones! That is encouraging. I wish more people felt the way you do regarding internet dating - it would be a lot happier for all, I think. Best of luck to you too!!

      • Loretta
        February 7, 2016 at 11:43 pm

        I've had the same experience as you've said. I don't understand it. They keep ignoring everything I say to them about myself. They become fixated on the picture, even though my profile says I don't think I'm wonderful and my hair looks awful. They don't read it at all. I'm a whole person and this is wasting my time. I'm still at home on a Saturday night. If I'm that gorgeous (I don't think I am), why aren't they asking me out? I've tried to prompt them and get nowhere. Are they shy? Are they feeling inadequate? I can deal with that if the person is interested. If you can't get past that to find out, then I give up.

    • Sim
      November 23, 2016 at 1:27 pm

      I've given up on online dating.

      I am not so much about looks or status myself. Trust me, I have quickly moved on to the next page with six-pack man, successful businessman etc. I personally find it really hard to find men that write a decent profile. I'm not saying they are not out there, I am just saying I have found it hard to find. I have found just a lot of simple profiles. I guess most men on dating sites are not my type. Not that they are bad, but they are just not my type and it shows because most men don't contact me either.

      I did find someone, and he was probably one of the few guys that wrote a really decent profile that suited me. Unfortunately, it didn't work out, but he still was the closest to my type I met online.

      In regards, to meeting up straight away, I personally am more for this. I find the relationship you build online is not always going to work the same in reality. But I am also flexible with time frames. However, I found that every date where I met them relatively quickly in real life, worked out better.

  121. Anonymous
    July 26, 2015 at 2:09 am

    I just read a few comments - the hostility some of these men have toward women is scary. I am sure it is from frustration, but it seems they have entirely missed the point of this article - an article which attempts to tell both sides of the story. Rather they just cling to their angry hostility that women are not responding as they wish. I wonder - how many of them are gushing all over the women's pictures? I have to say, my experience was identical to that of the anonymous woman interviewed in this article. I have tried three times. Each time I worked hard to write a meaningful profile, that would give plenty of things to talk about and a real sense of who I am. I came right out and asked all nice men who many be interested to please, please not just write to me to comment on my pictures, discuss my looks, tell me I am hot, etc. I made a rule for myself too that EVERY person who wrote to me, even if it was crystal clear he'd not bothered to read a thing I said and was only in the meat market responding shallowly and creepily to my pictures, would get a polite response in which I would try hard to engage him in some kind of conversation. 99% of the initial responses I got were exclusively about my pictures, which I hated. Still, I would reply with a "thanks" and some kind of opening to a conversation - I would check their profile, find something we had in common, or something interesting and comment, and I would invite them to ask me questions about myself, to learn what I am like, though they clearly had not even bothered to read my profile. In most cases I got one liners that again stated they find my appearance to their liking, and ignored my attempt at connecting on a less shallow level, and wanted to hook up asap. Nice. so guys, I know you are pissed off. But so am I - so are the women. And no, it isn't that we are all princesses who won't give you a chance. Read this article. Read what I have said. Try a different approach.

    • Ryan Dube
      July 26, 2015 at 2:05 pm

      Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you're seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don't think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they've read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you're having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.

      I think the anger from both men and women in this thread boils down to that. 99% of people on dating sites are overly focused on looks and are extremely superficial. If you're not, then man or woman, I don't think your experience at dating sites is going to be very positive unless you are exceedingly lucky and find a guy who feels the same way you do.

      • Sim
        November 23, 2016 at 1:31 pm

        I think the problem is it's harder to find the "nice guy or the nice girl" online. There are a lot of people online that "both male and female" that are just in it for fun. That or it's just hard to find people that write a profile that matches up with someone else.

    • bob
      January 28, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      heres what you don't understand. you and other women have the luxury to sit there and say "EVERY person who wrote to me" men are putting in ALL the same effort and then the added effort of being the one who has to scroll through profiles for hours and send the messages. worry if they are saying the right or wrong thing. meanwhile you can sit there and judge all the men and all the messages you are receiving. the hostility comes from the blissful ignorance that women have about this. it comes off as something like going to the sudan and telling the starving people living there why you don't like tacos or that if a waiter brings you a steak medium rare you send it back. try to wrap your head around that.

  122. Anonymous
    July 23, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Online dating is where people like me, who fail every last criteria for natural selection (at least as far as human society goes), go to hit on women who are so far out of my league that we're not even on the same plane of existence (think single-celled organisms compared to the Judeo-Christian God), then complain about how I will die alone...

    Desperate people with no confidence, who often contribute absolutely nothing to society. That is me. And even though I am such a huge failure at everything, all the time, I still try messaging women I find attractive, instead of going for the unsightly, old, used-up, morbidly obese women that would be more than happy to receive a message from me.

    • Loretta
      February 7, 2016 at 11:47 pm

      Sebastian, you're comments are priceless. You know it's nice to hear compliments, but we're interested in something deeper. We want to connect with men, to make them happy, to spend time with them. My experience has been that the man won't ask me out. They just want to spend all their time on emails and texts, chat rooms, hiding behind their gadgets. I don't bite.

  123. Anonymous
    July 19, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    There is an incredible amount of bullshit online and having had vast experience I sd know.Theres many reasons but the main 1is the women are often deluded and troubled.Many justseem too pass time.I know my worth though and some nut isn't going too affect my confidence.40 somethings all come with baggage and issues.and if Davey use too beat you up get off match dot com and get yourself in2 therapy.I had 1 tell me because I like a flutter on the horses it wasn't a match lmfao.Really??Who do u think yr going too meet sweet cheeks ?BradPitt?Your 50 ,18 stone and err past your sell by date.Sorry,but the BS online is toooo much and im having what cd be a perma timeout from it.It is the modern way off doing things but my God theres some idiots around.Even if they do snag a fella most are tapping away again inside a fortnight.lmaoBasically all you women out there who think yr a sex queen err your not and need 2 get real.As pete andre once im done..ill use the more traditional methods 4 dating in future and you guys can massage yr egos hiding behind the keyboard till u actually meet...and it goes titties..Keeping it real people !!toodles x.

  124. Anonymous
    June 15, 2015 at 9:36 am

    Interesting article, fascinating comments. As a 15+ year online dater (I even used dating software [no "apps" back then] on Bulletin Board Systems), at the end of the day I think the biggest problem I've encountered is a complete lack of tolerance from women for anything less than *funny* or *lazer-focus-on-the-girl's-passions* messages.. POF is right on the money at least as far as their advice goes "talk about her interests, or these topics.." In real life, I'd say that a woman will give you at least 1-2 minutes of her time to make your "elevator pitch". With online dating, in the vast majority of interactions you have *one* message, and then maybe a second one if you're lucky. Granted, I'm a superficial bastard, and I own that. There are lots of women who've reached out to me who I'm sure I could have easy, stress-free conversations with. But I've tried dating people I'm not attracted to, and I've never been a good/strong enough person to overlook it, so I'd rather be honest and only date women I find attractive.

    As far as attractive women not responding to messages - the anonymity of the keyboard and screen have emboldened hordes of men to approach these women, when in the past the scummy ones would've just been the guy in the corner of the bar staring, the guy randomly bumping and grinding on women on the dancefloor, but their masses would've been guys just sitting at home, in their basement, peeling wings off flies or whatever. But the internet and online dating have bridged "desire" and "action" so that with virtually zero effort, lots of socially-maladjusted misogynist a-holes can dump their trash anywhere without the consequences they'd face trying to do it in person. So I do think that women are embittered by the vast deluge of BS they have to sift through, and it drowns the more nobly-purposed attempts.

    Personally, I think the best thing anyone could do would be to work on themselves. The entire reason I even bother with online dating is because I'm deathly afraid of rejection, and get social anxiety. Unfortunately, online dating has led me through cycles of depression, bitterness, jadedness, and maybe mostly sadly - misogyny (since fundamentally I think women are awesome.) But on all levels.. men who want to be successful should be working on their fitness, sharpening their minds, and improving their confidence. Online dating could be a tool for self-improvement, if you let it. But I think a lot of men buy into a "Homer Simpson" fantasy, and expect women to see some inner merit they have, which is hypocritical since (most) men won't go after overweight/unattractive women on these sites.

    My final rambly point is that I've had female friends who, while *awesome* people, were extremely physically unattractive to me. On dating sites, they had a very similar experience to what all of the men in these comments are describing. So let's stop generalizing and saying "all" women have it easy. Online dating just sucks for everyone.

  125. Anonymous
    June 15, 2015 at 6:13 am

    The extreme level of male social weakness and female power in online dating is actually contributing to a widespread, toxic level of resentment against women throughout the society. I'm sorry to say but this resentment is well deserved. Never before have so many men had to come to face to face with the sheer hypocrisy and entirely unreasonable nature of our female-imposed courtship ritual. It's certainly changed how I think about women. I'm also finding that I have far less tolerance for the lop-sided nature of male-female interactions. MGTOW is starting to make a lot of sense. This isn't difficult or unfair, it's many magnitudes beyond what could be considered remotely reasonable. It's horrible. It's funny because online dating is probably going to destroy feminism. These are the experiences men have which color their interpretation of public debate. Women whining and moaning about "equality" given this set of social norms is actually outrageous and impossible to take seriously.

  126. Rkingyan King
    June 3, 2015 at 5:51 am

    I have always had problems finding relationships. The kind of women I tended to meet were just girls in nightclubs that wanted no strings attached fun. Now I have grown a little older so my chances are starting to diminish. A few years ago I joined for six months with not one iota of success. My personal opinion is where ever there is a need there is a lucrative market to be exploited. After my membership expired asked if I wanted to renew my subscription. I told them I most certainly did not. When I tolld them why they said sorry sir but we can't garantee the women are going to respond. I then put it to them that never the less they had had money out of me I could ill afford at the time that cornered them and they said sorry but what can we do and when I asked for my money back because they had sold me something that didn't work they refused. On their Tv Advert that kept thrusting this word at people garantee "we are so confident we can find you someone we garantee if you haven't found someone after six months we will give you another six months free the truth was there were no garantees. I think it is very important for both men and women to research statistics before they part with any cash and try to read through the lines a bit. There are plenty of free dating websites with upgrade features like plenty of fish and I think people should try those first before parting with any money

  127. mrinconspicuous007
    May 28, 2015 at 7:22 pm

    Also an observation I've made now that I've scrolled down and read most of the comments. I see a reoccurring theme. Most of the comments by men seem to be similar or corroborate each other in some way but yet even the most vocal man commenting about how much worse they think online dating is for men vs women will still acknowledge that it's not all cake and ice cream for women either. On the surface this may not seem significant or conclusive in anyway but it is a common theme I see every time gender is discussed from the internet to the news to real life...that women have absolutely ZERO ability to empathize with men. ZERO............................ I see guys on here, like myself, opening their souls up talking about how their self esteem was destroyed by being completely ignored by the opposite sex and the only female responses are to either attack them or simply ignore what his concerns are and talk over him with their own perceived issue that in their mind is worse............................. Here's the thing tho. While getting a bunch of emails from guys you don't find attractive could most certainly be annoying (tho, I'm not sure what is so hard about using filters or simply deleting the offending messages) you can't possibly sit there with a straight face and objectively think that is on the same equal plain of sucking as being ignored like you are invisible. The notion that those 2 issues are equal is absolutely laughable and makes it clear that the people who do believe they are have no objective view of reality outside of their own selfish head and thoughts.................................. I mean I'm glad you have had it so good in your life that you literally can not comprehend what it's like to feel like you are invisible but scroll down and read what us guys are telling you point blank over and over again and give that little light bulb over your head a chance to screw itself in. You might learn something. Other than that If you are a female and every post by a man here just angers you and makes you want to call the guy a pathetic loser or "creep" then I suggest to you that you might be a sociopath.........................trying to put a line of periods between each paragraph so this site doesn't reformat it into another wall of words like my last post.

  128. mrinconspicuous007
    May 28, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    "AW: I would have preferred a simple message like, “Hey, would you like to talk? I saw that some of your interests were the same as mine,” or something along those lines." LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!! See this is what infuriates me about women is that when it comes to dating there is a complete disconnect from what they SAY they want and what they actually respond to. Then the author of this article just types this crap out as if it is totally legitimate when it isn't. SHAME ON YOU. Unless you look like Brad Pitt and have pictures of yourself on a yacht or leaning up against a Ferrari I guarantee the fastest way for your messages to end up in the trash bin is to follow this chicks advice. The fact of the matter is women are way more superficial than men and 9 and a half times out of 10 they won't even look at your profile. They'll just glance at whatever thumbnail the site has attached (usually your default pic) to the email you sent and make their determination to move on based solely on that. Yeah, your thumbnail pic. Back when I was on dating sites I must have sent out 50 emails a week it would seem and struggle just to get 5 profile views a week...let alone forget about an actual *gasp* RESPONSE! And before you even think it, all my emails were simple, short, and to the point. Just like this chicks advice. "Hey I saw your profile and thought it was great. I see you are into blah blah blah, that's so cool, I've been into blah blah blah for years myself. Anyway I'd love to chat with you more if you are up to it, hit me up" or whatever, but always something along those lines. Always careful to insert some piece of what she said in her profile to make sure she knew I actually read it and I wasn't just randomly spamming her. And before you think it again, I was making a conscious effort to be realistic about my looks and avoid messaging women who were "HOT" and out of my league. I know, it's so want so bad to find a reason to blame me 100% for this failure. You didn't do this, oh you did, well you didn't do that then...oh you did that too...well it must because you didn't do this and on and on and on and on. Gosh I didn't know I lived on a planet populated with such perfect people who do everything so right 100% of the time! Anyway it was clear my messages were getting trashed without a second thought. 3 to 5 profile views a week, maybe 1 reply a month that would go absolutely nowhere (believe me, that's a whole other page long rant about the women who do respond to you jerking you around on email til the cows come home always making up excuses to get out of actually meeting). This went on for over a year until I got so despondent about the whole thing I began to lash out. I started acting like a total A-hole on purpose (because it wasn't like I was ruining my chances or anything) and wouldn't you know it, I started having success. A lot of success. It seemed the angrier I was and the more flippant and A-holeish I was the more responses I would get. Favorable ones at that. Because my anger and despair gave me the strength to say things that would otherwise seem blatantly counterintuitive for getting a woman to like me they thought I was edgy and funny...and most importantly, BAD. Then and only then did I start to have success. The whole thing has left me utterly disgusted with women and the dating scene. If I could change my biology to be gay I would.

