Social Media

20 Bizarre New Year’s Resolutions Made on Twitter

Dave Parrack Updated 15-01-2019

Many of us make new year’s resolutions. It’s a way of declaring an intent to improve ourselves in some way, whether big or small. And what better time to do that than the start of a brand new year.


Everyone knows the standard new year’s resolutions: lose weight, get fit, drink less alcohol, save more money, etc. However, some people try to think outside the box and make bizarre new year’s resolutions instead.

What follows are the most bizarre new year’s resolutions we could find on Twitter.

1. Get Lost Without Any Help From Siri

We’re probably all too reliant on GPS now. No one uses maps anymore. And everyone reading this has probably followed Siri or Google blindly and ended up in the wrong location. It’s almost as though technology isn’t perfect.

2. Force Twitter to Add an Edit Button

Yes, this is my own tweet, and yes, it’s just a joke. However, it’s based on a half-truth, as I have been known to tweet too quickly. And the lack of an edit button means deleting the tweet and starting over. Dan you, Twitter!


3. Check Facts Before Sharing on Social Media

This is certainly an unusual new year’s resolution, but it’s also very good advice. Too many people now share stories on social media blindly without first checking their veracity. Let the fake news fightback begin!

4. Stop Kids From Eating Dirt

If your child is actually eating dirt on a regular basis you may have bigger problems than you think. Sadly, there’s probably more nutrients in a bowl of dirt than a lot of the fast food kids consume these days. Preach.


5. Stop Kids From Flossing in Public

Surely this is one new year’s resolution we can all get behind. Yes, we get it, you play Fortnite and have mastered the art of flossing. No one cares. Every other kid can do it, and so can some infantile adults too.

6. Watch Every Episode of Power Rangers

Why? Why would anyone want to watch every episode of Power Rangers? This show wasn’t good enough to justify watching when it first came out, let alone now, 20-odd years later. Especially when Black Mirror: Bandersnatch exists.


7. Rule the World

It doesn’t get any more blunt than this. You want to rule the world, and you’re not going to take any prisoners. It might be a touch ambitious to think you’ll achieve world domination in just 12 months, but anything is possible.

8. Try New Things, Including Absinthe

Resolving to try new things is fairly common. After all, we tend to get stuck in a rut doing the same things all of the time. However, demonstrating your willingness to try new things by drinking absinthe probably isn’t the best idea.


9. Stop Procrastinating, But Not Today

Humans would get so much more done if we all learned not to procrastinate. Unfortunately, a desire to push things back to tomorrow, and then the next day, and then next week, seems to be inbuilt into all of us.

10. Wash My Bras More Often

Sometimes one bizarre new year’s resolution isn’t enough. Sometimes it takes a trio to really hammer the point home. Baking bread and removing stickers are both good ideas, but publicly stating a desire to wash your bras more often is slightly odd.

11. Always Leave One Potato Chip

I’m guessing this is a way of getting used to leaving food alone when you’re full. Too many people will consume everything on their plate regardless of whether or not they’re full. However, using the same rule for potato chips seems strange.

12. Don’t Make Any New Year’s Resolutions

If your new year’s resolution is to not make any more new year’s resolutions then you’ve failed spectacularly. Especially when you even use the #NewYearsResolutions2019 hashtag to make your promise even easier to find.

13. Tweet What You Really Think

A lot of people express a desire to say what they really think, and stop holding back. However, tweeting what you really think is a risky move, especially in the current climate when anything you say can and will be used against you.

14. Look As Glamorous As a Toddler

There’s no denying this little girl does look glamorous and pouty. However, trying to retain that look into adulthood is unlikely to go down well. The blurriness of this photo is also a reminder that technology has improved massively.

15. Eat More Meat

Vegetarianism and veganism are both growing trends. People are increasingly looking at alternatives to eating meat. But not this fella. He wants to go against the grain and eat more meat. Because who cares about animals?!

16. Use My Gym Card More Often

Obvious joke is obvious. Still, this is one of those tweets where the image is essential for context. Without the image, promising to use your gym card more often is a safe, traditional resolution. But that Swiss roll changes everything.

17. Don’t Put Things Off So Much

While many of us make goals for the year ahead, how many of us actually manage to achieve them? This guy clearly never does, as he’s had the same goals since 2015. I’d wager a bet that he’ll make the same resolution next year as well.

18. Visit the Semiotic Field More Often

I’ll admit I had to Google this one, and I’m glad I did. Semiotics is the study of signs and sign processes. So, given that the location in the image houses both a tree and a sign for a tree, it’s a literal semiotic field. Clever.

19. Make Everything Bigger

Money makes the world go around, which is why a lot of us spend our lives trying to make more of it. So wanting to have a bigger bank account makes perfect sense. Wanting to have a bigger booty though? That’s another matter entirely.

20. To Be As Happy As Brian

This dog is called Brian, and he’s having a haircut. And judging by the look on his face, he’s very happy with the results. We should all aspire to be as happy as Brian, even if we’re not all blessed with such a fine head of hair.

Help Sticking to Your New Year’s Resolutions

Whatever time of year you’re reading this you may want help sticking to your new year’s resolutions. Even if you’ve already blown this year’s resolutions, there’s always next new year to focus on. Thankfully, there is some help out there.

As we’re a technology site our recommendation is to use tech to help, and this is the best tech to help you stick to your new year’s resolutions The Best Tech to Meet Your New Year's Resolutions Looking to change your life? Here's the best tech for fulfilling your New Year's resolutions! We've covered topics as diverse as learning something new to staying in touch with family. Read More . There’s also a host of apps to help you make and keep new year’s resolutions 5 Apps to Figure Out New Year's Resolutions and Long-Term Goals The new year is the time for new resolutions. Discover what your goals should be, stay on track, and achieve them with these apps. Read More . So why not give them a try.

Related topics: New Year, Twitter.

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  1. Karl Childers
    January 10, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    I refused to make a #newyearsresolution instead I made a New Year's Revolution - I turned a circle on New Year's Day & every day since!