Web Culture

3 Coolest Ways A Geek Can Get Girls To Notice Him On Facebook

Ryan Dube 04-01-2010

showoffHere at MakeUseOf, we touch on all of the ways that you can make use of your computer to accomplish all of the major goals in your life. One of the most important goals in the lives of many guys is finding someone that he cares about deeply, and who feels the same way about him. The problem with being a geek is that you’re most likely stuck for many hours of the day behind your computer screen. That doesn’t exactly leave a lot of time to meet girls, let alone impress them.


In previous articles I’ve touched on relationships before. For example, I wrote about some uniquely geeky ways to ask someone to marry you on the Internet 5 Geeky Ways To Ask Someone To Marry You On The Internet Read More using Google Maps. The problem again is that you need to meet someone first before you can ask them to marry you. I also covered Randomate 3 Cool Ways to Use Your Webcam for a Live Online Experience Read More , a speed dating service that you can use with your webcam, but maybe you’re not the kind of guy that does the whole speed dating thing.

Well, thanks to Facebook, it no longer matters that you’re in front of the computer most of the day, because you now have an entire world of wonderful, single women at your fingertips. The only remaining problem is, how does a geek get Facebook girls to notice him?

How A Geek Can Get Facebook Girls To Notice Him

There’s one thing that I’ve got to make clear – I’m basing this article on the assumption that you’re looking for a future wife, not a one-night stand. This is important because as girls mature, the things that they consider important typically change. By the time they are in their twenties (or in college), they’ve been through the same sickening cycle so many times with the sort of guys they dated in high school, that by their 20’s they realize the sort of guy they really want to marry.  Not all women, mind you – others come to terms with this very early in their teens.

So what sort of guy is it that women who are ready to settle down really want? Well, having three sisters who have each gone through this cycle, I’ve observed that he’s the sort of guy that:

  • Is confident, can stand up for himself, but is willing to bend sometimes.
  • Can be soft and understanding when the situation demands it (but not all the time!).
  • Truly loves women for their gender, not for their looks (see below).
  • Is exciting and spontaneous at times.
  • Loves kids.

Now, I realize that I’m completely categorizing women in this introduction and many women reading this may take issue with such sweeping generalizations. For that, I apologize, but the goal here is to help geeky guys come to terms with what most women want. Now, at this point in your Facebook experience, you’ve probably amassed a fair number of women from your past already – from high school, college, past jobs, associations and other friends.

facebook tips for geeks

This isn’t like in the 90’s when hardly anyone was using the Internet, and finding an attractive women online was nearly impossible. Today, you’ll find countless women on Facebook who are beautiful, nice, family-oriented and looking for a guy just like you (they perhaps just don’t realize it yet). Many of these women are divorced or single, and actively looking for a good man, even though it may not be apparent on their Facebook profile. So how do you draw their eyes toward you without coming across as arrogant or intrusive?

Tip #1 – Convey Your Healthy Love Of Women

The secret to attracting the attention of these potential dates is by conveying, through your actions and profile updates, exactly what kind of man you are. The idea is to focus on those characteristics of men that they are looking for (see the list above).


For example, if you want them to see how much you love the female gender simply because women are beautiful both inside and out – portray how deeply you feel about your niece or your sisters. Make it obvious that you both love, and are loved, by many other women in your life.

how to hit on girls on facebook

This works mostly because women at this stage in their lives are used to guys boasting about their accomplishments and their skills, but by using your status updates to communicate with affection and kindness to the women already in your life, they’ll spot your status recognize that you’re a pretty sweet guy.  Before long, they’ll wonder if there’s a way they can get any of that sweetness too (especially if there isn’t any in their life at the moment.)

Tip #2 – Show That You’re Adventurous & Fun

While they may be looking for a little stability and a family, there’s always a small voice inside women (and men) that cries out for adventure, mystery and spontaneity. Sometimes they want to be swept up off their feet and whisked away to a secret, secluded hideaway for a romantic weekend. These are the things they dream about, and these are the things that you should portray about yourself. How? Well now that’s where technology comes into play. Sign up with one of the popular photo sharing sites and start posting photos of your trips, no matter how mundane you may think they are.


