I’m going to assume here a geek boyfriend case type, though of course geek girlfriends have also been known to exist in the wild. Unfortunately, data on these rare creatures is still quite scarce, so we will not discuss them today. It’s tragic that I have to say this, but please don’t take this as 100% serious dating advice, and take a deep breath before posting vile comments about how shockingly generalised and stereotypical this portrayal of geeks is.

Free Tech Support

A standard issue geek is, by default, able to stop both your microwave oven and the TiVo, from flashing incessantly at you 00:00. His tech-savviness will ensure you stay atop of HDMI, HTML, HTTP and HDTVs with attached HDDs. He’ll certify that your virus definitions and various operating systems are all up to do date, managed via a central house server while-u-wait.

Don’t test his patience though – while the geek boyfriend will be more than happy to tutor you in Java and PHP, he will not appreciate questions about Windows XP. You have an expert at your disposal here, not a replacement search engine. Girls not willing to learn for themselves need not apply for a geek boyfriend – your Facebook will be checked, and you will be Googled!

Logic-Based Functionality

All geeks are pre-supplied with a Logic Interpreter, though they lack the typical Emotional Response Decision Determiner. While they may not be of much use in emotionally troubled times, you can depend on them to make logical decisions when the water level climbs. When the floods come, who would you rather be with? Someone to offer a shoulder to cry on, or a geek who can seek out the nearest high ground, upon which to set up an ad-hoc wifi communications protocol?

They won’t leave you

In terms of “going to cheat on you” and related factors, geeks are far less likely than their jock detractors. A geek is eternally grateful that you chose to merge with his interface, and won’t be in a hurry to seek out an alternative base.

They will however, have an unhealthy obsession with one or more of the following mythical beings:

• Rei from Evangelion
• 7 of 9
• Princess Leia
• Starbuck

Since he’s never going to get laid with any of them though, you should regard these as harmless fantasies, and they may even lead to…

More Fun in the Bedroom

Your geek has probably spent hours on the internet exploring every possible facet of his sexuality watching a lot of pR0n, so if you have a geek that’s open about it then you can always be sure to find something to guarantee fun. You might want to be open to the naughty side yourself though, or be in for a shock when things go down below.

At the very least embrace his kinky side, and keep a healthy collection of sci-fi costumes supplied. Slip into one of these anytime you need to a send an intra-person control message (ICPM) of “I want sex now”, and I guarantee a 100% error-free transmission rate, (wow)!

You-Time

It’s likely that at numerous times in your relationship, your geek will become 100% absorbed in a new video game, surrounding himself with chips and dip. Don’t worry about leaving him alone sometime, geeks are expert hunter gatherers - in their prime. They use the power of logic, Google maps, and PayPal, to find and locate daily essentials within their locale. Unlike your typical man who drives around for hours yet ends up buying beer, the geek knows exactly what he needs and what it is near. Don’t feel guilty about using this time to get out more – your geek is simply being hardcore.

Is It Worth it?

Dating a geek will require you to have a wild side, but it’s a dependable and fulfilling ride. You’ll end up understanding an unhealthy number of four letter acronyms, and may even develop a keen interest in programming the next Sims. As long as you can handle long periods of hardcore gaming and more or less no social contact ever, your geek will ultimately serve you well, and leave you never. So what are you waiting for? Upgrade now!

Image Credit: ShutterStock 1, ShutterStock 2

Windows 8 Beta Simulator is a fun program available for Windows 2000, XP, Vista, and Windows 7 that is designed to give those who are interested a feel for the new Metro UI. True geeks definitely won’t be impressed, but mainstream Windows users will be. The rest of us can laugh at the humor included in Windows 8 Beta Simulator.

Start Menu

Open the Windows 8 Beta Simulator program and you will get a very typical Windows startup animation. You’re then invited to ‘Drag Up To Unlock‘. This simulates the touch capabilities Windows 8 will possess, but isn’t very realistic. The real Windows 8 will use an (optional) picture password system whereby you draw a pre-determined pattern on the screen.

On the next page, bypass the startup screen by clicking ‘Submit‘. There is no need to enter a password and I wouldn’t recommend it just in case there is nefarious reasoning behind the request. To be frank I wouldn’t enter any passwords or sensitive information into Windows 8 Beta Simulator, but then I could just be an over-cynical, untrusting type.

Apps

You’re then taken to the faux Metro UI page where you can explore in a not-very-realistic Windows 8 style.

It’s from here you can access apps in a similar way as you will with the real Windows 8. There is Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and The Weather Channel, essentially just mobile versions of the sites which open up in Google Chrome within the Windows 8 Beta Simulator.

There is also a Piano app (pictured above), a calculator, and other elements which are present in every version of Windows. To be honest none of them are particularly well implemented here, but that’s excusable as they are, after all, only for preview purposes.

Humor

One thing Windows 8 Beta Simulator has in spades is humor. And some of it is actually quite funny. Click on the wrong icon and you’ll get an error message full of typos.

Click through to the next screen and it’s suggested you download Linux, with Bill Gates happily recommending Ubuntu. Many people wouldn’t do so after the latest versions of the Linux distro failed to impress.

Click on ‘Pictures‘ and you’ll find that the images are all plays on Microsoft vs. Apple, with Linux clearly being touted as the best OS. What is an attempt at mimicking the Windows 8 Metro UI was clearly built by Linux advocates.

Lame?

Is Windows 8 Beta Simulator a little lame? In a word, yes. But it’s a small (9MB) unobtrusive download which can easily be uninstalled. It will offer five minutes of fun for anyone keen to get more of a feel for Windows 8 ahead of its release than they can by merely looking at pictures or watching videos.

Windows 8 Beta Simulator isn’t all that useful. It won’t give you a true sense of how it will be to use Windows 8. Anyone wanting to do that will have to download the real beta once Microsoft deems fit to release it. Only people confident and experienced need apply. Which leaves Windows 8 Beta Simulator as a viable though not-very-thrilling alternative for those who don’t fit into that category.

Conclusion

Windows 8 Beta Simulator is for those who don’t want to mess around installing a pre-beta or beta version of an operating system. And for Linux fans looking for a few easy laughs at the saps (of which I am one) who persevere with Windows.

If you have tried Windows 8 Beta Simulator, what did you think of it? Are you looking forward to the real Windows 8 beta and are willing to wait until Microsoft deems its new operating system as being ready for public scrutiny? Does anyone even care about Microsoft any more?