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Dating is hard.

Dating is really hard.

First you have to find someone with whom you share a mutual attraction, then you have to make sure that you want the same thing in terms of commitment.

But the hardest part is meeting someone. As a result, many have turned to online dating sites. In fact, a third of recently married couples met online. They’re also less likely to break up.

But online dating is different for men and women Online Dating - Men Don't Get It And Women Don't Understand Online Dating - Men Don't Get It And Women Don't Understand Do online dating websites work? It's time for a frank discussion! What I learned from interviews was that online dating is equally painful for men and for women, but for very different reasons. Read More . As the saying goes: “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”

While it is true that straight women get more attention on dating sites than men, that doesn’t always mean it’s positive attention from safe potential partners 5 Signs You Shouldn't Date That Guy You Met On The Internet 5 Signs You Shouldn't Date That Guy You Met On The Internet I was an online player. Here are the tricks I used to win women's hearts – and how to spot them. Read More . As an experiment I set up accounts on three of the more popular free dating websites, then spoke to some women about their experiences.

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Here’s what happened.

OkCupid

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When someone says online dating, one of the first sites that comes to mind is OkCupid. It is estimated that there are about 30 million total users, with roughly 1 million unique users logging in every day.

It goes without saying that OkCupid has one of the better reputations of more popular free dating websites for having a wide variety of quality users. However, OkCupid has many not-so-great users as well, and it’s not uncommon for women to have the misfortune of encountering them, and in the past, I have as well.

In total, I received 11 messages with 218 visitors. Mostly, they were just guys saying hi. A few were a little more forward, and two were straight-up aggressive.

Casual Kiss

casual kiss 1

Despite Casual Kiss being kind of scammy, with only 3000 monthly visitors, I decided to give it a try all the same – and I wasn’t entirely disappointed. I joined February 4th, around 7 AM, and received a total of one vote, two winks, and six messages. The messages were all nice, although one user messaged me three times.

PlentyofFish

pof1

PlentyofFish is perhaps the most popular online dating sites out there, with an estimated 6 million pageviews a month and 76 million users (a little less than the entire population of Turkey). It’s no surprise that I received nearly twice as many messages on Plenty of Fish than OkCupid and Casual Kiss combined.

In total, I received 34 messages, all of which were very nice. I never replied to any of the messages, however there were a few men who messaged me twice despite that, in an attempt to get a response. 497 people said that they wanted to meet me on PoF’s Meet Me feature.

Other Women and Their Experiences

While my experiences here were relatively tame, that doesn’t mean it’s the case for every woman. In fact, it’s not uncommon at all for women to be threatened for refusing to send nudes or insulted when they say they’re not interested in the man messaging them.

I spoke to a few friends about their experiences with online dating websites. One friend brought up a message where a man had told her that because she was a ‘woman of size’, she ‘must suck good ****’. Another simply sent me this screenshot.

friendsscreenshot

Others in the past have conducted similar experiments, setting up fake accounts on free dating websites and recording the messages they received. Cracked’s Alli Reed set up ‘the worst online dating profile ever’ and still received heaps of messages from men who wanted only to hook up with the terrible woman she had created. Continuing to be horrible did not dissuade any of them.

There are also instances of men, believing women ‘have it easy’ on dating websites, setting up fake profiles and being shocked by the messages they receive. One of the most notable of these is a reddit user who set up a fake profile and didn’t last two hours. He came away with the realization that women have it much, much harder on these sites:

I figured I would get some weird messages here and there, but what I got was an onslaught of people who were, within minutes of saying hello, saying things that made me as a dude who spends most of his time on 4chan uneasy.

I personally have had some experience with OkCupid before this experiment, which weren’t completely positive.

My Own Past Experiences

okcupid img

When I was living in southern Oregon, the dating scene at my college wasn’t that great. A lot of people, including me, turned to online dating, and OkCupid was all the rage. As I was serious about finding someone, I uploaded a lot of pictures of myself, had a very thorough profile, and received a lot of attention. A lot of it was like the above. Eventually, it got to be too much and I closed my profile. I haven’t used dating sites to try to find men to date ever since.

Tips For Men On Dating Sites

First off, telling a woman about what you would like to do to her sexually without any prompting is not a compliment. It’s creepy, and in some instances really scary – not a turn-on by any means. Neither is asking for, or offering to send, nudes (unless they were not discussed first). No one likes unwanted sexual advances.

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Insulting other women, while looking for a woman, won’t help your chances of finding someone. That’s another turn-off.

img 2

Don’t be this guy and send this as your first message to a woman.

If you see a picture of a woman you like, take the time to read her profile. Find out what she’s interested in. When messaging a woman without bothering to learn about her through her profile, it may come across as you not caring about her as a person – no one wants that.

Make your intentions known. If you’re interested in something casual, tell her or put it in your profile. If you’d like a casual encounter, make that known as well. And if you’re serious about finding someone, make sure you don’t come across as too aggressive.

Finally, take no for an answer. No means no, and you’re not going to be able to ‘convince’ anyone to fall in love with you, and reacting with anger and threats when someone isn’t interested won’t help you.

Safety Tips For Women (And Men Too)

Try to get to know someone before meeting them. Watch for any red flags, such as disregarding your boundaries and not respecting your feelings.

When going to meet someone in person, it helps to suggest you both bring along a friend. This may help relieve the anxiety of the other person, plus it’s a safeguard for you both in case something happens. Also, be sure to meet in a public place and to stay in a public place. If you’re going alone, be sure to tell a friend where you’re going and what you’ll be doing.

For a first meeting, be sure to stay sober.

Don’t send out money, especially overseas.

Finally, don’t give out personal information – your phone number, email address, or even full name – right away. If you really want to talk on the phone with someone, consider getting a Google voice number 5 Cool Things You Can Do With Google Voice 5 Cool Things You Can Do With Google Voice Read More . Finally, read up on ways to make your online dating experience better 4 Tools For Easier & Safer Online Dating [Google Chrome] 4 Tools For Easier & Safer Online Dating [Google Chrome] Dating has gone digital. Once considered a realm inhabited only by the socially awkward, online dating is now just another tool in the toolbox, no matter whether you’re looking for a hook-up or your soulmate.... Read More .

So What’s The Verdict?

Casual Kiss is full of scammers, so that is a website I suggest avoiding. OkCupid is renowned for having a wide variety of users, although I received more messages and views on PlentyofFish. However, the problem with a lot of free dating websites such as these is that many of the users, the male users especially, are looking for sex.

If you’re willing to spend a little bit of money, paid websites like Zoosk, eHarmony, and Match are fantastic and you’re bound to find someone who is as interested in commitment as you are. If not, as trashy as they can be, OkCupid and Plenty of Fish are both decent websites. There are also other great dating apps What Is The Best Dating App For Android? What Is The Best Dating App For Android? Dating apps have come a long way, and there are actually some great options on Android. Give these fantastic apps a try! Read More you can use in place of websites, like Tinder.

Have you had any bad experiences with online dating? What about good experiences? Leave me a comment below and tell me about it!

Image Credits: hands hold Via Shutterstock

  1. Ericka
    November 3, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    The same pigs have shown up on all of the dating apps I have used. I originally started with plenty of fish, where I met two very good long-term friends, but no romantic chemistry. The majority of the other users were soliciting inappropriate photos and sending them as well. A few mentally unstable messages followed rejections. There are just as many people looking for hook ups on match.com as there are on OkCupid and bumble . Disappointing as to what society has become .

  2. Diana
    October 29, 2016 at 8:09 am

    I don't agree entirely with this article..the issue is the women are idiots and don't know how to stick up for themselves online. I use dating sites and am smart using them, as a result I don't get harassed. If the woman is smart and secure of herself instead of making it easy for the man it would make dating for a female easier. A lot of women are Insecure of themselves and a man can sense that, if I get a sexualized message instead of being afraid I just message back and say"you're disgusting best of luck." Act cordial instead of ignoring it, the more calm you are and as you get to know the ways of online dating it gets to be easier..
    Just saying an insecure woman who acts fearful is more bound to be harassed on these sites. Be smart ladies! Feel confident!
    I've also met and dated plenty of men from free dating sites that are seeking a commitment, don't assume ALL men only want a hookup that's not at all true. More so want Casual stuff but if you spend enough time online you'll meet decent men that want a relationship. I had 2 boyfriends come from OkCupid, there are good ones online too. Keep looking! Don't make yourself vulnerable and easy for the men!

