I would like you to know that under my sizzling macho manly exterior lies the heart of a total Star Wars geek. Not a week goes by without me watching something Star Wars-related, and one of the high points in my life was meeting Kenny Baker, who plays R2-D2, at the premiere of Revenge of the Sith in 2005.
Unfortunately, I’m not in the picture, as I was the one taking it, but trust me, I was there to shake his hand, and get my Star Wars novel signed. So, as you can imagine, May 4th is highlighted prominently on my calendar, for the simple reason that it is Star Wars Day.
Star Wars Day is celebrated on May the 4th every year because of a simple play on words: “May the Force be with you,” becomes “May the 4th be with you.” Its origins can be traced all the way back to 1979, but Star Wars Day has only really been a thing in more recent years thanks to its legend spreading via Star Wars geeks using the Internet and social media.
With Star Wars back in business with Mickey Mouse at the helm, we felt now would be a good time to think of the wackiest ways geeks can celebrate Star Wars Day. Let’s take a look at just some of the best/funniest/creative ideas.
Watch All of the Movies
Well, of course this has to be the first thing you do on the 4th. And don’t even think about trying to pretend that Episodes 1 through 3 didn’t happen. Just like the Original Trilogy, Uncle George (Lucas) made them, so you simply have to watch them. I recommend watching the movies in order, starting with The Phantom Menace, starring the adorable Jar-Jar Binks, and that little brat who grows up to be Hayden Christensen. You no want to? Me know Hayden is whiny!
Just don’t bother buying Star Wars: The Digital Movie Collection, as it’s not worth the money.
Watch the Family Guy Versions
With regards to parodies and satire of Star Wars, Lucasfilm has kept hold of a very tight leash over the years, and hasn’t been afraid to send their lawyers in to quash any rebel scum that opposes them. However, one huge exception was made for Seth MacFarlane, creator and producer of Family Guy. In honor of the original movie’s 30th anniversary, McFarlane created a Family Guy trilogy based on the movies, called Laugh It Up Fuzzball.
The first one – Blue Harvest – was brilliant, but the other two – Something, Something, Something, Dark Side, and It’s a Trap! Hmmm… not so great, but still worth watching. I guess the fact that they went straight to DVD should tell you something.
Watch the Funny Fan Videos on YouTube
The Internet, especially YouTube, is awash with fan homages to Star Wars. My personal favorite is a YouTube series called Chad Vader (now in its third season), who is the brother of Darth, is a bit of a loser, and works as a supermarket day shift manager. He gets no respect, and is always depressed… in other words, he is the total opposite of his Sith Lord brother.
Or you could watch Eddie Izzard’s skit about the Death Star canteen.
Or meet the Skywalkers at home. This too has turned into a bit of a series. It’s amazing what you can do with LEGO.
Shake That Booty to the Imperial March
If there is one thing guaranteed to get a Sith Lord’s blood pumping, it’s listening to The Imperial March at full volume. I mean, this is how Darth kicks back after a hard day’s work looking mean and killing his employees.
So this is what you need to do next. If you have a guitar then even better. Plug that baby in and start rocking the Death Star away. No guitar? No problem. Click on the video above and crank up the volume to maximum. Get a complaint about the noise from the neighbor? Then breathe heavily in their face, point to them, and say “I find your lack of faith disturbing”.
This Dark Side stuff is SO easy.
Dress up as a Star Wars Character
I know, it’s pathetic. Unlike the dedicated cosplayers, I don’t even have a proper outfit. But that’s what happens when you’re married. You see a fantastic Stormtrooper helmet for $50 and the wife inevitably asks, “Do you really need that? We could pay the electricity bill instead. You’ll only wear it once”. All attempts to throttle her using the Force failed, and the electricity company ended up getting my $50. So now I have to put a woolly jacket on and keep the hood up.
However, some people go all out when it comes to costumes. I mean, look at these guys.
