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• Mafiabrito
  Don't forget, you misspell "ignore"
  :)
• Aibek
  thanks for heads up! :-)
• Ranbir
  Really true... grammar n spelling mistakes are noted and commented upon by more readers
• johnpogi
  ololololol
  
  i r trollinz t3h stewpid gramamr nazis
  curse u Hitler!!1!!!1!!!1!
• hotdawg
  as for the cant comments. i cant and i shant comment on it.
  reminds me of one line to a song.
  emmanual cant was a real pissant.
  
  well i am sure that i have an angry mob shouting expletives at my speling. now i are wun.
• urallsheeple
  They won't remake and release FF7 until they see the sales of all the periphery FF7 products (Dirge of Cerberus, Advent Children etc) stop selling. Then they will remake and release an actual FF7 and restart the whole stupid trend.
  
  Although, honestly, there are those at SquareEnix who realize that FF7 isn't that GOOD a game. It is consistently overrated and steeped in rose tinted nostalgia. I was only 11 at the time FF7 came out and it was one of the first RPG's I played and finished. I enjoyed it very much and I even had other decent RPGs like Revelations Persona and Vandal Hearts for it to compete with. The graphics for the time were good and the game play was fun.
  
  I came back to it in 2006 and realized the many, many shortcomings of it;
  
  1) The graphics do not hold up to the test of time. There is some nostalgic charm in the simple Playstation sprites and textures, but 3D is (and remains) a gimmick developers think can make up for shortcomings in the games other departments. Part of the reason for the huge hype (And lingering love) for this game was that it was the first FF7 game in 3D. That doesn't make it a great game on it's own. In addition the bizarre change between smaller map sprites and larger battle sprites creates a lot of NARM, especially in the 'dramatic' cut scenes. Seeing Sephiroth stab Aeris in an FMV then seeing a Hobbit keel over completely spoils the mood of the shot. Then there are FMV's where the characters are the smaller sprites (Namely when Mideel sinks into the life stream, Weapons attack on Junon). This in-consistence lends an aura of incomplete/rushed creation. This might be acceptable if people proclaimed FF7 merely to be a good game, not the perfect creation that most fanboys and girls claim it to be.
  
  It's graphics are dated, and continue to degrade every year, but the graphics were one of the main selling points to this game in the first place. It all looks rushed - more a BETA then a finished product.
  
  2) The music is atrocious, along with much of the sound effects. For those who don't think sound should be a game maker or breaker they are WRONG, at least in respect to RPGs. RPGs are interactive stories, the music sets the mood. It should suit the scene(s), and the sound effects should properly match the style and mood of the story. The sound effects come off as cold and amateur. For a series that (up until that point and ever after) prides itself as a more serious, dramatic portrayal of different stories the effects almost come across as cartoony and repetitive. I know FF games have a history of throwing in a bit of humour, but FF7 doesn't even seem to bother taking the highroad at any point. The many cutscenes of Shinra soldiers shooting at people is almost pain inducing in the repetitively cartoonish gun noise (Even though their guns sound different in battle). Considering these contain such dramatic turns as Dyne getting his arm blown off or ZOMFG ZACK DYING!!! it's hard to ignore this. As for the music; only two tracks actually stand out as not being extraordinarily annoying, cliched or down right awful; Cloud's theme and Vincent's theme. And even these two are not done as well as they could be (I suggest the Orchestral version of Clouds theme and one of the many single, guitar covers of Vincent's theme for maximum enjoyment). The rest of the music does not fit the game, or scene and/or are over used to the point of annoyance. Most of the tracks only last about 2-3 minutes before looping. And they constantly reuse the same few tracks in very different areas of the game. I was sick of the Mako Reactor song before I even left Midgar, but expect to hear it again. Heart of Anxiety initially comes across as sad and moving, but this song is used in every other area. They had tons of tracks, but you either hear it once or far too much. This game is about 50+ hours long to thoroughly complete. After Meteor appears we lose the stellar, optimistic Clouds theme. I wouldn't mind, it's symbolic of the impeding doom, but the replacement song is a synthesized mess that repeats way too fast and way too often. Then, when you get the Highwind, you get a blaring orchestral piece that feels way out of place with a giant, violet meteor hanging over the world. Searching for Friends, this is not. There is no middle ground. Considering this happens fairly quickly in disk 2 (Pretty much when you can finally get back to the over world map) you are stuck with this repetitive, uninspired dreck. The battle and boss themes comes across as fairly lame as well. Usually these are some of the best tracks in a Final Fantasy game. Hear they are just backround noise. Nobuo Uematsu was either beginning to be influenced by or instructed to include elements of J-Pop into the game, and unfortunately he listened and the game switched from more classical, Fuedal-SteamPunk era listening to futuristic jams interspersed with RPG cliches, a fact even reflected in the songs TITLES. Midgar is the only futuristic place in the whole world, the rest of the cities are steampunk (a Final Fantasy trademark). Electric guitars, synthesizers, KEYBOARDS?
  