3 Coolest Ways A Geek Can Get Girls To Notice Him On Facebook  women3

Sharing your photo adventures (even if it’s just a short hiking trip), proves that you get up and get out and explore the world. It shows that you’ve got what it takes to put a bit of spark and excitement in her life.  Want to do one even better? Run a blog to chronicle your adventures and post the updates to your Facebook account!

how to hit on girls on facebook

It’s one thing to see how exciting your life is through your Facebook profile updates, but when you have a blog, it’s even greater proof that you take your excitement and fun very seriously.


Tip #3 – Show How Much You Love Kids

I grew up with three sisters, and I’ve known many of their friends of all ages, and if there’s anything that they all share in common it’s that just about all women rank a respect and love of children as one of the top-ranking criteria for the man they decide to marry. Now, the odds are pretty good that you have someone in your life with children – maybe a brother or sister with kids. Take every opportunity to spend time with them, and take lots of snapshots. Obviously these won’t be fabricated photos (because you really do love kids don’t you?) – but they will be proof positive of how much you do love spending time with, and playing with, kids. Show how much of a kid at heart you really are.

how to hit on girls on facebook

It’s like a force of nature – a law of physics – if you’re near either little kids or puppies, before you know it there will be a crowd of women around you. It’s the God’s honest truth. I don’t make the rules, I’m just helping you understand them so that you can turn your Facebook account into a magnet to attract the kind of women that you want.

I am not suggesting that you present yourself as something that you’re not – but if you have all of these great characteristics, you should be portraying them on your Facebook profile!  Trust me, if you follow these three basic techniques for updating your Facebook account, before you know it you’ll have single women asking you for your phone number.

If you don’t believe me, try it, and then come back here to share your success stories in the comments section below!

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  1. Mark
    February 16, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Bottom line though is this: NO matter where the girls are, you still have to have the balls to approach them, befriend them, comfort them and intrigue them. From my experiences, most guys just can muster up the courage even in a sleazy bar. The fact of the matter is that OVERALL, women are NOT going to reject you (like you think).....IF you know HOW to communicate confidence and leadership.

    Best bet: Invest in educating yourself. Hell, you did it for your job, right? Why wouldn't you do it for something that is twice as important in a man's life? lol

    Check out LIVE, one on one, private coaching....you'll learn it in no time.

  2. andy
    January 11, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Sir, your parlour tricks do not fool me.

    (slips away into the darkness, cue dustbin lid noise and cat screech)

  3. eric
    January 11, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Fun article. Everyone should just chill and enjoy a light hearted fun slant on 1 persons ideas. I think it was very entertaining.

    • andy
      January 11, 2010 at 11:05 am


      We need a harry hill "only one way to find out"

      Fact is, this site "about us" claims its all about tech, not about dating/tricks advice.

      I say put it to democratic vote. It is so easy by today's technology to find out what the needs of the makeuse members are.............


      • Ryan Dube
        January 11, 2010 at 3:31 pm

        Andy - the following is from the About page.

        "...and all kinds of “how to” tips for Windows, Mac and Linux computer users."

        All kinds as in, a wide variety, a unique assortment, a creative variation, etc...

        The cool thing about MakeUseOf is that if a particular title doesn't strike your fancy, you can move on to the next because the mix of articles is broad enough that there's something for everyone.

  4. andy
    January 8, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Hmm, whenever I've read any article, on any site, about any aspect of "understanding human nature" there's never going to be agreement, because, "I think" human love/dating nature is just too damn random and tricky to write about.

    Anyway, I think I prefer the pure tech and not human tech articles.

  5. Lin Clark
    January 8, 2010 at 8:42 am

    There are some things that were a real turn off about this article.

    1. You assume geek is synonymous with hetero male.

    2. You assume all women, regardless of life experience, go through the same patterns. You don't assume this of the guys, you in fact make clear that different men are looking for different things.