    • mrinconspicuous007
      May 28, 2015 at 6:18 pm

      I don't know why all my formatting went POOF when I posted this comment? I swear to you there were paragraphs with spaces between them. Anyway I apologize if the wall of words makes your eyes bleed.

    • Rkingyan King
      June 3, 2015 at 6:01 am

      I like the way you articulate your thoughts my personal opinion is these dating sites don't care if their subscribers get even one response they are just in the buisness of selling glossy packaged dreams to people praying on their needs and then laughing all the way to the bank

    • Anonymous
      July 20, 2015 at 9:22 pm

      Do you have any examples of that behavior that you care to share? Would you challenge them or insult them? Just curious.

    • Loretta
      February 7, 2016 at 11:53 pm

      You're just playing around. If you're not serious about dating to find the right person, get off the website.

      • Alexis Rod
        March 16, 2019 at 10:12 pm

        hahahaha - completely ignored the message.

  129. marc
    May 22, 2015 at 1:00 am

    Beentheredonethat sums it up perfectly....i dont even need to add anything to what he has said here....point on no joke.....ive seen and experienced and witnessed all he has stated here.....anything more i say would be superfluous.....take heed and follow his advice and safe yourself lots of headache and wasted time and energy lol..... cheers!

  130. beentheredonethat
    May 21, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    AJL - your comment is point on!!! I recommend every man to print it out and keep it on your wall.
    Confirms what I said - men pursue out of their league!!!
    I don't think men realize how much attention attractive women get online.
    It is about being at the right place at the right time. It's like a lottery. You have to get lucky.
    Also - being more realistic helps. Just because there are attractive women online, doesn't mean they are yours to be had. Men can come off very entitled and arrogant.
    More relaxed but confident approach definitely helps. Humor helps. Some consistency pays off too.
    Women can become entitled in online dating too. You get so much attention, it makes your head big :)))
    The truth is that quantity doesn't equal quality and a lot if not most of the attention is very sexual from men to women which is sad.
    You need to remember - online dating is not he same as ordering something online.
    Just because it's there doesn't mean it's available. You are dealing with people not things.
    Online dating takes more effort because you don't communicate face to face and it's a longer road from getting somebody's attention to getting to talking to them to getting together with them. It requires some work and women run the show. That's just how it is.
    There is no point for the men to play victims because men are supposed to pursue and put in effort and fight for what they want.
    Not saying women shouldn't put in effort either but that comes later.
    The ratio between men and women online and the ratio of attractive/average/non-attractive women determines how the game is played.
    And it's the game of attractive women.

    • Alexis Rod
      March 16, 2019 at 10:14 pm

      " men are supposed to pursue and put in effort and fight for what they want" - nope, only if its worth it.

  131. beentheredonethat
    May 21, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    To all the "nice guys" who say they can't find the nice girl - look at yourself and what you want.
    Eric says it all - there has to be physical attraction. I can bet he doesn't even look at the nice average looking female's profiles. Because he is not attracted to them. Eric is a typical "nice guy" who wants the hotties that everybody else wants and thinks he is entitled to the best as far as looks.
    Online dating is all about looks. Nobody gives a damn about your interests or hobbys or where you have traveled. If you don't fit the idea of physical attractiveness, you will get overlooked.
    Look at the statistics. 90% of attention in online dating is geared towards young good looking females. The others are all just trying to keep their head above the water.
    Been there, done that. It is very hard to keep up with the flow of messages and sort through the profiles when you get 100-200 messages a day. It's a full time job.
    The bad thing about online dating is that it gives a disillusioned perception that anything is possible and the perfect person is there.
    People who are not successful in online dating are too demanding. And they end up alone.
    If they are online and desperate, they were already desperate before.
    I believe that the best of best do not make it online. With rare exceptions. So you get what is left over.
    Also - women pushing 40 will have a hard time in online dating because most men want younger women.
    Actually most men are not looking for a relationship online - Eric is the exception and even he wants the hot ones. Even for him it's all about physical attraction.
    In the end of day it's a meat market and fresh stuff sells.

    • Loretta
      February 7, 2016 at 11:55 pm

      So, are you saying that the ones who aren't "hot" are looking for the "hot" ones also?

  132. Vvvince
    May 20, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    Online dating is ridiculous for men. My day starts with rejection and ends with rejection. Women are too worried about a mans exterior appearance that it blinds them to everything else. I've been doing online dating for a few years now and have met some women, but most of the messages I receive are from women I'm not physically attracted to. After talking with buddies women seem to ignore every man, so who are they talking to? Online dating isn't just harder for men, it's much harder. It's men doing the vast majority of work and women sitting there filtering thru and rejecting all the nice guys that she complains about not existing.

  133. Tyson
    May 10, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    I've been on several sites and as bad as this may sound I've never gotten a reply from any woman I'd be interested in. I'm healthy and mostly fit but only get checked out by women ten years older than me, or more, and suffering from health issues. I visited this article to see if there might be an answer to my dilemma.

  134. justin
    May 9, 2015 at 11:51 am

    The fact is that women are all contradictory to everything they say do or act and very image and overall person they proclaim to be or stand for is very Hippocratic. The fact is man was here first. And woman was created to be submissive in every way for man just read the bible. I'm going to say to every man on here or in the world. Don't ever let a woman make you feel like your not good enough nor attractive enough for them. Remember there's Adam and eve. And women didn't act like the prima donas they are today not even ten years ago. Its a fad that isn't gonna last forever. If they were so truly better god would have made them firstly beggers I guess can be choosers right? Ya no! I tell a woman anything she needs to hear. Even if I'm a total prick I can pick up on just whatever I need to be. Then I send them packing. Especially online dating. And all you women on here out there or on line know I'm the guy you end up with I'm good looking but that's not it at all don't ever let them tell you guys its anything other than there false ideas and pretenses of having major self conference them self or daddy issue's I met one online who's next to me now and I'm gonna call her a cab. Now if any guy acts like he's not worth it or that he's lonley they pick up on that even the responses on here now should tell you guys that they don't have much of a life and are very selfconcious that they have to write back on a survey my god there not divine there made for us the secret to online dating is keep em guessing be a prick then pull it back say something nice then be a prick but in a way that makes them wonder believe me that gets them but don't keep messaging them they will chase you I promise I've written more books on picking up women who act like girls its not even funny online and off. If women were so great why is it for century's they were second to man and inferior in everyway.?

    • Loretta
      February 7, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      Thank God, I never ran into someone like you. What a creep. You deserve the worst of the worst and probably get it.

  135. justin
    May 9, 2015 at 10:27 am

    My name is Justin im30 and have tried so many dating sites its not funny. I've also tried various amounts of social venues. I. Do bodybuilding in the summer at times and mma as well so..... know I'm not a bad looking guy. I also am a single fulltime father of a ten year old. What I've come to realize about women now a days is that they don't want equal rights they want superior rights. Way to often I hear from women not to judge a book by its cover or judge by looks. But its OK for all of them to do it. A relationship is a fifty fifty split on both parts. They expect it all wile not bringing anything to the table in return. The fact that I am a single fulltime dad really upsets women even on dating sites especially. Women call a man a creep for so many things. What makes a man a creep? Is it because he says a woman is pretty, hot,or misspells a few words? In my opinion men have it harder than woman. A man is expected to give everything, provide everything and do make cook anything a woman wants to make her happy. Not to mention they get away with everything from not paying child support,getting out of speeding tickits. But if a man dose any of those things he gets into serious trouble and sometimes goes to jail. Everything a woman on a dating sites says what they want or says what they expect from from men or what they believe in religious views included. Totally negates or contradicts everything they say,are or what they want. But...... This is how women are in2015. And no it has nothing to do with looks,personality. I really am curious what or how any woman has to add to this.

  136. Josh
    May 2, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    I can relate with the male interviewee. I don't know why I get so little attention. I try my best to not come off as a creep. I think the only thing that I've said which could be construed as creepy is how attractive a woman's smile is. Perhaps it is the limited pool of women and/or the no doubt countless actual creeps that email the same women as me?

    I've read half a dozen articles on how to write better emails thinking that there is some special method of composing messages, and perhaps there is but nothing I've tried seems to work. The advice says to write funny or eye catching emails simply to get her to view my profile, and just that alone feels incredibly one sided.

    If only a simple Hello would suffice, because reading a dozen ENTIRE profiles every day is time consuming and a little draining on the mind. That isn't even considering that I then need to choose which women I feel I could bond with over either similar outlooks on life or common interests and goals. If only looks were all that mattered, or better yet if looks didn't even matter. Alas they do, and everybody is attracted to people with similar genetic markers to themselves. If the world weren't like that though, we'd join a site and be done the next day.

    Luckily for me I am content being alone, the down side is I have free time that I don't want to turn into productive time. Perhaps I should just look for speed dating services in my area.

  137. Darryl
    April 30, 2015 at 3:01 am

    BTW men and women, we all make our own decisions. Accept the outcomes (no pun intended) as your own. learn from there by not making the mistakes twice. Easier said than done, I know.

  138. Sonali
    April 27, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    I think in real world things take time so in the online dating world, both men and women want things to happen fast but the initial build up phase takes time on dating sites as well from what I know through having been on several dates through it, so if only people can be a little more patient and try some more, especially with free sites around it does happen.

  139. Erik
    April 23, 2015 at 1:25 am

    It's not about being a "nice guy/wimp" or a "bad guy/masochist". It's about being a "good man", and it's incredibly hard to do; I know I personally l fail most of the time.

    It's a state all of us as men strive for, and we can all attain, but also have to continually work on in order to keep from falling to either side.

    For me to even attempt to have my male mind understand what a woman really wants and put into text would be a disservice to us all...I'll just say I truly believe every woman is entirely unique(aka the diamond); beautiful, and flawed in their own way.

    Not bragging or insulting anyone, just sharing my opinion...

  140. armenia4ever
    April 10, 2015 at 9:06 am

    Online dating can hurt your confidence, which is why I suggest making sure that you stay in the local dating scene. I have above average looks, so its easier for me, but some guys put all their eggs in the online basket and they get devastated by repeated instances of little success.

    I score dates, hookups, FWBs, ect in real life very easily, but I created an OK cupid profile as an additional venue.

    The one thing I notice though is that I do very well in face-to-face interactions. I can read their body language, tone of voice, ect and vice versa. This is where charisma comes from and often where you get that spark/chemistry.

    I've gotten some messages on OkCupid, but usually they are from women that I'm not attracted to - physically - which is sad, because I probably would give them a shot if I had met them in real life.

    Also ignore "whocareswhatmynameis?" She is apparently a very angry and miserable feminist who wants you to be as miserable as she is.

    If anything, women often say they want a certain kind of man, but are often attracted to something far different. I hate to say it, but let out a little bit of your inner asshole and be confident in what you say.

    You almost have to appear uninterested to get them to be interested in you. I would also suggest that you are often seen around other women. They want someone who is in demand, not the guy who no girls want. It's a jealousy thing, and it is very true, so use it to your advantage - regardless of how sexist, mysogninistc, ect feminists say it is.

    Listen to someone who gets laid - me - not angry women who men don't want anything to do with.

    • Erik
      April 23, 2015 at 1:27 am

      Amen brother.

    • Loretta
      February 8, 2016 at 12:03 am

      Have a disease yet? Or too many kids to count?

  141. Mike
    April 7, 2015 at 11:46 pm

    Yeah, online dating sucks. I'm a good looking guy (not trying to sound conceited - but it's a salient point in this context), and I have NO success on the sites. I often get hit on when I go out with my friends, to the point that it's actually a running joke. Yet no girls - I mean none - respond to my messages on dating sites. And my messages are absolutely fine. Never creepy. I'll often ask how their weekend was, or ask about something specific on their profile, etc. Totally normal stuff - yet - responses. It's madness. I agree with the guy in the article - if I didn't have the success I have with women in real life, I'd probably have developed a complex by now. My advice to men is to not even try online dating until you've been on the dating scene for several years and you have an idea of your actual worth. Otherwise, if you have no idea and you base it off of online dating, you're 100% guaranteed to think you're ugly, undesirable, don't know how to talk to women, etc.

  142. AJL
    April 7, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    Being a guy, I have to agree with the guy's viewpoint of online dating, which is pretty much dead-on. However, I also feel that one needs to realize that being a "nice guy" will only get you so far. And if the only card you have to play is that you're "nice" - well, then don't expect much activity.

    If you are currently bumming through life, not taking care of yourself, or appear to not have any goals/achievements or passions, simply trying to use the whole "nice guy" gimmick to sell yourself is probably not going to win women over.

