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If your Tinder experiences aren’t paying off, you may need to reexamine your game. Whether you aren’t attracting any matches whatsoever or you’re attracting the wrong kind of matches, the problem may be in the way that you’re presenting yourself. Are you that guy on Tinder?
For those who don’t know, “that guy” is anyone who makes your eyes roll when you view their profile or initiate contact with them. Most eye-rolls are caused by guys, but that doesn’t mean girls are exempt. On Tinder, creepiness can come from anyone and, from what I can tell, it happens way too often.
We’re not just talking about basic Tinder mistakes here. These are grave errors in behavior and mindset that actively repulse and repel potential matches.
1. Be Honest… But Not Too Honest
For a lot of folks, dating is synonymous with deception. Every aspect of dating becomes auxiliary to one single goal: a successful hookup. If you’re the kind of person who believes that you have no desirable qualities, it’s an easy slippery slope from embellishment to lies to flat-out fake profiles.
But unless the person on the other end is mindless or careless, fake and embellished profiles are easy to spot. It’s one thing to be over the top as a form of humor or satire, but it’s another to be desperate. There are few things creepier than someone who tries to weasel their way into a hookup through manipulation and deceit.
Be more honest with your Tinder profile. Use recent photos even if you’ve gained weight or lost muscle over the past few years. Include your actual interests instead of omitting the ones you think are boring or uninteresting. Have you ever read “Masks” by Shel Silverstein? Think about that when presenting yourself.
On the other hand, don’t be too honest up front. Social relationships need time to build and gain momentum. That’s why small talk exists. You start shallow on the surface, then gradually climb down into deeper material. If you open up with your deepest thoughts and emotions, you’re going to scare people away.
But if you have to choose, always lean more towards honesty and openness. Try to showcase yourself as you really are and don’t forget to inject your personality into your profile, photos, and conversations.
2. Always Strike a Balance
For an app like Tinder where first impressions are everything, you should always avoid the extremes. Like we mentioned above, you don’t want to be too honest nor do you want to be too fake. Along similar lines, you should be wary of being too anything.
Extreme first impressions are scary, which isn’t great on Tinder since left-swiping is so instantaneous. There’s simply no time to see what lies beneath an extreme exterior.
You want to be funny without being wacky or obnoxious. You want to be confident without being arrogant, cocky, or overwhelming. You don’t want to be too much of a listener, nor do you want to be too much of a talker.
Aim to stand out without sticking out like a sore thumb. There is such a thing as being too noticeable, and that’s going to hurt you most of the time on a service like Tinder.
This applies to your photos as well. Try to include a wide array of shot types like selfies, group photos, activity photos, etc. Avoid including too many of a particular type, however, otherwise you may come off as trying to overcompensate.
And while we’re on the topic of photos, do not include a photo of you with the opposite sex – even if it’s just your brother, sister, or parent. Most people will insta-reject if they see something that can be misconstrued as a past or current romantic partner.
3. Tinder Is Not a Vending Machine
Let’s be real: Tinder is mostly for casual hookups. Nobody who’s looking for a life partner is going to make that kind of decision based on a few photos, a profile, and a single swipe. You probably just want a one night stand or a quick fling, nothing serious. Chances are, everyone else is looking for the same.
But that doesn’t mean that everyone on Tinder is ready to drop their pants at a moment’s notice. If you think you’re entitled to a hookup with everyone who positively swipes you, you should rethink that mindset. No one on Tinder is entitled to anything.
Even those who are ready and willing still need to be warmed up. If you open a new Tinder conversation with a time and address, that is if your shtick is to “skip the BS” and get down to business without any verbal foreplay, then don’t be surprised if you don’t catch much success.
And if your Tinder pickup lines are gratuitously sexual, may God help you.
Put a little effort into your Tinder adventures. Are you ever going to see that person again? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t treat people like people instead of a disposable candy bar whose only purpose is to satiate a momentary urge. You’d be surprised how far that can go, even on Tinder.
4. Know When It’s Time to Give Up
Persistence is the key to success. It’s a true statement in many contexts and persistence is often viewed as an admirable trait by people from all walks of life.
Unfortunately, dating and hookups is not one of those contexts.
In the realm of romance, there is no such thing as persistence. There’s only stubbornness. Every time someone rejects one of your advances, it becomes exponentially less acceptable to turn around and try again. After two or three rejections, it’s time to move on.
Don’t try to convince yourself that they’re just playing hard to get. Very few people play that hard to get, and those that do are rarely worth the effort.
On Tinder, persistence quickly turns into harassment. There’s nothing less attractive than someone who is both stubborn and oblivious to social cues. If someone says no, learn to take the hint. It’s time to give up.
Does Any of This Describe You?
If it turns out that you are “that guy,” don’t worry. Not all is lost. Once you realize that you’re making these mistakes, you’re one step closer to fixing them. I used to be that guy. Plenty of others used to be, too. We made it through, and if you put forth a bit of effort, so can you.
But if you’d rather give up on Tinder instead, check out these alternative dating apps that aren’t Tinder.
How have you fared on Tinder? Are you a hotshot or not? What kind of tips have helped you improve your Tinder success? Share with us in the comments below!