    You do acknowledge that this is a generalization, but then say that this is what *most* women want. As a 20 something woman who hangs out with many other 20 something women, I'd like to hear more about the research methodology on this.

    3. You assume that women and kids often go together because women are born to love kids — ignoring the fact that for centuries caretaking was the role that women were forced to take on and that women still face a lot of social pressure to 'love kids'. As more and more women are finding fulfilling careers in industries (including geeky ones), more and more are realizing they aren't that into the idea of having kids, and I know a lot of geeky guys who are digging these women.

    Point number two is a pretty solid point and one that I don't think a lot of people understand, so that I think is helpful for the readers.

    But still, I'm disappointed that MakeUseOf would feature such a gender biased post (and I don't even want to think of the shit storm that will be the comments).

    • Ryan Dube
      January 8, 2010 at 9:40 am

      Hi Lin, thanks for your reply. However, I do wish you'd read the comments above before replying because I responded to many of these points. However, I will respond to them again.

      "1. You assume geek is synonymous with hetero male."

      I do not. I wrote this article for the male readers, just as we've had past articles that target only our female readers. I did not realize that MUO was not allowed to write articles intended only for our male audience...do you suggest we avoid all subjects that are gender exclusive, including those that target women and empower them in various technology fields?

      "2. You assume all women, regardless of life experience, go through the same patterns."

      Incorrect, and I made it clear that many women know what they want very early in their lives without the roller-coaster pattern that other women (and men for that matter) are forced to suffer through - please read the article more carefully.

      "As a 20 something woman who hangs out with many other 20 something women, I’d like to hear more about the research methodology on this."

      As I made clear in the article, all comments were based on life-long observations of one older sister and two younger sisters who I've always been very close with, and who have shared most of their private issues re: men with me. I suppose a statistical study might reveal a more general pattern throughout all of society, but are statistics really a perfect representation of the feelings of women in society? Personally - I'd opt for the personal experiences of three women over statistics (usually generated by male researchers with pre-existing biases even before the study is started) any day, but that's just me.

      "ignoring the fact that for centuries caretaking was the role that women were forced to take on and that women still face a lot of social pressure to ‘love kids’."

      Agreed. And thank you for solidifying the fact that they do with the reason behind it.

      "As more and more women are finding fulfilling careers in industries (including geeky ones), more and more are realizing they aren’t that into the idea of having kids, and I know a lot of geeky guys who are digging these women."

      Yes, but please note I didn't suggest guys should prefer women who are "into kids" but that since the majority of women are (and yes I would be more than happy to provide statistics for that statement), then they are more likely to attract women if they focus on what the majority of women like.

      I would be more than happy to debate with you the statistics that support that the majority of women in society absolutely love kids - but I doubt this is the place for that sort of debate.

      "But still, I’m disappointed that MakeUseOf would feature such a gender biased post (and I don’t even want to think of the shit storm that will be the comments)."

      Actually, the comments have been rather nice (until your post of course). But having lived several years on a very liberal University campus where most of the 20-something female students found something gender-biased everywhere they looked, I suspected a post of yours would come along eventually. Which is fine.

      Just keep in mind that your own perspective here might actually be the thing that is somewhat gender biased and prejudiced. After all...this was an article specifically stated as targeting male readers. But if you feel we should avoid gender-specific articles (for both men and women), we can certainly discuss that with MUO ownership.

      Thanks again for your comment.


      • mr_chopper
        January 8, 2010 at 9:55 am

        I think you've been a bit dickish towards the end there, Ryan. You can't deny this *is* a gender-biased post nor that some of the stuff you say in it is a bit presumptuous, shall we say. I understand it's "one for the guys" (which I personally find offensive, but that's neither here nor there) but stuff like this doesn't usually appear on MakeUseOf, so it's a bit strange and somewhat off-putting to see.

        I always thought this site/blog/awesomeshow was gender neutral - it's about computers and tech and how-tos and stuff that it doesn't matter what your other interests or beliefs are. As long as you like techy stuff you'll like it here. The problem is this article now blows that somewhat, even though it's only a tiny drop in a massive ocean of other posts. It's almost a homeopathic nightmare (little bit of a joke there, before any homeopathists want to get up in my grill).