  3. peter paul
    October 26, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    You cant seriously sitt there and say honestly that women have dating harder than men. I mean seriously, is that honestly what you think ? yourr telling me whos been alone for 36 miserabe years, never had a date, been rejected by everyone all the time forever that you with your phone bulging with numbers who gets asex love and dates on demand that i have it easier ? ive been robbed of any chance of a family because i cant get a date and you say i have it easier, im going die alone with no family because i couldnt get a date and you say i have it easy ? are you really that selfish ? decandes of loanliness, and when i say loanliness i mean NOONE, at all EVER, would finish you, you have no idea of the misery that men have being so alone. You watch as your sanity melts away from the slow burning tourture of loanliness, you would go mad, anyone would. It amazes me how selfish women are, it really does, id love to give you all my pain just for one day sso you would understand the utter hopless misery that men have to face ! you say men arre afraid women will laugh at them, this is incorect men are afraid of beingg alone forever and dying after a miserable loanly life, and the trajic thing is a lot will ! do you know what its like to want a family but not having one because you cant get a date, to watch your frineds happily married when your nearly 40 and never even had a date ? to watch oversexed women with hundreds and hundreds of requests complaining that some of them are wierd and men have it so easy ? do you know how painfull a life of loanliness is ? the burning slow tourture of needing t hold someone and noone being there, noone being there after a bad day, noone to confide in , no one to give you any confidence ? noone to hold, just lying in bed alone for deecade after dacade while women complain that some of their attention is from desperate men and so women have it so hard ? you get love sex relationships on demand, and you still moan and complain and say men have it easier my god, this honestly makes me want to kill myself, whats the point in going on if women think so lowly of loanly men. I hate this life i just want to die. I just cant beleive any woman would sit there and say she has it harder than men. You have no idea what decades of blanket rejections and loanliness would do to you, it would kill you, its true hell.

  4. Notfallingforit
    October 16, 2016 at 12:08 am

    You put up a pic, put little work into your profile, and yet expect so much from the guys who contact you? You even admit you receive nice messages, but refuse to even acknowledge such guys? Not even a simple thank you back? What does that say about you??

    Congrats on the ego stroke, but I'm not taking the bait. Lot of guys of looking for someone to actually date, and you aren't that person. Your advice simply does not apply

  5. Dazza
    October 12, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    I wouldn`t take the online dating thing too personally! Lots of good n bad on it. It`s no better or worse than pubs or clubs anyway. You know there could be a good reason why you haven`t had much luck in the dating scene - honestly, it is because you really are very pretty & guys are too scared to ask you out!! Seriously!! I`m not joking. But alas, I`m too old for you at 47, and I live in Sydney & hate planes!!

  6. Jeanne
    October 9, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    I was recently scammed on Match.com. There have been class action suits against Match for portraying themselves with 15 million users when only a million are paid subscribers and the rest contain a lot of scam artists looking to relieve you of your cash. The whole site is a scam in the sense they want to auto renew your subscription which is hard to stop once you sign up. I wonder if any of the people on the site are real at all!

    • Jason
      November 21, 2016 at 1:42 am

      It is and some are, had a bunch of dates on there before I met my girlfriend who we now live together and have a beautiful baby boy with...so I see what your saying and agree that it can be difficult bc online you are a sitting target. Where as in the real world it is harder for men to key in on victims. You just have to be more careful use an extra screening process and not take things so personal knowing it is a numbes game and nothing that is exceptional should be expected or necessarily easy to obtain...Just like life if you want something special sometimes it takes hard work!

  7. Morphicism
    September 26, 2016 at 11:46 am

    I think I'm being scammed. I put a report with the fbi a month ago. I'm waiting for them to respond. I'm keeping him on the hook until I hear from the agency. So they can take over and catch him. I've been asked for money. His company name I have researched. It's a generic website and the addresses I looked up for his offices show no record of his company ever being there. Lease records and such. He has an Enflick voip number, but his last picture looks like a location of what he's stated. I can't find evidence his pictures are reposts of someone else. How do I proceed safely until the authorities arrive?

  8. Michail
    September 13, 2016 at 11:07 am

    Michael

    I am a good looking guy not a model will not say that not arrogant but 5'10 and 165 pounds. Last time l was online dating was about 10 years ago meet my ex wife and the mom of our daughter through lavalife.

    This time I find pof a total waste of time I am a gold member but our of couple of dozens ladies I contacted 1 only replied back and she told me you are a really nice man and wish you best of luck but just started to date a man.

    I am only 40, leave in greater Vancouver, bc have a good job and rent a 2 bedroom place on my own plus drive a suv.

    It seems maybe wrong that the idiot men have flooded the ladies to Mt he point they tune out even great men or that many sadly l suspect accounts on pof now are fake .

    Either way l am at the point of giving up and l am sure l was not the first or last normal nice man to reach this point due to no ladies replying back at all.

    • Jason
      November 21, 2016 at 1:46 am

      Dont give up fella, just work harder and lower expectations of how quickly results should come...live your life and don't wait but actively work in your spare time...if it was easy to find the woman of your dreams I'm sure she wouldn't be the woman of your dreams...good luck

  9. David
    September 7, 2016 at 5:00 pm

    I've been doing online dating for only a few months seriously. I've been on OKCupid, Tinder, POF (paid), Zoosk (paid), and a whole bunch of other ones I won't mention because I was so naive I didn't realize what all was out there. YIKES!

    Anyway, what I am seeing is a growing disconnect and a lot of people getting disgruntled. I have to admit I was too in the beginning. I think it is because one develops expectations based on statistics instead of reality. I thought, at first, "wow, so many women to see who I really am"! Statistically speaking, I should get a few responses. So I start examining the numbers game and thought I could play a little with it.

    First, I ALWAYS read a woman's profile. I want to be strategic about this, right? I try to throw in a little humor if I can, but my first message, if there is something in her profile, ALWAYS contains at least one if not a few references to hers. I write in complete sentences and try to seek ways to spark a conversation. I make no lewd comments whatsoever. I don't even reference anything about looks (except once and that was a weak moment on my part since she her picture affected me that way, plus it was an experiment to see if venturing there yielded anything different).

    I also try to not be unrealistic as far as types of women I try to engage. I am 52, 6' 2", a little under 200 lbs, no paunch, somewhat athletic and active, and I feel I am decent looking (but have no idea how to quantify that). After reading about how to write a profile, I feel I've written a strategically thorough yet somewhat concise one. I will say that overall, I am an eclectic type that's hard to describe very thoroughly: artsy, scientific, really into aesthetics, research, languages and cultures, and musical (performance and compositions).

    I am personally open to a wide variety of situations, but I feel most women want some kind of commitment. I don't game because I haven't dated in almost thirty years. I had been married for about 27 years and now divorced for a year. So I am not even sure what this "game" they keep talking about really is, although I have an idea. Whatever it is, I would certainly abide by the wishes and expectations of whomever I want to see and date.

    Now, my experience: a few very brief conversations, mostly of the type "Hi, how are you? What are you doing?" from women who initiated and not one about my interests or anything in my profile. If I try to go deeper at all, they either disappear or keep repeating themselves (probably catfishers since other things about their profiles make their seeking me unrealistic). Then, I have had a couple go a few sentences longer, but almost all have ended. Unfortunately, one had a legitimate mental disorder from traumatic brain injury. I tried to make this one work, but we just could never connect. One other one is so far away, I am still seeing where it goes. But so far, at best we'll be friends and no dates unless I travel over 2500 miles to another country.

    I've sent dozens of messages (not hundreds yet), along with "winks" (do these even work? or do women actually find them silly at best, offensive at the least?), with no response. I am paid on POF so I can see where a ton aren't read. A few read, some read then deleted and some deleted outright. I respect the deleted ones, so I don't even bother. A few of those were probably out of my league anyway (I was too old, or they were way more active or maybe interests didn't match). I had hoped that I would have gotten a little more response out of the others, especially ones who were mutual "meet me" that POF has. But even that didn't garner a response. So then I don't know if sending more messages is expected, tacky, pestering, or what. I feel like I need to based on what some women seem to be saying because mine are probably getting lost in the shuffle and I need to work at keeping myself visible.

    So, in my disappointment, I have been researching what is really going on. I've found many posts like this about what women "deal with". And I find it interesting how they have the opposite challenge most of the time. And I was honestly surprised at how jaded they get, but I don't blame them because of all these goofball, creepy, lewd, stalker responses they get.

    Now I see a dilemma. The nice guys, of which I consider myself right at the center of (not so nice that I would be boring, but definitely nice enough to be respectful of a woman and her boundaries and that no means no), can't get responses let alone dates. The nice women seem to get nothing but tons of messages to try to wade through. What to do?

