5 Signs You Shouldn’t Date That Guy You Met On The Internet
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“Good night, sweet Angel,” he texts you, just before you turn off your phone for the night. You’ve found Mr. Perfect. Sure, he’s an online boyfriend who lives halfway across the world – but he’s the best guy who’s ever come into your life.

But is he?

According to a 2013 study by the market research firm IBISWorld, nearly 35% of married couples met online. This may be due to the fact that so many more people today are using dating sites, social networks 5 Ways Social Media Is Ruining Romance 5 Ways Social Media Is Ruining Romance Social media has changed relationships as we know it. If you're dating someone, it's public, and unfortunately, some portions of your relationship are, too. Read More and various online forums to meet and interact with new people.

However, with that increased trust in the online social experience to find a future partner comes an increased risk that you’ll come across a shady character who is not exactly what he makes himself out to be.

Here are a few helpful tips – from an “insider” male perspective – of 5 red flags you should keep an eye out for to spot a guy who’s trying to pull a fast one on you.

Becoming an Online Player

In my college days, many moons ago, I perfected the art of meeting girls online.

Of course, back then, “online” consisted of IRC chat rooms on the IBM Mainframe that connected together the University systems across the state, as well as the online email and electronic bulletin board system that all of the college students used to stay connected to one another.


This expertise was born out of necessity. I was painfully shy when meeting new people – bordering on some kind of clinical social anxiety disorder, I’m sure. However, I found when I introduced myself to a girl online, and they got to know my personality first, the first date would go smoothly.

Unfortunately, through a combination of hormones and immaturity, I learned to perfect this system into one where I could convince nearly any girl at all – from the shy bookworm to the bubbly cheerleader – to become fascinated enough with my persona that they would go on a date with me Online Dating - Men Don't Get It And Women Don't Understand Online Dating - Men Don't Get It And Women Don't Understand Do online dating websites work? It's time for a frank discussion! What I learned from interviews was that online dating is equally painful for men and for women, but for very different reasons. Read More .

Now, over twenty years later, I’m going to spill the beans on the tried and true tricks that guys still use online today. The hope is that my two young daughters will read it some day, and become immune to these antics.

He’s Funny and Oh So Poetic

Girls love a guy with a good sense of humor. All it takes is a witty remark or flirty jesting to make a girl smile and break down any defensive shields around her heart. This is difficult to accomplish in person, because it requires very quick thinking and perfect timing. In a chat room or in IM, a guy can think for several minutes before typing a reply.

Worse, he can use Google. He can look up romantic lines from a movie, or very obscure, romantic poems to quote from. He can become as funny as Eddie Murphy high on speed, while in reality he might be about as humorous as a liver transplant.

Hot to spot him: Every joke he makes is really funny. He never misses an opportunity to show off his wit, but his responses are rarely quick. Seriously, time him. You’ll see.

He Talks About His Sister/Niece/Puppy All The Time

In 2012, the Huffington Post reported on a survey conducted by the makers of a mobile pet app, who found that certain breeds of dogs attract the opposite gender more than others. Bottom line: dogs attract potential dates.

Walk a puppy across a college campus, and you’ll see what I mean.


Why is this the case? Well, any guy who can express his love for a puppy or a child becomes insanely attractive to most women (especially women dreaming about starting a family).

John Grogan, the author of Marley & Me, explained that after he wrote his book, he was suddenly approached by the sort of women who never would have given him a second glance before. In a Men’s Health op-ed, Grogan wrote:

“…it’s all about the dog – and what that tells women: A man who can love, and be loved by, a dog is a man they can trust, a man with good odds of being decent and sincere and in touch with the soft center beneath the hardened shell.”

A player knows that this is a weakness nearly all women have. An online player manipulates that weakness skillfully. He’ll often describe how close he is to his dog, his little sister, or his young niece.

Hot to spot him: When the subject often returns to one of these hot-topics, it means he’s constantly probing for your weak spot. If he does it too often, you’ve got an online player on your hands.

He Gets You Coming and Going

There is a quote from The Great Hand Book of Quotes, that goes like this:

“Plant a good seed in people who have fertile hearts. When you are away, they’ll miss you. When you are coming again, they can’t wait!”

Every male player knows that the only way to grow the tree of desire in your heart is to plant a seed and water it often. How this plays out online takes time and dedication. He’ll text you first thing in the morning so that he’s the first thing you think about. He’ll text you a sweet “good night” message just before you go to sleep – so he’s the last thing you think about.


He may even be so clever as to learn your work schedule through conversation, and text you the moment you get home. If done in a way that isn’t too intrusive in your schedule, this online personality will ease his way into every aspect of your day – even your lunch break and your train ride home.

Hot to spot him: Impeccable timing with messages. Short messages throughout the day. He may even drag you into all-night texting sessions. Find yourself obsessed and dreaming of what this amazing man will be like when you meet in person? Let me save you the drama. Drop him and move on.

He’s Done Everything

You mention rock climbing. He claims he’s a repelling expert, with hair-raising stories to boot. You mention you’ve taken some photography classes, and he announces he’s an expert photographer with $15,000 worth of camera equipment.

You name it, he’s done it.


Rule of thumb is if he sounds too good to be true – if every one of your interests seem to mesh so perfectly into his – it’s probably not true. Reality is usually far from perfect. Some core interests may align, but not usually all. And if he’s only twenty or thirty-something, the odds are also pretty good he hasn’t had time to become an “expert” in that many things.

Hot to spot him: The “player” technique here is “mirroring”. In the book How to Persuade and Influence People, by Philip Hesketh, he writes that, “People like people who show a real and genuine interest in them. People like people who are like them.”

The online player is skilled at recognizing your “likes” and making sure to convince you that he has a lot to offer you in all of those areas. The catch is that it’s all just made up. What he really likes is simply the idea of getting you to agree to a first date 4 Tools For Easier & Safer Online Dating [Google Chrome] 4 Tools For Easier & Safer Online Dating [Google Chrome] Dating has gone digital. Once considered a realm inhabited only by the socially awkward, online dating is now just another tool in the toolbox, no matter whether you’re looking for a hook-up or your soulmate.... Read More .

Sexual Innuendos

The last move a guy usually makes while chatting with you online will be the sexual innuendo. This will come at a point in the conversation (or online relationship 4 Online Relationship Tips That Actually Work 4 Online Relationship Tips That Actually Work There are plenty of examples to show that Happily Ever After is attainable for online and long distance relationships. Here are some of the best tips and advice to keep you on the right path. Read More ) where he believes you’ve developed a certain level of trust and attraction to him. It’ll usually start off small:

Man: “What what are you up to?”
Woman: “Oh, just laying in bed watching TV.”
Man: “Ooooh, what are you wearing? :-)”

It’s put up as humor, but it’s a passive way to test the waters to see if you’re potentially open to having more intimate or risque conversations.

Hot to spot him: Most guys absolutely suck at sexual innuendos. They’re usually overtly sexual, to the point of being outright disgusting. The skilled “player” uses very subtle flirtations – first dipping his toes into your pool and checking to see if the water is warm. The perfect test to see if he’s truly a player? Play along. Pretend that you’re interested. A player will think you’ve taken the bait, and may get a lot less subtle. That’s your cue to kick him to the curb.

What Women Want

I had three sisters growing up. I have a wife and two daughters today. Most of my friends growing up were girls. Yet, I still won’t claim I know everything women want. But, I do know what gets their interest.


I am not proud of the games I used to play online in my younger years, just to get a date. Ironically, I met the woman I ended up marrying at the very first social event (a college party) that I ever went to in person.

These tips are offered to help unsuspecting women identify and avoid these sorts of guys. There’s nothing wrong with online dating, but there’s no place for naivety when you’re opening your heart to a stranger.

Have you ever been burned by an online relationship? Do any of these “games” sound familiar? Share your horror stories in the comments below, and help other readers avoid the same fate!

Image Credits: Man trying to impress Via Shutterstock, wavebreakmedia via Shutterstock, Kato Inowe via Shutterstock, Paolo Schorli via Shutterstock, lassedesignen via Shutterstock

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  1. Kristina Allen
    December 6, 2017 at 6:27 pm

    OMG OMG OMG!! I can’t believe ___dr.mack201@gmail. com could bring my boyfriend back!!! I am so impressed with the result, everything happened so fast!______.”

  2. Diane
    November 9, 2017 at 3:35 am

    Be super careful who you meet online! Trust your gut! If you think he sounds like trouble even just a bit you stay away! I dated someone on tinder that I thought I fell in love with but he sexually assaulted me so I'm just saying you need to be carful!

  3. Shway
    November 3, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    I met a guy online who mentioned meeting up within a week. We lived within an hour of each other. Then it was always excuses. I’m busy at work. I can’t get a day off. There’s family drama. My phone was messed up all week. When I mentioned his online status on WhatsApp or his posted snapchats he pretended like he never got those texts. I wasted 6 months trying to meet him. Lesson learned if he plays games and avoids you. Run the other way!!