        For a lot of people (and yes, it is mainly women) gender studies is a very important and sensitive topic. Without wanting to poke the flames unduly, an article explaining how to help a man find a woman through tips and techniques is always going to be a touchy subject.

        But please, let's not have a slew of chauvinistic comments just because somebody brought up gender. I mean she says it's a "turn off" so she's still thinking in sexual term, right?! Right kids?

        • Ryan Dube
          January 8, 2010 at 11:58 am

          Hi Mr. Chopper - there is a big difference between writing for a specific gender, and being gender biased. Would you consider a women's-only yoga class gender biased? Much of this is really about being able to truly think in terms of gender equality - not just commercialized "gender studies".

          I am one of those people who take gender studies very serioiusly, am very passionate about it, and it is an extremely sensitive topic for me...hence my response above. To be called gender biased (or chauvinistic, as you have) is way out in left field.

          At the University I mentioned - I took part in a several-week long debate with one of the professors of Gender Studies...tearing through the accepted statistics throughout gender studies, and learning a tremendous deal in the process. I am a believer in true gender equality and feel very passionate about that.

          Please see this article of mine to see how passionate I am about this subject: http://www.helium.com/items/925044-apathy-and-gender-equality

          For anyone to call me at all gender biased is like calling the Pope a drunk. With that said - I know the article is semi-controversial with a unique focus MUO usually doesn't cover, so I did expect this sort of thing.

        • mr. chopper
          January 8, 2010 at 12:40 pm

          I wasn't calling you chauvinistic, man. Sorry if it came across that way. I was referring to other commenters (who have yet to comment and I am not referring to anybody here), as usually when I read something that brings up the subject there is inevitably a dirge of horrific commentary that follows.

          I get the feeling you thought I was attacking you, when I was attempting to reiterate what the initial post had said and try and get across why this kind of subject might be a bit funky. You certainly don't have to prove yourself to me (whose very name should be enough to explain why), however the paper you linked was the perfect antidote to this whole episode. I never meant to try and hold you up, per se, more what the article may represent to some people.

          Sorry for all this confusing business. There's snow here in the UK and we're as used to it as sunshine.

        • Ryan Dube
          January 9, 2010 at 4:44 am

          Thank you for the excellent reply and clarification. No worries at all - and I do know what you mean about some of the other comments that are rather chauvinistic. Those are rather troubling as well, aren't they...

          I'm glad you liked the linked article - a lot of work went into that, and I was shocked such a controversial perspective would remain ranked 1 out of 16 other articles on the topic since it was published.

          I hope you Brits are able to dig your way out of that snow eventually! :)

  6. Fennec
    January 5, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    you forget the major part : Show me the money baby !!! that's what she wants :) and she will ask u about your job try to say i'm a dishwasher :))) she will run away from you :) even if you will have a look of the sexiest guy in earth :))) BUT if you are ugly like a monkey and you are full of money and or u r a CEO of major Company or you are Surgeon at a prestigious hospital and u make 5 Millions a year she look at you like a jackpot :))) and she will said to herself "Bingo !!!" :))... She will tell you : You are sooooo handsome baby ! :))))))))))... Money talks bullshit walks my friend... Please comeback to earth cause...
    You are not living in earth you are living in your virtual world maybe in Pandora world with Navi people... so please stay in facebook and have a virtual girlfriend... without meeting her and tell you co-workers that you have 10,000 friends in facebook ;).

  7. Larry B.
    January 5, 2010 at 9:10 am

    I'd recommend staying clear of posting stuff like "OMG I'M DRUNNKS IN MY BASEMENT LOL" and playing Farmville all day... or at least, don't publish your results.

  8. mr. chopper
    January 5, 2010 at 8:31 am

    How about "not making shit up about yourself"? If you're a fine upstanding person then somebody out there will go for you. If you make yourself out to be a forward-thinking, gender studies majoring, baby-loving dream, then at the first sign of alcohol go hunting for bases... You're going to lose that someone faster than if you were just honest. At least then you're not letting down the other party or being deceitful.