    I think both sides need to step up our game and realize what is REALLY going on here. Who knows where all the drain and noise is coming from, though we know the sources such as scammers, desperate loser types, stalkers, catfishers, etc. And there doesn't seem to be too much that can be done about limiting that. However, if we are aware of it, we can do things to try to counter it. It also seems that we need to become more strategic and not so bitter about how to approach all of this. I see where a bridge needs to be built here somehow. Any suggestions?

    Maybe the nice guys need to be recognized more somehow by getting in kind responses from women. If you get a nice initial message, at least say no thank you and even a brief idea of how good the message was. Us guys get no clue whether we are sending out the right message or not. It would even be nice to get some kind of rating system going like eBay or something. SOMETHING to clue us in whether we are just a little off and need to tune up, or to just forget it. This weird limbo of never knowing if it was the message, the profile, the pictures or if who we messaged is overwhelmed is really tough to deal with. It would also be nice to have women realize that if they are getting decent if not outright nice messages more than once from a guy, that these guys are just trying to stay on top of the crap that that woman is otherwise getting; that they aren't stalking or pestering, they are just wondering if they are getting heard at all.

    I don't know what to do about the jerks. I think a lower percentage of guys that are like this are out there. But for some reason these idiots are taking up all of the dating bandwidth. And about the only thing I can see nice guys who really want this to work bringing to the table is to just not get bitter and disappointed. I don't know, it is really hard to see how to break this cycle that is destroying online dating for the majority of us. It would be helpful to know that possibly a new kind etiquette be understood by women that repeat messages that are nice should be acceptable and that we men kindly engage them with these; that we get a chance to overcome the idiots by countering them somehow. Also, maybe people could work up some kind of meta-dating situation (something like responding to websites about online dating or, as I said above, some kind of rating system)?

    For me, online dating is about my only hope of meeting anyone. I am not religious nor do I drink, even coffee (it puts me to sleep). I have food allergies and sensitivities. I work online from home. As a result, I don't go to any place of worship, I don't club or do bars, I can't eat at any restaurants, and I don't have a work environment with other people. I actually have very few friends despite my best efforts. I keep running across so many people with involved lives of which I am just not a part including my family. So, online is the only place I can even think about meeting people.

    I go for walks in the park, to the library, and around downtown. What also challenges me is that I am fairly introverted. On top of all this being much older, I have not the foggiest idea on how to hit up a conversation with a woman I've never met before. I didn't when I was twenty (I met my former wife through very unusual circumstances involving an acquaintance and what little dating I did then I did all though people I knew). How am I going to do it at over fifty and not seem weird?

    Another approach I am trying is to get involved with community events and groups. But once again, very few, if any women attend what I tend to go to, let alone any who are in my age group and meet other modest criteria, none having to do with "looks". For instance, I go to a drum circle (the only one within 30 miles of me). Of available women who show up (a few unavailable do), it is pretty much just one in her 80s along with over twenty guys. Women tend to do things like Zumba, dance, yoga or other exercise classes where if I showed up, it would be creepy since it will be assumed I am there for only one reason. I would love it if I would be accepted as a drummer for belly or tribal dance, but alas, the same creep factor seems to be at play.

    Well, I could probably say more, but I hope to start a conversation about what can really be done about this issue (and not just complaining about it). I would really like to overcome the disconnect with what is happening between guys and gals and to renew proper expectations. Otherwise, it will become one of the biggest fails of our technological communications age.

  10. Tom
    September 5, 2016 at 10:58 am

    So to show men what it's like to be a woman on a dating site you do this:

    1. Create an account.
    2. Upload your photo's and fill your profile.
    3. Wait for messages.
    4. Look for the bad ones and write a blog post.

    What you SHOULD have done was this:
    1. Create an account.
    2. Upload your photo's and fill your profile.
    3. Start looking for men.
    4. Initiate the conversation with the man, and let him rate you as you like to rate men.

    THAT is equality.

    Why do you think some women get bad experiences? Pictures of dicks being sent to them?

    It's because you are STARVING men of attention and after having had a life of not getting equal opportunities, all that's left is that.

    Not all guys are bad, but not all women are either, and for every man out there sending women messages that women don't want there is a woman out there who thinks she is worth more then men so she doesn't have to give what she takes.

    Instead of "shame walling" men I think women should post pictures of HOW IT IS DONE. You've been telling men they are doing it wrong for centuries. How about you step up to the plate then?

    • Anonymous
      November 19, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      I am trying once again with the online dating. I read the response of the recently divorced 62 year old man in Vancouver.
      If you haven't been on a date in 27 years, don't be too disappointed if you can't get one right away. As you said, you and your recent ex were introduced. Probably you had mutual acquaintances and got the opportunity to know one another over time.
      The only relationships I ever had started this way. Through friends, meeting at a party, seeing the person regularly in my community.
      If you don't drink, you can still no to a bar. There are loads of places where people socialize, listen to music, dance. Have a club soda if you don't drink alcohol.
      I try to read the on line profiles of the men who send me messages. I am never married with no kids. A recently separated man is not for me. He is not actually single. I dated a man who claimed to have been divorced for many years. He is very involved with his ex wife (mother of his adult son) as she had an accident and is helping to take care of her. The son (30 years old) is a good kid but has a miriad of personal and health problems. He also had a large extended family he spends a lot of time with. This is great, but I was wondering where I fit in. Apparently he is looking for a lover and was VERY forward (practically dove on me) on our first date. I am a slow starter and do not appreciate this type of thing.
      On line dating is not so easy for the over 50 set. Also, since I am not divorced, I usually ask the men why they are divorced. Most do not want to talk about it, so that is a non starter for me.
      If the person cannot express to me why their marriage did not work out, their are probably a lot of thing they will not be able to express to me.
      Just hang in there. Consider yourself lucky for having had a long marriage. If their is a particular reason why your marriage ended, reflect on it honestly so you can communicate it to a new woman who comes into your life. She will probably ask about it.
      In the meantime, don't think about all the limitations you express about all the reasons you cannot "go out". You say you go to the park. Ask a woman to meet you there. You don't have to drink coffee. Just buy one for her. Can you go to a museum? If you get to know her better and you like each other, you can cook a meal for her. Take her to a concert, go to a play. There are loads of graduate schools that put on excellent performances of all kinds that are very reasonably priced or free.
      How in the world do you expect to meet a woman if you do not move away from your computer screen?
      If you do not step out from

  11. Ela
    September 3, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    I paid for an eHarmony subscription for a year because I heard such positive reviews about their matchmaking algorithm, but found that many of the guys also had profiles on POF so I didn't see the point in paying anymore. EHarmony was great in that you could only connect with someone with whom you were deemed compatible, but new matches were sent infrequently. POF allows anyone to contact anyone so it is easy to be bombarded with unwanted messages from incompatible suitors, but it's free. My biggest complaint about online dating is the deplorable lack of manners and grammar. I don't believe I have ever received a message containing even one punctuation mark in the two years I've been a member on POF, and the messages can be outright lewd! I've also been the target of a determined fellow more than once, so it really comforted me to read this author experienced the same. I do not engage with users who are disrespectful, have clearly not read my profile, or lack even a basic understanding of spelling and grammar, and I typically delete these unwanted messages. Sometimes I'll receive a second message challenging my lack of response, for example, "ur pic u seem nice but not to nice to reply ur missing the best d*ck if ur life." It can be very discouraging, but it's so hard to meet people these days. If you're reading this, guys, please take the author's advice and actually read our profiles before you randomly solicit us for sex, and for heaven's sake use complete sentences!

  12. Nick
    August 13, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    For a MAN to be successful on a dating site you need:

    - To be wanting to have children

    - Being able to drive and own a car

    - Owning your own house

    - Having a good job with a 'future'

    - Be willing to challenge yourself and better yourself

    - Have hair and nice teeth

    - Smell and look good at all times

    • Kellie
      September 10, 2016 at 8:17 am

      I look for men who DONT want children.... I have them already, and finding someone who is happy to date a single mum... Yep, good luck!

  13. Nick
    August 13, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    Must be great being a woman. All that attention. So easy.