  I know that the music in this game is more experimental then previous installments, and I can agree with that. That doesn't excuse it for being repetitive, annoying or not matching the moods and scenes.
  
  3) The Difficulty. Is non-existent. There is nothing hard about this game. That can be true of any RPG, with enough grinding. Yet the combat system is so broken (An unfortunate problem with most older Final Fantasy games) that people have actually been able to play through this game, on their first try, without grinding and without using Materia. Back when it first came out we used to watch each other play, to see strategies, different character uses, etc. One of my friends played through with a Cloud, Barret and Red XIII party. I watched him fight one of the harder bosses (The crane in the underwater reactor) and laughed in my head as he went into the battle completely magic less. I thought he was doing it on purpose. Six minutes later he was shooting down the red Shinra sub. I only learned that he wasn't using Materia when he complained that he had lost to Safer Sephiroth because he ran out of Potions and couldn't heal. When informed of the Cure materia he beat him in one go only having to heal ONCE. The enemies are pathetically weak. The only two that pose any challenge are the infamous Ruby and Emerald weapons. And even then, there are several combination's of medium strength Materia that will trounce them. Several people spend hours maximizing the top tier Materia to get as many as possible so that Weapon never even gets a chance to blink. Then there are others that have one Mime and continually limit break one character. Add to the fact that the only difference between characters is their limit breaks and there is not even any difficulty in experimenting to find out what character is weak against what, because the only differences between characters is the look of their primary weapon...and limit breaks. Eight playable characters are unnecessary, and to top it off they make three of them have limit breaks that overpower the others, not just in strength but execution. Tifa has to roll slots carefully to maximize her break, Cait Sith's is completely random and often weak. Considering Cloud's uber powerful Omnislash depends slowly on the pressing of the O button and it's not hard to see why some characters gain more fans then others. Cait Sith had all the potential to be a fun character, but why even bother when even the programmers couldn't.
  
  The only joy that comes in using different characters is whether you want to defeat an enemy in thirty seconds or forty. Everyone can use the same spells and armour, with no penalty or deviation against pathetically weak and broken AI.
  
  Which brings me to my fourth and final category...
  
