Crappy Crowdfunding: 10 Dumb Kickstarters We Did Not Support [Weird & Wonderful Web]
Crowdfunding has grown massively in popularity over the last few years. It’s now at the stage where everyone who has an idea, no matter how inane or insane that idea may be, thinks they’ll be able to persuade enough strangers on the Internet to fund their dreams.
Alongside the deluded hopefuls are the chancers, who want free money for effectively nothing in return. Between them these two groups of crowdfunding campaigners are ruining what is essentially a good idea that matches creative people with potential customers.
What follows are 10 of the absolute worst Kickstarter campaigns we could find. Luckily, none of these were successful, which goes some way to restoring my faith in humanity. Still, just knowing these people thought their campaigns would succeed is rather unsettling.
Please do yourself a favor and watch the campaign videos. They are comedy gold.
The trove of information leaked by Edward Snowden revealed the lengths the National Security Agency will go to to spy on you. The entirely obvious and eminently sensible next step is COVERING YOUR SMARTPHONE CAMERA UP! Do It Now. NOW!!! Not to worry, as these guys have you, and your phone’s camera, covered. Quite literally.
That smartphone charger you have isn’t sexy enough. It just sits there perfunctorily delivering juice to your mobile device. It’s boring, it’s vanilla, it has no phwoar factor. What you need is Paul, a sexy smartphone charger that has a mobile for a penis and a charging cable emerging from his bumhole. Now that is sexy.
You know what there isn’t enough of on Instagram ? Photographs of dead animals with bullets through their brains and entrails spilling out all over the ground. This is Un-Ac-cept-a-ble. The only way we’ll solve this problem is by starting our own Instagram just for hunters. And we’ll call it… Huntagram. Yeah, that’ll do it.
Your iPhone 4 is trash. No, not because the iPhone 5 and iPhone 5s have succeeded it, but because it isn’t capable of playing 3D games. Which is bizarre seeing as all you need to do is apply a layer of film onto the screen and “the World’s first True 3D iPhone game” becomes a possibility. We don’t know what the game will look like, but it’ll definitely feature balls. Lots and lots of balls. Balls.
I’m sure I’m not the only person who buys watermelons all the time. I mean, I pick them up once or twice a year at least. And on those rare occasions when I do buy a watermelon, I cannot help but wonder why no one has created an easier way of carrying these hefty fruits. Oh wait, they have done, and they’ve called it Watermelon Straps. Simple! Effective! Unnecessary! Pointless!
Those guys at Apple, Google, and Microsoft don’t know what they’re doing. They have created these silly mobile operating systems from scratch, and they’re all complete crap. You don’t want iOS, Android, or Windows Phone. What you want is a totally new operation system (yes, operation system) built by one guy in New Zealand. All developed on a shoestring budget of just $10 million. Bargain.
You don’t really want that new smartphone or laptop. Those things are far too complicated. What you want, no, need, is a cube. A cube that does nothing other than be a cube. It’s small, it’s simple, it’s whatever you want it to be. As long as what you want it to be is a cube with no apparent purpose whatsoever. Buy a Cube or be a square.
No one has ever reviewed Google Glass before. That review of Google Glass on MakeUseOf is all a figment of your imagination. And those think pieces about Google Glass are all hoaxes. What we need is a couple of kids to get their hands on Google Glass in order to review it for us. Because if they don’t, no one else will. They just need $5,000 to buy the damn things first. Oh.
Anyone who sticks a piece of tape or Post-It note over the webcam on their laptop is an idiot. Not because the chances of someone accessing your webcam are infinitesimally small, but because there’s now a better option. Someone has invented something called “plastic,” and if shaped into a clip during the manufacturing process, that “plastic” can totally be used to cover up the webcam on your laptop. Mind. Blown.
You may think you’re a minimalist who only buys the things you actually need. But are you? Really? No, you’re not, because you haven’t yet bought nothing. Literally, nothing. Nothing is for sale. And all for an asking price of between $50 and $1,000. You’d be a fool to buy nothing when nothing is available. Because nothing is nothing short of something.
Have You Seen A Worse Kickstarter?
This is just a small sample of the terrible crowdfunding efforts that have appeared on Kickstarter in recent years. There are, unfortunately, many more, and we want to know if you’ve seen a Kickstarter campaign more dumb than those detailed above.
Let us know all about them in the comments section below, or alternatively just tell us what you think of these campaigns, Kickstarter itself, or crowdfunding in general. All comments will be read, and most will earn a reply.
Image Credit: Kamryn Dyches via Flickr
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