    • Anonymous
      November 19, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Even if getting attention IS easy, does it mean the man is necessarily right for me?
      I read the profiles carefully. And if they read mine carefully, they might discover that I am really not right for them.
      I get attention from men all the time. And I speak to men all the time.
      Finding a special person is not easy for a man or a woman.
      Speaking from personal experience, a man who has poor hygiene and no employment or income is not the man for me. He doesn't have to be rich. I will not date a man who asks me to borrow money or cannot pay for a cup of coffee. If he cannot bother to take care of his teeth, shave or put on a clean shirt, what makes him think I would want to get physically close to him?
      This is pretty basic stuff.
      The truth is, it is not easy for a man or a a woman to find a good partner. Do you know what you are looking for? If it is just "attention", that is easy to find. If is is a long lasting relationship with a suitable partner, that is not so easy for a man or a woman to find.
      Get over the idea that you do not get enough "attention".
      Personally, I am very allergic to animals. I live in a city and would not date a man with animals. It makes me uncomfortable as I physically cannot tolerate them. I would never ask the man to give up his pet, so when I see a man is an animal lover, I don't respond. It is not that I do not like animals, I just cannot breathe around them.
      I had one boyfriend with a dog who kept the animal very clean, his home was spotless (he had a professional housekeeper and dog groomer).
      He also did not allow the dog to lie on the furniture or the bed and was very sensitive to the fact that some people are allergic to animals. I was able to date that man. It is really the exception, however. Other men I know with pets like to lounge with them, sleep with them, have them hang out everywhere. That's absolutely great, but it does not match up with me. So I do not reply.
      Think about all the reasons a woman might not reply. Do you live 100 miles away? Are you spending all your time and money on your children from your previous marriage? Nothing wrong with being a responsible parent, but where does that leave the single woman with no kids you want to date? If she is also divorced with school aged kids, maybe it's a possible match.
      Women do not "have it easy". And neither do the men.

  14. Nick
    August 13, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    As a man who has NEVER had a date from the 3 (main) sites I have used, I can categorically say that; even if you read a profile, send a nice message and be pretty much, charming... Us "men" get ignored or blocked. I have been blocked many times for just being interested about a lady's profile. I don't say anything sexual and I am always polite. I will be honest and say that women are just BORED. They want someone to chat to and, when they get bored, there's always 100 more men to choose from. Women will get around 100 messages every few days. They may be crappy messages but it's still a message. I left a dating site for a MONTH and got 3 profile views. No messages. All I see woman say on profiles is how men pester them with sexual comments and, if they are not sexual, all they say is; "hi".

    What I wouldn't GIVE for a woman to say; "hi" to me!!!! Some get all the luck!

  15. Nick
    August 13, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    As a man who has NEVER had a date from the 3 (main) sites I have used, I can catagorically say that; even if you read a profile, send a nice message and be pretty much, charming... Us "men" get ignored or blocked. I have been blocked many times for just being interested about a lady's profile. I don't say anything sexual and I am always polite. I will be honest and say that women are just BORED. They want someone to chat to and, when they get bored, there's always 100 more men to choose from. Women will get around 100 messages every few days. They may be crappy messages but it's still a message. I left a dating site for a MONTH and got 3 profile views. No messages. All I see woman say on profiles is how men pester them with sexual comments and, if they are not sexual, all they say is; "hi".

    What I wouldn't GIVE for a woman to say; "hi" to me!!!! Some get all the luck!

    • Bobbi
      October 15, 2016 at 3:41 am

      Really! I am a woman and just gave up on POF and Eharmony because I did not receive 1 message in the whole 6 months I paid to be on both sites. That's right! Not one message. Not lewd, poorly written or otherwise. So I don't' see how it is harder for a man who can message anyone he likes, than it is to sit and wait and get nothing. Even "unattractive" men get more attention than that. But if you are an average or worse looking female, you might as well not even sign up.

      • john
        October 19, 2016 at 5:08 am

        Maybe instead of waiting for a man to contact you why don't you try contacting them.

  16. June Myers
    July 15, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    I'm female and I've been on Match on and off 3 times. First when I was 50 and looked 45. Then 55 and looked 50, etc. I look great and younger. I had pretty much nothing but weirdos asking for pics naked before we met (really?), 20 somethings looking to learn new tricks, men who showed up for a first meeting looking nothing like their photos (do you really expect to pull that off?), or worse, men who refuse to believe that my pic is really me at my age....when I can pull off a bikini and look great at 53, have a body better than alot of 35 year olds, and am quite sane with no kids at home, I have to wonder, where are all the men in my age group who are divorced and widowed? Out of all this, I had a few coffees and drinks (I won't go to dinner with someone that I haven't met, as I don't want to waste their money or mine if we don't click a bit, so it's coffee or drinks at first) out of many responses, I had no one go out with me that I responded to, I had 2 crazy men I ended up leaving the date after they got weird, and only 1 man who I am still friends with 5 years later. We never became romantic as there was no spark, but we hit it off as friends, something I wasn't looking for, really, but, I figured, oh, well, a single woman can always use a guy friend, and we help each other out with chores. He helps me with yard work and woodworking, I help him with laundry and ironing. Not often, but from time to time we hang out. I don't think its possible for someone in my age group to suceed on line. Too bad.

  17. John
    July 12, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    To women who think that men that get no responses on dating sites are genetic losers or something, you couldnt be more wrong. I get a lot of attention from women outside, im 6 foot 2 and confident and women respond a lot to it. I also look better in real life than on a selfie, id need a professional photographer almost to make me look how I look at myself in the mirror(thats what others see anyway).

    On tinder for example I get like 2% matches. If those same women saw me in real life id get at least 75% of the women im interested in, which would mean almost 98%(if they were all single and looking). I've seen similar guys as me, popular guys that try tinder and get zilch. Is it our fault for not wanting to work more on our profiles and hire professional photographers? Anyway I find anyone who spends more than 2 hours on an internet profile is wasting their time. I'll just stick to real life, where women show a lot more judgement.

    • Nick
      August 13, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      I am 6 foot and confident and well dressed. I have a job and I am reasonably good looking. I get NOWHERE with women.

    • matt
      November 15, 2016 at 12:18 am

      These 2 gentleman are correct. There is no point to it anymore. It's a losing game and it's only getting worse. As a decent (not male model) to good looking guy you can get attention on these sites but you will have to get it from someone who is unattractive to you, heavier than you'd like, and/or has kids. That's it. Period. We aren't trying to bat out of our league either, it just is what it is. Online dating is dying and women killed it.

  18. Adam
    June 17, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    I've had way more success than most men on dating sites. Most of the women I've met just want casual sex, typically one night stands. My last two girlfriends from POF were abusive and one pretended to be pregnant. Most women I've chatted to without meeting just wanted an ego boost or to talk to "friends" (on a dating site!). Any woman is going to get a ton more genuine guys than a man will get genuine women. It's a numbers game and the numbers will always favour the girls. Let's hear about how terrible it is for women.

    • Bridget
      August 31, 2016 at 8:30 pm

      Nick,message me...u seem sweet.plenty of fish...my name on pof..damngirl.

  19. Jo
    June 10, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    Ok lil boys and girls, heres what they dont tell you and why you do or dont get replies based on your gender. In the 40-50 age groups ..

    First the women on these sites.
    Most of them are either married, have a boyfriend, or are looking for a relationship/status uprade or just a plain old fashion ego boost...now thoose that arent in this category are far and few between, I personally know a half dozen women who are married and or have boyfriends that have profiles up claiming to be single,, bottom line 90% are fakes ...

    Now guys for the most part my brethren are the same except where as the women imply theyre single, you retards take off your wedding rings and replace them with credit cards, because all your looking for is a piece if strange and an ego boost cause you knocked up your ol'ladies and no one told you after she pops out a few lil ones her tits are gonna sag and her ass is gonna get wider than broad st, so you think your entitled to go out and chase young strange until you get caught, then you whine like the bitches you are when you do , and dont wanna give up the old and busted til you have the new hotness commited , basically just like all the women do ...

    So the bottom line here is you have 90% liars of both sexes on these dating sites, the easiest way to weed out the bs is by saying hi how are you, if they respond, great , if not move on,, bitches pic'd infront of a G5, Maz, million dollar yacht are always a give away as a fake and so are all these 40 - 50 something bikini hard bodies,,, theyre either ancient pics or bitches trying to trade on their looks, either way they're not quality, theyre just skanks

  20. Robert
    May 27, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    Dating sites are a waste. I've spent two years and read a lot of columns like this (and put the advice into practice). I've had 6 dates, none of which panned out.

    I'm a decent guy; solid career, clean background (my job requires security clearance), I'm NOT looking for a hookup, I always try to start conversations with their interests, and I even got female friends to vet my profile.

    Yet while I make it clear I'm looking for a serious relationship, I get hit with "oh, I am just looking for a friend, not dating". I get to the point of meeting in person...they don't show, then disappear online. Had several who suddenly realize they are not ready to date again (I'm 47, most singles my age are divorced).

    I'll message women who share many interests, who the sites say are 90% or more compatible, and never get even a "no thanks".

