Comments on: How To Spy On Your Spouse With Your Computer

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 21:03:54 +0000

While most states have “no fault” divorce, the terms of settlement/alimony/child custody are sometimes at the discretion of the court – and this is applied district by district, no matter what the “state” policy may be. To have proof of a spouse’s deceit – not just in terms from relationships, but finances – can make a great difference in the outcome of divorce proceedings. THANK YOU to Mark O’Neill for publishing a lifeline to the miserably married and their discouraged/neglected children!

By: Example

Example — Fri, 29 May 2009 14:16:55 +0000

Ehm.. I don’t know if i should be posting this in here. But here goes..

Hamachi is a great application i use to help friends (who already have VNC installed) fix issues on their PC. But sometimes I kinda take a peek at the stuff they do on the internet (which is mostly watching p**n). My fav thing about this application is, people with dynamic IPs (or behind firewall and stuff like that) still get the same hamachi ip. For more info check out the Wikipedia Article or google it.

By: becky

becky — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:05:00 +0000

This is a poor excuse. Most states have “no fault” divorce laws so infidelity is never an issue and you don’t need proof of anything to get a divorce.

By: wolverene

wolverene — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:47:05 +0000

Come on now guys! It’s obvious that stuff like this are at the discretion of the user. It’s how you use it. A knife is supposedly for the kitchen most of the times. Yet it is there in plain site at the kitchen and you can use that to kill people. It is of the importance of how you use it. Bottom line no matter how many laws out there are. It all comes down to the proper use of it in any given situation. One final blow of an example. Get this right. My cousins are cops. Some cops are bad. They have guns. Who’s protecting us now from them? Huh? It’s how you use it. If you have to use it to save someone, or for a better cause. It has to be done. I’ll say it’ll take ages of debate and no one will ever get the right answer simply because one answer is right for one doesn’t necessarily mean it is for the other.

By: Ryan Dube

Ryan Dube — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:00:33 +0000

Hi Jake – thanks for your comment. Yes you’ll need to know the current IP address of your VNC server. Log onto that PC, open a command prompt and just type “ipconfig,” and make a note of the IP address. Use that IP to connect to that server from your viewer.

By: Ryan Dube

Ryan Dube — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:59:20 +0000

Hey Greg – yes, actually when VNC is installed you’ll see an icon in the lower right corner of the screen with “VNC” on it. Most users won’t even know what it is.

By: Jake

Jake — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 06:44:44 +0000

I think my gf is cheating, so I got questions for the VNC is there steps missing like do you need the ip address or something else to connect the viewer to the server?

By: greg

greg — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:54:02 +0000

how do you find out if this has been installed on your computer though?

By: Guy McDowell

Guy McDowell — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 03:59:24 +0000

I think it’s an awesome article. Very well written. A few years back I was using VNC so I could check e-mail and such from home, while I was at work. I logged on once and my now ex-wife was doing something she shouldn’t have been. And she knew we had VNC.

By: Smarterchild

Smarterchild — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 23:33:05 +0000

can i make money off this or is it usa

By: Ryan Dube

Ryan Dube — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 16:06:40 +0000

Thanks for all of the great comments everyone. Even those of you who feel such an article is wrong – I respect that. My motivation for writing this article came from being asked by a friend what he could do, as he suspects his wife is having an affair. He knew that I’m a tech geek. I asked why he suspected her, and his reasons were pretty convincing – caught her in a few lies, etc…

Therefore, I shared the same information with him as we’ve offered in this article here…with the caveat that you’ve GOT to understand what’s reasonable and legal where you live, as many of you have correctly pointed out. Also – if you want to understand how to *prevent* people from spying on you like this – heck, MakeUseOf is loaded with awesome articles on how to clean keyloggers and otherwise protect your PC.

With all of that said – I think from the reactions here that the act of spying certainly does raise some interesting questions. As many of you have stated, if you choose to spy, is the relationship already over at that point? I really don’t know the answer to that – it’s a very tough call. Thanks again for all of your comments – I’ve enjoyed reading all of your opinions.

By: Nancy

Nancy — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 13:29:38 +0000

I like this piece. Even if you don’t want to spy, it educates people who might be the target of this kind of thing. It’s not just jealous lovers who might use these tactics, it could be your boss, housekeeper, coworker, kid, employee, creepy guest, the guy that fixed your computer or sold you the used cell phone. You may be the most ethical person on earth but it’s good to know what’s out there. I’ve been married for 29 years and so far I haven’t spied on my husband. But who knows, maybe sometime I might want to and this article will be useful. Show me the tools and let me decide how to use them.

