20 Utterly Bizarre New Year’s Resolutions Made On Twitter [Weird & Wonderful Web]
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We’re now well into the new year, which means you’ll have a good idea whether or not you’re going to be able to stick to your resolutions this time around. We wish you well.

We know you have struggled in the past Do People Actually Stick To Their New Year's Resolutions? Do People Actually Stick To Their New Year's Resolutions? How often do people just give up a few months in (or even less in some cases)? Read More , which is why we have sought to help you stick to your new year’s resolutions using common sense How To Turn Your New Year Resolution Into A Success Story How To Turn Your New Year Resolution Into A Success Story Do resolutions last beyond January? It might be impossible to stick to your goal one hundred percent, but with the tips here, you can do a pretty good job of it. Read More , using online communities How To Find An Online Community To Support Your New Year Resolutions How To Find An Online Community To Support Your New Year Resolutions You've made a great resolution, and you're ready to stick to it in 2015 . . . now what? Set yourself up for success by finding an online community to help meet your goals this... Read More , and using Reddit Keep Your New Year's Resolutions With Help From Reddit [Weird & Wonderful Web] Keep Your New Year's Resolutions With Help From Reddit [Weird & Wonderful Web] Do not allow yourself to fail at keeping your new year's resolutions this time. Help yourself and others succeed using Reddit and its surprisingly helpful community. Read More .

However, alongside the more serious attempts to improve oneself are the silly new year’s resolutions. Which is what we’re focusing on today in this week’s Weird & Wonderful Web.

These are all utterly bizarre resolutions made on Twitter in the run up to the new year. They’re probably all jokes, but there is always a chance these people are being deadly serious.

Bisexual Bond

The Queen of England is clearly in charge of deciding who James Bond 3 James Bond Gadgets You Can Make From an Old Smartphone 3 James Bond Gadgets You Can Make From an Old Smartphone The smartphone is the most sophisticated gadget we carry with us everyday. And while we don’t have our own Q Branch working for us in a secret lab, thanks to a few intrepid DIY-ers and... Read More sleeps with in each new movie. And her loyal subjects wouldn’t have it any other way.

What Are You Waiting For?

The irony is rich with this one. Someone who actually wanted to stop procrastinating 6 Tips Prevent Internet Procrastination 6 Tips Prevent Internet Procrastination I am a master of procrastination. Perhaps you are too. There are millions of people who suffer from crippling procrastination and it’s a real drain on productivity and efficiency. The weird thing is, many of... Read More would get on and do so rather than waste time tweeting.

Dying To Sell

The first is one the vast majority of people share. The second, well, that only applies to estate agents.

Bacon Is Life

Like this guy, I could never promise to eat less bacon. That’s just madness.

Early Fail

This person failed to stick to their new year’s resolution even before the new year began, tweeting about just doing stuff rather than just doing stuff.

Lingering Tabs

I’m sure there a few MakeUseOf readers who share similar thoughts. As long as MakeUseOf articles are given priority, of course.

The Owl Police

It could work, I suppose. If a) owls had the capacity to talk, b) the ability to recognize when crimes are being committed, and c) could be everywhere at all times. So, no.

Patience Is A Virtue

That’s just impossible. So give up now and continue to get p***ed off at their existence.

Lucky Dolphins

Dolphins everywhere are celebrating this news with wild abandon.

Saucy Selfies

Good luck with that one, Joel. But please, for all our sakes, don’t post the resulting series of selfies to Twitter.

Making Progress

It may not be the most ambitious of plans, but it is at least a start.

Affecting Effects

Buy a dictionary, mix hazelnut syrup into chocolate spread, and do a quick search on eBay. Sorted.

2013 Called

If you don’t know how to twerk by now then I suggest you give up trying to learn and instead wait for the next ridiculous dance craze to come along.

That’s So Punny

This may well be a golden oldie repeated by some wag or other each and every new year. But having not heard it before, I must admit to rather enjoying it.

Everybody’s Resolution

Seinfeld fans are currently grinning, while the rest of the population are wondering who Lloyd Braun is.

Procrastination Policy

That is some solid procrastination right there. Still, if it works then perhaps September resolutions could become a new tradition.

Big Ambitions

With so many BOGOF offers around these days achieving this is entirely possible. And you’re likely to discover new foods in the process. I’m in.

Guaranteed Success

Who wants to have a bet with me on this one? I’ll stake some serious cash on him achieving his goal.

Resolution Revolution

We see what you did there. And this was just one of the countless similar tweets purposely confusing the two meanings of the word “resolution.

He’s Not Fussy

It’s short, it’s not particularly sweet, and it’s out of his control whether he manages to achieve his goal or not. Still, you’ve got to have a dream.

Have You Made A Strange Resolution?

So, you’ve heard what strange resolutions people have been making on Twitter, and now it’s your turn to get involved. Simply take to the comments section below and tell us either what you think of the new year’s resolutions revealed above, or, even better, reveal your own peculiar new year’s resolution(s).

We promise not to laugh at how ridiculous they are, at least to your faces. But we cannot make any such promises about the reaction you’ll get in MakeUseOf’s virtual offices. Still, it’s good to laugh. So much so that perhaps that should be my own personal resolution as we head deeper into the new year.

Image Credit: Eli Christman via Flickr

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  1. Karl Childers
    January 10, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    I refused to make a #newyearsresolution instead I made a New Year's Revolution - I turned a circle on New Year's Day & every day since!