  4. Fi
    October 22, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    Yes I've had the morning texts daily, during the day, when I get in from work and the have lovely dreams sweety....as well as a bombardment of selfies, daily holiday videos and so on...endless really...for the last 6 months....only to realise that he was shagging half of the city on the days he didn't see me and constantly chasing and setting up new encounters! I met this guy initially as a language exchange...and no he isn't Italian he is Spanish! Una sin vergüenza
    I ended it a month ago as I had my suspicions ....then I caught him taking a selfie in my bed...which clearly wasn't for his mum!! Shameless and 41!

  5. Daliah
    September 5, 2017 at 4:48 pm

    Well, my guy ended up chatting on facebook and later whatsapp for 3 months. I met hin on holiday. First month was great. Hewould show me everything amd learn me his language. Then the picture question came amd he send me a dickpick. After that we send some cheaky pictures and everything changed. He was les interested but still kept texting. When i was on holiday he put a lot of effort in sending texts all day but when it was night and the bars close he only met me once and all other days made a new excuse not to see me. So send me mixed signals all over. It sucked because the 1 day we did have sex he had an orgasm whitin 1minute.

  6. Sumble
    August 22, 2017 at 9:23 am


    Great article! I tend to meet a lot of guys on social media and it starts exactly as mentioned in the article. But when they do meet in real life they do start ghosting... i would always wonder why /whats wrong/ was it something i said? But its just plain clear now...

  7. Kristy Oliver
    August 7, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    I met a guy on tinder a few years back. Named adam and boy was I ever charmed he kept saying how strong a connection we had expressed so much interested in what I liked was always very respectful not pushy. Like others I chatted with loved coming home from work and messaging me he was litterly on a crazy work schedule I think his job was the only thing he was honest about REALLY HANDSOME ALSO after about 3 weeks I invited him over for the night I know that was stupid. But do. To the fact I couldn't. Drive because of a health condition and I will say this Adam and I were at a point we're I felt no danger letting him in so we made plans like a week ahead he came over as planned we watched. The sunset cuddled Infront of a movie I went and put pajamas on. We were social the whole time then we went to bed had a romantic as hell make out session. it just felt amazing then I fell asleep with Adams arms around me sometime during the night I rolled over and he grabbed me this was a twin size mattress he thought I was going to fall I was so flattered and turned. On . That I smiled at adam and took out protection and we had some in my opinion amazing sex i have little sexual experienses by the wau anyway he left in the. Morning texts slowed down I listened and believed some crazy stories and basically got ghoastef while coping with all that I was being treated for Cancer caught early so ucky I adventually deleted his number moved on and met a amazing man named James but whin I got my phone wet li and rebooted it adams number came up for some reason I decided to text him Adam told me me more crap anyway I then came across adam by mistake on Facebook (((mutual friends ))) and found out he had a girlfriend i was hurt again because the relationship status dated whin me and him origenily started messaging on tinder I recently learned they broke up because he cheated and now like a week ago learned Adam has a new girlfriend I blocked Adam but unblock him texted adam with no response keeplooking. At his Facebook page it's weird Because technically doint want to talk with him at all but have this disgusting feeling that because we had sex we need to be friends or else I'm scummy I actually met James online but with this whole Adam thing I doint think I would suggest it to anyone I have a amazing boyfriend me and James have been together for like a year and a half and he has been my rock during this whole on again off again mess Adam you can. Say was very manipulative how do you put crazy things like this behind you Damm well that's one of experiences I have one more Actually but sharing this is enough

  8. dani
    August 2, 2017 at 5:03 am

    Having read this I thought it was really informative. I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this short article together. I once again find myself personally spending a significant amount of time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worth it!


  9. dani
    August 1, 2017 at 5:19 am


  10. Cha
    July 9, 2017 at 6:55 am

    Hello everyone,

    Its only been a week since I used the dating app Tagged. And after a few days, I got to meet someone from my hometown. We spoke the same dialect so I was like "I'm so lucky to have finally found someone I can be intimate with" and not actually have to meet a person thousand miles away. He may be working in a different city for now but we're still in the same country. So he said to continue our conversations through texts which I generously agreed. He seems really nice and charming and told me that we actually went to the same church together. Now, here's the fun part - after about 3 days, he asks me if I was looking for a boyfriend or someone to have "No Strings Attached" with. He hasn't really shared anything personal to me. After he asked me, I started playing and agreed to the NSA. But after that the innuendos started. A few more days later, we had our first sexting session. He claims that he came and he felt really tired after. He claimed at first that he didn't have a girlfriend and a Facebook account. After getting his name, I searched him at Facebook. I found out that he had a girlfriend and that he does have an account. Also, he didn't even give me his real name. Also he told me what when we finally do meet in person, we had to do it together. Even just once - even if he had a girlfriend or if I had a boyfriend. I kinda like him but I'm confused if this is something I should continue doing. I don't know how I should treat this kind of relationship. Any help will do. Thank you so much!

  11. T-snow
    April 27, 2017 at 10:36 am

    Alright, I've been talking to a guy for almost four weeks now and he seems really nice. First when we started talking and everything went alright but then his friend that grew up with him told me that he's a huge player and talks to alot of girls. I didn't know if it was true though but then the guy said he was starting to get feelings for me and thought he loved me and said that he needed to let me go because he was afraid of getting hurt. He blocked me but then unblocked me a day later. Then I got pissed and went full on him and told him what his friend said but then he got pissed and said that wasn't true and said ge loved me and did not want any other girl than me. I blocked him but then unblocked him but I don't know if that was a mistake or not but he said his friend was lying because he stole his gf ones. We started talking again and and he's always saying how special I am and beautiful and that he loves me and he asked me to be his gf and I said yes. We live in different coutries but we really want to meet and we've talked and fantasized about being together so he has told me that he will travel to my country next year. I don't know if he's playing me or not. He has told me he smoke weed but I don't really like that. And then he sent me a nude the other day and I got shocked because I wasn't expecting that and I don't know what to do. please give me some advice.

    • Mia
      July 3, 2017 at 8:04 pm

      Yes , I had met this guy on such social sites and had told clearly it's jus friendship and no hookups but unfortunately I guess tht was the key to play ... at first friendship and exchange of numbers then day and night texts and so much care like nvr bfr and d urge to meet on a bad or good occasion and once to bed u come to know all was for that one night or just for one reason . Things change in no time all the sweet gesture and words disappear,person becomes busy right after then no more texting or calls like in the beginning and so no care too... and fades at it was never there leaving u confused and wondering !!!!!! In no time u realize a whole new different person who contradicts immensely then what was shown to u actually . Nothing but a spotty player !!

      • Daliah
        September 5, 2017 at 4:50 pm

        Why do they put so many effort in texting and wanting to meet if they dont. I dont get it.

        • Ajeng Diyan
          November 15, 2017 at 1:49 am

          Because it's hard to use girl sexually in real life, that's why they choose texting. It's easier to ghosting because they didn't give you their real identity.

  12. Chilli_Pie
    April 15, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    #4 had me laughing in remembrance of one guy I met on a dating site that used to do this. No matter if I tried to have a normal conversation, he'd always turn it into an innuendo. That was basically the basis of our 'chats' (i.e. WhatsApp sessions, as he never called me) and whenever I tried asking more questions about his everyday stuff, he'd ignore them. So one day I expressed my discomfort at constantly having sex-related texts – because it seemed that was his primary interest – and wanting to get to know him more personally. Stupid of me to have an honest and sensitive conversation, as I was met with the claim that I was being 'controlling/demanding', making everything to 'be about me' and finally a torrent of abuse. Safe to say he was blocked.

  13. Nana
    February 22, 2017 at 6:29 am

    I met this guy on live streaming application, I asked his sc cause he is a funny guy and yah handsome ?he gave me his number so I can text him on whatsapp we made vc and he made me laugh a lot with his joke . We started text on whatsapp almost everyday and he tried to flirt me. But we agreed that we are just a close friend.
    Whenever I enter his live streaming he always welcoming me with a good way "oh my favorite person is in here". He touched my heart
    'm affraid that he just play me. But I watched one of his recordings streaming, he was live with his friend, he told his viewers that he is looking someone on different country ( we live in different country) . That made me blush. No he put this status on whatsapp "me and nana against them all" omg idk but I feel his feeling is real so I said yes to him to be his gf and he said he will saving up to visit me.
    And now he told his viewers that I'm his gf and explain to them that his feeling is dealt and will make it work I knew it's lil bit creepy for the viewers but he didn't care.
    And now we just text , video call or watch one of use streaming. We never send something rude pics I said I want respect each other and he agree with that .

