Piracy never pays, hacking for air miles, Google drives itself, an online cat simulator, Michael Fassbender is Steve Jobs, and the musical fart enjoyed by millions.

No Free Windows 10 For Pirates

Microsoft has made it clear that people running pirated copies of Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows 8.1 will not be getting free upgrades to Windows 10. Instead, anyone currently using a non-genuine version of these operating systems will receive "very attractive Windows 10 upgrade offers".

In March, Microsoft announced that anyone using Windows 7, Windows 8, or Windows 8.1 would get a free upgrade to Windows 10. Windows boss Terry Myerson then caused a ripple of excitement by suggesting this would apply to “all qualified PCs, genuine and non-genuine.” However, something appears to have been lost in translation.

Microsoft hasn't yet released specific details as to what form these "upgrade offers" for pirates will take, but the word "free" has clearly been excised from the plans. Which makes a lot of sense, as while Microsoft clearly wants to move everyone onto Windows 10, the company cannot be seen to be rewarding piracy.

United Hackers Earn Air Miles

United Airlines is offering hackers up to 1 million air miles as a reward for discovering vulnerabilities on its website. White hat hackers who find bugs and duly report them to the company will be rewarded with the air miles, but only the most serious vulnerabilities will attain the maximum 1 million air miles.

There are some stringent requirements to taking part in United's Bug Bounty Program, including the need to be "a MileagePlus member in good standing," "not be the author of the vulnerable code," and "not be an employee of United Airlines." Furthermore, the vulnerability must be discovered without actually testing it on live systems. Which makes perfect sense.

Google Takes To The Road

Google is moving its self-driving cars project to the next stage, announcing its prototype autonomous vehicles will "leave the test track and hit the familiar roads of Mountain View, Calif.," this summer. Thankfully, given that Google's cars have been involved in a number of accidents, drivers will still be on board in case they're needed.

The company has already taken vehicles out onto public roads to test the sensors and software which allow them to be driven automatically. However, this is the first time that the prototype cars, purposely built to drive themselves, will be unleashed. Speeds will be capped at 25 miles-per-hour, which should ensure a certain level of safety for all who encounter these vehicles.

Simulate Life As An Annoying Cat

Anyone who has owned a cat, either now or in the past, will know just how annoying they can be to live with. Sure, they're cute and cuddly, and provide some much-needed company on cold winter nights, but that doesn't stop them from being a right royal pain in the buttocks from time to time. Especially when you're in bed asleep and they happen to get hungry or need to pee.

Still, the life of a cat must be pretty sweet, which is what makes this cat simulator so compelling. Created by Will Herring, My Garbage Cat Wakes Me Up At 3AM Every Day places you in the role of a cat, your mission being to make enough of a nuisance of yourself to wake your owner up in the middle of the night. Feline fun at its frenetic finest.

First Steve Jobs Movie Trailer Lands

Universal Pictures has released the first trailer for Steve Jobs, the movie based on the Walter Isaacson biography of the same name. The film focuses on the product launches and press conferences that defined Steve Jobs' life, which makes this teaser trailer rather fitting as Steve walks out on stage.

Steve Jobs has quite the pedigree, with solid source material, a screenplay written by Aaron Sorkin, Danny Boyle as director, and Michael Fassbender in the titular role. Fassbender is ably assisted by Seth Rogen as Steve Wozniak, Jeff Daniels as John Sculley, and Kate Winslet as Joanna Hoffman.

The Internet Celebrates a Musical Fart

And finally, we have the fart joke to end all fart jokes. It's not even technically a joke, but it should make you laugh, assuming you're not offended by toilet humor. Watch the video, and then return. And remember to crank the volume up to 11.

I'm fair sure breaking wind and passing gas has never sounded so good. Which is why Reddit has been congratulating the person responsible. Seriously, Johann Sebastian Bachdoor, Claude Degassy, and Wolfgang Amadeus Mofart would be proud of such a composition. Badum-tish.

Your Views on Today’s Tech News

Should Microsoft have given pirates a free upgrade to Windows 10? Should United Airlines be paying cold hard cash to hackers finding bugs? Is the musical fart a new low for the Internet?

Let us know your thoughts on the Tech News of the day by posting to the comments section below. Because a healthy discussion is always welcome.

Image Credit: Funk Dooby via Flickr