    I've reached out to around 200 plus women, gotten responses maybe 10% or less, and actually met 6 in person.

    What I've found is the old stereotype is often true; if a guy isn't really hot or really wealthy, there's no interest. One who I went on a date with actually said I was too nice. One asked me to text a picture (I have several in my profile, both headshot and full head-to-toe photos), then literally said "oh...you kinda looked better online" and disappeared.

    I did the "fake profile" test, left most details the same. Changed my name put up photos of a relatively unknown (in the U.S.) celebrity who is regarded as very attractive to women. The rest of the details (job, interests, kids, etc.) were exactly the same. I not only was flooded with messages, several were the SAME women who had not given the "real me" even a reply.

    So my conclusion...online dating it great if you're model/movie star attractive. Otherwise, you're going to spend a lot of time staring at your keyboard.

    • talktome
      June 20, 2016 at 5:31 am

      Robert, you left one factor out. What would you rate your physical attractiveness on a scale from 1-10?

      • Robert
        June 20, 2016 at 5:37 am

        A 6, maybe. And looks are all that counts, I suppose.

    • Kay
      June 20, 2016 at 9:41 am

      I'd also ask what was the attractiveness of the women you were messaging? For most people in online dating (except for the top 1-2% in attractiveness) it's always best to shoot for two or more levels less in attractiveness than you are. If you feel you're a 6, you should be messaging 4s or less.

    • Nick
      August 13, 2016 at 3:51 pm

      I have spent 6 years on these sites and had ZERO dates.

  21. David
    May 26, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    Hi,

    I'm a man, and I just started using a dating site to see if I could meet someone. It was kind of an accident that I found myself on OKcupid, but I was recently single after many years and figured wth. Initially I had good success meeting women, and had a few dates. Oddly 2/3 I went out with just wanted to fool around / fwb even though I had put in my profile I was looking for a LTR/possible marriage. Still they were positive experiences and friendly ladies though one seemed offended
    My profile was kind of sparse and direct. I read up some about online dating and made my profile more detailed and joined PoF too. after a few weeks I'm not getting any responses to messages I send out. I think I've written decent opening messages, and a few I thought would for sure be interested to talk and then go out as they had indicated a like or some such. Yet it's been 100% fail for like 2-3 weeks. I figured most would be courteous enough to at least respond, even if it's a thanks but no thanks. I always respond when I'm not interested and say why. To me this is just common courtesy. I know many people have different etiquette online then in person and I think that's a bunch of shit. Anyways I can see why some men would get frustrated, and if they express that to you rudely you should be grateful because he just did you a favor showing you that you don't want to date him anyway.
    Ladies you have nothing to complain about if in your opinion you're receiving too much attention, even if only a few are quality (that's reality anywhere). It kind of equates to complaining about making too much money. You can't take things personal online and let yourself become jaded and angry. If some jerk sends you dick pics or whatever as his opening line laugh it off and hit your delete button. Honestly it's not like you haven't seen one before, and it's not gonna jump off the screen and bite you lol. Alright I think its time for me to get back to the real world, that fence in my front yard isn't going to paint itself (oh how I wish).

    Good day,
    Dave

  22. Jane
    May 21, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    I met someone on OkCupid. We dated for five months within those five months he gained my trust and ended up stealing over $20,000 worth of jewelry watches emptied out my kids but Eubanks. I don't think it had anything to do with the website OkCupid just know that there are bad people out there and always go with your gut feeling he is currently in jail serving time for grand theft and fraud. I think all these dating sites should have some type of background check or a place for you can check people out. I did Google this person and nothing came up. If it's too good to be true it is

    • talktome
      June 20, 2016 at 5:35 am

      I'm a male and must say, you have a damn good point about bgc's. Then again, if I may add, if only dating sites would show all the different profiles users have replied to in the past to get an idea what they're REALLY looking for, yuh know?

  23. Nycdb
    March 1, 2016 at 8:06 am

    Update: even after I mentioned that I wouldn't be able to meet him as I was taking my mom (who is older) somewhere, he proceeds to say I should bring her along. Then calls to ask where we're meeting.

    I'm going back to the traditional way of meeting, so you can assess some of the chemistry right off. There's a bit less of the weirdness of online and encountering guys that you know you're not compatible with.

    Some guys judge based on women not being interested or giving them a chance. Attraction, chemistry and compatibility is a two-way street and some guys assume it should be one sided when they're interested in you.

    For the ladies in similar circumstances of being stuck in the south, look at the contrast of the men in the north to the....guys in nc. Night and day, by that I mean nc is low on decent, educated, articulate legally single men that don't have a few illegitimate kids. Night and day. I miss the north, just based on that. The guys down here scare me.

    I see so many women that have lessened and lowered their standards so much that they're broke down and look it. Just no. They will allow the low lifes to leech off of them and to just use them up. No thanks.

  24. luke stranahan
    February 29, 2016 at 1:13 am

    These articles written by women on online dating are always cynically amusing to me. You get so many messages, and some of them are crude and offend you. Or, you get to go on a date and the guy is a jerk and offends you and it doesn't work out.

    Try being a guy. Try being a guy who is not in the top 10% of looks, occupations, or busy trendy cities. Try receiving NO replies from anyone you message EVER. Try getting maybe one or two messages a month that are either from spambots or women ten years older than you that weigh more than you.

    One of the hidden powers of the internet is that it can collect information as well as display it. The vast majority of men on these sites are not good enough for the desires of the vast majority of women, and despite "equality," men are expected to do the work, all of it. Many, many good men see that they are ignored by girls who are still looking for the hunks, and they check out. Some are still there, and will catch these women when "they're ready to settle down," but most will be too bitter and too wise to settle for a former party girl.

    Women say the worst thing that can happen is to be raped, but I don't think that is true. I think the worst thing that can happen is to never be desired by anyone for your entire life. You narcissists need to own the society you made by your own efforts.

    • lo
      March 4, 2016 at 6:49 pm

      I would love to see what you look like, as well as your height. Natural selection must clearly be at play in your failed attempts to get womens' interest and it is obviously irking you into misogyny. Sorry for your bad genetic luck.

      • Terence
        June 18, 2016 at 5:33 pm

        I am 6'2 , decent tone, good shape, decent job and my own car. My flaw, I am a nice guy.

        • talktome
          June 20, 2016 at 5:37 am

          Treat women with respect and a side of smartass. Shows you have a sense of humor.

        • Nick
          August 13, 2016 at 3:52 pm

          True man, women HATE nice men but proclaim to be seeking a "nice guy". I am nice with no car and a crappy job. So I am s**t out there.

    • Kay
      June 20, 2016 at 9:48 am

      First you say: Try getting maybe one or two messages a month... from women ten years older than you that weigh more than you.

      Then you say: Try receiving NO replies from anyone you message EVER. the worst thing that can happen is to never be desired by anyone for your entire life. Try receiving NO replies from anyone you message EVER.

      People desire you. You receive messages. There are women who want to get to know you, talk to you, go out on a date with you, talk to you on the phone, see if you're a good man they want to have in your life. You're just too stuck up to get to know them because you think you "deserve better."

      Stop complaining. You receive messages. There are women interested in you. Get off your high horse and your pedestal, stop being so stuck up about physicality and age and talk to the nice women who took time to message you. You know... like you're complaining about the women who don't respond to you.

      See how that works?

      • peter paul
        October 26, 2016 at 1:35 pm

        its funny how guys who message women 10 years younger are creeps, and women complain because some of their mesages are from older men, yet when a man gets a message from a woman 10 years older than him he shoul dbe gratefull and dont be so rude to her, she is nice and you should go out with her. Interesting that isnt it, why should he be gratefull yet women be offended ? come on lets stop pretending here women have it waaaaaaaaaaay easier than men, just for one in your life admit it, you wownt ! but it would be nice !

        • matt
          November 15, 2016 at 4:01 am

          Preach, my brother!

  25. Nycdb
    February 28, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    I didn't mention this based on my latest from pof. The guy lives in a rural town about an hour and 20 minutes away. He and I have only been talking for about a week.

    He wanted to do Starbucks. I'm not a coffee drinker and I'm finding out a lot of people actually hate doing meetup via Starbucks. They've said they felt like they were on a job interview and I agree. I've gone with a date (not someone from pof), but it was the first date, prior to Starbucks everything felt okay, but thereafter he was firing off questions interview-style.

    Back to this last guy, he seems okay, kind of formal, but that's fine. So initially he suggested Starbucks, so I'm thinking he wanted to do a meetup, which I don't really do as I'm not seeking quantity or talk to a bunch of guys down here and engage in the whole meet and greet thing.