    • Taneshia
      March 5, 2017 at 3:40 am

      Go for it Nana. You only have one life to live. In my opinion, if he want's you he'll send for you. Let him pay for your flight, passport, visa, etc to get to him. Or if he can come to you let him do it. I speak first hand, I married a man I met on facebook.

  14. Vee
    February 9, 2017 at 6:45 am

    I met a guy online...spoke for 2 weeks over texts..never a phone call...he turned up smelling of booze on 1st date...then he turned up at my house the same night drugged out of his eye balls... he was an ex herion addict but I full blown user of every other drug...I never suspected anything from this guy..I could believe it was the same guy I had been talking to for the last 2 weeks to seeing him like this...he had no money...lived at home with parents and his mother was a interfering woman.

  15. Anon
    January 25, 2017 at 12:24 am

    Damn. This describes the guy I've been chatting with to a T... Thank you so much for writing this article. It really opened my eyes. I can't believe I fell for it.

  16. Mizuki
    January 8, 2017 at 10:08 pm

    Hello everyone !! ^^

    I read many comments, but I can't find a similar case with me, so I will explain how it is..

    I'm a high school student girl. One day by Twitter I followed a guy but I can't remember why haha, maybe he was in my "recommended friends to add". He is supposed to be 3 years older than me.
    Well so I just followed him but then he started to talk me saying "thanks for following me, nice to meet you !" and he sended me a picture of him. I have to precise he is japanese... I'm french. Haha XD, I learn japanese since many years so I talk with him in english/japanese.
    On Twitter I mainly follow japanese bands/singers, and japanese fans of those bands/singers.

    Well so, he asked me "oh so you're french ? You like this singer?" because my profile pic on Twitter is my favourite japanese singer, and I wrote in few words to introduce my profile that i'm a french girl.

    Well so since that day we kept talking by messages, almost everyday, then I added him on a famous asian app that is famous in Japan, called LINE. And it's been 2 years we talk by messages through there. We also sometimes talk by voice. But we haven't made videocalling yet.

    On twitter when he wrote me for the first time, he tried to wrote me in english, but then he continued writing me in Japanese, and now he always write me in Japanese, but he knows It make me practice, so I actually like that he does not write me in english.
    While his messages and his voice I can say he is very polite, kind, and quite romantic but he never said me weird things..
    We talk about positive and bad things that happen in our lives, he complains often about that his tired when he back at home, or about weather like "Is very cold today omgg" yes, sometimes our messages are not interesting at all haha XDD
    Mmm so. He first said he loves me, but it was progressive. At first I was thinking like "Mm why he likes me?? We just know by internet and there is far distance between us.. why?" but time passed and now I'm same...I never thought to have a boyfriend through internet, even in real life, it was not my aim.. I was only thinking in my studies, my dreams. But after 2 years talking with him I can't lie with myself, I fell in love... but I feel worried so.

    The problem is I still highschool student and I know I have to be careful, so I often think, "don't trust easily, be careful".
    I think to meet him after university, or maybe while, when I'll go to Japan.. but can I try..? I'm afraid of that. But I want to talk with him everyday, and so I like him...

    What do you think about that??
    Mmm.. I have japanese friends also, so I thought to meet them first when I will be in Japan, then to go with one of them to meet him.. of course, in a public place.

    And I thought that If I go to Japan it might be in 5/6 years. Do you think that if we still talking at that time it's mean they're chances that I can maybe trust him? I want already to trust him now, but.. I don't know.

    Anyway I will always be wary...until meet him.

    Thanks you for reading this long message !! I hope to see some answers, thanks you ^-^ (I apologize for english mistakes I surely made haha XD)

    • BB
      June 25, 2017 at 12:11 pm

      Hi Mizuki! Let me share my experience with you. Seven years ago I met an Australian guy through a language learning website . I'm Hungarian and he was interested in learning Hungarian and I was interested in learning English. We started chatting. We quickly became very good friends and sort of fell for each other . We were young, he is 18 and I was 20. So I got really carried away and I really wanted to improve my English so I could meet him. I moved to England a few months later . That time my interest towards him had dropped because i h don't new life and new friends and I was busy with life . Anyway, two years into our relationship we met . He travelled to Europe and spent a day in London so we could meet. It was really nice and we had a nice time together although nothing more hooened cause that time I wasn't interested looking at him as a potential partner but a friend. So I met a guy and settled down and had a baby . We still chatted every now and then. It was just natural for us to chat . So fast forward to today, I still chat to him, sometimes on a weekly basis, sometimes on a daily basis and it has now been seven years . I know we didn't end up romantically but I kind of think it is because I never pushed it. So my answer to you is yes , certainly you can get close to someone even though they lived very far from you. It is rare cause I haven't had this sort of relationship with anyone else since but we've been rolling for seven years and a lot happened to us and who knows ? Maybe one day I'll go and visit him in Australia . Good luck with your japapniese guy!

  17. Kate
    January 6, 2017 at 10:05 am

    I could have written this article. Here's what to actually look for. Every "bad relationship" is 50% you and 50% the guy. What this article doesn't tell you is the one rule you can use to weed out all players. It's pretty simple: don't have sex with the guy.

    That's what you need to teach your daughters. No matter what he says, no matter what he does, a player will NEVER call you after it gets past three dates and you haven't had sex with him. He'll find someone else and move on.

    What's three dates? Most guys on dating sites have gone three months to a year without sex before meeting you. You've probably gone a long time too. Three dates is nothing.

    Honestly I've had more problems with stalkers than catfishing players, so here's another bit pretty much the same truth: the fastest way to get rid of a guy is to sleep with him, especially before he knows anything about you. If a guy is obsessed with you, and you REALLY want to get rid of him, sleep with him and he'll go away.

    And if you can get rid of an obsessive guy that way, how fast will a regular guy turn tail?

    Girls tend to blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong in a relationship: specifically, we blame our bodies. The way you look has nothing to do with the way you are treated. Taylor Swift got cheated on, and she's a 20/10. The guy was maybe a 6. So looks have nothing to do with it. Being too nice, too available, and not having a personality does.

    DONT dumb yourself down for a guy. Challenge him. Guys join fantasy football, play video games and sports, hunt, fish. The only thing that turns them on is competition. That's why you're failing online. This guy is sitting in front of dozens of profiles thinking he's the king and can pick and choose. Look at this self-congratulatory article: I went online and suddenly I was the man, flipping through a catalogue of "bold ones" and "shy ones"....do you know how shocked my ex boyfriend was when he found out how many more messages I got than him? He can't see the dating site from your side, so he assumes you are a pathetic loser in a big group of girls just begging for his attention.

    Why did he meet his wife at a party? Because he could see that other guys wanted her, and he wanted to win that trophy.

    There you go. Challenge him. Make him earn it. Take him out somewhere public and flirt with other guys. He'll work for it or he won't. If he doesn't, see ya later player!

    None of my relationships have been shorter than 5 years, and I have certainly never said I loved a guy in the first year. I don't even say I LIKE a guy in the first year lol

    Anyway I hope all that helps someone

  18. Kate
    January 6, 2017 at 9:43 am

    So basically no guy you meet online will ever be worth knowing, because guys assume women they meet online are dispensable. I already knew that. An article about how to meet men in person would be more useful. These two must have met long ago. Nowadays every guy you see at a social gathering is sitting on his phone talking to some "girl" in Iowa, refusing to make eye contact with any actual females.

    I think this article assumes that girls are dumb. We're not. Shockingly, we get pretty sick of not getting laid too.

  19. Alphaqueen
    December 29, 2016 at 3:04 am

    Most women are stupid. Men are just obnoxious whores.

  20. Madalenne
    December 24, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    I just met this guy online, After my divorce I decided to give a chance for myself before Christmas. We exchanged Emails about twice a day, that's was all.We have about almost a month exchanging Emails.
    He has two grown children, they don't live with him. His ex wife married again but have family encounters in special occasions.
    Today is Christmas I sent him a Skype invitation in the morning until this time he didn't accept my invitation, I sent him a nice Ecard, he just sent me a quick voice message because he was busy the whole day preparing a Christmas dinner to receive his Children and his ex wife with her actual husband. They are divorced for 13 years, but it seems to me he isn't so much interested about getting to know me or he is a cold person....Not so sure.

    • Kate
      January 6, 2017 at 9:44 am

      He's probably still married

  21. Sherrie
    December 11, 2016 at 5:01 am

    I met a guy online about month and half ago. We have met and been on 3 dates. He messages me several times aday and just a day ago he said the I love you and told me i am his world. Now next weekend we are planning a trip together. We have so much in common we were born in the same hospital he went to school with my cousins and i feel like i knew him immediately when we begin chatting. I really care for him but i am scared i just divorced in feb2016 and in aug he got his heart broke but he never been married. I have taken time to heal from past and i gonna leap cause i believe he is honest and a gentleman. I look forward to my future.