Get Your Lightsaber Out (Not an Innuendo)
Anyone who professes to be a Star Wars geek HAS to have a lightsaber. I mean, it’s a rite of passage to construct your own. I stood with the other kids at Disneyland Paris, putting my lightsaber together and feeling like a really bad-ass Imperial Darth Mark. My saber even made all the noises. I celebrated having my own lightsaber by challenging a kid in the store to a duel. He beat me by whacking me on the knees.
So, you could spend the whole of Star Wars Day jumping on everyone with your lightsaber. The postman (“Tell me where you have hidden the secret plans!”), the dog (“Chewbacca, tell me where Solo is. I want him alive!”), and the wife (“I recognized your foul stench when you were brought on board”). OK, maybe not the last one. Otherwise she will take your foul stench and kick you in the Ewoks.
Wave Your Hand in Front of Someone & Tell Them, “Go Home & Rethink Your Life!”
In my opinion, one of the best moments from the Prequel Trilogy (and a heavily re-quoted one) is when Obi-Wan (played by my fellow Scot, Ewan McGregor) is at the bar minding his own business. He is approached by a person of dubious reputation, who asks him if he wants to buy some death sticks. And Obi-Wan says…
So, why don’t you do the same. After bashing the postman over the head with your lightsaber, wave your hand in front of him and say, “You want to go home and rethink your life”. Watch out for that mean right swing headed straight for your jaw though! Ooooh… you really felt the Force there. You can also expect your mail to “mysteriously disappear” from now on.
Call George Lucas & Talk Like Yoda
I decided I would really go all out for this article, so I decided to call up Lucasfilm and ask to speak to George Lucas. Except I would be pretend to be Yoda. Original, right? I hoped they would be so fooled that I was calling from Dagobah that they would put me right through to the Master himself.
Me (after they picked the phone up): “Uuurrrrr… Master Yoda this is, George I must speak to. Connect me you must.”
Them: (MUCH laughter): “I’m sorry Master Yoda, but George is not here right now. Would you like to leave a message?”
Me: “Unfortunate that is. Speak to him, I must. The Dark Side he has gone. The Sith Lord, is Disney.”
Them: (still laughing) “Well, I will be sure to tell him that when he is here. Thank you Master Yoda.”
Me: “Urrrr… the Force is strong in you… Jedi you are… Hello? Still there, are you?”
Tell Everyone, “I AM Your Father!”
After George failed to call me back, I decided to permanently go over to the Dark Side. After all, they have delicious cookies. But then I had a sudden urge to tell everyone that I was their father.
I called my father and said in my best Vader voice, “I AM your father”. He asked me if I was smoking anything. I told my father-in-law, “I AM your father” and he hugged me and said “Papa!”. I told my wife, “I AM your father” and she said, “Well… haven’t we been breaking the law then for the past 15 years?”
However, the absolute best way of doing this is to go into someone’s phone (a friend or relative only please), and change your contact details to “Darth Vader”. Then send them an SMS saying the immortal phrase. When they see that they just got an SMS from Darth Vader, they are going to laugh and laugh. Not.
Fire a Gun Stormtrooper-Style (Miss Every Time)
I would like to know who taught the stormtroopers how to use a gun. Because your typical stormtrooper couldn’t hit someone who was standing right up against them, with their nose pressed up against their helmet. If you see 100 stormtroopers coming towards you with all guns firing, don’t worry, you’re in no danger.
So, on Star Wars Day, go up to the little kid next door and ask for a loan of one of his play guns. Then start “shooting” at everyone, and don’t forget the “Pow! pow!” noises to go with it. Just don’t try it with any old ladies – they can be pretty mean hitting you with their little shopping trolley or umbrella. And if you are currently seeing a shrink, be careful. They might think you’re having a relapse and put you in the ward for a quick checkup.
What will you be doing on Star Wars Day? Will you be blasting rebel scum or will you be searching for those missing plans? Please let us know in the comments section below.