    So then he suggests that I drive to a desolate town where my cellphone coverage is sketchy and we could find something there. I say no due to:
    1. Not feeling comfortable with that.
    2. Having sketchy phone coverage there.
    3. Driving over 30 minutes for me to meet him just didn't feel ideal.
    4. Not having any set agreed upon location.
    5. It's the south, I don't trust going strange out of way places that I'm not sure of.

    So after that he suggested I drive an hour and 20 minutes to the closest city and we go out. I thought about it and to be honest being that I'm not sold on him, a date isn't going to sell me on him, if I'm already unsure about him. That date was scheduled for today. I let him know yesterday that I wouldn't be able to go.

    I think I want to go back to traditional dating and the chance of meeting someone. I feel like attractive women have to be so defensive online that you truly can't be yourself and then you encounter so many angry, bitter guys that are lashing out if there is no mutual reciprocity. Not to mention those that will create another profile to continue to try to harass you. The married or involved guys that assume that every women should be at their disposal. No thanks.

    Even when you preface that you are seeking friendship initially, guys don't care. So if any lady is considering, think twice, but be prepared to put up with a lot of bs compiled with weeding through a ton of oddballs. Also be careful, if anything seems off or the guy seems pushy, listen to your gut.

  26. Nycdb
    February 28, 2016 at 9:27 am

    I think I'm giving up on online faking/dating. It by far has been the worst experience since I've relocated to the south. I live in a small town, so I listed the next larger city, which is about an hour away.

    The main reason why as this is a small town comprised of many seeking sexual hookups, it's a military town which equates to a college town, most singles are seeking quantity not quality.

    I've tried pof and blackpeoplemeet, even though my experiences on pof have not been great. Ladies, steer clear of blackpeoplemeet, the men are of very, very, very poor quality, lowest caliber of men (at least in the south), think in terms of tugged out, older, unkempt, dirty looking, overly aggressive/stalker types with a huge sense of over entitlement. I wouldn't use that site for free.

    My experiences with pof haven't been great, but not as horrific as bpm. I did encounter two stalker types, but it was when I first joined and listed my profile in the small town that I'm in. Both guys seemed to have some sort of mental instability, the first being the worst and a potential Ike Turner waiting to happen. Met him once and during the date he seemed okay, a bit shy at first, but he started to open up. By the end of the date he asked me out again for that weekend and I accepted.

    That evening I got home from meeting him, I text him that I'm home and thank him for a nice evening. I go to shower before bed and he calls while I'm in the shower, then he texts that he called. He did that a few more times. I noticed when I looked at my phone and text him back that I'm going to bed, that it's getting late.

    The next day while I'm at work, he calls and texts while I'm away from my phone. Although I text some, I'm not one that wants to live with my phone attached to me at all times and work does not permit personal cell phone use over productivity. So he calls and texts a few more times. When I get a break I responded that I'm at work and cannot talk to which he replies that he'd prefer that I always answer his calls.

    I don't respond anymore until I leave work. He continued to text some more during the course of that day. When I got home I looked at all of the texts and my first thought was "he's crazy" and he's showing me that he's controlling, so I proceeded to let him know that he and I were not compatible. I wished him luck in meeting his compatible half and he proceeded to call and text until about midnight.

    Long story short, women have a harder time if you're seeking compatibility and chemistry. I f you're not open to sexual hookups and you preface it, you'll probably be scrutinized and even get some hateful responses. Online faking/dating is not a place to be yourself within your profile, because most can't tolerate realness, especially if they fall under your level of compatibility.

  27. Amanda
    February 23, 2016 at 4:52 am

    I've tried a few dating sites such as: plenty of fish, zoosk and lavalife.

    Lava life was an awful experience for me. I'm a 21 year old woman and I had countless older men (45+) ask if I was interested in being their 'sugar baby' (aka pay me to sleep with them). I not only found that offensive, but it was also scary to think about the amount of men out there that only care about having sex. And a lot of these men said they were married on their profiles. After having absolutely no luck and not finding a single guy I was interested in, I deleted my account.

    I then tried zoosk. I thought that maybe if I paid to date online that I would find guys that were serious about dating and having a relationship. This was much to my dismay as well. I talked to one decent guy while I was on that website and we couldn't ever meet because he lived in Quebec and I'm in Ontario....I got fed up with paying for basically nothing and deactivated my account.

    After this disappointment, I gave up on dating entirely for quite some time. I thought the right guy will come along when he's supposed to. However, months went on of nothing and I decided to give plenty of fish a try. I must say that there are definitely more men closer to my age on this site and while there are a few douches, there seem to be some really nice and decent guys on here.

    Watch out for the typical douche that's in his mid-late 20's and his pics are all of him at the gym flexing. These guys will typically ask if you're interested in being their submissive sex slave wherein they 'own' you. They're arrogant and seem to be surface level. I hate stereotypes and I'm sure there are decent guys with these kinds of profiles but I have yet to see it. In addition to that, there are guys who seem to be possessive and get offended when you don't respond to them. (Word of advice guys, getting mad at a woman for not being interested or responding to you will not help your case whatsoever.) And you need to understand that us women get more than 50 messages a day, we can respond and be genuinely interested in each and every one of you, we would lose track of our conversations. The bottom line is that the right woman will respond to you someday and you'll just have to be patient with us because we also have anxiety about online dating. It's scary to think about meeting a man that you've never seen in person before. We can be very apprehensive about who we choose to respond to for this reason. And that's not to say that we all have a preconceived notion that all men are out to hurt us because that's not the case, but it's definitely food for thought before going out on that first date. You must understand that it's a two way street and just because you message someone, doesn't mean that we're obligated to respond. Also, for all the women reading this, if you come across a man's profile that you like, you can always start a conversation with them too if you're so inclined!

    As for the nice guys, they will take the time to read your profile and message you about a common interest you have. Or they will ask questions about you and genuinely try to get to know you. They should have manners and compliment you in a gentlemanly way, not in a perverse manner. I'm actually supposed to meet someone this week and I feel quite confident in saying that he's one of the good ones on plenty of fish.

    Obviously I think it's obvious which dating website I would recommend, and that would be plenty of fish for sure. There seems to me more options for everyone! And while there are some men who are not genuine, it's fairly easy to weed out the good from the bad.

  28. Name
    February 19, 2016 at 3:34 am

    The only real question here is: If there's so many bad messages, why are the good ones ignored? I've been on ten dating sites in 3 years and I'm still looking. You want to talk about not enough time to read messages? Try having to write them. After so long I got tired of trying to be original and became a human spam bot. It's a lot of work for either gender but ladies don't insult me. You're going to have to wade through messages either way. You're going to have to put in some effort. You could try messaging a guy first. It'd sure as hell make my day.

    • Terence
      June 18, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Really though

    • Kay
      June 20, 2016 at 9:54 am

      There may be something in your profile the women read and do not like. You may be younger or older than their preferred age preferences. They may not find you attractive. You may write the best message in the world. but if you are not their type, you're simply not their type. Nothing you can do about that.

      Don't think women don't go through this too. Unless you're in the top 1-2% in looks or in their 20s, if a woman writes a man, she will get ignored too. Those that don't ignore us are just looking for sex.. It isn't a competition. It sucks for both genders. And, let's not even talk about how bad Black women and Asian guys have it. If any people have the right to complain about online dating, it's them because, from what I've read, it's truly awful for them.

  29. true
    January 16, 2016 at 2:11 am

    I have been divorced for almost 15 years and have used various websites for dating including free ones such as POF n OkCupid and match and most recently zoosk. I am 43 years old and I'm looking for something serious. I have made what I'm looking for known clearly from the start. I'm also not a bad looking lady who has a professional office job and and no larger than a size 8. I usually date men who are a few years younger than me or a few years older than me and from what I can find at this stage is that the men are using online sites as if the women were hookers. They no longer seem to have respect for women they tell lies they lead you on by saying that they too are looking for something long term to only leave after a few weeks or a month and a half that's all I can seem to find out there and I have been looking for years now.

    My most recent experience on zoosk I met a police officer who yes I know they can be bad just as anyone else and this one by far was the worst.

    I verified that he was in fact a police officer because he works in a nearby town and everything is public information online anyway. The first night we went out he did spend quite a bit of money as we met for drinks and then had dinner and then saw live music at the same venue. We kissed that night and talked the next day and decided to set up a second date for less than a week later at which point he said that he couldn't be spending so much money and that if I felt comfortable I could go to his house and he would cook me dinner.