    • Kate
      January 6, 2017 at 9:45 am

      A month and a half, three dates? That really isn't love

  22. Amber
    November 23, 2016 at 2:51 am

    I've been talking to this guy on and off for 6 months first only online now phone texting...we never meet up tho im sure its him btw not a catfish.. But hes always claiming he's just sooo busy and yet he still wants to see me and if i tell him hey look i feel like your not interested ima back off he's like noo baby i just been busy i miss u.. And im just so confused we go days and weeks sometimes without speaking.. What do i do? Whats going on? Oh and we send naked pics back and fourth lmao ;)

    • Kate
      January 6, 2017 at 9:46 am

      He's in a relationship and just wants your pics

  23. melony
    October 17, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    I tell you what..I never thought I'd fall for the player game, but this guy got me baaaad on Tinder. Yea, it may have been dumb of me to think a guy was actually more than a one night stand, but I fell hard and lost all control! Needless to say, I got stood up and walked all over in the course of 2 weeks. Your article is surprisingly accurate..especially the dog and sister part! He did both of these! Ladies, be careful out there!

  24. N
    September 24, 2016 at 1:23 am

    I met an Australian man online on Ok cupid. He is 50 years old and goes by the profile Ayapi. He wanted me to visit him in Sydney. I was going to at first. But, he told me that he have genital herpes. I found out that he is very promiscuous, and he has a temper. He was living with his mum, he lost his job, and he would dry bag. He was a scammer and a sexual deviant. He almost had me with his sexy accent.

  25. Karen Michaelson
    September 5, 2016 at 2:21 am

    I met a man on dating site he pretended he wanted a relationship, he lied about everything, his mother was mean to him growing up ,he chased me begged me to hang around him the whole time he was in love with Hus daughter mom,he hurt me I thought he cared about me my birthday came he never cared,I am alone he tricked me into believing he wanted to be with me I,m sad I am a older woman my kids father died it,s sad all of it was a terrible lie u,m depressed alone

  26. Emma
    August 10, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Ok so I met this guy on facebook. but its not that we are total strangers..he has friends who knows the people of my college. so its not that he is some random creepy guy. He is a graduate from a really good university just like I am doing my bachelors in a good university. he is basically an engineer. and now doing job. The thing is that this guy is good he is kind of dork like he loves physics and science. what u mentioned I think I cant connect him with any of those. I don't think he flirts but he does talk about sex sometimes but not always. he always advises me to get good gpa and study hard rather than wasting my time. he seems like a family guy because I have met him two times only, and I saw his phone ringing cz his father was calling him constantly probably to make he reached safe. moreover he is doing job to support his family. He is not overly sweet like some guys do to attract girls....he is nice but he does get angry when he finds that I am wasting time and not studying properly. he has even offered me a proposal and he has told me that he wants to send proposal to my family for our marriage. my question is that is that enough to evaluate the fact that he is really eligible for marriage? like I have seen the people he interact with too and the people he interact are not like player they are just like him ambitious and wanting to do sth in their lives.

  27. Caution
    July 22, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    So, I was talking to the guy that I met online... Really cute guy and a great personality. He seemed to sweet and refreshing. So, a few days after talking to him, I decided that I should play it safe and do a reverse image search of his profile pictures... I'm so glad that I did! An Instagram profile came up and I looked at the profile. He lived in a whole different state from where he said he did. The real guy is getting married and is a small singer in Tennessee... I almost set up a date with the person running the false profile. Thank God I checked it out beforehand. Who know what could've happened... Be cautious and if anything seemed suspicious, you can always do an image search ? Like I did. Be safe!!

    • April
      October 26, 2016 at 9:47 pm

      I wanted to know how you did your image search online. I have been in a almost 10 month relationship with a man i met online. And i just wanna make sure he is legit and he is who he says he is. Any help be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

      • Sara
        July 17, 2017 at 11:04 am

        Download his photo and go to images in google.com then on the search bar you'll find a camera icon just click it and upload the photo.

  28. emily b
    July 12, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    Sooo I'm 16 and talking to this guy online (he's 17). However he lives pretty near, in the same city, and I have been friends with some of his friends. He's def a legit person. The biggest problem is my parents are strict to the extreme and while I wouldn't tell them we have never met, I don't even know if they would let me go over to a guys house myself. I mostly just want to be friends with him too, but they don't really accept me having friends who are of the male gender. Another problem is that we aren't really into the same things and I'm not sure our personalities would match up at all, but I figured I don't really have anything to lose, so why not meet him? Also we have been talking off and on for about 3 whole years. I don't really understand why he even wants to keep talking to me, its obviously not working out. I don't even know why I decided to type this, but I just don't know what I want or what I should do. I just want that life that he has with a million friends and parties and excitement. I don't want to have to wait until I move out to do this kinda stuff and I resent the strictness of my parents. I love them but I also love the idea of having my own life and opening my horizons. Sorry, I just poured out my all of my feelings here that Ive been keeping in, it just all came out. It hurts when you want to be friends with someone but you're too scared to ask your parents if you can hang out. So I guess my question is, should I even try? I want to meet him a lot, but i sit even worth it at this point? I just feel so stupid debating this while he has no problem going anywhere and everywhere and he doesn't even know how lame what Im doing is.

    • Simca
      August 8, 2016 at 6:29 am

      i can understand why your parents wouldnt let you do different stuff while you are at this age. back when i was 16 (man i feel old now XD) my mom was the same way. go to school, try hard, and then go back home. it was just how things were. it didnt bother me too much, but i did want to go outside and experience the world. honestly i wouldnt go out to meet this guy irl simply because its dangerous. parties may be fun, but anything can happen. peer pressure does exist, and though you think you can control yourself as a 16 year old, its still too dangerous. you still have time to expirence the fun things in life. i waited probably during my senior year to go out and have fun (i was 18 then) but it was still with my group of friends that ive been around plenty of times. and now that im in college, things are a lot more fun. i trust myself more to make better decisions now, and trust me, you will have all the time in the world to experience things more.

      so my answer for you in my opinion, wait for a while, get to know this guy more better online. talk with him through voice calls, video talk (dont do anything dumb XD) with him, just really get to know this guy before you do anything that involves meeting him in person. the internet is a great place to meet new people, but you shouldnt go out and meet someone you barely know. its not safe and anything can happen which is probably why your parents are so over protective over you. i know thats why my parents were. your their kid, and nothing worries them more when you are not with them. (mine worried about me even when i was with my cousin and they still do XD)

      be safe and hope this helped~^^

    • Kate
      January 6, 2017 at 9:49 am

      He's probably a much older man lying about his age online and targeting young kids. If you want to date someone you have lots of options for meeting people like school or a part time job. Don't look for guys online. Remember, pedophiles aren't allowed near schools and can't bother you st work because their age is obvious. Be safe!

  29. Anonymous
    July 9, 2016 at 7:11 pm

    There is a guy I really really like. We were in a role-play thing online, where we act as our idol and interact with others. At first it was really boring, and I was going to stop roleplaying. Then he messaged me, and we had our teasing fights. Roleplaying became fun, and I decided to stay for awhile longer. I was roleplaying as a male idol then, and he was roleplaying as a straight male idol. I would have changed character to a female idol for him, but then I found out he already has a girlfriend in the role-play. I didn't know why, but I was a little disappointed. However, I still stayed to talk to him, and I tried to socialise with more people. I really should have left then. But i thought just being able to talk to him was enough, so i stayed. Soon, his online girlfriend started becoming less active. He told me it hurt him because it felt like she was ignoring him. Then he told me he supposed he could be bisexual because of me, and he felt hopeless bc he likes a guy and a girl at the same time. Somehow I just wished he'd breakup with her, but I knew if he did, he'd be hurt. But after hearing that he likes me... I couldn't help it and just confessed to him. I didn't know what I was expecting, bc I knew he would reject me. And he rejected me, saying that he only thought of me as a friend, and he can't like me because he has a girlfriend. But somehow I hoped he still likes me, bc he said he can't like me, not don't like. A while later, he joined a yaoi role-play to test if he's bisexual. I joined that rp with him, and there he told me his feelings for his girlfriend was fading. He broke up with her soon after, and he told he likes someone in that rp. He told me it was some other guy. He told me he confessed to him, and I left, hoping I can forget him and come back with just thinking of him as a friend. But when I came back, he had broken up with his boyfriend. I realised I was unable to forget him. I thought I had hope, but I was tired of waiting, of everything. So I confessed to him a second time, writing a really really long letter stating all my feelings and questions for him. He actually read them all, and answered all my questions. He said he was confused bc he had a girlfriend then, and then he thought I had moved on and liked someone else alr, and he wasn't even really happy that the guy he said he liked, liked him back. He said he wasn't able to move on from me. So we got together, but about a month later... he became less active, and he told me it's bc of his family problems. But recently... he just became inactive, and got kicked out of the role-play. I found out he had left town with his fam for 5 months. He didn't even say anything to me. His last words were something like 'I'm yours'- so I still believe he still loves me. Or at least, I hope so. What should I do? I've been thinking, and I know we don't have future together bc we live in different countries, and he might not like me in real life. But even though he hurt me like this... I still need him. And I don't want to forget him. What should I do?