  4) The story. The story and characters are not well done and feel more like a first draft of everything. Cloud is a boring everyman with vengeance on his mind (Who is somehow turned into a brooding, stereotypically cliched Japanese RPG frontman in the expanded story lines) who is chasing the worlds Biggest Bad. The motivations? Big Bad burned down Cloud's house and Big Bad wants to become a God. Beyond cliche, even by that point. Final Fantasy does have a tendency to make this the central conflict of their stories, but at least some deviated and added spin. Hell, in the one before it (VI) the Big Bad DOES become a god and destroys the world. His motivation was accomplished and he was content to sit on an island above the world, raining down destruction. Even after defeating the new God, for the heroes it was a Pyrrhic victory. The heroes won, but they really didn't. It was a mature, evolved story in the sequence of the games. FF7 put all the cliches back in. Big Bad wants destroy world, doesn't get to. Even though he already summoned Meteor and it almost hits the old Deus Ex Machina cranks in. The Life Stream bursts out of the ground and stops it. The world is saved. Without ANY penalty. The world goes on living. The scene, after the credits, of Red and his kids running around outside an overgrown Midgar show that there was no impact. It is a one dimension, Disney story. The characters are paper thin, with only the two 'secret' ones achieving the vaunted heights of 2D. Which is a shame, because all of them had the potential to be something greater. Through various cut scenes and side quests you see that everyone had something unusual (and usually interesting) happened to them. Red XIII, who thought his father was a traitor to his clan, goes back to his hometown where the player learns about it. Red seems to be disgusted by it, but then in a quest akin to a single episode of Pokemon he learns that his father was really a hero and saved his home town! Hurray right? Suddenly everything's changed for Red! Well, no, it hasn't. You could take out that entire quest and Reds character would still be exactly the same. His motivations for saving the world were the same as before (Grandpa AND HUMANITY). Years ago Barret allowed Shinra to come into his town and they wind up burning it down (For no other motivation then EVIL). In the process he loses his arm and his best friend. All he has left is his best friends daughter, who he raises. Coming back to his ruined town in the first disk you see that his friend is still alive but tormented by the supposed death of his daughter. Barret has to kill him. So now Barret is even more out for revenge against Shinra right? NOPE! Now he wants to save the world, his only motivations his adopted daughter AND HUMANITY. Even later, when you have a flying weapons platform (The Highwind) does Barret ever suggest going and getting back at Shinra? Nope. Does he ever hijack the ship while everyone is sleeping and attack Midgar with it single handedly? Nope. After his characterization quest he sits in the corner and goes off to fight the Big Bad. Even though Sephiroth has literally never done anything to him (And in fact has been screwed over by Shinra just as much, something Barret KNOWS) or his daughter he still makes that his number one goal. All the other characters have similar motivations; after learning about the tragedies in their lives they shut up and chase the man in black with no growth! Even a secondary quest later on, a thirty minute distraction would have shown some sense of mature story telling by the writers. Nope. The only two characters who show any kind of real emotion or humanity is Yuffie and Vincent. Yuffie's town has been utterly decimated by Shinra, and her only chance of getting back at them is to steal as much Materia as she can, probably to arm her revolutionary troops! But, alas, Cloud's main quest is more important, so after you play Yuffie's quest she quietly comes along to destroy the Big Bad, though obviously not wanting to by several comedic one liners to that effect. She has no beef with Sephiroth, barely knows about him, but she has to defeat him. For Wutai AND HUMANITY! Vincent is the only, and I do mean only, character who rightly has a reason to blindly chase Sephiroth. In all likely hood Sephiroth is his son (Though this is up for debate) and it's Vincents fault that all these events have come to pass. Instead of manning up and correcting it all he decides to sleep in a coffin and let humanity deal with their own problems, especially since he is no longer a man (Mentally and increasingly physically). Yet when Cloud comes along and drops a few Sephiroth related hints Vincent decides to come along. For ???? AND HUMANITY! His motivations are only hinted at, which can be fine, but there's absolutely no deviation. No variation. If you kill Hojo before getting Vincent, he blindly follows you down into the crater. If you kill Hojo with Vince (But not in your party) he continues to blindly follow you. There's no conflict. He doesn't leave, or get angry. There's barely any resolution if he does kill Hojo. And I'm not saying he is saddened, or realizes that finally killing Hojo has really done nothing. He just makes a comment or two and clams up. And Aeris... My god. I can't believe how many people get emotional over her death. Not only is her character unnecessary from a combat standpoint (Healing limits are kind of useless when Cure and Enemy Skills do far more then she could ever hope to do) she is flat and downright deceptive. A typical damsel in distress, Disney princess, Bella Swan character. Everyone loves her, for no justifiable reason. Cloud and her romance is even more cockeyed then Squall's and Rinoa's. Aeris is supposed to be brimming with life, fun to be around, but this is never shown in the game. She has some upbeat statements and occasionally does a perky thing, but no more so then the other flat characters. Her character is meant to be tragic (In light of her parents deaths and her 'Last of the INSERT' lineage) but comes across as manipulative and vapid. She's in love with every presentable boy in the game, enemy or foe. Hell, if Sephiroth hadn't killed her they probably would have been dating by the middle of the second disk. Cloud's attachment to her is baffling, considering the quality of the few conversations and adventures they do have. Tifa is far more interesting and convincing as a romantic lead, showing occasionally actual caring about Cloud, but she is shunted aside by the writers until Aeris is in the ground. The undertones of that romance is far more tragic and convincing, but even in death Aeris still apparently pines for Cloud so that he can't just move on with Tifa. Even after they spend the night together they have to talk about her. For Aeris AND HUMANITY!!! The romantic subplot of the game is as simplistically convoluted and uninteresting as the save the world plot, yet it's touted around by the games fans as the single saddest thing they know. 'Epic' in scope and scale. Sephiroth had the potential to be a good villain, but instead his story is not portrayed enough or properly and he becomes a cartoon villain. Instead of showing that he has some humanity left, or some other motivation then his mom and Godhood, he just cackles and floats in the final dungeon, probably clucking his fingers together in the mean time whilst sitting on a giant throne and drinking red wine while watching Cloud and friends approach in his magic ball.
  
  The story is cliched and unsatisfying and the characters potential is completely and utterly wasted, not to mention warped and molested in the expanded material. It comes across more as a Dragon Ball Z type anime then a mature RPG game.
  