    I consider myself to be a nice guy. But I'm also well educated, financially successful, great at conversation, have zero baggage to worry about, exercise regularly, and am quite skilled at using humor to my advantage. But man, I sympathize with a lot of the guys. If you're not careful, this online dating thing can really get you down if you take it too seriously.

    My motto is: Never message a girl who you would not approach in public. I know my boundaries and I'd never even go near a supermodel-ish girl in public, so why try it online? I think that's one of the biggest mistakes that guys make. They're always trying to pursue outside of their league. I'd like to say that by keeping your expectations realistic, you'll have better success. But I'm not even sure if that's accurate anymore.

    I honestly think a lot of the problem has to do the massive amount of attention the women receive. They might claim everyone on there is "creepy," but I think the problem lies more with the fact that they receive so much constant attention, that those of us who are decent just simply get lost in the shuffle. The girls I work with use online dating basically describe it like looking through a catalog. They constantly get bombarded with messages, they quickly glance at the profile, make a quick (often shallow) judgment, and then move on to the next one. Some have been on the site for several years now and I feel that the more attention they receive, the more unrealistic their standards become. It reaches a point where I'm not sure that ANY guy is good enough for what these women are looking for.

    I also think that online matching often has less to do with compatibility and more to do with the TIMING of when you're matched up with someone.

    For example, I met a girl online once a couple of years ago who had just joined the website. Just by luck, I was the first person she noticed and we made contact. She then, immediately deactivated her account because of all of the other messages that were coming in. I was in a relationship with her for two years, which I often joked was because she didn't give the website enough time to "corrupt" her judgment. In the end, it didn't work out, but I think it's a great example of meeting someone just simply because I was in the right place at the right time. If I e-mailed the same girl three months later, I guarantee she wouldn't have even given my profile a second glance.

    I really feel bad for a lot of people who are in it for all the right reasons and keep getting ignored. I guess all you can do is keep trying and hope for the best.

  143. Rosemary Preston
    April 7, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    My Name is Rosemary Preston from Manchester..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster DR EHINOMEN when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter saying that is over between us .i ran mad and i tried all i could to have he back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told DR EHINOMEN what happened he said he will help me..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that my husband with a woman and shes the reason why he left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will make him know how much i love and care about him, after that he will surely come back to me.…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,surprisingly he called me on cell phone apologizing to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos..but at first i acted as woman so angry when he came to the house, but we later settled.DR EHINOMEN The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and I got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kids..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out.......HIS CONTACT thanks to you Dr Ehinomen.

  144. CJ
    April 6, 2015 at 8:43 am

    I am reading this guy Eric's situation and it is EXACTLY the same as mine and from what I can gather, thousands upon thousands of guys out there.
    For sure a lot of the girls are "saying" they want the nice guy but end up looking for the guy they have spent an entire paragraph saying they do NOT want. Not all girls are this way though.
    I truly believe that a MASSIVE amount of the blame can go to the guys who act like asses and the girls who let them get away with it. Clearly it works on some girls so these jerks continue to try until they find that girl.
    Also a lot of girls need to lose the attitude, I mean seriously no matter how good looking you "think" you are, if your head is up your butt you are going to come out looking like poop.
    It is sad because I myself am an average/decent looking guy, look far younger than my age of 39 and am as nice as can be. Yet I will get not one single response out of 30 messages.

    I gave up and am dying single, it's just too hard

    • Duh
      April 27, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      Don't go for women who spend their profile speaking in the negative (as in bellyaching about what they don't want). There's nothing wrong with online dating. You people are just approaching the wrong types. The second anyone starts kvetching about what they're NOT looking for, I next that shit.

  145. mgm531
    April 4, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    My take on online dating is that is a nice idea in theory, but flawed in practice. It is not an equal dynamic between men and women. It's a very lopsided one-way street of communication. Men over communicate to women because that's the only way to get any response and women mentally shut down because they are so overwhelmed with responses from creeps and a**holes. As a man my biggest frustration by far is the lack of feed back or response to guage what works and what doesn't work. You can change your profile a dozen different ways, mix and match your photos in endless combinations and it makes very little difference. Still same results -- no responses. It's very frsutrating and disheartening and I can't really blame men for becoming bitter and cynical about the whole thing. But then I can't really blame women too much because they are getting overwhelmed with attentions from the dregs of the male species. The honest truth is the solution to the problem is ridiculously simple, but realistically will never happen. The solution is for women on online dating to take the initiative and make first contact. But that will never happen because it is so outside of the gender role norms that the vast majority of women on online dating would never consider that thought of being proactive. But it's the only way because they really isn't much more men can do to change the situation beyond just doing the same thing they have always done, just more of it, with the same results. Sorry women, if you want online dating to work better for you then it's up to you do make the first move.

    • Mike
      April 7, 2015 at 11:52 pm

      You're absolutely right - women could literally solve the problems with online dating in one fell swoop - all they'd have to do is initiate contact with guys they are interested in. Since there's a 0% chance a girl is going to respond to a first message from a guy, no matter how great it is, or how good looking he is, the only way for it to work is for the girl to make first contact. Guys can't keep wasting all our time sending hundreds of messages and getting 0 responses - it just isn't worth it. Women, on the other hand, need only message the guy they are interested in, and the response rate will range from 30 to 100%, depending on the girl's attractiveness. Contrast this with the 0% response rate that women give to men. It's clearly the only way for this issue to be resolved. Because right now, online dating doesn't work.

  146. Ryan Dube
    April 3, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    That's actually a really good point. If you don't like any of the incoming messages or guys who message you, why on Earth don't these women proactively seek out nice guys on these sites and message them first? I can believe most of the guys who proactively message girls first on these sites might be jerks or downright scary, but I highly doubt EVERY guy who exists on the site is such.

    I think you've just nailed it Brad.

  147. Brad
    April 3, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    On-line dating is a waste of time for 99% of men. It seem to mainly be used as an attention seeking tool for females (why don't they use such functions as block and change first message length to 200+ characters minimum?? etc.)
    As the article confirms - women get message after message (yet hardly seem to respond to most of them) men get hardly any messages (and they don't get a response to the majority of the messages they do send). It all seems futile.

    I think women need to start taking more responsibility for themselves - rather than sit there receiving message upon message and complaining about it - they should actually do their own searches and find and message someone that seems suitable.
    I can't believe some women have been on certain websites for months and months and still haven't found a partner - I'm pretty sure if I even had 10% of the messages your average female receives I would have found someone within a month or so.

    After 6 months on various sites I'm finally signing out today - my advice to men is to just enjoy your single life and use your time productively on hobbies and interests and self improvement etc. - get out into the real world to meet people. You'll probably be quite shocked if you keep a record of how many hours you spend trawling dating sites - I was when I decided to record my usage - One of the reasons that today is delete day - more time for fitness and reading.

    Good luck guys............and girls do take that responsibility - stop complaining about all the attention -weed out the quality.

  148. Ts
    April 1, 2015 at 8:45 am

    there's nothing objective about the issues facing women vs men.
    today you can filter rude messages, so women don't actually need to look at the "creepy" ones.

    also dating online is a bit like a pickup bar you always going to have the more sleazy guys trying to hook up you can just delete the message and block them not big a deal.
    complaining that you get too many message is a bit like complaining that you have too much money.
    at least you get some attention from nice people as well and at least if you write to someone he answers.

    men on the other (such as I) hand have it much more difficult, getting no replies at all, being ignored, like they don't worth a grain of salt,
    that's much worse than having some douche approaching you.

    just writing 10 times a day sorry but your not my type or god forbid 'your not really my type but you seem like a nice guy so maybe we can talk a little' is better than writing nothing at all, what about common courtesy, people approach you nicely at least respond to them!.

    it seems like the type of women who go for those dating sites especially if they're a looker,go there for popularity contest to see how many pick ups lines they get in a day and have a laugh, not for a relationship just for a laugh and a short hook up if he has the model looks.

    other ones just being picky and looking for 100 percent not even wanting to date someone who's 80 percent.

    the whole point of the dating site is to meet people not to get married after some empty conversations and email exchange, and its not a way to post your photos and see how many respond for kicks and giggles.

    From an upset Regular Joe

    • Duh
      April 27, 2015 at 5:23 pm

      ...or you can just settle for no response being THE response and stop angling for people to justify their non-interest in you. Pretend the feeling is mutual. Why would you be into someone who's not into you?

  149. pemory
    March 31, 2015 at 6:02 pm

    Wow. Is it obvious that lots of us are lonely and frustrated or what? And the worst part is that the longer we're lonely and frustrated, the angrier and weirder we get. Seems to me that many of the problems extend from both men and women reaching for partners who are beyond them or who are abusive in a way that feels comfortable and reinforces negatives self images. Not giving myself a free pass here as I've been in exactly one relationship my entire life: was married for many years, but she cheated on me and walked out, then made sure the breakup cost me thousands & thousands of dollars (essentially all that I had). Made me rather bitter. And even though I'm very lonely (and broke) now, I tend to follow the same pattern of chasing after women out of my league (too young, too beautiful, or both) and getting my heart & feelings squashed. Suppose I'll never learn. Perhaps it's time I take the love I want to give to a woman and redirect it to family, friends, and others who need it. In other words, why continue to frustrate myself when I can instead do the world some good?

    I wish everyone else the very best and all the kindnesses this life can offer.

    • Loretta
      February 8, 2016 at 12:09 am


      There's another guy on here who's bragging about getting laid by women he barely knows. It's following a shallow lifestyle to be after people "who attract you". There are more important things in life than the outward appearance. A person's character traits are important. Honesty, respect, love, loyalty, dependable, reliable are all decent traits to have. Being with a woman for a long time says that you have been dependable and loyal. I'm sorry that happened to you.

  150. Steelcore1085
    March 30, 2015 at 5:02 am

    Dating websites are not a woman's worst nightmare. Ifthis were true, then women wouldn't dare make accounts on dating websites.

    Men have it a heluva lot harder in the dating game than women do.

  151. bob
    March 28, 2015 at 5:10 am

    Excellent article. I'm sure glad I've finally given up on relationships and have decided to live the quiet single life. Imho ... all of this online-dating and mad searching for that elusive significant- someone sounds utterly exhausting and potentially disastrous.

  152. john
    March 28, 2015 at 5:08 am

    Interesting read. I was debating putting up a profile or perhaps going to a club with some live entertainment. I am going to bed instead lol. It is very true that 10 to 15 years ago online dating worked well. I am an average looking guy but intelligent and funny and I was floored how many interesting, and yes pretty ok I would like someone that I consider to be pretty, not necessarily the text book version either. Anyway, teachers, lawyers, security guards, nurses, there I was dating, where previously I would stand in a bar and not say anything because my voice is very low and you couldn't hear me over the music anyway.
    Yes I am older now and I have my daughter half time, but I am still an average looking very intelligent and funny man. I am not bitter, disappointed maybe. I am affected by the lack of responses though, not like jump off a bridge affected, but it does drop you down a notch psychologically. I am glad I read these posts. It sounds like many of us are in the same boat. God bless all of you even the bitter ones we all know that hurt people want to hurt other people.

  153. mc17087
    March 22, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Being a female on these dating sites sucks. I've had my okcupid account for a couple of days now and I already want to delete the account. Most of the men on there are over 50 messaging younger women. I'm in my earlier 30's. They all look like pedafiles too.

  154. Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement and Cause of Every Problem In The World
    March 22, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    Greetings and salutations, Archduke!

    Reports of your principality have reached our royal ear, pleasing us much and whetting our keen appetite for devices, constructs, and clever mechanical devices of all kinds.

    It is to dearly to be wished that the citizens of your realm remain blissfully free of this modern poison that sets women against their natural inclinations and removes them from the spheres which nature has best equipped them to perfect and to create the familial love that makes our existence in this vale of tears somewhat bearable.

    If it is already too late, and generations have already lent ear to this madness, I can only extend our sympathy and encourage you to stand ready to rise from the ashes once the foolishness of millions ends in inevitable tears for all concerned!

    In the meanwhile, make this your sign and your watchword: Cultosaurus Erectus in Loco Perentis.