    • Simca
      August 8, 2016 at 6:11 am

      its always hard to start a relationship with someone online, there's risks that they might not be who they say to be, their real life outside of the internet could be hectic to where they have no time to think about their online obligations, tons of things can go wrong. have you done any video chats with this guy (skype or FaceTime)? i think that would be a good thing to do if you want to decide if he is worth your time. but also, dont put your hopes up to high. the internet is an odd place, and though no one should be discouraged about meeting people, be sure to use caution and dont do anything you might regret there are some real creeps out there, so be safe aite?

      ive done a few RP's myself and they are fun and a good way to see someones persona, but sometimes keeping it real is a good thing too. which is why i like to use things like Skype to talk to them OOC and stuff.

  30. Gabby
    July 4, 2016 at 2:30 pm

    I Have met a guy online almost 9 months ago. At first we spoke everyday, then it was twice a week, then one a week and now once every 3 weeks. He started talking sex to me on the phone which was quite unexpected. It came out of nowhere. He keeps making plans to meet me in person and then something always comes up and he cancels. He has two teenagers he's raising on his own. He will make plans to meet me and then his kids want him to do something for him so he cancels. We have had so many great conversations on the phone and he really is a caring person. I just can't figure out why it is taking him so long to meet up with me in person. I have sent him pictures of what I look like but he doesn't let me see what he looks like.

    Feedback please

    • Bob
      July 9, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      If there was ever a made-up scenario, this was it.

      • Gabby
        July 18, 2016 at 1:48 pm

        Oh I guarantee you this is not made up. There are people online like this!

      • kath
        August 4, 2016 at 9:54 pm

        Hi Gabby, have to manage to meet him yet? The same thing happened to me, but we never met due to his excuses. I gave him probably too many chances and still it didn't happen. Don't build your hopes up, like I did, I was too trusting, I have learnt from it but even so I was sucked into this mans lies, think some men do this just for their ego. Take care out there. If they are interested, he would meet you asap, don't get strung along like me. Move on and do what makes you happy.

  31. Anonymous
    June 22, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    You can't tell what they are up to when there's a distance'iL see how this pans out' if it dosent then never again' it's affecting my sleep and everyday life.. Crazy

  32. Rhea
    May 21, 2016 at 9:13 pm

    My bf & I have been dating for 4 months. We met through a dating app and talked alot then decided to meet up. He lives 2hrs away and came all the way from his area to meet me in my college which is 2hr20 min journey from his college and i didnt have to travel. I loved him for that so much. He is 20 and i am 17.
    My bf did start talking to me less after about 2 months of dating, and i know this is normal because theres excitement in the beginning of the relationship?

    But here's the JEALOUSY BIT
    I followed him on instagram as he gave me his details and i have noticed he is liking loads of pictures from girls and comments "??" on their insta or "????". I have posted pictures on instagram and he commented in it with lots of "???????" which made me happy (on mine ). I don't know his friends and he doesnt know mine. 

    And after i got instagram and asked for his insta i noticed that he followed a girl who he claimed to know. He told me "she is some slut from my school, everyone knows her around here" because i had an argument with him in message because the comments on the girls pictures were unacceptable because other boys were commenting "come and get that dick" and that kind of stuff. . I felt upset and i did talk that out with him.  He never commented on that girls picture though. In that girls insta it said "like and comment to get noticed" and my bf did like her pics. I don't think my bf knew that girl because couple of  days later i didn't see that girl in his follow page.
    what could that possibly mean?

    When i was upset about him liking that girls pic.. he sent me long message telling me how much he loved me and that he wouldn't trade me for any other girl. Does he really love me?

    My bf has posted pics of himself and i think he is trying to sek attention from other girls because he is commenting on other girls pictures with emojis and they are not commenting on his. Ive seen his pictures and the comments, he mostly gets comments from boys and girls are just liking it but not commenting whereas he has commented on theirs (not all but some of their pictures)

  33. Janice
    May 16, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    So where do I begin. I met this guy online 7 months ago. He says he is a police officer, lives near, uses an app because his phone is his work phone. However, I don't know where he lives, he hasn't given me the answer, he just gives me his cross streets... He tells me he works for a certain division, but he won't give me his full uniform pic, strange... Maybe I'm just non trusting. I like him ALOT. We text all day long everyday. We make plans and have kept most of them. He does have children and works strange hours. I want to believe he's telling the truth, but from what I read all MEN are PIGS... HELP..

    No real phone line, uses a app
    Don't know his exact address
    Only available when he wants to see me.

    • Grace
      May 24, 2016 at 3:10 am

      JANICE...The Man you are seeing is MARRIED with a family!!!!!

    • Codie
      June 17, 2016 at 7:55 pm

      Means your to young to be in a serious relationship get over it. Grow up then date ;) ?

  34. queendaze
    May 12, 2016 at 2:27 pm

    oh my why am i even here on the page.. hmmmmm
    i really like a guy i met online, he is the perfect for me in my own vision,, but he has different goals, he said he likes me but for now he has a lot of problems .. we have been chatting for a year now,, i told him i think im falling in love with him but he declines this because he said he is in another side of the world and he has many problems.. i said i was willing to wait,, i dont know what to do,, i think i am desperate or pathetic of wanting this guy so much, :(

    • Grace
      May 24, 2016 at 3:07 am

      He is MARRIED! Dump him and keep on moving...

  35. Levi Ackerman
    April 26, 2016 at 3:14 am

    OK, I may be a bit too young at the age of 14, going on 15, but I met this guy and he's about 2-3 years older than me.... I told him a bit about myself, but he wanted pics, not sexy pic just of me in general I turned him down with that, I want to get to meet him in person, but I'm kinda afraid, he's a real sweat heart though. He doesn't come on strong, he's patient, kind and funny and I really like him.
    What do I do?

    • Alice
      May 2, 2016 at 3:19 am

      Wait 6 years until you have a clue what you need to be doing. If you want to be sexually active, masturbate. That is normal, but having sex at 15 is not.

  36. Denise Duncan
    April 8, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    I met a 71 yr old man from a dating site. we have been communicating by phone?for 3weeks. He often talks about his ex wife who is dying. He lives in Chicago and I live in GA, He wants me to setup his flight to GA to meet me and my adult children at his expense of course. He says he's looking for a wife, and all about his ex shared no intimacy, and he is a very romatic person. What do you guys think?

  37. Michelle
    January 29, 2016 at 2:14 am

    I haven't met my online guy yet. Funny thing is he tried really hard with the sexual stuff at first. I kept blowing him off. I figured he kept talking to me because it turned into a challenge. Ironically, it took a total turn into heavier conversations about ourselves. He started asking me questions and vs versa. We know our differences and similarities. We both have sense of humors and no lines. We now talk on the phone frequently. And plan on meeting. I believe we are an exception to that rule. I am glad I am stuck it out to see where it goes. And at 40 I am not ignorant to those sexual creeps being referenced.

  38. Val
    January 23, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    I have been online dating now for 6 months, in my mid 40's after several decades of being out of the dating pool, and find most of this to be true IN THE BEGINNING. If you don't even know a person, have only texted a dozen lines, or spoken on the phone and the conversation goes straight to sex, or 'everything' you say he does too, probably not a good sign.

    I think of most of these as valid 'yellow flags' and guys should too. This is not one-sided by any means. Online dating is just a tool, and there are no measures to keep married, psychos, or players from using this tool. Think of the old 'bar days' if a guy came up and started sex talk your know exactly what he was looking for.

    I don't play games, follow rules, or any other b.s.. Take my time to find out if someone is genuine. Don't put too much into profiles, they are a sales pitch not a whole person, I want to get to know a whole person.

    In regards to the sex aspect, if someone starts sexting immediately I won't. I say that sex and intimacy are very important to me in a relationship, IN A RELATIONSHIP. I have no desire to be playing games with complete strangers who may or may not be anything they say. The flirting and sexting and sex itself will naturally follow if there is a connection and chemistry with a real person. Not trying to tell anyone what speed to move their sex life at, but if you don't respect yourself no one else will.

    If statistically over 50% of people on dating sites are in relationships, almost 20% are married, and then add aaaallllll the other people who are undesirable to you for whatever reason, why would anyone expect the majority of people they meet on dating sites to be a good fit for whatever reason.