  I know some people say they've played it every year since it came out, but that's the problem! Leave it alone for five or six years (And read a book or two for god sakes) and come back to it. It won't hold up. The game felt rushed and incomplete. That might sound like an argument for a remake, but it's not. Because if they remake it any different, it will be a new game, one that people won't like. If they make it harder, it won't be nearly as accessible for the casual person who wound up being the majority of the people who bought it the first time around. If they incorporate all the elements of the expanded material the story will be ground down and become even more incomprehensible. It'll be like playing Star Wars, Episode I-III. If they change it so that the characters can't all use the same magic or armour and each have a limit break with a disadvantage then there will be even more outrage at those that have to think about parties now and those that think they're bastardizing the 'simplicity that made it great' in the first place. If they change the music it'll probably be even more J-Popish, and even more ridiculous. I can see a boss battle with a Black Mages cover; five different electric guitars blazing like Van Halen wannabes three decades too late.
  
  Of course, some of you will like that. And many won't. They sold it really well the first time on a gimmick (Now in 3D and TECHNICOLOUR!). If the most recent Final Fantasy shows, the average video game player does not like too much complexity or interactive story books. A Final Fantasy VII remake will not do that well, even with all the hype and marketing in the world behind it. There will be only four types of buyers, those who've never played it and never will, those who've never played it and might, those who have played it and won't want to spend seventy dollars or a rehash, and those commentators above me who can't wait to through a fat wad of cash at the creators for a remake that will undoubtedly disappoint them and push away customers. There's really only a small group of people who would consider buying it, and I doubt those who have never played FF7 will buy a remake. Why bother, when you can pick up XIV or XV. It's like buying Madden 6 for no other reason then it has better graphics. You might as well buy the newest one.
  
  And that's why they won't be remaking it, or soon. There's no money behind it (Not enough to guarantee the expense of marketing and development anyways) and it would be tedious to work on for the developers. There would be no fun in making the game, it already has the music and story line. Their work would be constrained creative choices limited and as a result the end product would be shipped invariably flawed.
  
  So, for those finding it TL:DR let me sum up;
  
  1) Story is not good enough to warrant remake.
  2) Gameplay is easy; increase will drive away casual gamer.
  3) Characters are constrained by expanded material.
  4) There aren't enough potential customers to justify the expenditure for marketing and development, especially since the original already has the market flooded.
  
  Far too many people love this game, but I'm willing to bet half of them haven't played this game recently (Or tried other RPGs outside of Final Fantasy games). Instead of a REMAKE they should just re-release it with some expanded features and minimally refined graphics like they did with the old anthologies. That should tide over the sheeple.
• DyNama
  if those who were correcting the comic strip were serious, they missed the whole point. since i generally have positive opinions about people, i just can't believe they were serious. they must have been sarcastic. or were they sardonic?
• ME
  did he die?
• YOU
  did he die?
• Terry Ó C
  Hehe! Dast woz funzies.
  
  Buh, y u gotta rite awl n caps ? Dast tis layme nd rly ghets n mi nurvs.
  
  Buh thnx fur da laf.
• .
  You spelled lame wrong.
• Elli
  Oh my goodness this thread has has trolled itself into oblivion and back, hasnt it?
• solomon
  But if you do decide to reply to my post I just have one thing to say to you and trust me this counters just about any argument in the world.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  NO U!
• solomon
  This shit made my day.
  
  
  The grammar Nazi comments were an added bonus!
  
  For fuck sakes people are your life's so god damn miserable that you get your kicks from pointing out typos and misspelled words on websites just to make you feel better? I'm the biggest lurker in the world and this is probably the 20th comment thread I've read and gotten the feeling to plant a tire iron into someone's face. I'm not a violent person by nature but something about grammar Nazis tick me off. Good comic though. Oh and nobody should bother replying to this, I never revisit sites unless they are of use to me. (Demonoid,last.fm, and so forth...)
• Greg
  I'm convinced this is stumbleupon-ed so frequently because of "Ignoere"
• K
  You should all get a life! It is a freaking comic strip.
• spad
  I'm laughing at the silly people here who are saying, "It's 'can't' you noob!" to the writer of this silly thing. He knows it's "can't," and that's why it's funny! It's also "ignore." Not as many morons are catching that one. GET A SENSE OF HUMOR, AND PLEASE PRACTICE UNDERSTANDING SARCASM WHEN YOU SEE IT!!!!! :) noobs
• Anonymous
  you're all playing right into his hands! run for the hills, he has you!
• Jared
  Yure two funny with yoar comic :-P
• rftghjk
  Meg, Nazis doesn't need an apostrophe, and thanks for the Godwin's law. Also, shouldn't the comic say, "haven't had" rather than "haven't got"? Unless it was an intentional mistake.