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If you’re a gamer in this day and age then you’re probably an online gamer. You may remember the days when you’d play by yourself or with friends in the same room, but those days are long gone. Mainly because multiplayer is the main focus of many modern video games, with the single-player campaign or story modes starved of attention by developers eager to please the hardcore fans.
Assuming you play online then you’re guaranteed to have met certain types of online gamer. It’s unavoidable. There are a wide range of them out there, but they can all be pared down to just five main types (and their opposites).
You can try and ignore them, but they’re there regardless, plying their trade as an annoying n00b, an incessant talker, a quiet quitter, a tiresome cheat, or an unwilling team player. Know your enemy by learning who they are before you head online.
The n00b is a term that has leaked into the mainstream, but it originated in online gaming. This is the person that’s completely new to the game, likely having entered the multiplayer without having first acclimatised themselves with the controls of the game offline.
They will wander about achieving nothing but annoying their teammates and opponents. They’ll ask inane questions, they’ll make mistakes, they’ll generally make nuisances of themselves. All of which could be avoided by learning how to walk before attempting to run.
Their Opposite: The Veteran… They have seen and done it all, and will dismiss anyone who isn’t on their level. Just don’t expect them to pass on any tips to help you on your way.
The talker is pretty self-explanatory. It’s as though the world wouldn’t have provided them with the capacity to talk to other people if it didn’t want them to share every inanity that sprang to mind. So they do, constantly and consistently, even when told to shut the hell up.
Talkers comes in different varieties. There are those who are nice enough but just have verbal diarrhea, there are those that talk trash to put off their opponents, there are even those that insist on singing along to whatever music they have playing in the background.
Their Opposite: The Mute… They either don’t own a headset or are reluctant to talk into it. Which is fine for most games, but not for those that require teamwork.
The quitter is the most annoying online gamer of all those mentioned here. The video demonstrates the art of quitting perfectly, with numerous examples of gamers leaving without a trace as soon as the going gets tough. They don’t even say goodbye, which is just rude.
We previously listed videos of one man rage quitting various games, all done in the name of entertainment. But it happens for real too. People quit because they can no longer cope with the griefing/cheating/douchebaggery on display. Which is understandable.
Their Opposite: The Stalker… They won’t quit, even when you ask them to do so. Instead they think you’re their new best friend, so expect to have to spurn their non-sexual advances.
The cheat comes in all shapes and sizes. You have those who simply take advantage of their environments or the quirks of the game, by camping on high ground or spawn-killing new players, and then you have those who go out of their way to gain an unfair advantage.
This is achieved by employing a cheat or hack, and those who know the secret are guaranteed to do well regardless of their actual level of skill. Those of us who don’t cheat will never be able to understand the logic of those that do, so don’t even try.
Their Opposite: The Stickler… They know the rules and are keen to see they’re followed at all times. You can call them names if you want but they will have heard them all before.
Warning: Video Extremely NSFW
The soloist is a lone wolf, playing by their own rules and refusing to let anyone else into their personal space. Most online games now feature at least some modes where teamwork is the key to success. But soloists would rather do things their own way, thank you very much.
This type of gamer can be sneaky, coupling with you when it suits them before dropping you like a stone as soon as they feel like it. Betrayal is an accepted weapon in their arsenal, sitting comfortably alongside the machine guns and sniper rifles they invariably employ.
Their Opposite: The Leader… They either have few friends, or have a job with zero responsibility. No matter, as gaming gives them the opportunity to lead, something they’ve always craved.
If you already play video games online, then let us know your experiences with these types of opponents. Does one of the types mentioned bug you more than the others? Have you been guilty of any of the above sins yourself? If you are new to online gaming then heed the warning… you will meet these types of gamer, it’s just a matter of when. And how you choose to deal with them when you do. I personally disappear quietly. And go and read a book.