    Players of both genders play the numbers game of how many can they hook. I play the numbers game of how many of the wrong people (for whatever reason) do I have to sort through to find someone right and good for me. Have met some nice people, some not so. Just like real life. Watch for red flags and yellow flags just like real life.

    Thank you for the well written article :)

  39. A1PartyGirly
    January 14, 2016 at 11:09 pm

    just try and have fun with it lightheartedly and remember wherther you meet homeboy or dont that females can fake orgasms, but men can fake love and its that treacherous mentality that men have that can leave you hurt i never call back i let him do that also if you want to make suer you get him to stick around tease play let him work for youmake sure you get off but defer his pleasure because the second men or women get off good they either pass out or begin feeling motivated to do and leave or what ever so just edge him passionately and then if you feel like it make him experience a ruined orgasm then snuggle and go to sleep or ask him to make a nice samwidge before you wake up or kick him out

    hell come back they alway do

  40. neha
    January 6, 2016 at 3:13 pm


    You have covered up nearly all points. One thing I want to ask which you haven't.
    This man showers me with love one day and ignores me the next whole week. Does not respond to my msgs or answer my calls.

    He lives in India. When I visited India last month, I asked him to meet me. Though he sounded a bit reluctant at first, he said he would let me know the exact date and time to meet the next day.

    However, the next day he never contacted me. When I called, he just cut off my phone. After 1 week, he again contacted me and I gave him my piece of mind. I called him names and abused verbally.... His only reply was he is not what I think of him, he is not ignoring me, blah blah...

    why does he play hide and seek? What does he actually want? I am not able to understand. He told me he is separated from his wife. His daughter also confirmed this. And I am single mother myself.

  41. neha
    January 6, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    I met a man online nearly 11 months ago. He was very persuasive in the beginning

  42. Ibbo
    January 5, 2016 at 8:12 am

    Any profiles with pets or children, I pass on. I want to know you, not your whole damn family.

    • BB
      February 15, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      LOL! You are hilarious. I am laughing because I fully agree. Why are you exposing your or anyone's children at an online dating site? I've never encountered the pets but happy to learn that I have to look out for that as well. For some reason in everyday life I know it can be used as a set up (i.e. men have purposely allowed their dogs to wonder 6 feet over to my feet "accidentally" okay sir) however, I never thought about them using it online.

      I'm new to the online thing

      • Siouxzanne
        March 17, 2016 at 4:47 pm

        Hahaha. I just quit dating a guy because he wouldn't remove his dog from the room when we had sex. Cute as the dog was, I sure don't want it IN the bed with us. Felt like a threesome and I'm not into that. I chose my timing and mustered the courage to discuss my feelings with him and the dude said that he and his dog go wayy back together. OMG. Bye bye....

  43. Ibbo
    January 5, 2016 at 8:09 am

    You have to be careful, there are a lot of married men on line. So make sure you check their profile very early otherwise you get sucked in and it's hard to break free. I met two of them and there's a lot of others cheating on their wives and they've been married for 25-30 years and they want to keep it that way.

  44. Anonymous
    October 28, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Met an extremely charismatic guy online and had 2 bombas* dates. First before i went on a business trip and 2nd after i came back. During my trip he even texted me and all..we met the 2nd time after i returned and said we will meet again. We texted back and forth for 2 weeks and he 'disappeared' suddenly. Did not hear from him for nearly 2 months and i decided I should retire from the app.

  45. Anonymous
    October 20, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    To date someone online is really scary. There is this recent experience that made me think twice about having friends with someone online.
    I went out once with this guy from east europe on a bright sunny sunday afternoon.

    It was a casual meetup for a drink. I was slightly early and walked around a mall. And shortly, he called and mentioned he has reached while I was in the restroom and after 1-2 missed calls, I returned his call and said that I would be coming down and we met at the entrance.
    He is stout looking guy with a body-builder bods. He looks sincere and friendly and we walked to the nearest coffeshop and he bought me a 100plus while he took a redbull.

    This is the very first time in my life to have a date with an european and we chatted on. I told him about me being divorced and had 3 kids. And he saying that all his family in Europe and he is never married. And he said that ever since he is of a certain age(which i couldnt recall what age), he decided that he wants an asian partner.

    He also mentioned that he dated some air stewardess, whom wanted to get married during the first few dates. And also many girls he had come across. I shared with him that I do have my fair share of unhappy past and now looking into settling down. And honestly telling him that to me, physical appearance unimportant to me and his bods look huge... and joked on his beer belly.

    Soon, we parted. And that evening, I am not sure how it started and he sent me a long long message. Saying that how disrespectful and uncouth i am. How disgusted with the way I speak and that no matter i think how successful i am, to him i dont speak and think intelligently and i must be dysfunctional and thats why I am divorced. He even texted that he would even reject me if I would to offer him no-string attached sex. Seriously, i find that he is a phsyco.
    i am so disturbed that i blocked his whatsapp and text messages.

    Then after a day, he texted and asked me to return the drinks money, a dollar plus drink and saying that he feels disgusted to even spend a cent paying my drinks for this type of woman. He is really sick. And he even called my office and asked me to transfer the money. I find that it is so scary. And thereafter, after many weeks,out of the blue, i received a text from this sicko as i changed hp set and forgot to set block settings and same set of text saying that how disgusted talking to me and even i offered no strings attached sex, he would reject. Oh gosh, there is never a hint at all from me. And i reported the message to police and blocked his number.

    Till now, thank God, no hear from such sicko again. But, since he knows my office number, i am sure he knows who i am and i have to be really extra careful. Eversince then, i never met anyone onlinr,especially europeans.

    Fyi, i met this guy through match.com
    and i have ceased subscriptions already.

    • Dr. Kim
      November 21, 2015 at 3:15 am

      Watch our for Match.com, POF, OKCupid, all of these sites are crawling with psychopaths, conmen, narcissists, and weirdos. Maybe 2% of the men and women are normal humans.

      My girlfriends and I have had: Men ask us on the 1st meeting if we smoke weed to enhance sex; to get him some laughing gas or nitro (asked of my R.N. gf); if we would pay for coffee/wine as he forgot his wallet. Even the ones with real careers (I've met a Ph.D. head at Northrup and a college prof who has taught at the Ivy League, you have some real strangeness. The first wanted to have instant sex and marriage in a month (as he complained his wife was frigid), the second, after dating for a year, confessed he was bi-curious and wanted to have another man have sex with me while he went second (after having the other male sort of dangle himself in front of him). Guy number two, btw, proposed marriage, gave me a ring, then presented me with his list of demands (besides MMF sex; also that I get silicone implants and a face lift [at 45!]).
      I talked to two therapists who have said that online dating is a harbor for the mentally ill.

      • josephine
        November 22, 2015 at 10:45 am

        this is terrifying. I have never had a negative experience dating. In fact all the people I have met seem relatively normal.

    • Mia
      December 11, 2015 at 7:32 pm

      Hi Ms. Shamaine Wai
      Sorry to hear that and yes it was a very scary situation but mistake #1 you should never ever give your office number to nobody, address or home address #2 your personal cellphone, there is few app with a second line like "Text Pinger" etc you can goggle search.
      Some man use those type of vocabulary to make you feel insecure and see if you was weak enough to give him money, he was using threat againt you also follow your guts feeling I bet you felt something before meet him that day but you totally ignore it please don't ignore it again we have it for a reason.

      • Anonymous
        June 22, 2016 at 12:59 pm

        I have been talking to a guy on line for 3 months I'm Scotland he's US he seems so lovely but has his moments if I call 'he's like I'm tired it's the heat I mean we Skype so I've seen his abode..supposed to be going over in September but I just have a gut feeling he might be seeing someone I do t know and how would I know..:))?he a.ways makes me feel like I'm Befn a pest.. And when I say I can't do this anymore he gets all upset...

  46. Anonymous
    October 8, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    Begging your pardon, the guy I just "met" launched into all kinds of sex questions, and telling me how/what he wants to make me feel, and basically just creeperd me the hell out! I will pass on any man that wants to immediately discuss sex! I tried to put him off. "When I get to know the person", "might be a while "...he didn't get it! No thank you. Guys, when you first "meet" someone, that is NOT the way to her heart!

  47. Anonymous
    September 11, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    Wow, what a load of BS. Guys are all players and none of us have feelings right? So if I guy fits this description: "he can use Google."; "He’ll often describe how close he is to his dog, his little sister, or his young niece."; "He’ll text you a sweet “good night” message just before you go to sleep – so he’s the last thing you think about." ; then if he tries anything "That’s your cue to kick him to the curb." ? I read this stuff to try and figure out what women want, only to find they are narcissistic, self absorbed and don't enjoy anything outside of a relationship that will last for the rest of their lives, and strangely, as soon as they're pregnant their off looking for another man to father their children. I've also found women have raised their own standards so high that no man will fit the bill, and that men are of course dogs with no feelings who deserve nothing. A complete bitch of a woman wasted 15 years of my life, she spoke down to me like I was dirt, cheated on my regularly, and went out to the bar with her friends while I stayed home alone with the kids. I'm now single but finding a date is nearly impossible unless she's a blimp, (I'm fit btw). I now have several self esteem issues and I've considered suicide many times.

