Imagine an Internet where every picture, including cats and babies, included a beard. Where every new tab you open sounds like a can of pop opening. Where AOL’s “You’ve Got Mail” alert isn’t a thing of the past.
Welcome to the useless web.
Today Cool Websites and Apps takes a break from useful tools that can improve your life to focus on five things without any redeeming quality whatsoever. Seriously: all of these apps are stupid, and you shouldn’t bother to read about them.
But you will.
And when you’re done, you’ll install everything on your workmates’ computers. Because you’re a jerk.
Don’t ever change.
Ask Vin Anything (Web): Answers Any Question With a Vin Diesel Quote
If Siri or Cortana aren’t fast and/or furious enough for you, consider asking action star Vin Diesel for advice.
Ask him anything and you’ll get a relevant(ish) clip from one of his movies. That’s all this site does, but seriously: you don’t need anything else. Consider replacing your browser’s search engine with this (or, if you’re feeling helpful, do this for/to a friend).
Wurstify (Chrome): Add Unnecessary Facial Hair to Every Photo
Beards. The Internet has a few of them, but the creators of Wurstify feel like it needs more. Their Chrome extension delivers, by editing image you look at – from news articles to Facebook – so that it includes a beard.
Seriously: that’s it. It’s the perfect solution if your Facebook timeline is full of annoying baby photos, but it’s also worth knowing about for its prank potential (be sure to record the inevitable “my computer is full of beards, do you think it’s a virus?” phone conversation.)
Even if you’ve no interest in installing this one, you need to check out the website. It’s a pitch-perfect parody of every self-obsessed startup in existence.
You’ve Got Gmail (Chrome): Hear AOL’s “You’ve Got Mail” Message Every Time You Get Email
If you had home Internet in the 90s, there’s a good chance you’ve heard this sound before.
AOL was a dominant ISP in the dialup age, and a weird one at that. Rather than just provide a connection, AOL turned itself into a gateway to the entire web – sometimes to the point of obscuring the rest of the web. Logging into the web meant using their custom browser, which took you by default to their home page. If you had email, you’d hear a voice saying “You’ve Got Mail”.
It was…weird. And now you can bring that voice back, and hear it every time you get a new Gmail message. Prepare to be overwhelmed (or to overwhelm a friend).
Tab Cola (Chrome): Hear The Sound of a Tab Cola Opening, Every Time You Open a New Tab
Tab was a diet soda popular in the 60s, which you can still find in some areas. It also shares a name with the main way most of us organize our web browsing.
This pointless extension pointlessly plays a pointless sound every time you open another tab.
That’s right: every tab you open sounds like you’re opening a soft drink. If nothing else, this will teach you that you open way too many tabs during the day.
Seriously: way too many. And you never think about it, until doing so plays a sound.
PointerPointer (Web): Find Out Where Your Mouse Pointer Is
Are you not sure where your cursor is? PointerPointer can help. Load this site and a helpful photograph will point to your cursor.
Move your mouse around; new photos pointing to the cursor will pop up. There are seemingly thousands, and it never stops being delightful. Spend the next 15 minutes playing with this instead of working: you know you want to.
What Are Your Favorite Useless Sites?
We’re no strangers to wasting your time. We pointed out the Useless Web, which can take you to all sorts of pointlessness. We even showed you how adding Nyan Cat to your progress bars is useless/awesome.
But we want to know: what useless sites and apps are we yet to discover? Help us trek the insanity in the comments below, and together we’ll make the web a less productive place.