By: Atlanta Private Investigator

Atlanta Private Investigator — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:43:50 +0000

Ryan/Mark This is a great tutorial, however one should check the local laws and federal laws before adopting such behavior in a spousal case. There are plenty of people with felonies on their record now for conducting activities such as this. It’s irrelevant who owns the computer, who owns the phone line, who pays for the internet connection, etc. If the person using the computer has a REASONABLE expectation of privacy, and you violate it (in a judge’s or jury’s eyes) you will be in some deep and very hot water. Talk to an attorney before you do anything like this for this kind of purpose.

By: Marie

Marie — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:36:21 +0000

Ithink this article was RIGHT ON! It’s up to each person how/where/when its ok to use this or not use this information, BUT some of us “want” to know, if your not one of those then use your delete key.
Makeuseof isnt the moral police for goodness sake, there are lots of other information everyday that doesnt pretain to each of us as well, I dont use MAC so all those arent worth my time reading, and vise versa, Pick and choose what your interested in and leave the rest of us the right to do the same.
Quit expecting everyone else to only read what YOU would want us to read, this is still America!
Hats off to you Mark, Some of us actually appreicate your article!

By: Mark O'Neill

Mark O'Neill — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:51:38 +0000

I am the editor of MakeUseOf and I would just like to make a few comments on why I chose to publish this article.

I know a couple of people who are trapped in unhappy marriages mainly because their spouses are unfaithful. But the one thing that stops them from leaving the marriage and getting a divorce is that they can’t prove to a divorce court that their spouse is cheating on them. No evidence of infidelity means no divorce. So they are forced to stay at home because otherwise if they left with the kids, they would have nothing.

So when I read Ryan’s article, I immediately decided to publish it because I am sure there are many other people out there in similar marriages (not just wives but husbands too) who need that proof for a divorce to get out of marriages and this technology will help them to do it.

Yes, in the wrong hands, these programs can be used for other scary things but ALL technology can be used for other bad things if you put your mind to it.

If you have already made your mind up that this post is disgusting then my comments will be meaningless. But to other readers, I hope that what I have said will help you to understand my reasoning for publishing Ryan’s article.

By: Del

Del — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 03:46:00 +0000

This is truly a very scary article. Any information such as this could turn out to be a very bad thing in the wrong hands and could do more harm than good, especially if the suspicion is unfounded.

By: Shame

Shame — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 03:36:25 +0000

This is a truly disgusting article.

By: Vale

Vale — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 03:23:14 +0000

I’m sorry, as long as it’s to protect your privacy is one thing. But writing articles on how to spy on someone else is not right. There are already too many people who do it – and no matter which selfish reasons you can do it for (saving yourself heartache, time, money) it’s simply not right. I don’t think this kind of article belongs on MUO, to be honest. I was disappointed to find it here.

By: me

me — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 23:21:43 +0000

I think you’d better serve your site and the question of the ethics if you accompany each suggested spying tool with a section on how to remove it or detect it.

By: Stephen Williamson

Stephen Williamson — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 21:04:13 +0000

I’ve been in a relationship where doing this would have saved me a lot of heartache and a hell of a lot of money in the long run. That said, I would never in a million years spy on my spouse like this. I think if you’re at the point where you think you need to do this, there’s probably not much of a relationship left. It’s a huge violation of trust.

I would, however, use these methods to monitor computer usage by my children. I’d let them know they were being watched though – no “gotcha” bull.

By: Eddie

Eddie — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:44:13 +0000

Can this be used on my Mac?

By: techandlife

techandlife — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:13:30 +0000

The ethics of this is indeed highly debatable. Leaving that aside, unfortunately, this sort of monitoring has a dark side as well. When I started to read the piece, it jogged my memory back to a post written by Bill Mullins last summer on how technology is being used in spousal abuse. Here’s a piece from that post:

…this type of technology is now pervasive in spousal abuse. According to Anna Stepanov, manager of the Anti-Spyware program at McAfee Avert Labs, “Using spyware for surveillance in cases of domestic abuse is a serious matter.” ….“Monitoring a victim’s online, cell phone, or general computing activity is of more value than ever in controlling or hurting a victim.”

The article is well worth reading and really thought provoking. Here’s the URL:

http://billmullins.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/domestic-violence-hi-tech-spousal-abuse/