iPhone and iPad

How To Find Out If You Have No Life [iPhone]

Dave LeClair 18-11-2011

iphone no lifeSome people like to tell me that I have no life. I spend too much time sitting around, playing video games and writing articles about nerdy things. I tend to disagree, and I have found an application that proves that I do have a life.


How can an application tell me that whether or not I have a life? By having a scientifically unproven method that is approved by 1 out of every 497000 doctors, of course. Seeing as I passed the test I am about to teach you all about, I can say with at least eleven percent certainty that I have a life!

The free application for iPhone called “The No Life Test” aims to tell users whether they truly have no life. It is a simple app, which does not have a lot of bells or whistles, but it does one thing, and it does it well.

This is an important app; it could change the lives of millions of iPhone users, and possibly the lives of everyone around them. After all, how can someone know if he or she has no life if an iPhone application does not tell him or her?

Downloading the Life Changing Application

Before your life is turned around, you first need to download the application to your iPhone. Don’t worry; downloading the application is not part of the test. Just go to the iTunes App Store on your iPhone and search for “The Ultimate No Life Test” without the quotes of course. Alternately, click this handy link and download the application to your computer.

iphone no life


Before you go any further, pause for a second, and think about the implications of what you are about to find out. Do you truly have no life? Are you ready to learn such information? If you feel you are ready, then it is time to venture forth, and find out just how little life you actually have.

Taking the Test

The parameters for this test are actually simple, and of course, it is all one hundred percent scientific. In fact, I heard from some guy in an alley that a team of high paid scientists from Antarctica spent the last 50 years researching this iPhone application. Obviously, when you are determining if someone does or does not have a life, you want to be accurate, and I am slightly confident this app is as good as it gets.

no life test

At this point, you have to be asking yourself just what the application actually is. It’s actually just a red button on a screen, and the aim is to see how many times you can press the red button without getting bored and moving on to something else. It sounds like a pretty easy test to beat. After all, you just need to put your phone down and walk away. However, if you have no life, then you would have nothing to walk too, thus you would fail.


no life test

This thing is a real killer for ‘completionists’ and achievement junkies (the people who arguably have the least life of all). The highest-level game center achievement asks you to tap the red button one million times. This whopping one million times is not over a lifetime, oh no, once you close the application, the counter resets. What it comes down to is this; if you get that achievement, you unequivocally have no life.

no life test

There are leaderboards, but I think this is the one leaderboard where ending up at the top is not a good thing. Maybe they should call it a loserboard instead?


iphone no life

If you find you don’t have a life, don’t fret! Just close the application, go outside, and meet some people and do some stuff. Then you will have a life. You might even be able to get a job as a motivational speaker or something. Imagine yourself going around and sharing your story to the downtrodden about how you turned your lack of a life around.


This application will change the world. All the lifeless people of the world will now know they have a problem and they will take steps to rectify the situation. Maybe they will go out and become astronauts, or at the very least accountants. Maybe they will make an awesome Nyan Cat progress bar Add Nyan Cat To Your Progress Bars, Because It's Awesome Is your Windows progress bar stupid, green and boring? Make it 5011% more awesome: add the infamous Nyan cat to it, complete with the trademark music and rainbow. It's just a simple download away. There... Read More for windows? Maybe they will preach the good word of having a life to others, and before we know it, everyone in the world will have a life. All of this can come from a free iPhone application. It sounds like a winning proposition to me.

Do you have a life? Well then, tell us about it in the comments!


Image Credit: ShutterStock

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  1. Maryann Rapuano
    December 3, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Love this article - Dave - pretty funny and clever - keep them coming - bright spot in a very stupid day.....

  2. /troll
    November 19, 2011 at 1:37 am

    My life does not contain pressing a red button 1 miillion times, but it does contain haviing gay sex with 1 million straight men. After which they become gay.

    • Cswcu48
      November 19, 2011 at 3:25 pm

      Ok.  This was a good one.  I laughed.

    • Dave LeClair
      November 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      lol, not sure how to respond to that.