    Wishing your Lordship a surfeit of Tranquility and Prosperity, we remain

    His Highness, Matt, of the family of Manbeard, seneschal of the realm and keeper of the gloomy faith

  155. Rebecca George
    March 16, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    I and my boyfriend have been dating for four year now and just last three months he told me, he no longer have feeling for me. He did not just say it like that he made it seem like it was his fault. He was like he has been thinking about his life and he feels like he doesn't know himself anymore and that he doesn't want to hurt me in the processes. I mean we all know those line i have used them and we all have the next words are always "I think we should take a break" which mean i want out of this relationship. I wish he told me all those things before he asked me to marry him i would totally move on with my life but now, it turn out that we were already engaged and for six months at that. I felt bonded to him my whole heart beats and skips just for him for the record his name is Sean. I tried all i could to get by knowing or having the thought in my heart that we could still fix us only to realize he broke up with me to actually date a girl i he meant. It was like he got tired of me or something. I basically never turned any of his request down what ever it was. Sean was literally the first guy i had sex with the every first day i meant them. Usually i make them wait for 40 day but with Sean everything felt right. Anytime i was with him i felt this pain in my heart it was like its bleeding but it was bleeding love. It was so magically that i can't just explain it. So living without him knowing he left me for another girl was torture. I tried to talking to him in every way i could to make him see i love him but it was impossible. He made me feel like trash like am good for nothing and he called me fat and ugly. That really broke me down i could not believe it that of every person i have ever dated the one i love the most called me fat and ugly. My friends asked me to stop fooling myself trying to make him love me again but i was too in love i mean the heart wants what it wants right? and the more i tried the more he hated me. I was tagged by his new girlfriend and himself a sociopath. I was losing it and i fell into depression. Heaven know i was gonna kill myself because i really had nothing to leave for and he didn't even care if i lived or died. I know this sound crazy but it was just what happened. Though we dating again with the help of a great and reliable witchdoctor Metodo Acamu, it still hurts a lot that i had to pass through all those pain. All my friend thought i was crazy because even when they tried to help me i pushed them all away so basically i was all alone in my world of pain i had already given up on life i mean i thought to myself if can't have Sean, i was not going to live to watch him be happy with someone else. As foolish and crazy as this my sound , it was what i almost did. I was going to kill him and kill myself after wards. I don't know, some how, maybe the universe wasn't totally again me i came across the name witch doctor Metodo Acamu and his email address on the Internet there were a lot of comments on how real, nice and how much he has helped a lot of people fix there relationship , money issues, jobs and lottery ticket i thought contacting him was the last thing i should try before pushing on with my plan to take the life of the man i love. Believe me i was so lucky to have contacted him. He told me if i had killed Sean i would have tried in so many ways to kill myself to join him but it won't have worked. I don't know how true that is but i know that i was asked to get some materials for the witch doctor to make a spell that will reunite me and my fiancé. I sent him the money for the materials only because i could not get them anyway. He helped me a lot he sent a package for me with ups of which i paid for to get to me from an international. He told me to say what i want when burning the content of package with something that has the smell of incense and that in seven days Sean will be mine again and believe me please that was just what happened. It was so spiritual and out of earth that i could not understand how but i knew it worked for me and it is totally safe like Metodo Acamu told me. I know this all sound crazy but its so true and real life so. You can only know when those who need Metodo Acamu help get it. Contact him her metodoacamufortressx@ yah oo. com and please use this email in the regular format

  156. jose
    March 15, 2015 at 11:30 pm

    I have used a popular free site a few times with some success. But I will always wonder why a lot of women are on there seemingly forever. I've been told it's a form of 'online entertainment'. Maybe, but I think most women like the attention on a daily basis no matter who it's from and need some sort of reinforcement on a regular basis whether they are there to date or not

  157. Nothinghurtsbutatry
    March 15, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    Online dating is definitely not for the faint if heart.!!! When I was in my 40's and newly divorced, I had a lot more success with online dating. After I hit my 50s, things changed drastically for the worse. I either receive lots of views but no responses, no views, or responses from: guys who start talking about sex right from the start, guys who live out of state, guys and who are still married but separated. I even received a response from a 78 year old man! I prefer to date someone closer to my age, but many of them want younger women. I have been told that I look 10 years younger than 53. If I did not tell my age, no one would know. I have lived and traveled all over the world, have a great job that pays well, own my own home, and possess a bubbly and easy going personality. I have been told that I am attractive. Nevertheless, I have not been successful in attracting a decent guy. I even state in my profile that character and integrity are more important than how much money a guy makes, or his material possessions. Still no luck. Since many of my friends have met and married men that they have met online, I know that it is possible to find love. Whether I will be one of the lucky ones or not, only time will tell. At least I can feel good knowing that I put myself out there and gave it my best shot.

  158. Rod
    March 15, 2015 at 2:47 am

    I think that online dating is "brutal" for both men and women, but for different reasons. Sadly for men, it is a fact that the VAST majority of online dating members on any site are men, so the odds are heavily stacked against men from the very start. For women, they get lots of messages, but pass over any that seem like nice guys and end up writing back to the losers. Women will choose "losers" over "nice guys" 99% of the time and it makes their online experience miserable.

    • Duh
      April 27, 2015 at 5:19 pm

      Show how you know this.

  159. Suzi
    March 11, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    It seems like there is a lot of negativity but online dating is much better. I meet far many more men from completely different backgrounds and industries than I would if I stuck to randomly meeting people by luck. A lot of it has to do with your ability to handle rejection. Performers may audition for 68 jobs before they get a job. It's not personal especially in the first "online" message round. You just have to believe in yourself and stick with it. It's not easy for men or women but it is possible.

  160. fatima
    March 5, 2015 at 5:21 am


    my name is Fatima Nelson ,i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to USA for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to USA to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids were so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much,so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster DR Sunny, testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contacted him and he told me to stay calm for just 24 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called DR Sunny and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from DR Sunny, i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to DR Sunny and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is )( he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is (


    (1) If you want your ex back.

    (2) if you always have bad dreams.

    (3) If you want to be promoted in your office.

    (4) If you want women/men to run after you.

    (5) If you want a child.

    (6) If you want to be rich.

    (7) If you want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.

    (8) If you need financial assistance.

    (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.

    (10) if you want to stop your divorce.

    (11) if you want to divorce your husband.

    (12) if you want your wishes to be granted.

    (13) Pregnancy spell to conceive baby

    (14) Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage

    (15) Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart.

    (16) if you have any sickness like ( H I V ), (CANCER) or any sickness.

    (17) if you need prayers for deliverance for your child or yourself.

    once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. his email address is ( contact him immediately....

    March 4, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    The old fashioned women were the Best.

    • Rissa
      March 21, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      Men who dont cheat and who dont spend all their time playing online videogames are the best. Im sure those neglected/ignored wives/girlfriends will only take so much before...

  162. tony
    March 1, 2015 at 11:49 pm

    money's what they're after

  163. Lisa
    March 1, 2015 at 10:56 am


  164. Who Needs 'Em
    March 1, 2015 at 7:43 am

    Disgusted with these damned bltches who can't be bothered to reply. I never write off-color email. If I'm interested, I look for things in her profile to comment about. I ask her to reply with a "no thanks" if nothing else, so I won't have to bug her again. I'm well educated, stable, no debt, raised a kid on my own, a good listener, always open the doors, etc etc. Yet, these self-absorbed women can't be bothered.

    OK, "ladies"... go buy some batteries and ice cream.

    • Duh
      April 27, 2015 at 5:14 pm

      All this bitterness you're expressing here...that comes through in how you write messages. I can guarantee it. That's why no one writes you back. No one wants to engage with someone they have to prove themselves to. Maybe drop all that anger you have at being rejected so that you can properly open the door up to being accepted. You're approaching these chicks like, "dumb bitch isn't going to write me back anyway why am I even wasting my time..." You're reaping what you sow.

  165. Melisa Cole
    February 28, 2015 at 4:55 am

    I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband ment his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come's back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to ancientokija whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fufilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was casted they quareled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email (LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM) his spells are pure and very powerful without any doubt. or call him +2347053977842. he is the best caster that can help you with your problems.

    • Who Needs 'Em
      March 1, 2015 at 7:44 am

      silly bullshlt.

  166. Ric David
    February 27, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    I know there's only so much space in which to write an article like this but it would really help to have more than one man and one woman talking, maybe a man and a woman who did have success or came away less jaded and cynical.

    When the woman talks about being "terribly uncomfortable" just recalling how men in their 40s found her attractive at 19...I know some people obviously see the world that way but this is just absurd to me. Fair enough if they're genuinely "creepy" (way overused word that sounds childish much of the time) messages, we all know the sort, but if it's just that they're 40 and that's icky to you then set an age limit. As a 29 year old man, I don't expect older women to not find me attractive because they're old enough to be my mother; I just hate the 'dirty old man' fear trope, I don't like the insinuations that they're borderline rapists if they don't pretend that 40 year old women are more attractive than 19 year old women regardless of how old your eyes are.

    Likewise, the man came away with some unfounded fears about being passed over for "bad boys" without any indication that these bad boys were thriving there - funnily enough the one female interviewee (again, problem with being the only one) was put off by those types.

    I'm not blaming the man for having suspicions, Lord knows I'm paranoid in the same way when I fear rejection, but both subjects just spouted unfair gender stereotypes (the women have no time for decent men, the men are perverts by default if they're too old) which is a fair reflection of the two individuals' perceptions but not of the reality they both exist within.

  167. RralTruth
    February 25, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    Very hard to meet a good NORMAL woman these days.

  168. Jordie
    February 24, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    As a guy I've been in and off online dating for over 10 years. Im now 30 it started out in the early days as something most people were imbarrist about and the flow of desperate men and creeps wernt as abundant as they are today. Back then as a guy you could actually get a inbox with more than one reply. Now days your lucky to get even one and with dating apps in the scene it's even harder with this swipe yes or no. I always say that it's important to be open minded and understand that net dating isn't equal it's not the same for both sexes, for men they need to understand if there look for action mist girls aren't going to be in there for that. They want sine more abd there bold text with a clear sign of I'm not looking for this graphically illustrates there fed up ness of being seen as a object for sex.. For girls generally if a guy gives his side of his online dating experience , his frustration in there is justified due to mass competition and lack of response or responses that have no intention of meeting up in the real world but rather be a digital pen pal or a attention seeker.

  169. WeCareWhatyourTwatIsNt
    February 11, 2015 at 3:59 am

    the wannabee idiot going by the name "WhoCares What HERname is" using all sorts of innuendo and pseudo science is hoping she can completely turn nature and genetics on its head.. because she is a whore... LOL

    Saying that women having a clitoris with nerve endings.. no different in its innervation than the male organs.. means that women are NOT wired for monogamy is seriously hilarious... her other comments about genetics and bonobos is equally amusing.

    All human beings .. and I mean ALL.. including feminist retards like this one know it is MEN who are NOT WIRED for monogamy.. and women are the ones who nail men down.. it is GENETIC. Females often died from childbirth.. and once knocked up, they were out of commission for a year.. while males mated with as many females as possible... look at Ghenghis Khan.. half of Mongolia's and China's population carries HIS genes... not "hers" sweet silly thing...

    FEMALES may enjoy sex when having it, as much as males, however they do it for almost an entirely different reason.. to MATE.. and to BOND. Women want intimacy. .MEN want sex !! The majority of males can have sex without needing intimacy... the majority of females cannot.

    Still laughing at the 'clit theory'... that's why 99% of porn is geared toward males... because they're so monogamous. :)

    Feminism is for people with low IQ's... because if you throw some common observation and a little bit of scientific data in the arena, it causes a histrionic meltdown.

    VAGINAS simply go "out of order" far too often. Also, it would make sense that the female experience being one of SUBMISSION and having something violate her orifice.. although it causes pleasure & bonding, it is not something she could normally engage in with many people without feelings very used and disgusting. This is another reason why they seek monogamy. Survival/protection as well.

    Men on the other hand make sport of violating as many orifices as they can muster...

  170. Barry White
    January 30, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    I have been married for 14 years and i have known my wife for about 20 years now. I only discovered that my wife, the every woman i love with my life was cheating on me with her boss. This broke my heart in pieces. I knew form the very beginning that her boss was going to bring about the end of my happiness there was something about him that gives him an upper hand when i came to women. He always got what he wanted from any beauty that capture his eye. What wowed me was that my wife, fell for him and decided to put at stake everything we have fought and worked for all those 14 years. I trusted her though i can’t say that our sex life was epic but i can say we were doing alright. I discovered messages in her computer about 8 months ago. I was mad and at the same time sad but i was going to find out how true they where before i ask her or rather before i was going confront her about what i know about sexual relationship with her boss. Unfortunately i was so unlucky and could not dig up any dirt. The affair was perfectly carried out and by all means no trail was left to trace. I could not pay for a private investigator so i decided to confront her myself and ask her about the messages on her computer and like instantly she came out clean but i wished i never asked her because it was like she needed me to see those messages in the first place. My discovery about her affair was like her ticket or rather her way of telling me she no longer was in love with me after 14 years of marriage. She basically left me for her boss. I wished i knew where we went wrong and got bad. Am just gonna go straight to the point because i was not just going let her go like that. She was the first and only girl i had sex with i was not a popular guy in high school she was all i had and loved i was not even in my dreams, let her go without a fight in what ever form. I found a SPELL CASTER METODO ACAMU Online during a 4 months period she was living with her boss. He is a real and legit spell caster and all his spell actually works just the way they ought to work. If not for METODO ACAMU i would probably be a wasted human by now. He helped me cast a spell that was going to make the woman i promised my life time to on the day of our wedding come back to me. It might seem selfish of me to some of you but others who understand what i was in, can tell that just letting her do would be foolish because never again will i find someone like her. All METODO ACAMU asked from me was just materials and nothing else and it was for not reason compulsory for me to give him the money for the materials because, i had options he gave me to get the spell done. I could get the materials myself and mail it to him via ups or come down to his holy temple or send down the cost of the materials to him which is less expensive that all other options. And i did just that and it worked will for me. He helped me cast the spell and via ups he sent me a package containing harmless materials and instructions on how i was going make the spell active. I did all he asked me to do in the instructions and everything happened just how i wanted. I got my wife to love just the way i wanted and i loved her just how she wanted. I can literally say my life is perfect because all i need in my life was my family and i had it back with a stronger love bound. METODO ACAMU can be reached with his email address { metodoacamufrotressx @ yahoo. com } note: when contacting him use this email in its right format where all words and character are packed together.

    • Who Needs 'Em
      March 1, 2015 at 7:45 am

      silly bullshlt. no one cares.