    • Ryan Dube
      January 6, 2010 at 7:47 am

      Good point as well - the number 1 rule from the very start should always be...be real.

      Thanks for your comment.

  9. Tech Crone
    January 5, 2010 at 8:24 am

    It's great that you've put some thought into what women want, and you seem to have done a pretty good job of observing your female friends and relatives. But you've missed one of the most important qualities of all. In my experience, the single most common complaint women make about the men in their lives is that men either don't or don't know how to listen. I've found that smart men (including a lot of geeks) have a particularly difficult time with this one. But listening is a learnable skill. Learn how to listen well, and you will make yourself popular with just about everyone (women included). What's more, you won't have to rely on generalizations about what women want in order to attract female companionship; instead you can learn how to deal with women as individuals. In the long run this is going to result in much healthier relationships.

  10. Noah
    January 4, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Or you could just find out where they live, find out every thing about them, then just turn up at their house one day and show how much you are like them with the information you gathered...

  11. Carolyn
    January 4, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Hrm. To be honest, I don't think much of any of these tips. They are only worth following if you actually ARE adventurous, family-oriented, etc. I think that better advice would be to pursue diverse interests, whatever they may be. If you like just one or two things passionately and exclusively, you are going to be uninteresting to a lot of people. Make sure that your posts aren't showing you to be too one-sided. Try new things and ask for mentors - don't feel like you have to be the expert at everything all the time.

    Also - don't drop someone cold if they are already in a relationship or just not interested in a relationship with you. Women can be more than just a future wife OR a one night stand. You also have the option of maintaining a casual friendship with them. Really.

    On a side note, I read through this post several times for some kind of acknowledgment that "geek" is a gender-neutral term. Instead it looks like you view all geeks as male by default, and heterosexual to boot. Assuming that all geeks are dudes will not put you in a positive light with the ladies.

    • Ryan Dube
      January 4, 2010 at 5:18 pm

      Thanks for your feedback Carolyn! Very insightful as well - thanks so much. You make a very good point - I shouldn't have assumed that said "geek" is heterosexual. I certainly do not assume all geeks are male - I have a number of awesome female geek friends! However, on your last point, I could offer absolutely *no* help to women who are looking to attract men on Facebook, and that is why the focus of my article is directed toward the male geek audience...I think the same advice for our female geek readers is probably a job for one of our female writers!

  12. MicMik
    January 4, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    I mean 3rd.

  13. MicMik
    January 4, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    Be careful with 2rd Tip, it could look paedophilish.
    Especially when you do "one of those best days" description hugging not your child.

    • Ryan Dube
      January 4, 2010 at 5:05 pm

      Do you really feel that's true about hugging your own sister or favorite niece? If so, wow that's troubling...I hugged my little sister like that all the time! Would you say the same thing if the person hugging the child is female?

  14. Anemone
    January 4, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    I'm a woman and a geek, and I gotta tell you: the only thing you can really do for your dating life at the "prospective" stage using Facebook (as opposed to corresponding with your friends and sweetheart) is NOT show yourself to be a creep. Other than that, as an *active* search, it's not terribly effective.

    Rather than decorating your FB front gate with your good intentions (and I assume here that the would-be dater does in fact respect women and like to do adventurous and fun stuff), go out there and show who you are to other by meeting people at those fun, adventurous, non-sexist activities. Or the daycare center, whatever. THEN you can pursue contacts through FB, forums, blogs, chat rooms, etc.

    Incidentally, I can't speak for all women but I really don't want a date who loves me "for my gender". I'm not sure that's what you meant. And I would definitely add "sense of humour" to your list of requirements, maybe even at the very top.

    • Ryan Dube
      January 4, 2010 at 4:55 pm

      Anemone - thank you for the feedback. Obviously, being a married guy geek, I can't cover the female perspective. So, because of that I love your comment and the additional insight you've offered here. I'm certain that the readers who come looking for this article might very well find more value in your comment than in my entire article! Thanks so much for posting.