    Since he is a police officer and I was able to verify that I agreed and we had a lovely time together and there was some play although not full blown sexual relations and I thought everything went greatly.

    the next day he was acting differently than he had been acting the past 8 days or so by not being as responsive and not seeking me out. So when we texted I had accused him of being on a date and I told him that I did not appreciate the f'ing games. The next night was supposed to be our third date and when I texted him to tell him what time he could come over he said he had thought about our conversation and that it wasn't going to work so here I am sitting in my car by myself on what would have been our third date writing to all who are out there in an attempt to get this heartache off of my shoulders because I feel that everything went great and did I use a bad word? sure but do people argue? of course they do... and other than that I didn't think there was anything that wouldn't lead up to another date certainly not for him to just say it wasn't going to work at all.

    I have many more stories but don't have the time to post I hope this helps some women out in knowing that there's a lot of good women out there and the men are just treating us like garbage and something has to stop I am ready to abandon my online dating account because it just isn't worth it to me to get used like an old rag especially when I am NOT looking for anything casual even though I enjoy sex as much as the next person does.

    • Tim
      March 3, 2016 at 7:17 am

      Agree 100% Women, try putting yourself in men's shoes.

  30. James
    December 22, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    Very good article. It is very tough for us men too. I didn't enjoy online dating at all I found it very shallow. We don't like the thought of people judging us on a photo and then we start doing it ourselves.

  31. ann
    December 15, 2015 at 3:03 am

    All the paid sites mentioned are full of creeps too. Actually the guys on the free sites are on the paid ones too. Also, the paid sites scam people by auto billing when they were instructed not to. If I'm going to be lied to I'll stay on the free sites. Why pay for the nonsense!

  32. Rod
    December 8, 2015 at 2:03 am

    To anyone considering paying for match.com, I strongly suggest you first perform a google search for: consumeralerts match.com

  33. Michael
    December 5, 2015 at 2:51 am

    That is odd I have been on okcupid for over 3 years and I have yet to find a gf off it. I am 37 years old, single never married no children, looking for a serious relationship that ends in marriage. However I have yet to find that. I have had one date while I was in the USA and she was Peruvian. I met a few girls when I was in Brazil, Chile, and Peru. Now I am in the Philippines and still not getting much luck. Every woman I meet just wants friends. When women say they all men want is sex I laugh at that. If I just wanted sex I would hire an escort or a bargirl for a few hours.

  34. billy
    November 30, 2015 at 12:22 am

    The problem with these men being dicks is that this works. It sucks. It is annoying. But it gets them results and, in my male opinion, it gets them further than men who are gentlemanly. i know this through personal experience (i've had an OKC and a POF off and on for an embarrassing amount of years and have been mildly unsuccessful) and through person anecdotes (i have known guys who are these type of people and it works for them and it is why they do it). Send enough messages out like these, and at least one of them is bound to bring you results.

    A second problem is the amount of fake female profiles. This is mostly on phone apps like Kik and Tinder. It seems to me that over 95% of profiles are fake. They message you as though they are looking to hook-up but then they just want you to join a website. i think this gives a further impression to assholes that this is how you should be using these apps(?); like a dick. That may be a stretch, i don't know.

    Third. When a female does message me, they will usually start with the usual "hi" and "how are you?", but that is the extent of it. Every response after that are short one-word answers, never a question, that do nothing to advance the conversation. One male that i know told me it is because "their real intention is to hook-up but they don't want to sound like a slut so you need to engage." I can't agree with this, but at the same time... i don't have a better answer for why this happens so much.

    This all really sucks because the very rare times i do get the balls to message someone (i rarely do and the explanation for this is coming up), the female is immediately on defensive and quick to judge. You know right away that all she gets are men demanding that they send dick pics. The one great quality that i have going for me is my sense of humor. i know i am funny. everyone around me knows that i am funny. But, my jokes often get a reaction as though i offended in some way.

    Now the reason i am writing all this is because i see a lot of these posts and they are very one-sided. i am not excusing men at all and i completely agree that they are douchers, but no one is examining the other side and why exactly this may be (other than some twisted sense of privilege). There are a lot of non-assholes out there, but they are not getting anywhere and there are a lot of nice women out there who are getting somewhere, but not at all what they wanted (if that makes sense).

    • moronic_females
      January 14, 2016 at 11:52 am

      I thought it was just me! Women do indeed send a hi and then go into defence mode. Gets me every time! So damn stupid.

  35. Marlayne Berger
    September 9, 2015 at 7:14 am

    Hey Taylor, I have found that even on the paid sites, the majority of MEN are just looking for sex only. I have been on Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid (I actually call it OK Stupid) Zoosk, Our Time.com, Paranormal.com, & eHarmony, & Match. I would agree that eHarmony would have the most authentic men that are genuinely looking for a relationship, not just a hookup. However, I have mostly encountered married men (pretending to be single), scammers, con-artists, identity thieves, & players!!!! I think the world has gone to hell and all the "decent men" were from the WWII generation and they have died off! It's very sad what is out there.

    • Pdrum
      September 18, 2016 at 2:41 am

      You mean most of the good men. It stinks though when the few good men out there are not given a chance, sure I realize that maybe men might have to do something to spark an attraction, but do you also realize that there are men that say the same about women? Where are all the good women?? It's hard to find them. A lot of women say that, "where are the good men" when they are not good women themselves. It's hard to know if it's because they aren't good women or its because men aren't given a chance, it maybe just because they aren't good women in the first place. It is a sad world out there, agree

  36. Lizzy
    April 18, 2015 at 1:17 am

    Nice refreshing advice here - I got set up with someone - my friend had just started seeing his brother, and so after a couple of days texting each other, I suggested next time I saw my friend, the four of us meet up. His response? "Actually that would make me feel very uncomfortable. I wouldn't want my brother there. It should just be about me and you." (we've been texting for a day!) "I don't need a prop [laughing]." So I said I'd feel more comfortable in a group meeting for the first time, with someone I know there, but that he could come to my city (about 2 hrs) to meet if that's what he wanted to do. He suggested two cities I've never been to half way, and where I don't have friends, and then finally sent me a recorded message: "You're wrong, it's not better to meet up in a group, my brother thinks you're wrong too. In fact we both forbid that to ever happen honey. When we've been dating for a while then we can maybe meet with other people" Although he wasn't obscene or anything like some of these comments, for me it's about someone respecting you and your boundaries and choices. At that point I realised my instincts were right !! Stranger Danger ;) (and never forbid a woman to do anything!!)

    • moronic_females
      January 14, 2016 at 11:56 am

      Such an idiotic thing to offer... a date is between two people. If you need a crowd, go to a bar.

      • matt
        November 15, 2016 at 4:13 am

        Yea, as a non-weirdo guy.. that's very weird. Especially if it's with his own brother, depending on the dynamics of their relationship.

  37. ardjang persi
    February 27, 2015 at 9:20 am

    You say what about i should talk so i dont tell lie i need a port to tell her few sentences after a year.waiting uf here is not ok .ok i say byby.

  38. ardjang persi
    February 27, 2015 at 9:14 am

    I hope i dont send these 2comments to her.so her message should be heavy of complains which nobody cant do but instead of it kill her.17 years life i did not touch @ny female reasone loyalty and loved her.thats a great pain ilet him lives alive. You dont know what she took my reputation.if i say you will cry.

  39. Rob
    February 23, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    Fantastic article, Taylor! So sad to see a couple of ridiculous comments on this post, but I'm sure it's pretty obvious these people have nothing better to do with their time than write nonsensical comments. Keep up the good work! :)

    • Taylor
      February 23, 2015 at 4:29 pm

      Thanks Rob! I certainly will. :)

  40. dukesix
    February 23, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    This is ineresting. Its more difficult for older women. some men are still tring to act like teenagers. And yes I have seen more than my share of men with an erect penis trying to impress me. Finally, I have just given up on online dating for awhile. I started to get angry about the way men treat women online. I beieva I am a good person and unfortunately some great man will never know because he' afraid to take a chance. And there are scammers on all the sites. I've run across them on every site I have been on.

  41. Dann Albright
    February 21, 2015 at 7:25 am

    Thank you for writing this article, Taylor—it's a very interesting look into a side of online dating that a lot of men (obviously) don't often see. I think after reading this, if I were to ever use an online dating site, I'd go for Casual Kiss . . . scammers seem like the least of evils in comparison to the other jackasses out there.

    I also have to commend you on how you've dealt with a comments section that's filled with all the vitriol that comes along with an article about women's perspectives. While these comments have fueled a sense of misanthropy that commenters have instilled in me lately, I'm very proud to be part of a group of authors at MakeUseOf who are unafraid to put themselves out there and discuss issues that immediately bring out the worst in people (and patiently, gently, and effectively deal with the predictably disgusting responses).