  171. straightandsimple
    January 29, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    What you have to realize as a guy is that weirdly enough there are literally thousands of male profiles that have handsome guys educated to doctorate level on these sites. Just take a look for yourself. This means that no woman would even consider your profile if you a) don't have a doctorate b) don't look at least 'ok' but the doctorate is the clincher. Its just as if when us guys look at profiles on these sites if there were thousands of porn star hot profiles on the site and you had some chance of having them reply to you, you wouldn't even think about wasting your time with a quite pretty girl who was really nice. Unfortunately It's as simple as that. It's not cos you or I are mean it just would be lunacy if you found a hot model liked you and you liked her to go for someone else. That is what these girls are all effectively facing from their point of view a dating site chock full of the most attractive guys so why bother on the rest. Not only that but even for the doctorate level entries they don't get women hitting on then out of the blue every 5 minutes. Try it make a fake profile and you'll see what I mean.

    • jasmine
      January 30, 2015 at 12:54 am

      I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband meant his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come's back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to Dr.Osaze.Malacca whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fulfilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was cast they quarrelled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email:spirituallove @ hotmail . com

  172. sunnyday
    January 27, 2015 at 1:19 am

    This message board has taught me so much. I've been dating online on and off for at least 2 years. I'm 43. I'm decent looking, I thought LOL. I have a great job, house, one kid, no drama. I guess I'm cool, but a little boring? I just don't think I know how to present myself or heck I really don't know. I get guys that just want a piece or just wanna try dating me since they have never dated outside their race (which I don't mind but I'd like them to like me and not the piece of *** I potentially represent). Its really crushing to the spirit. I don't know if I will even continue online dating after reading all the perspectives here. I'm truly a busy person that doesn't get out much to meet people and a little shy when it comes to getting to know folks. So I guess I'll either put my big girl panties on and just go sit at a bar or give up and be alone. (sigh)

  173. yannick
    January 23, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    I don't look half as bad i hit the gym 5 times per week i am 42 y old, in pretty good shape, i have sent close to 70 messages, with respect, not the hey babe stuff, my pictures are recent, i have no shirtless pics, i do have some vacation pics, and more but they are all good. I have had about 5 replies from theses 70 messages sent to women that are very average, women that i would have met on the street or at a shopping mall and would not have been over my league. Women on internet sites are the kings, they receive anywhere from 15-20 emails per day, i have spoken to 2 women that i was suppose to meet and at the last minute i got flush for no reason. I did not have kids, but it seems that the dating scene for us 40y old is a single mom with 2 kids, that is all i saw on POF and other dating website, i am a single mother of 2 i don't want to play any games etc etc. Being 42 and no kids in shape theses women should consider themselves lucky i even speak to them because they are the last resort. Online dating is a joke and anyone who says they got success on it either went after the fatty BBW ones or is lying. 90% of people on the online dating sites only want to chat, they are not in for a relationship and you might want to skip the attention whores because that is very true to online dating they love the attention. Some get lucky some don't but most people i know that went out with online dating the relationship never lasted.

    • jessica
      March 15, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      Tell your "nice friends" to get better pics. And tell them to message girls "within" their league.

      If they are average looking, they shouldn't expect much better looking women to respond to them. Maybe your "nice friends" are being too shallow and that's why they are getting rejected.

      They also shouldn't expect the much younger women to write back. Just because they're young it doesn't mean they're looking for an older sugar daddy.

    • Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement and Cause of Every Problem In The World
      March 22, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      "Tell your “nice friends” to get better pics. And tell them to message girls “within” their league. "

      What shallowness! What a total ignorance of principles or common goals or interests!

      It's all based on their own ego--if you're not as pretty as me, I'm too good for you!

      I would be ashamed to post such self centered stuff in public, but then I have the insight to see what it really indicates.

    • Loretta
      February 8, 2016 at 12:18 am

      You just have to keep trying. It's the same thing for women. We experience the same thing.

  174. Mark
    January 17, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    Online dating is very unhealthy for society. Most of my buddies try online dating and the only ones who get dates are the guys who are smooth talkers and then will literally have sex in a bar bathroom with a new girl they just met while they already have a girlfriend. The nice guys get overlooked ALWAYS. Even if the nice guy looks half decent. Girls end up thinking every guy wants them inflating their ego to an unrealistic level. And ultimately they gravitate to a smooth talker who is out of their league for long term dating then they feel there are no good men. Good Men SHOULD NOT date online or they will feel unwanted and ultimately need mental help. Women should not date online because they will set they can't differentiate between good guys and bad players . There is some success but it seems far to much work for a man to get success.

  175. Michael
    January 16, 2015 at 7:03 am

    Online dating has been the biggest waste of time in my entire life. Literally. I sent out over 100 personalized messages, and not one date.

    Your argument that online dating is rough for women was totally unconvincing. Oh how creepy it is for someone to compliment a woman on her looks. How awful! (rolleyes) This woman sounds like a spoiled brat, which I think typifies the online dating female pool. They treat online dating like they are going shopping for a man, and looking for the best deal.

    There is a very small percentage of guys who do well in online dating. They are Brad Pitt only taller. For all the other guys, don't waste your time. You can do a lot better at a grocery store. Seriously.

    • John
      January 20, 2015 at 10:01 am

      Have to agree. The two experiences, male and female, given in the article didn't come across as involving equal struggles. The woman seemed immature - seemingly creeped out because some guys made compliments on her looks and a few guys in their 40s messaged her. The guy seemed mature and thoughtful and was paid back with zilch.

    • Bubu
      February 24, 2015 at 12:28 am

      I would date you but I am always reluctant in guys with kids...too Mach baggage I it not?!

    • Mona
      February 24, 2015 at 12:31 am

      Where do you live?

    • Captain Oblivious
      March 1, 2015 at 9:21 pm

      "There is a very small percentage of guys who do well in online dating. They are Brad Pitt only taller. For all the other guys, don’t waste your time. You can do a lot better at a grocery store. Seriously."

      I am 6'3" , 117K year income which is not huge but great for my area, a middling sized beach town/city in the south.

      I am very fit, not truly athletic or jacked yet but I am getting there at 224 pounds and I'm starting to see my abs with 5-6 days in the gym a week.

      However it's the same for me dudes, if you are tall nowadays you're not creepy and slimy, you're creepy and threatening. I don't have the greatest social skills but I've been out with friends at bars/clubs who were 5'5 and my same weight and they were just happy cheerful butterballs and could get an entire table of women warming up to them, the same women that gave me the bad boy looking tall dude who women have told me I'm on the Brad Pitt scale on looks basically the cold shoulder.

      My handicap is your hope, just wanted to let you know that. It's this effect where sure you might grab attention with height/looks but then if you can't carry it to the same level (they find out I'm just a regular dude and not a movie star/musician or whatever fantasy is playing in their head) it's almost worse I really feel.

    • Nina
      March 25, 2015 at 11:46 am

      Calling someone 'hot' is not really a compliment, it is a pretty brutish way of telling a girl 'hey, I wanna have sex with you'.

      I find older guys hitting on me creepy, can't you hit on someone your own age? Do you really need to prey on much younger women?

    • Kyra
      April 27, 2015 at 5:20 am

      I'm piggybacking on what Nina wrote. While the female response wasn't quite the typical example of a woman that could say online dating sucks (Ten years on and off here. A number of first, second or third dates. Zero relationships.) she has a point.

      I'm a writer, so my profile tends to attract men with a high intellect or a desire to find an emotional match, so they comment on something I'd written primarily. However, the ones that catch a peek at my attractiveness or curvaceousness do mention it in their first message and their ssecond message and their third message and in text messages and, sometimes, on a first date where it's inappropriate and, for lack of a better word, "creepy."

      Like a majortiy of men want to be seen and known as a "nice" guy, women want the same. They're looking for someone to see WHO THEY ARE not see WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE. We understand, by the fact that you've messaged, that you find us attractive and, if things go well, you'd very much consider being sexually intimate with us. That's a given. There's no need to mention it.

      It'd be nice if the objectification can be left out of the equation until the night of our first date and you, politely, say, "You look beautiful this evening." But the constant messages with caps and exclamtion points about how hot we are or what nice bodies we have are just immediate turn offs.

    • Ryan Dube
      April 27, 2015 at 10:43 am

      Kyra - You actually respond to those guys and go on a first date with them? Why?

  176. Anonymous
    January 12, 2015 at 10:37 am

    I am currently using Zoosk and having no luck at all I used E harmony 3 years ago for a year and went on 1 date that was terrible. I'm a decent looking athletic 40 year old guy. College educated 130k income, 2 nice houses, great retirement. Granted I have 3 teenage children part time, and live in a small town an hour outside the city, but dam I would like to think im not a bad catch and still almost nothing. I get plenty of womwn interested but they are almost always 5+years older, no education, or job severely overweight, and so on. It is so depressing, because I am tired of being alone, but what can I do about it, I can only lower my standards so much, I can't believe its really this bad, it's like women don't care, and are completely unrealistic about actually finding someone.

    • jessica
      March 15, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      I think you are being unrealistic about the women too.

      3 teen children is QUITE a baggage. I know you love them, but still, they are a lot of baggage for a new person to take on.

      You seem sooo picky about age. You think you're "too good" for a woman because you're 5 or 6 years younger than her???? Maybe you don't know this, but biologically, women are about 6 years younger than the male physique. Given they have similar health and life styles.

      I wonder on how many amazing matches you passed up just because you were a few years younger than them???!!!!

      You need to grow up and stop letting possible lovely matches pass you by. If they are great catches, they will be taken by the next guy who knows that a few years don't matter. While you continue being lonely.

      So what if the woman has less college education than you? There are plenty of idiots (not you of course) with masters and phd degrees. There are plenty of smart people who didn't get much of a college education.

      You sound so very unrealistically picky, that you will probably be alone for a long time or maybe end up with someone who looks good on paper, meets all your laundry list, but doesn't make you happy at all.

    • Anonymous
      April 9, 2016 at 11:53 pm

      I'm college educated with 2 degrees and a terrific job. I make just under $100k per year, have one grown son with an engineering degree. I'm not overweight, and work out everyday for at least an hour. Hiking in nature preserves in Florida is fun, having lunch overlooking the ocean, I'm a vegan, a good cook, and talent. Can't get a decent date. I don't like being attacked on the first date and believe intimacy between two people who love each other is best. I'm interested in hard working men who need someone. An average guy will do. But hard to find.

  177. Alice
    January 10, 2015 at 12:40 am

    I'm in my tweenties, a woman, and have been online dating since my teens. My mom was really strict about dating so online dating, chat rooms, social networks etc was a way for me to talk to people without her knowing.

    Online dating is not really much different from meeting people IRL it's just another method. Keeping that in mind, if you're the kind of person who gets attention offline, you'll most likely get it online. If you struggle socially offline, things won't magically change because you're online.

    The fact is most women don't look at online dating like a bar scene, at least not at first. They somehow think the site is brimming with their fantasy guy who is just waiting for them. Or that they can weed out all the bad apples and find Mr Right. They get a little disappointed when reality hits. Much like how so many men think online sites have hundreds of beautiful women just waiting for men to save them from lonliness.
    Sorry but nope. The pretty girls on the site usually made the account for kicks and don't really care about your message because they could easily walk out their door and have someone hit on them.

    My tips to guys who are struggling to get responses
    1. Take a flattering picture. If it's important for your girl to look good then it should be important for you to look good. Every woman's taste differes so you will be attractive to someone if you post a good pic.
    2. Try to make an actual connection. Every con guy who gets all the girls uses this trick: find someone on her profile that you can make a connection with. Women love it when you act like read their profile because hardly any one does.
    3. If you are 1000 years old do not expect a 20yr old to respond.
    4. Get over your female hate before you even sign up because we can smell it a mile away.
    5. Stop treating it like some kind of pass or fail test. Do your best to engage and make connections. Dating is a journey, whether it's done online or off.

    • Kate
      March 17, 2015 at 12:51 am

      You're a very wise 20-something. Good luck. Some sensible guy should appreciate you!

  178. Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement and Cause of Every Problem In The World
    January 2, 2015 at 10:55 pm

    To women, any man who is not rich or far above average in looks is a 'creep'. If the author of this article is unaware of this truism I have to wonder why she is posing as a man???

    Oh, she's just so uncomfortable with 'old men' (of 40!!!) finding her sexually attractive! Oh the creepy! Then she dresses up in heels and a dress with a neckline that plunges to her soles and parades around, weeping and wailing and gnashing her teeth when men respond!

    God, why are people so stupid?

    I bet his unbiased female dater would forget all about creepiness if Mel Gibson sent her a message.

    But it's all men's fault--as usual. You goddamn creeps and neckbeards! Couldn't possibly have anything to do with the Man Hatin' Princess mentality that infests the West like a plague of scabies, now could it?

    • Archduke Bobby of The Independent Principality of The Backyard Machineshop
      March 16, 2015 at 5:37 am

      Love your screen name!

    • Kate
      March 17, 2015 at 12:46 am

      And why is your scornful attitude toward women any better? Both men and women would do well to think about developing relationships over time instead of expecting instant hot perfection that will last forever, and if you think it's not very mature in the straight community, you should see how insane it is in the lesbian community, when women don't have to worry about possible pregnancy. Instant sex is supposed to bond them forever, yet when the glow wears off (and I've delete a word with that), you've got TWO picky women (not just one, like straight guys have to put up with) nit-picking each other's shortcomings (I don't like her dog, her mother, her feminism's not evolved enough, she's too/not enough PC, blah, blah, blah). ALL folk would do well to slow it down enough to let things develop more naturally. I have a theory that the reason so many women like Jane Austen stories ( and a fair number of men, if they'll admit it) is because the love stories develop over time, with misunderstandings and halts that have to be overcome, with both time and effort.

    • Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement and Cause of Every Problem In The World
      March 22, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      Greetings and salutations, Archduke!

      Reports of your principality have reached our royal ear, pleasing us much and whetting our keen appetite for devices, constructs, and clever mechanical devices of all kinds.

      It is to dearly to be wished that the citizens of your realm remain blissfully free of this modern poison that sets women against their natural inclinations and removes them from the spheres which nature has best equipped them to perfect and to create the familial love that makes our existence in this vale of tears somewhat bearable.

      If it is already too late, and generations have already lent ear to this madness, I can only extend our sympathy and encourage you to stand ready to rise from the ashes once the foolishness of millions ends in inevitable tears for all concerned!

      In the meanwhile, make this your sign and your watchword: Cultosaurus Erectus in Loco Perentis.

      Wishing your Lordship a surfeit of Tranquility and Prosperity, we remain

      His Highness, Matt, of the family of Manbeard, seneschal of the realm and keeper of the gloomy faith

    • Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement and Cause of Every Problem In The World
      March 22, 2015 at 2:23 pm

      I enjoy Jane Austen primarily for the language, and the comic genius that was Mr. Bennet.

      I don't disagree that people rush in expecting instant gratification. You are really talking about a society raised on the mind-rot of TV, They are bored with their own lives because their own lives do not resemble the glamorous drama they have fed their minds on relentlessly since birth.

      You can't really expect people whose powers of concentration are severely compromised, and whose expectations of relationships are so hopelessly unrealistic, to have the time or the patience to take your advice.

      In the first place they demand instant gratification because that is what modern, mechanized society had bred them to expect. If you want the REAL cause of societal rot look no further than running water. It destroyed Rome, but no one ever learns the lessons of history.

      In the second place their thoughts, assumptions and expectations are so askew that they don't even understand what qualities they should be seeking in a mate. They are like blind men on a rapidly sinking ship, groping in the dark for a corkscrew.

      Is it any marvel that they sink to destruction?

    • Nina
      March 25, 2015 at 11:43 am

      I'm guessing that you are 40 year old creep who got rejected by women.

      I also find 40 year old guys hitting on me and calling me 'sexy'and 'hot' extremely creepy. Find someone your own age, instead of preying on younger girls.

    • Ryan Dube
      March 25, 2015 at 12:10 pm

      Wait, Matt, you think I'm a woman posing as a man? You do realize I'm a real person with a documented online history...just Google my name, dude.

    • Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement and Cause of Every Problem In The World
      March 25, 2015 at 10:13 pm

      @ NINA

      "I’m guessing that you are 40 year old creep who got rejected by women."

      You're guessing wrong. I am just bright enough to look at the world around me and extrapolate meaning without having to be told what to think by media sages who do not have the advantage of the brain power God gave the dung beetle.

      Women use the word 'creep' as a pejorative--just as you have done here--against men who have no immediately discernible value to them. If women are uninterested in a man sexually, or if they cannot suck him dry of his money or assets, then that man is a 'creep', and the self righteous indignation flows like a river.

      Much like you have done to me. Oooooooo, Nina called me a name! Behold her ethical and social superiority!

      So, I gather from your huffy remarks that Mel Gibson has still not called?

      Tell us, Nina, do you take pains to avoid the notice of all these 'creeps' by dressing and behaving in a manner not calculated to draw attention to yourself? I bet you don't.

      But if anyone you are not interested in responds to the display you put on to get attention then he is a creep! Because cause and effect must never be applied to YOU, right?

    • Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement and Cause of Every Problem In The World
      March 25, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      @RYAN DUBE

      No, I do not actually think you are a woman--I was being facetious.

    • marc
      May 19, 2015 at 12:06 am

      Yep Matt nicely put .......I agree 100 percent....hit the nail on the head here oh yea.

    • Loretta
      February 8, 2016 at 12:22 am

      Matt Manbeard the III, King of the Basement: I love your title.

  179. Jerry
    December 31, 2014 at 9:45 am

    I have tried in the past to use dating sites to meet women but have had no success, in the end I went back to meeting people face to face. I have seen so many women complain in their profiles that they get hurt because they seem to attract the wrong kind of men, forgetting that it is THEY themselves who actually choose to respond to said men, quite obviously ignoring more suitable men. Women also say that some men are creepy, but what they never say is that it is dependent on the man and not the remark. If Joe Bloggs made some risque remark to a woman, he would be classed as creepy..... however, if George Clooney made the exact same remark, her panties would be off in a flash. I have had women check out my profile several times a day on a daily basis, but when I have contacted them, they have not replied. I have seen women in their late forties say in their profiles that they are not interested in men who are more than three years older than themselves because they don't believe in a large age gap, and then put their preferred age of partner as between thirty and forty years of age! In the face of all that, it is little wonder that I stopped attempting to meet women online. After reading some of the profiles, and observing some of the behaviour, it seems to me that there is a good reason why many of these women have resorted to dating sites to find a partner. As for me, I am now happily married to a stunningly beautiful woman I met whilst out walking. I started talking to her without any intention of trying to chat her up, knowing that she was way out of my league,
    after half an hour I told her I was going to grab a bite to eat, asked her if she wanted to join me, she did, and that was that.

    • Bubu
      February 24, 2015 at 12:25 am

      So if you are married to this beautiful woman what are you doing here ? Lol

    • Jerry
      February 24, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      Bubu, I'm not sure exactly what you mean. I have checked the site and nowhere does it say that it is not for married men; it is not a dating site, so there is no moral issue involved. If you are asking why I am on this page, then the answer is easy: curiosity.... wondering whether other men had the same problems with dating sites that I did.
      I hope this clears it up for you.

    • jessica
      March 15, 2015 at 9:24 pm

      you come here whining, complaining, about online dating and YOU'RE HAPPILY MARRIED!!!!!

      Oh, my lord! The things you read online.

  180. Tom
    December 27, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    There is a reason why all online dating advice pages tell you to get a great photo. It is because women dating online are shallow "the nicest term I could think of" As someone who has been married twice, and both times I met my partner online, I see the huge difference between then "2001 and 2007" and now.

    Women can try to play the creep card, but if you don't pass their 5 second check "Them looking at your photos" then good luck. I am currently in an open relationship, so I still flirt with women in real life as well as online, and it has been quite amusing to see the difference. In the real world men get a chance to let their personality shine, because women won't dare talk down on them like they would on a site. There is no such thing as a 5 second test, IRL.

    Online dating can work. I still get dates here and there using it, but its no where near as productive as going to a bar, and just walking up to a woman and say, "Hi I am XXXX" Online dating is something you would do if you wanted a challenge, but becareful, the rejection you recieve online can pile up.

    • Loretta
      February 8, 2016 at 12:25 am

      So you're shallow. Thanks for telling us.

  181. Adam
    December 23, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    Until recently I had been online dating for nearly two and a half years. I was in the process of giving up when I met the girl whom I'm now dating.

    In my opinion, as a guy, the free sites aren't worth pursing. Most of the time you'll be lucky to get any kind of response. The paid sites are a far better experience once you figure out how to best present yourself online (and transition to an in-person meeting rapidly). However, there is still not enough incentive for women to be more proactive in the process.

    Also, I think any girl that is reasonably good looking and serious about finding someone won't be a on a dating site very long - either it will prove too much for them and they'll quit or they'll find someone quickly. I'm always wary of the good looking girls that hang out on these sites long term. If you read their profiles they'll normally have a laundry list of "must haves" that just screams high maintenance OR they won't bother with any content at all and let their photos do all the work. These girls have let the massive amount of choice they get from online dating go to their head and most seem obsessed with finding the perfect guy. It wouldn't surprise me if they end up getting used a lot by guys telling them everything they want to hear and then dumping them once they get them into bed. Funnily enough it doesn't seem to occur to them that maybe they are looking for the wrong things.

  182. John
    December 22, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    Dating sites are a WASTE of time. Guys Please do not waste your money or time. I have tried everything from to POF and even got a wild hair and tried foreign websites. EVERY SINGLE time I came back with FAKE profiles. Thats right... I literly had zero success. Every time I would get an email from a pretty or decent looking women about 10 emails later I would start getting stories about how they were stuck in Africa and need me to wire money via western union. Of course, I never once sent money as it was a scam. My point here however is I really dont think there is one reputable website out there with REAL women. The dating sites are loaded with fake profiles. Its crazy. I dont know why this isnt talked about more, but if I could give any advice it would be to avoid dating websites as you are just wasting your time. Just go the old fashion route and talk to a women at the mall, bar, club, get setup through a mutual friend, meet one at a Church group, etc... Dating sites are junk. There are not even real women on there. Its just fake profiles and even when there does happen to be an actual women on the other side vs. some guy in Nigeria trying to scam you the problem is there is about 10,000 guys for every one women.

    • Anonymous
      April 9, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      John, I've had the same experience with the men. Paying to get a date seems unnecessary and only making someone else rich. I've been scammed so many times, and gotten angry enough to turn them in, that I'm nearly at the end of on-line dating. Fortunately they never got any money, but a hard time.

  183. Mike
    December 20, 2014 at 9:15 pm

    And I think it's hard for women to comprehend online dating from a mans perspective(it works both ways folks). To a great extent men have to do all the hard work while women just sit there are wait for Mr. right to approach them. I'm not saying women don't have to do anything(they still have to set up a half way decent profile)but the truth is most attractive women don't approach men online and tend to play a very passive role in online dating and maybe to some degree that's because they don't need to. However, maybe they should if they are going to complain about all the losers that approach them and they can't find any good guys. Maybe they should be more pro active and look for a good guy before they complain that they don't exist. Online dating isn't something that has worked for me personally as a man. However, I can't say that I guarantee it would work for me if I was a woman but I can say it would be a hell of a lot easier to meet someone. The fact is women are very choosy because they can be. If women really wanted to meet someone they could. For men it's much more of a challenge no matter how you slice and they have to do more work(and put more effort into it)than a woman to meet someone. This is my opinion.

    • jessica
      March 15, 2015 at 9:26 pm

      that's your opinion because you're not in a woman's shoes

  184. Chris
    December 13, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    Dating sites don't work!
    One year on Okcupid and no messages or dates.
    I am a retired 41 year old caucasian man . Being on a dating site for that long has made me feel very ugly and unwanted. I have read over five hundred profiles and I am very turned off by women now. I don't find women attractive anymore because of internet dating sites. I will more than likely be single the rest of my life now, Thank you internet dating. I give up!

    • Ryan Dube
      December 14, 2014 at 12:05 am

      Chris - which ones have you tried? I had a friend who had terrible luck as well. He tried E-harmony and was successful. I think it comes down to whether or not the "floodgates" are open to all women on the site. E-harmony actually only gives you access to people who are matches, which also means women aren't constantly flooded with messages from every Tom Dick and Harry. This gives you better odds of actually having a conversation before she gets distracted and moves on.

      The key is to ask about her interests, and after the 3rd or 4th exchange, say that you have so many common interests that you'd love to chat more over a coffee some time. A coffee date is a great start.

      Don't give up -- all it takes is a single "success" to find your soul mate.

    • Merida
      February 14, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      I hear you dude! I'm 33 years old and after being on OK cupid, e-harmony and for a year I too got burned out. I am an African, Highly educated Nurse but just because I live in Africa everybody automatically assume I am a scam artist and gold digger. I paid for platinum membership for one whole year just to prove I am really an independent woman who can look after herself, I still got tossed aside. I too don't find men interesting or attractive any more and I will never subject myself to online dating again

    • marc
      May 18, 2015 at 11:13 pm

      I hear you Chris loud and clear haha Im feeling the exact same way yep.....your words ring soooo true wow!

    • marc
      May 18, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      Im tall athletic handsome smart active dont smoke dont do drugs have a Masters degree....none of that matters.....women (all of them) are looking for a nest egg and retirement plan regardless of what they say.....they ALL want to be wined and dined and jetsetted all over the world. American women are a mans worst nitemare oh yea....ive heard and seen it all. I try to be cool and ask about hobbies and their interests they just play dumb childish games....I hate women now I loathe and despise them....what a waste of tiime and energy online dating is lmao!!!

  185. Dave
    May 13, 2014 at 3:34 am

    FYI, interesting recent article to read for fun on OkC published by Metro newspaper:

  186. Guest
    January 24, 2014 at 4:31 am

    Online dating sites seem to attract desperate virgin neckbeards and fat, delusional cat hoarders. As a female, it's the desperate virgin neckbeards I worry about. I've heard so many bad things about cyberstalking and "doxxing" on these sites and social media that I've decided I'm never going to "go public" online (i.e. use my real name or any other identifying info).

    Actually, dating in general scares me, and while it is relatively easy to do a background check on people you meet, it's not practical (it costs money), and if the person finds out you've looked them up on Intelius, there's a good chance they won't trust you (because you -- meaning I -- don't trust them).

    Plus, anyone can slap a fake name up onto a website, fooling the human (me) who would be doing the background check. It's also possible that the person just hasn't gotten caught for things he has done. Maybe I've watched too many Dr. Phil episodes and it's corrupted my faith in people, but when it comes to personal safety, I'm not willing to take that chance. Who knows if there's a handsome, wealthy, nice guy who just happens to be "American Psycho" under that exterior?