    Your article further plants seeds of distrust as David pointed out, and it does not promise men any advantage to investing years of effort into a relationship the woman will potentially get bored from and 'kick the man to the curb' as you so eloquently stated. In my experience women full of lies and deceit, and it's unfortunate I have an attraction toward them.

    • Anonymous
      October 17, 2015 at 9:08 am

      I'm sorry Jon that you've gone through that. I can't believe she took advantage of you, and don't ever let someone push you like that. Heck no. I hope all is well. I disagree with this article just as much as you do.

    • Anonymous
      October 22, 2015 at 8:28 am

      This is such a ridiculous article. Other than the puppy stuff, I wouldn't think twice about anything and actually welcome what they are saying is a red flag. I'm sorry you were messed around, and are single now. Please, remember, there is someone out there for you that will make up for all the pain. I'm going through the same "cyber player" that seemed so sweet and did everything the article said - other than the puppy - and I liked it. Others had done the same thing, and wasn't such a big deal. Yea, players might do this, but good men do too. Don't pay attention to it. Good luck on your romance, and remember suicide is a permanent problem to a temporary solution. Yea, your self esteem is down in the gutter, but it happens to everyone. Everyone. You are not alone. You feel like you are down in the hole of the Silence of the Lambs and can never get back out. But you will. The way I got over it was to #1, realize that I dodged a huge bullet!! I could have - as you - wasted more time with the wrong person. So, yea, it hurts, but you will eventually get over it. At least you are not in a bad relationship. I'd rather be single than to be with someone that treats me like dirt. So, chin up!! At least you have a great body!! Most guys don't have that...and they are douches. You will be snatched up in no time. :)

      • Siouxzanne
        March 17, 2016 at 6:15 pm

        Bitter much? I retread your comment twice to give you the benefit of my doubt. I'm afraid you're going to find dating and the world in general an unfair and harsh reality until you stop blaming others. No one 'does' anything to you. You chose to stay in a bad marriage. You chose to let your ex treat you like dirt until you got smarter and made a better choice. I'm sure your motivation was sound, but deep down, I think you knew your marriage was not a good match before you celebrated your 15th anniversary. We're all imperfect human beings. Hopefully we all learn from our mistakes and make it a goal not to repeat them, or worse, bring it to the next relationship and punish the next person for the previous persons' torment. I would suggest taking my comments, and all the others here, as a small representation of 'how women feel' and what dating is about. A better alternative might be to just stay clear of dating until you can sort throug your feelings and determine what you can own and do differently the next time. If you don't think you have any blame then I'd take that as a sign to seek out the assistance of a trained professional that who will be impartial and help you. That's what I did. I didn't date for 4 years to 'work on my stuff,' and then found out I really enjoyed my solo life. Ironically, that's when the opposite sex came calling. I volunteer in my community and meet a lot of great people there. Best of luck with your happiness. It's hard work to get there but so worth it.

  48. Anonymous
    August 13, 2015 at 3:03 am

    I read your article. I have this guy friend since 2012. we talk a lot about good and bad things that happens in our life. On July 2015. he started to send me cute messages. At first, I ignore it thinking that there's no meaning on it. But then, one day I ask him what he thinks of me. And he says he likes me and we ended up having a long distance relationship. the thing is, he knows my everyday schedule and he knows what i like or what i don't like. but of course i tell that to him. sometimes, he go to bed at 2 in the morning just to talk to me. he even gave me a present to my birthday. but it's only a video with love quotes on it. i treasure it a lot because it was from him. the question is, how do i know if he really likes me or is he just using me for to kill the time. we both have work. so i don't know. if you need more information about this guy you're free to message me anytime. thank you for your help I appreciate it.

    • Anonymous
      October 8, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      I think your problem is your self esteem issues. I don't know that I would want to date someone that had those problems. My problem is I'm picky. I'm not settling for just anyone. I will never be that desperate! BTW: I am nothing like the bitch you described.

  49. Anonymous
    August 4, 2015 at 6:05 am

    OR. He could be sincere about most of these things, really loves animals, children, and really wants a family and won't ever cheat or take off.

    Attacking Males for no reason, planting seeds of distrust. This is a load of shit mostly. The end.

  50. Anonymous
    June 28, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    I read your article, and it is very interesting.

    I decided I want to start to look into Internet dating seriously so I can start looking for someone. I met a guy, and I think he is really sweet, and everything. The only thing I'm a little nervous is his constant flirting about cuddling and things. I'm not used to that kind of stuff, so I don't know if it is flirting or something else. He says he really likes me, and I'm starting to like him. Even though I like him, I want to be careful.

    Any tips?

    • Anonymous
      July 2, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      Hello!!! The flirting is a clue that this guy is a player. Follow your instincts. Your nervous. It sounds like you already know he's not for you.

      • Anonymous
        September 11, 2015 at 2:56 pm

        So what is a guy to say if he's not a player, but he likes the girl and would enjoy having sex with her?

        • Anonymous
          September 11, 2015 at 8:11 pm

          Lol! That's a player. If you want more than sex, try getting interested in her life. Figure out what makes her tick.

        • Anonymous
          September 11, 2015 at 8:25 pm

          So to be clear anyone who likes sex is a player? Then pornstars must be really good actors since women don't like just sex without a lifelong relationships? The human race is doomed without sex... players or not. I'm also not really sure how someone is labeled a player for enjoying something which science has proved to be healthy... it's a pity that women have twisted a beautifully natural miracle of intimacy and reproduction into something so heinous. In a few years we're going to have the same problem Japan is experiencing now.

        • Anonymous
          September 11, 2015 at 9:44 pm

          That's the problem with relationships today. Sex is special, not a menu item on a short list of requirements in a spouse. It's supposed to enhance a already firmly established relationship. When you give it away to some guy or girl you hardly know or connect with then it cheapen everything you hold of value in the relationship. How can you give that person something special, something extra when you give it up to everyone else. Players don't care about connection. It's all physical. If you want more than a empty shell of a relationship, you should figure out why that person is special to you first then connect sexually.

        • Anonymous
          September 12, 2015 at 9:37 pm

          Honestly I couldn't disagree more. What youre stating is 100 year old way of interpreting relationships. I've had the exact opposite experience where I settle down with somebody I thought you had a lot in common with and then found out the sex was horrible and I did most of the work bothbin the relationship and in the bedroom. Women need to get a clue, and men need to start standing up for their own rights. This b******* has got to stop as I stated earlier the continued disinterest in sex by Western cultures is going to result in stifled activity by those who can differentiate and accept responsibility otherwise Parenthood will be relegated to poor households who cannot afford raising kids there by putting the financial responsibility on society. Ever seen idiocracy? That's actually happening now

        • Anonymous
          September 12, 2015 at 9:57 pm

          Lol! I concede. You have the right to your opinion. Me personally, I love sex. So I disagree with your comment about western society. BUT I totally see your point about men doing all the work. That just reiterates my point that sex is special. If you were my man, I would expect you to teach me how you prefer to have relations. Sex is more than just the act. It's about building a whole system of physical, mental, and mind-blowing gratification and satisfaction around two people who believe in the same principles, who want the same end-game. To please each other and expect to be pleased. Once again, it's special. If you were my man, I would always seek to please you both in and out of the bedroom. Fun and sex can go hand and hand. But I think you would like it more if you knew how selective your mate is being.

        • Wenwen
          May 13, 2016 at 2:15 am

          Jon Hinman, what makes you think that women are disinterested in sex? That isn't true.

        • Anonymous
          October 8, 2015 at 3:11 pm

          Before you actually get to know.someone, that kind of discussion should not come up. If you really want to get to know her, then learn more about her, nit her sexual needs. That should come much later, after dating for a few months. Any man that can't wait for it, isn't worth going out with or even talking to! .The only woman that wants sex on the first date is a ho that also is not worth getting to know. There are way too many of those!

        • Wenwen
          May 13, 2016 at 2:06 am

          The sex that pornstars are having is not a miracle of intimacy. That's the whole point. Anyone who likes sex with no deeper connection than the purely physical pleasure it provides, well, yes, that person is a "player." Hey, some people are looking for players. I'm not saying being a player is inherently bad. It's just a painful experience for someone who is seeking intimacy to have sex with someone who is not. It's just a mismatch, that's all. PS I have no idea what problems of Japan you are referring to.