    Keep up the great work. Can't wait to see what's coming next!

    • Taylor
      February 21, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      Thanks Dann, I really appreciate that. And I'm glad you enjoyed the article!

      Casual Kiss is definitely cute and probably would be a better site if it were bigger and less scammy, but that's going to happen anywhere.

  42. Randy Brown
    February 21, 2015 at 6:20 am

    About Tinder, Personally I think it's a hookups tool at all-_-?sorry?

  43. dragonmouth
    February 21, 2015 at 12:33 am

    @Taylor:
    I'm sorry for making the comment about your picture. It was insensitive and uncalled for.

    • Taylor
      February 21, 2015 at 5:47 am

      Thank you. I appreciate the apology, truly.

  44. Rina
    February 20, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    I have had many bad experiences with online dating, but I was able to find my now boyfriend through it all.

    • likefunbutnot
      February 20, 2015 at 10:45 pm

      Conversely, I've been on various online dating sites for 14 years and in all that time I've never managed to find even a single date.

    • likefunbutnot
      February 20, 2015 at 10:47 pm

      I am really disappointed that so many comments here relate to the author's appearance rather than the substance of her article and experiences.

    • Taylor
      February 21, 2015 at 1:48 am

      I'm glad you found someone, Rina! It's a shame when someone has to have so many bad experiences for one good one.

  45. dragonduder
    February 20, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    Awesome article! That Cracked article is one of my favorites on the site.

    The people attacking the author because of her looks are the same assholes wondering why nobody will date them.

    • Taylor
      February 21, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      Thanks! It's one of my favorites as well. Although I don't know how Ali Reed dealt with soo many negative comments.

  46. David O
    February 20, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    Some good suggestions on what to watch out for and how to be respectful online. The sense of pseudonymity that the Internet gives can bring out the worst in some (and not just on dating sites…), but it can also bring out the best in folks who (for a variety of reasons) have a tough time interacting face-to-face. Sifting through the questionable and downright creepy can be time-consuming and depressing, but it can also open up potentially great opportunities.

    • Taylor
      February 20, 2015 at 9:08 pm

      Thanks David!

      Exactly. The internet can bring out both the worst and the best in people, but unfortunately the best isn't as loud as the worst. I personally prefer meeting someone online, because you can watch for any potential red flags before you accidentally end up in harms way.

      And then I know a lot of people who have met their significant others online and are in thriving relationships. It does happen! :)

  47. dee
    February 20, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    wow, 34 guys wrote her.

    she should have responded, because she's not very good-looking.

    • Ben S
      February 20, 2015 at 8:27 pm

      Really, Dee?

      Your comment is totally off-putting and insulting to Taylor. This adds nothing to the conversation and proves the point made here about how poorly people act online. Clean up your act and don't post a comment if you're just going to attack one of us.

    • Ed
      February 22, 2015 at 6:08 am

      Wow. Nice A-hole you are.

    • Philip Bates
      March 2, 2015 at 11:03 am

      Taylor looks absolutely lovely: very pretty, with bright eyes, and a smiley face. Methinks she's not the one with the problem here, dee.

  48. dee
    February 20, 2015 at 8:10 pm

    34 guys wrote and she didn't bother to write back to any of them. proving that even homely chicks like her don't appreciate attention they get on dating web sites.

    • Justin Dennis
      February 21, 2015 at 3:03 am

      not cool. seriously. don't attack our writers.

      no one has to "appreciate the attention" of others. they don't owe people anything. if you don't want to respond, you don't have to respond.

      please keep your comments respectful in the future.

  49. Leah
    February 20, 2015 at 6:32 pm

    My neighbors got divorced because her husband was cheating with a woman he met on...match.com. They may be good places to find dates, but they're also good places to find adulterers. Sigh.

    • dragonmouth
      February 21, 2015 at 12:44 am

      " they’re also good places to find adulterers."
      The guy was going to cheat no matter what. The dating site just made it easier/convenient. If it wasn't online dating site, it would have been on line at the supermarket, or at work, or at the deli.

  50. likefunbutnot
    February 20, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    Also, regarding scammers. I occasionally pay for match.com. The overwhelming majority of profile views (by approximately 10 to 1 margin) that I get are from scam accounts that want to direct me to sex services or are otherwise clearly scam accounts.

    And eharmony.com won't even attempt to match some people. It's entirely possible to complete its long profile interview only to be told that its process won't work and therefore it won't even show you other people's profiles.

    • Ryan Dube
      February 20, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      That's a good point - men face constantly being targeted by sex services (many of which are probably run by women!)....so, I guess it isn't only scary men who are ruining dating sites. :-)

  51. likefunbutnot
    February 20, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    A big part of the reason men act out on dating sites is that it is exceedingly difficult to get any attention otherwise, thus creating a situation in which women feel that they have to filter more and more unwanted contact and making it that much more difficult for those who might want to play by the rules.

    But if you'd like to know what it's like to be an average straight guy on a dating site, make a profile. Send a several short and well written messages to women and then watch as they never even visit your profile, let alone reply to your messages. It's entirely the opposite problem, but I promise that it's just as demeaning.

  52. KT
    February 20, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Two friends of mine (twin brothers, overweight, in their mid 40's, and really into tattoos and horror movies) have found some success on plenty of fish. They are totally honest and don't use the typical "walks on the beach" and "good book" cliches.

    • Taylor
      February 20, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      That's great!

      If you're a safe, good man, it's going to shine through in your profile and it will be noticed. It may take some time though.

  53. dragonmouth
    February 20, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    If I was you, I'd literally lose that picture pronto. Not just on dating sites but everywhere. You look like somebody just stuck a knife in your back.

    "telling a woman about what you would like to do to her sexually without any prompting is not a compliment."
    Some guys get off on those kind of fantasies. If it came to actually performing any of the acts with a woman, they would freeze. They are all talk and no action.
    Some guys think it is funny to be graphic and scaring the crap out of women.
    Some guys are misguided and think that is the way to prove their machismo.
    And then some guys are just predators.

    Bottom line, as you said, let somebody know where and with whom you are going, meet and stay in a public place, stays sober and don't give out any personal information.

    • Matthew Hughes
      February 20, 2015 at 2:54 pm

      "If I was you, I’d literally lose that picture pronto. Not just on dating sites but everywhere. You look like somebody just stuck a knife in your back."

      Attacking someone because of their appearance. Nice. Stay classy, Dragonmouth.

    • dragonmouth
      February 20, 2015 at 3:16 pm

      Ah, a night in shining armor riding to the defense of the fair young maiden, ready to slay any straw man on her behalf! Trying to earn enough brownie points to be admited to the Round Table, Sir Matt?

      I was commenting on the picture, not the person. The picture is not a flaterring one. Unless, of course, Taylor used that picture on the dating sites as a discouragement. However, she uses the same or similar one at the head of her MUO articles.

    • Taylor
      February 20, 2015 at 3:16 pm

      If I was you, I'd literally lose that name pronto. Not just on MakeUseOf but everywhere. You sound like a 12 year old still stuck in a weaboo phase.

      I really couldn't care less about the reasons why men do it. What I'm saying is don't. Plain and simple. That should be obvious to any decent guy out there, which so many of these same men claim to be.

    • dragonmouth
      February 20, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      "I’d literally lose that name pronto. "
      It's no better or worse than "lalaliebe." :-)
      FYI, I've had that handle longer than you've been alive and it has nothing to do with Japan.

    • Ryan Dube
      February 20, 2015 at 4:33 pm

      Dragonmouth - you are entitled to post your opinion in response to the content of posts (as you do often). Your input across our site has been appreciated. However, personally attacking our authors will not be tolerated. Consider this a final warning.

      For the record, I think Taylor's photo is flattering and I would hope she keeps it.

    • Ed
      February 22, 2015 at 6:05 am

      Dragonmouth is just a crotchety old man who thinks he is smarter and wiser than everyone else. Always so willing to remind everyone how they are wrong and he is right in the rudest way possible.

      Taylor, don't mind him. Make Use Of, please ban him already.

  54. SteTob
    February 20, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    I’ve had a profile on a very small German site which at the beginning was similar to facebook, although much smaller and more local (just the surrounding towns).
    Over the years it turned more and more into a dating site but I left my profile there.

    Then one day a girl saw my profile and apparently liked what she saw :)

    Three years later we are married have a son and our second child will be born in September.

    So… yeah… that worked quite well. Best decision of my life to leaf my profile on said site :D

    • Taylor
      February 20, 2015 at 8:57 pm

      That's great, congratulations! That sounds interesting, a small, local social network. :)

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