  187. Dave
    January 18, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    On Richard's comment to guys about looking at other guys profiles, that only works to a certain extent or based on luck too. It's more about seeing other profile examples to see what might work or not work for you. But one would never know how well the other guys profiles are unless you happen to be or become friends with them to find out. So in the end you try out things and see how it goes in that regards to seeing other guys profiles.

    I think for online dating sites, one way they could help both sides is by offering automatic filtering of messages for both sides (but primarily intended for the ladies), to filter out the creep messages based on algorithmic detection of common creep messaging patterns. And for the messaging system, based on that filtering offer a normal inbox as well as a spam box like most email providers offer. This way, ladies don't get a filled inbox of crap messages and can get to see the truly worthwhile messages (most of the time anyway, assuming the filtering system works well). And the ladies can choose to see creepy/spamy messages if they wanted to or in the case they don't get much normal messages at all. And in this scenario, the nice guy messages get through easier to the ladies rather than be one letter among hundreds or thousands in their inbox. I don't know about all the dating sites, but I think OkCupid doesn't yet offer this kind of filtering system, at least not when I last used the site.

    And yes, it may require patience to have success for online dating. As I guy, I used OkCupid in an active/passive pattern and it took several years (forget how long exactly) before I actually had success. It can be demoralizing while you keep trying. A matter of luck, faith, and trials (the old saying "if at first you don't succeed, try try again")

  188. Steve C
    January 16, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    should be paid, not laid.. lol

    • Kymberley
      February 16, 2015 at 3:23 am

      Hahahaha........omg that was class man.Just a simple typo had me in fits of giggles.

  189. Steve C
    January 16, 2014 at 6:26 pm

    laid like a fool on online dating sites, all of them

  190. Richard C
    January 16, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    I used a dating site a few years ago (aged about 50).

    On that one you could mark people as "favourites" without contacting them but they could see you had and if they marked you too it indicated that a contact was worthwhile.

    Some profiles didn't include a photo. Big mistake, appearances do matter. I met one woman who described herself as petite, she considered she qualified for that description because she was only 5ft tall, I felt that with her 5ft diameter a better description might have been grossly obese (and the fact that she was seriously wealthy did nothing to make her more attractive).

    The next "sounds OK but no photo" candidate eventually emailed a photo - and I understood why she'd withheld it up to that point. I had to make a delicate retreat. I just about gave up on the dating site although I'd met a few OK ladies but OK isn't good enough. As I'd paid for a year and had only been there for 6 months I stopped caring much - I started changing my description and that of my "ideal partner" weekly. So many profiles had said "must have a good sense of humour" that I started writing funny and obviously fictional profiles. The result of that was that I got a following of regular readers and more contacts. One good looking and highly educated lady stood out from the rest but lived in another country thousands of miles away so out of the question for a date but we exchanged emails for a few months, then phone calls, then I took the plunge and visited. Our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up.

    So my advice:
    Be honest (several lied about their age and/or had a profile photo dating back a while), look for a friend, friendships can lead places. Be highly self critical, you are not a perfect catch, you never will be but there may be things you can change for the better, lose weight (or put some on if you're skinny), quit smoking, pay more attention to personal grooming and clothes. Be realistic, consider an age range of yours plus or minus 5 years, a 20 year old girl isn't going to be interested in a 40 year old guy (unless you're paying!). Several women I spoke to had horror stories of guys whose only aim was to find someone to have sex with and seemed to just assume that all the ladies had the same aim - and weren't choosy. If that's what you are looking for then be honest, visit a massage parlour...
    Do be alert to the fact that there may be confidence tricksters and "ladies of the night" on there.

    Be selective about which dating agency you use. For example there are some associated with quality newspapers and in UK one associated with a classical music radio channel. Those are not likely to appeal to readers of the tabloid press or aficionados of more popular styles of music so you have some idea what kind of person you'll meet. There is also a cost range. Low budget sites will attract low budget people.

    Guys - look at the profiles other guys have written, you may get some good ideas and see some mistakes to avoid.

  191. Tom W
    January 16, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    I haven't used online dating yet, but I plan to in the future. I live in a pretty sparsely populated area, and I think that will be an advantage. The people I message will likely have fewer "creep" messages than someone in other parts of the country, and that will mean they can see the genuine messages easier. This is only speculation, though. I'll have to see whether it pans out that way.

  192. Finn
    January 16, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    No hating please, I already know that my opinion about relationship is not popular but I thought I'd share a few words.

    Both sides have their rights and wrongs. I always liked meeting people in Internet. I always thought (and I still do) that dating websites are a great idea. I always protect dating websites because of a simple reason - it's a public place where real people are showing themselves. You found creepy people on dating websites? Sure, but you know that they also exist in real life and you could meet them on a classic date, right?

    Personally, I always wanted to find a girlfriend through dating website. You say that messages are cold and shallow, and only the bright smile and eye-to-eye contact can give you something more. Well, I don't agree. It only gives you problems, because you start to focus more on that beautiful smile and you forget about important things - like someone's beliefs, requirements and way of spending free time. I got myself countless times into very sh**ty situations where I forget what's important to me and I went after looks. I only ended up hurting myself and wasting time for something that was bad from the beginning - I just couldn't see it. Horrible, I prefer "cold and shallow" text. Maybe it's not that romantic but at least I will not waste my time because from the very beginning both sides will know fundamental things about eachother, like wanting or not wanting children / getting married, religion (not important? I got dumped because I said I don't believe in God) and stuff like that. On a classic first date you can't go to restaurant and ask that person "Hey, you seem like a great person but before we start I'd like to ask... do you want to get married soon? Cause you know, I don't plan on doing that ..." cause that's even for my egoistic mind hillariously wrong thing to do. But on a dating site? You look at someone's profile and you get these informations instantly.

    My point is not about being shallow and calculating. But still, there ARE things that you cannot overcome in relationship and there's no way to choose something "in-between". I know and fully understand that relationship is based on compromise. Still, you can't force yourself to do some things. With dating websites you see these things instantly (marriage, children, plans about future, religion). With classic dating you may romantically fall in love (which yeah, is damn good feeling) but in the end you may hurt yourself more than you think.

    • Chris
      December 31, 2014 at 6:25 pm

      I agree Finn. I spent 7 years with a Mormon and couldn't adjust to religious differences, though I gave it a fair shot. We romantically fell in love. His faith put tremendous pressure on us to start a family, and after we married, I found out I couldn't have children based on health reasons. That was the beginning of the end. It was heart-rending. On a dating site I can see when having kids is a deal-breaker for a perspective mate.

    • jasmine
      January 30, 2015 at 12:54 am

      I have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband meant his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come's back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to Dr.Osaze.Malacca whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fulfilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was cast they quarrelled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email:spirituallove @ hotmail . com

  193. likefunbutnot
    January 16, 2014 at 6:36 am

    Online dating really only works for exactly the sort of audience that already has plenty of other dating options. It's great if you're relatively young and in a relatively urban area and if your socioeconomic status is broadly similar to other people nearby. I suspect that it's also a good option for people outside the age range most commonly acceptable to a site's younger users, though that's outside my experience.

    Personally, I was a daily OKCupid user for more than five years and in that time I doubt I got more than 10 responses to messages that I sent. I tried much the same approach as Eric and I was ignored to an even greater degree. In the end, I deleted my account. It was an enormous waste of time. I'm actually a big believer that its quantitative analysis has value, but since I had to depend on some form of positive reaction from an other human being and did not even happen often enough for me to draw any conclusion except that continuing to not have any interaction at all was psychologically damaging.

    On the other hand, an acquaintance of mine filled out an OKCupid profile with the barest minimum of information so that she could take the entertaining quizzes it used to have. Her profile indicated that she was 33 and female with no other identifying information. Her inbox filled within 45 minutes of account creation.

    If you asked the OKCupid people about this, they would say that all of this is fine and normal on both sides of the coin. Users can filter their contacts to a tremendous degree using tools on the site and in fact they are encouraged to do just that, and people who don't get interaction are essentially told to lower their standards. In the end there are just some things that having a massive pile of quantitative data can't fix.

  194. Nick C
    January 16, 2014 at 2:14 am

    Which is why I often think that Online dating is useless and only for curtain types.

  195. Bruce E
    January 16, 2014 at 12:35 am

    The technology is not the problem. The same thing exists whether online or off. For example, Eric's major problem is attempting to present himself as a "nice guy" even it happens that he is one. Single females are not looking for him. They want the guy who will treat them poorly, beat them physically or emotionally, imprison them without bars, enslave them without chains, etc. The only ones looking for the nice guy are already married to the bad boy who have done the above and only now realize that isn't what they should have been looking for. I have watched the same thing over and over again for decades. That aspect of the game has never changed, only the venue; from face-to-face meetings in bars, clubs, schools and other physical locations and events to Match and eHarmony.

    • chris
      January 16, 2014 at 1:20 am

      Sounds a lot like "women are idiots" to me

    • Bruce E
      January 16, 2014 at 4:34 am

      Some are. Same thing with the guys.

    • Finn
      January 16, 2014 at 11:51 am

      Unfortunately there is some truth in your words :/ I wish I could say "Dude... you clearly haven't met the normal women yet" but I can't. I've seen the same pattern over and over again. Yeah, sure, it's not that EVERY woman is like that because I have female friends who got cool boyfriends that even I befriended and we all make a great pack of friends. Yet, a lot of women are getting themselves into a terrible relationships with people who treat them badly :X That's... horrible. I guess it's the circle of life? ;)

    • whocareswhatmynameis?
      February 6, 2015 at 4:57 am

      Sorry you cannot get anyone interested in you. Stop asking women out who are way more attractive than you. She isn't into bad boys, you're just not attractive to her and keep trying to punch above your weight.

      PS, despite what you think, you're not a nice guy. Many guys who claim they are a nice guy, aren't. You are one of them.

    • whocareswhatmynameis?
      February 6, 2015 at 5:11 am

      It's amazing the mental acrobatics some people will go through rather than just accept that she just doesn't fancy YOU.

      And this notion we often hear, that women find it easier than men to "get" sex - well sure, if they're willing to sleep with men they find repulsive. Just like men can.

      A scholarly study called Misperceptions of Sexual Interest by C. Perilloux was carried out.

      It was actually really interesting. The study showed men consistently rated themselves too highly, went after women right out of their league, got knocked back. Women consistently rated themselves as less attractive than they are, went after men well within their league, fewer knock backs. However, the more attractive men did not mis-rate themselves and did not have this problem. Average men consistently tried to latch onto women they had no realistic chance with.

      What's more, the more attracted HE was to HER, the more he was convinced she was also attracted - no matter what she said to the contrary.

      In the real world these men then complain about how women don't want sex/them. If men are having problems with continual knock backs, I recommend they get a completely independent rating of how attractive they are and only make overtures to women within their league.

      And even then of course, if she says no it just means she's saying no to HIM.

      The study explained this had an evolutionary advantage. Because for all the hundreds of women out of your league who say no, you might get one yes. And then you have access to really attractive genetic material. But the faulty cognition is passed down to your offspring who also keep chasing women they haven't a hope with, and getting annoyed when they receive the obvious refusal, and so the cycle continues.

      And this faulty cognition was of course reinforced by the messed up social inequality we lived with for so long, whereby women would suffer unattractive men because they had so few realistic economical options. Which left a lot of men thinking they honestly had an entitlement to or hope with women who are far more attractive than they are, when independently rated.

      So basically, we have a mixture of the average man trying to latch onto women they really haven't much hope with, plus monogamy killing women's original high sex drive, and men mis-reading this as women not wanting sex.

      Sadly, no, she just doesn't want sex with YOU.

      And no, sorry, if you are claiming to be a nice guy, you probably aren't. And no, there is no such thing as "women"who want bad boys. You're just not attractive to her. Women are willing to overlook character flaws to get the hottest guy they can. Just like men do.

      Look, the bottom line is that if she says "I don't want sex" she means with you.

      Women have strong libidos and love sex. The book What Women Really Want by Daniel Bergner uses 7 years of scientific research to categorically prove that women are not only AS sexual as men, they may even be more so. And that monogamy kills women's sex drives within a few years. Women are wired up to be non-monogamous. Hence all those thousands of nerves around the clitoris designed for nothing but pure pleasure.

      It's now accepted that primitive humans travelled in groups, and females (like our closest relations bonobos) had multiple male partners. This meant extra protection as males were less likely to harm an infant that might be theirs & more likely to protect a female who might be carrying their young.

      The female orgasm is very easy. Friction on clitoris. Mechanical, just like men's. Since women are human beings just as men are, this is no surprise. Massages/candles not required. Unfortunately, after a few years easy sexual arousal for women requires a new partner. Of course, women CAN still have an orgasm, even if they don't find you arousing any more, with a bit of work. Monogamy, though difficult for women, is possible.

      But the reason women always slept around is they're wired that way. As well as the evidence accumulated by Bergner you can look at "sperm wars" and paternity testing for proof. Why do sperm fight and kill one another? They have to if they want a chance at a fertilising an egg, because women have always slept around. And there were a lot of surprised people around when DNA testing of children first became possible.

      You can look at the many books like Nancy Friday's The Secret Garden - which they didn't want to publish back in the 70's because some men (and some women who have internalised misogyny) could not bear to know that women are just as lascivious as men in their desires and fantasies. Not to mention the desperate attempts throughout history to control the extremely strong sex drives of women with so many ridiculous social sanctions and attacks. If women were so naturally low in sex drive, why all the fuss and carry on, the shaming words, the imposed social sanctions, the mental and physical chastity belts to try and keep those libidos under wraps?