        • Dr. Kim
          November 21, 2015 at 3:23 am

          The modern woman will let a guy know.
          She might even make that first move. I recommend trying to really listen to and get to know a person--yes, like a friendship that could lead to romance. This is preferable to the commodifying. I think apps like Tinder (Grindr for gays) are for the hookup. The problem is more legitimate dating sites also have people who are on a time-table for sex. It would be nice if we just treated each other like human beings--yes, women to men as well, of course--rather than commodities at Costco.

  51. Anonymous
    June 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    I tried online dating last year. Never again. It was a horrible experience. I deleted my profile and vowed never to use a dating site again.

    Never trust a guy who fast forwards a relationship, never takes you on dates, after 3 months you still haven't met any of his friends, he has a harem of women on his phone, goes on holiday with a female 'friend' and pressures you into having sex!

    Dump his ass, run and never look back!

    • Dr. Kim
      November 21, 2015 at 3:18 am

      So agree. Awful for women, not great for sincere, nice guys, either.

  52. mg
    May 18, 2015 at 4:45 am

    .....well ...smart cookie be careful so love of Ur life will not get discouraged and disappear ...
    I actually know w lot of women in their 50 ties who were very picky etc and in the end are alone....not that it is a bad thing ...
    just saying....

    • Anonymous
      September 11, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      True, I'd rather be alone than with another bitch of a woman... the sad part is intelligent non-bitchy athletic women are an endangered species in great decline

  53. Ranita sahana
    April 28, 2015 at 9:11 am

    If I'm jst being friends with someone and that fellow knows so but he jst can't stop flirting and hitting on me... But is genuine when he speaks about his family past relations and etc and admits that he is flirting cause he likes me thinks am sweet..... Talks a bit pervert bt when I say I dint like it stops how do I really know if this guy is good or suspicious

    • Anonymous
      May 17, 2015 at 8:36 am

      hi Ranita.
      I met a guy, and he is exactly the way u described. I had the same doubt and always had trust issues. I am a smart cookie and was never interested in trusting him. the best way to test this guy is by being sober. ignore them . it will hurt them but still it's worth trying. ignore them more. tell them u need space and time. wait for a month or so. if he keeps clinging to you, then definitely he is not the right guy, but if he stops talking to you-that shows that he really respects your decision and is not acting creepy. after a month when u initiate a conversation with him and he readily talks to you without any bitterness then he is definitely the "good and safe" guy. trust me, this "actually"works .

      • Anonymous
        September 11, 2015 at 2:36 pm

        This is exactly what women have done to me, and guess what? IT DOES NOT WORK! I can tell you anonymous, you got super LUCKY. You women need to be honest with your men, if you don't want them to be clingy, tell them that! If you want a month of being ignored, tell them that also. Playing games is not the way to get a man. You women are very deceitful! "it will hurt them but it's still worth trying" WTF? You are talking about hurting someone's feelings!?!? and you don't even give a shit as long as it MIGHT work out for you? WOW. says volumes.

        • Wenwen
          May 13, 2016 at 2:08 am

          Jon Hinman, you are so bitter. Calm down.

      • Eva
        June 5, 2016 at 2:08 pm

        You have to be very careful EVEN if it does work! Will tell you about my bitter experience. Last autumn a guy contacted me on FB. I had not been looking for a date or relationship at all. But my miserable marriage was about to end and after a lot of bad luck I had experienced in my life I thought I had a chance now.
        I am an active member of several music fan groups and this guy was added, saw my posts in the group and immediately contacted me via Messenger.
        At first I was just curious - also suspicious he might be a dating scammer - so I thought I might have some fun and took it lightly. This guy was very responsive, yes - witty and very, very fast with replies, so he certainly did not have time to search for suitable quotes, phrases or answers. He added me to his friends group and I went through his Timeline, posts and profile. I am in my early 50s, he was 69, however looking 59-60.
        He told me he had just got divorced which was true. He was incredibly fast, in just 5 days he dropped the "L-bomb", fell in love with me, proposed to me. I still took it as some fun, a joke perhaps.
        As I live in Central Europe ( and he is an American) it was very challenging for me, I could practise my written English a lot :-)
        I started getting infatuated. He was very intelligent, witty, funny, a great conversationalist. In a month he wrote a long post on his FB prifile - how he met me, that was ready to commit to me and relocate to my country. I have to admit I was totally amazed! I thought : wow!!! such a handsome, clever, funny guy, how lucky am I ! He must have spent a fortune on phone calls and chatting from his smarthpone. Every morning I had a lovely love message from him, every night I had a romantic goodnight. Everything seemed so perfect! But I decided to test him and did exactly this. I told him I was going to my mom for a month and my mom did not have a computer so I would be offline for one month. And I did it. I was "offline" for a month. When I "came back" he was so happy and delighted! This convinced me he was "the good and safe guy." Well. To make a long story short : in another month he arrived to my country to live with me. I was so impressed and happy! But... when he came, I got an impression the guy I used to chat to had disappeared and in his place a completely different man came ! The charming, witty, caring and charismatic man was gone and now there was an uncaring, disrespectful, uninterested and incredibly selfish man with me. He did not respect my rules - everything had to be done "My way - or the highway", my interests and hobbies were not important anymore, moreover, he expected me to pay for things as he "still had some bills to pay in the USA". And he had thousands of outlandish ideas like : "Why don´t we move to New Zealand? Nice weather, great conditions for living". He was totally weird! After 9 days we had an argument and he immediately walk out and found a hostel. At the end of the month he returned to the USA. After that, I started chatting to his ex-wife and she said she was not surprised at all. During 30 years of their marriage he was extremely controlling, self-centred and bancrupted at least 5 times in his life. He has no money, only gets his pension which he spends at once and has nothing to live on for the rest of the month, he is homeless, only has one bag with a few things. And he expected me to live in the same way! To give all my possessions away, give up my job, leave my flat, and ...be homeless just like him. To travel with him ( and stay - where? in forests, parks, on beaches or where?)... He must have some mental problems for sure. There were many mental issues in his family. So- even your advice may not help! Be very careful, indeed.

  54. pam
    April 21, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    Interesting how men are so hostile about this .... Lol

    • Anonymous
      September 11, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      Interesting how women could care less about hurting a mans feelings like they're worthless...

  55. Dolores
    April 16, 2015 at 8:38 am

    I met a chap. He seems lovely. Been out on 5 real life dates but he has a soirée of women on his social media page. He thinks sexting is ok cos they live in other countries. Anyhow he agreed to not do that but as he joined a group called kinky Internet dating my trust seems to have gone out the Window. He says he was only checking it out. I stalked him that is how I saw this. That's bad of me I know. Anyhow I just don't seem to be able to trust him unfortunately

  56. Gerald Floyd
    March 7, 2015 at 3:37 am

    I have been in an online relationship before and it was horrible.

  57. Hildegerd
    February 11, 2015 at 11:37 am

    This is just sad, what about just go out and find some woman to have sex with, if that was what you really wanted.

    • Anonymous
      September 11, 2015 at 2:39 pm


  58. Mike
    February 3, 2015 at 1:33 am

    Ryan is a tool. Keeps erasing my comments. A player, my butt. Look at him.

  59. Mike
    February 3, 2015 at 1:29 am

    Terrible article. You just described a guy who really likes a woman and cares for her. Thanks for describing a good guy. Unfortunately you knew how to pretend to be one. You ruined my chances with a woman I really cared for because she read this article about someone pretending to be a good man. How selfish of you.

    • Ryan Dube
      February 3, 2015 at 2:28 am

      A woman broke up with you just from reading an article? Did you two just meet? Are you saying your authentic personality met every one of these decriptions, including the section, "He's Done Everything"?

    • jaye
      May 14, 2015 at 1:55 am

      Mike : Mate I think YOU, Yourself ruined your chances with that girl.
      And If she reads and follows everything on the internet thinking its all 100% correct for all, she must be one smart cookie. Just as yourself for posting a comment accusing someone else of ending your relationship that obviously wasn't strong anyway.

  60. Scorpio Girl
    February 1, 2015 at 9:52 am

    have you ever thought that girls could be players too!!
    well, I know one..

    • Ryan Dube
      February 1, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      Oh yes - they can be just as bad, or worse.

      • Anonymous
        September 11, 2015 at 2:43 pm

        Yet, your article makes no mention of how many men get burned on these things. Have you ever thought about how many women outright ignore men? I'm done dude, I'm glad you're happy but the rest of us guys are screwed with articles like this popularizing the internet. I mean I can't even say hi to a woman anymore without It being sexual harassment, and now if I'm caught talking about my kids or my dog, well I need to be written off as a player.... yeah I've had sex with 3 people in my lifetime.

  61. dragonmouth
    January 31, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    "You mention rock climbing. He claims he’s a repelling expert"
    Is that a Freudian slip - "repelling"? The word you want is "RAppelling" :-)

    • Ryan Dube
      February 1, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      It was a Freudian slip, but I'm thinking of keeping it, because it's so perfect. :-)