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I’m not an Apple fanboy myself but I do know a few. They don’t deserve the treatment they receive, and have done throughout history. They’re still human, and still people who need love and attention just like everybody else. A Genius may be able to fix their iPhone without even trying, but they won’t provide the hugs these people will inevitably need on occasion. You know, like when they cannot afford the new new iPad on day one.
Apple fanboys tend to stick together, hunting in packs for new blood. If you’re carrying a fairly new Android phone then they’ll be wary at first but will invariably try to talk you in to ditching your current handset and accompanying them to the nearest Apple Store. In order to prevent this happening, us normal, non-fanboys need to keep them occupied. And Twitter is the best place to start.
What follows are eight Twitter accounts that all Apple fanboys should be following. Religiously.
John Gruber @gruber
The new dock connector has to supportUSB3, right?
— John Gruber (@gruber) July 24, 2012
John Gruber has made a name for himself with his absolute devotion and dedication to Apple. He doesn’t primarily tweet about the company using this account, so you should also follow @daringfireball. But this account shows the man who Apple fanboys aspire to be showing his softer side on Twitter.
For The Fanboys: Gruber is the number one Apple fanboy. That should be reason enough.
MG Siegler @parislemon
Oh, “NFC”. Phew. No one knows what that actually is. If you said the new iPhone didn’t come with KFC then middle America would boycott.
— MG Siegler (@parislemon) August 29, 2012
As a writer, blogger, and venture capitalist, MG Siegler is a man with influence. But he lets himself down by being completely and utterly devoted to Apple while hating on Google at any and every opportunity. Still, he’s entertaining in a love/hate kind of way… he loves Apple, we hate him for it.
For The Fanboys: Siegler is the number two Apple fanboy. That should be reason enough.
Walt Mossberg @waltmossberg
To fix technical error, jury revises pro-Apple verdict slightly, knocking about $2.5 million off $1 billion+ Samsung penalty.
— Walt Mossberg (@waltmossberg) August 25, 2012
Walt Mossberg almost made the list of essential technology journalists to follow on Twitter. But I reserved him a spot on this list instead. Mossberg was a personal friend of late Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs, and still has an inside track with the company other industry commentators would kill for.
For The Fanboys: Mossberg isn’t a fanboy, but he does have a close relationship with Apple.
Steve Wozniak @stevewoz
Hooray! I got invited to speak in Shanghai (ICSC) Sept. 13. Never been to China.
— Steve Wozniak (@stevewoz) June 21, 2012
Steve Wozniak was in many ways the brains behind Apple. He was the engineer creating the products which Steve Jobs then sold to the world. Now, he’s a technology enthusiast who everyone has a soft spot for, whether Apple fans or not. He seems to have an addiction to Foursquare, but no one is perfect.
For The Fanboys: Woz is the co-founder of Apple. That has to be respected.
Not Tim Cook
It’s been a good first year, and I’m just getting started (no, seriously, I need to sue a lot more people over patents).
— Not Tim Cook (@fauxTimCook)
Current CEO and all-round good guy Tim Cook sadly doesn’t tweet, so it’s left to the best spoof account to fill his spot on the list. Thankfully this faker tweets regularly and keeps the quality high enough to be recommended. Apple fanboys will get all the jokes, the rest of us will enjoy laughing at the slightly mocking tone.
For The Fanboys: The closest you’re going to get to seeing Tim Cook tweet. Funny too.
Apple Tweets @appletweets
How to replace the battery in an iPhone 4S:If the battery life in your iPhone 4S is getting worse and worse, o… bit.ly/Qt45tz
— Apple Tweets (@appletweets) August 28, 2012
Apple Tweets does exactly what it says on the tin. Following this Twitter account means getting tweet after tweet of news, opinions, and features related to Apple from a number of different sources. If anything is happening in the Apple ecosystem then you’ll read about it here.
For The Fanboys: Apple tweets every hour of every day. Heaven for some.
Apple News @applenws
— Apple News (@applenws) August 28, 2012
Apple News is a similar deal to Apple Tweets, bringing together feeds from around the Web related to Apple, its products, and the multiple sites covering them ad nauseum. Reading a rumor about the latest tweak to an Apple product will leave many cold, but fanboys will lap it all up.
For The Fanboys: Apple news ever hour of every day. Heaven for some.
— Techmeme (@Techmeme) August 28, 2012
[NO LONGER WORKS] Techmeme is a website which seeks to cover the hottest technology news as it emerges, and tracks the conversations across the Web which then ensue. Apple dominates Techmeme to the point that a day rarely passes when the company isn’t mentioned at least once. Annoying to many, Heaven to a certain subset of geeks.
For The Fanboys: When the big Apple news breaks, this site is invaluable.
I’m guessing the only people left reading this will be Apple fanboys. Thankfully, there are enough of you out there that an article wholly dedicated to providing you with accounts to follow on Twitter should prove to be amazingly popular. If not then perhaps MakeUseOf is overrun by Google and Microsoft fanboys instead. No, that couldn’t possibly be so.
If you know of any other essential Twitter accounts all Apple fanboys should be following then please let us know in the comments section below. Or if you’d rather just rant about fanboys of any persuasion that’s fine too. Just please keep the trolling to a tolerable minimum.