      And it's common sense too of course, I wonder who men were supposed to be sleeping around with if not equally lusty women? Bottom line, we now have proof that women are designed for multiple sexual partners & orgasms. And suddenly it all makes sense.

      Freeing women up from the burden of unwanted pregnancy has allowed them to do what they always wanted to - have recreational sex. And nope, they often don't want love or commitment. Just sex.

      If your male partner said he didn't want to have sex, would you assume it was something emotional, he was witholding, punishing you etc.? No, of course not. You would assume the obvious, he just didn't fancy you any more. When we hear hoofbeats, we think horses, not zebras.

      It's this simple. If she's not having sex with you, she is probably having it with someone else, or at the very least almost certainly wishes she was.


      And finally, if you want actual online dating advice - get an independent attractiveness rating, stop trying to punch above your weight and talk to her like she is a human being. At the very least, when you keep approaching women much hotter than you accept you will probably fail. And if she says no, or ignores you, move on.

    • HonkyTonkMan
      February 20, 2015 at 5:49 am

      WhoCare, the big issue is when men who are out of a women's league will actually approach a woman, this is more relevant to in person approaching (because online they can obviosuly just ignore them), they will be sent mixed signals because often the girl is too nice to just tell the guy to screw off. She might give a # to just get the guy away and then never answer, or even worse they might make replies to texts but they are short and attempts at hinting to the man that they would actually like to be left alone. Problem here is to ust get a # makes a guy think he is well on his way to a possible relationship or sex. Then to get any reply to texts is also seems to be a good sign, the men are blinded by optimism of chances with this beautiful girl. They tend to push out the negative signs, only focusing on the positive. Leaving them strung up until the girl finally decides to break it to them harshly that its a no go. I can tell you this because it has happened to me as a guy and I refused to accept the hints, body language and short text responses to mean that I should move on. I have even recently made a girl very and and rude to me for myself acting this way. I think she was out of line in how she dealt with the situation, a simple sorry I'm not really interested text would've sufficed, instead of calling me creepy for texting her a few times and liking facebook posts. She might have been more of a B than most girls, seeing as I have had similar situations and the girl eventually just said lets just be friends. OK, I can deal, no need to insult someone. It can be disappointing enough to think you have a chance with a great girl and then she says sorry I'm not interested. But, then pile on hurtful things to someone who said nothing but nice things to you is kind of rough.

      I know I am not the only guy to have a girl turn me down with hurtful comments after leading you on and thinking you should have just realized she was not interested and gave up. Thing is you couldn't "take a hint", but we are adults here and those are games kids play. No need for hints, you can be nice and find a more reasonable time to let a guy down, but don't wait weeks and then get angry with him because you never made your intentions clear. Because the girls don't realize, its not that obvious for the guy to see she is trying to put off signals that she lacks interest. We will, in even the more extreme cases, often focus on the few positive over the negatives to keep up our optimism, until its written out in plain english to us, "I flattered, but no thank you." Its easy, just text that and don't worry, even if you look like Anna Kendricks the guy is unliekly to hang himself over the news.

  196. dragonmouth
    January 16, 2014 at 12:24 am

    People don't aren't any different on dating sites than they are/were in "meat market" bars back in the 70s & 80s. Nice guys never had a chance because they were perceived as wimps. Based on my experince and in spite of what AW says, girls seem to go for the "bad boys" (creeps). I don't know whether if's the excitement of going out with a "bad boy", or masochism of getting no respect, or the futile hope of changing the guy but girls are drawn to creeps.

    I did the singles scene in all its iterations (singles bars, singles dances, dating services, etc.) starting in the late 60s and through the 70s. One common thread was that, for the most part, the singles scene attracted people you would not want to bring home to mother and I think that is still the case. Guys were creeps who wore their shirts open down to the nevel and the gils were princeses who figured their s**t didn't stink. Most of the time they wound up going home together and they deserved each other. Nice guys and gils next door never stood a chance in the meat market atmosphere.

    I think the problem with today's young people is that because of the immediacy of their forms of communication (IM, texting, cellphones, etc.), they want/expect instant gratification in all areas of their lives. I noticed that neither AW or Eric gave online dating a serious chance, AW quit after a week and Eric after six months. As you are well aware it takes time to develop a relationship, especially one that is supposed to last a life time. AW knew her husband-to-be for 2 years before they even started dating. Had she spent that much time online dating she would have found somebody she would have been willing to spend the rest of her life with.

    My advice to Eric is to get back on line. He will eventually find maybe not the "perfect girl" but a girl he can live with. And that's another thing. We all form in our mind the picture of the "perfect mate" - the right mix of intelligence, beauty, oersonality and income. Then we measure all prospects against that ideal and, unsurprisingly, all candidates fail the comparison. Life is a series of compromises. As the 1970s song said "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

    BTW - I met my wife through a dating service, back in the days when the questionnaires were paper and the matching was done by a mainframe. She did not have a Miss Universe looks or Einstein IQ or a corporate vice president's income. But she did have a very pleasant personality. I'm sure I did not posses all the attributes of her knight in shining armor. It wasn't "love at first sight." But we liked each other very much. We have been together now almost 28 years. We've had our ups and we've had our downs but, unless something unforseen happens, we plan to stay together to the end.

    • whocareswhatmynameis?
      February 6, 2015 at 4:56 am

      Nope. You're just not very attractive, that's all. Women do NOT go for a certain type and they don't like bad boys. Because there is no such thing as "women" or "men" who all feel the same. When we hear someone trying to claim that "women" feel a or do b we know they are telling us a HUGE amount about themselves and nothing, whatsoever, about women (or men).

      However, we can say that guys who claim they are "nice guys" usually turn out to be nowhere near as nice as they believe they are. Your comment proves that you are definitively NOT a nice guy.

      If you got knock backs, she just didn't fancy you, that's all. Newflash, women are attracted to hot men and are willing to overlook character flaws in them. Just like men with women.

    • dragonmouth
      February 6, 2015 at 1:39 pm

      My, my, my. You have a such a huge hangup about looks. Trite as it sounds "beauty IS in the eye of the beholder." I've seen many good-looking guys happily married to complete bow-wows and drop-dead gorgeous women happily married to "only a mother could love" looking guys. Obviously there is more to love and marriage than looks. Don't forget that good looks fade with time but stupid is forever.

      "You’re just not very attractive"
      That sounds like bullying to me. In fact, all your posts are designed to bully.

      Considering you have never seen me, that is a stupid statement to make. I suppose if I had a fragile ego and took offense at the slightest negative comment, like most people do today, I would go off the deep end. But I am comfortable with what I am and no pissant comments from the likes of you will change that.

    • OJBug
      March 28, 2015 at 7:43 am

      Dragonmouth: you wrote an incredibly compassionate message and I am so thankful for it. I'm trying online dating for the first time and I'm pushing 40. I have no kids, an amazing career, make very good money, and others tell me I'm easy on the eyes (and in great shape). Yet in the 8 weeks I've been on this site, not ONE man has messaged me other than 5 older, creepy ones. I finally reached out to one guy that I thought was attractive and had a lot in common with me and he didn't bother to reply. Like the previous posters, I question what's wrong with me. Why isn't anyone interested? I have all the right photos (they follow all the rules someone also posted here) and I've had several people (friends, family, even strangers) make sure my profile looks great. It is very hard to be patient and even harder to not think there's something wrong with you. I appreciate your story and your words of wisdom, thank you for brightening my day.

  197. Experienced
    January 15, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    My biggest advice to women for their dating profiles:
    1) Don't post photos of you and your friends on a dating web site.
    - Unless of course you want to show me how attractive your friends are, which is weird.
    - Seeing photos of you in a line of 10 women It tells me that you can't stand on your own or that you lack confidence.
    - If I'm looking at YOUR profile, I want to see photos of YOU.
    2) Don't post a photo in which you've cropped out your last boyfriend.
    - You're not fooling anyone; I know that's his arm behind your neck.
    2) Don't post scenery photos
    - Talk about the trips you've taken, favorite and/or dream destinations.
    3) Don't post pics of your kids (if you have them)
    - It's a dating web site, keep that in mind.
    4) Don't post pics of you with someone ELSE'S kids (if you don't have kids)
    - It looks like you have one, or you desperately want one.
    5) Don't post solo pics of your pets
    - Just tell me you like/have pets and let it be part of the conversation.
    6) Don't post for the 'silly face' pose
    - it's usually NOT a flattering photo
    7) Don't post a pursed-lipped (duck-bill) photo
    - It's not flattering and it just looks you're either arrogance, or a follower
    8) Don't post bikini photos.
    - While sexy photos will catch a guy's eye for sure but you will get the creeper element's attention. And they don't require much encouragement to creep on.
    9) I know you love to laugh.
    - Check your profile, check your friend's profiles.
    - I guarantee at least ONE of you in your group has stated this obvious fact.
    - A joke is made with friends on how many women "love to laugh".
    - Ironically, your arrogant, duck-billed, pursey-lipped photos suggest otherwise.
    - Me? I'm a fan of frowning.

    Profile Suggestions:
    1) SMILE
    - if you look misreable, guys will think you are.
    2) See #1
    3) Post a few photos, not just one.
    - I want to see what you REALLY look like.
    - Your photos should be CURRENT.
    - Post one of your full body (not a sexy shot, but one that says "this is me, i'm not trying to hide")
    - Post one of you doing something you love.

    • Tim B
      January 17, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      You've provided an excellent example of how most men don't get online dating. Well done.

      If you're wondering why the online dating game isn't working for you, you only need to look at the horrific mess of a comment you just posted.

    • whocareswhatmynameis?
      February 6, 2015 at 4:52 am

      Dear Lonely who will be lonely forever - your comment is controlling and creepy. Good luck with being single. No, we don't believe your fairy stories, don't waste your itme.

      Hint - no woman, anywhere exists for your approval or disapproval. They don't care. At all. What you think. There is nothing you can do about that. Your opinion is not relevant to almost the entire human race. If you are exceptionally attractive you might manage to get someone to date you once or twice (because, despite the lies you have been told, women are equally visual to men and equally willing to ignore common sense to date someone hot).

      Otherwise, your only hope is to fix yourself. Show this comment to a good female psychologist. And good luck with that.

    • Fireguy
      February 20, 2015 at 5:28 am

      Ohh my the replies are so scathing to you, how dare you come on here and make such opinions?!? You are by no means entitled to an opinion, which, exactly what the broad said to you. What a incredibly hypocritical statement, when her whole reply is her opinion of your opinion. I guess only women have the right to opine on anything. Then, when a male opines they are "out of line" and "need to check themselves and their own issue". Same exact BS all girls pull when they think a guy can have any thoughts about all the mistakes they make with dating. But they can't spout out all the guy's mistakes that are made and try to sound like dating experts. Just shut up, your "opinions" are no more relevant than anyone's.

    • Peachy
      February 20, 2015 at 9:15 am

      @ Experience
      great advice you have listed there.
      And I totally agree with you on No.2 I have seen most profile of men have
      there ex's or maybe friends cropped .. they may be friends or sister
      but still it is a drawback. Just my view.

    • Kate
      March 16, 2015 at 11:58 pm

      Has it occurred to you that your list of "Don'ts" is off-putting mansplaining? Do you think this projects a positive image of you to potential dates?

    • Shar
      April 7, 2015 at 3:36 am

      agree and recommend exactly the same for the guys. but add: 1. post a pic, preferably without sunglasses, and 2. answer the basic questions especially the one stating you're SINGLE.

    • M
      May 5, 2015 at 12:48 am

      With such high standards have you found a long lasting relationship and how happy are you now?

      • confused
        October 25, 2016 at 5:34 pm

        A nice profile pic is high standards? Wow, you women sure have it rough.

        • M
          October 25, 2016 at 8:45 pm

          You obviously missed the long winding list. Go back and read.

  198. David B
    January 15, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    I met my ex-wife on a dating site, so they are horrible. But then I met my current wife on a dating site, so they are good. HA

    • Justin P
      January 16, 2014 at 12:52 am


    • Anonymous
      December 13, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      What dating site did you find your true love?

    • Peachy
      February 20, 2015 at 9:01 am

      @ David B , good for you as your search is over.
      Yes, what dating site were you signed in? Care to share?

      Although in all dating sites there will always be sharks .. I believe I will just be cautious and avoid them. I have been in different dating site and I would not last a month. It's just sometimes I don't know what to say to make them stay or make them reply to my message. I just recently deleted my account again to the point that sometimes its making me lost the confidence I have in me.
      So in the meantime.. I'm wrapping myself up with positivity .. that somehow I am going
      meet the one.. I know it would take some patience, effort and time.

    • kev
      March 3, 2015 at 9:38 pm

      Lmfao girls have got it easy stop acting offended by guys sleezy messages you can just delete it and block the person if you want dont take it personally the creeps will be messaging all of the girls the same. then you can use your common sense and intuition to work out who the good guys are. Im a really good looking guy i have been on pof dating site for 2 years and not had one message from any girl i would be even slightly interested in

    • Darryl
      April 30, 2015 at 2:48 am

      I met my second wife through a dating service. We lasted 18 years and God as my witness it was the biggest mistake of my life. We were both needy and hungry for good relationship. She had me over for dinner at her place on the second date and never looked back.

      We should have taken it much slower. We had good times but i guess I wonder what "could have been". She was 39 and never married and I was on the rebound from my first marriage. One really never knows. I Guess I just have to look at the positive sides though now I'm older and very lonely.
      It is tough to see what might have been. Overall though I made decisions the best I could with the knowledge and information I had at the time.