Have you ever wanted to drive everyone crazy on your social networks? For a long time this has been a goal of mine that I have aspired for. It takes a lot of hard work, persistence and dedication, but the result is very worth it. That result is causing resentment among all your online contacts on Facebook, Twitter and other social networks. Hopefully through this process you can actually achieve the ultimate prize and that is that they would completely unfriend and unfollow you all together! Great huh?!
Note that most of these can also be applied in real life, every day circumstances – which is highly effective if you desire to live a lonely and uneventful life!
Talk About Yourself Constantly
This is an important one. Everyone always wants to hear what you have to say. No matter what it is, as long as it interests you, you know all others can’t wait to hear about it. Bragging is exceptionally nice to hear too, and can be a great way to build new connections and maintain current ones online.
Share Everything You Think Of… Every 60 Seconds
This is also known as “oversharing.” It is a great asset in communicating with people you hardly know or just met and is best done publicly. This can be done by setting your Facebook status or Twitter tweets to “public” so that anyone in the world can see them. After all, you need everyone to know everything about you, otherwise what’s the point of social media? To achieve this in “real life,” walk to any street corner, especially in Downtown where people are known to congregate, and yell your thoughts as they come to your mind into a megaphone.
Invite Everyone To All Events
(Especially Events Not Requiring Physical Attendance)
When you become a friend with someone, or they follow you, it automatically means that they want to go to everything you are going to. If there is a birthday party for your sister’s boyfriend’s mom and you’re going, you can’t leave out those who are your friends. Think about how you would feel if you were left out of an event such as this? Personally, I would be devastated – as should you. The fact is, this happens all too often where people are excluded for entertainment which could have brought them great joy. You can make a difference! Don’t fall into the trend of not inviting everyone you know to everything you do – rise up and invite!
Another side to this is ‘events’ which aren’t actually attended. Have you ever noticed that you’re the only one not wearing a “Facebook Needs A Dislike Button” shirt? When I first had an experience such as this, I was speechless. I tried to find the group leader so that I could get involved, but no one would invite me. No one – can you believe that? Make sure that next time you are the fortunate individual who is given such an opportunity, you don’t just keep it to yourself, but tell everyone and invite them all to the ‘event.’ At first they may think you’re kidding since it isn’t the cultural thing to do, but soon the change will spread and you’ll be proud to be apart of the life-altering trend!
To do this outside of social media is a bit more difficult, but it can be done. If you are creative you can discover ways, such as sending mass mailings to those you barely know about a special new gig you’re putting on where everyone sends five dollars (or more) to a complete stranger of their choice. It’s a great way to give back when you can’t afford to!
Share All Of Your Online Activity
Facebook app activity. Klout scores. Foursquare check-ins. What do all of these have in common? Well, for one they are just a few of the many things that you do which you’re able to share online. What else do all of these things have in common? Well, contrary to what you might think, this is actually what your friends and followers are really wanting to see. Sure they like your original, creative or positive statuses and tweets, but what people really want to see is where your at, what your eating, what you are good at talking about and what your celebrity look alike is. If you don’t share these things, you will lose friends, on and offline. You don’t want that do you? That’s what I figured.
Another thing you should do is when you’re hanging out with your friends, tell them about all your Facebook statuses, Twitter tweets and your top score on Angry Birds. This will entice them to hang out with you again because it leaves them asking the question “What else does he or she do online that I don’t know about?” They want to know. And you know you want to tell them.
Purposely Misspell And Shorten Words, And Leave Out Punctuation
The one thing that drives me crazy is someone who’s a grammar freak. Who cares if I don’t use an apostrophe or put a period at the end of a sentence. There are so many more important things in life to worry about than spelling and grammar. This is why you should always use shorthand and abbreviations in tweets, statuses, texts, emails, even blog posts. At first, it may feel uncomfortable, but you’ll quickly begin to realize that it’s actually easier to read! It also shows that you are serious about what you do, especially if you’re representing a business or important cause like the American Shorthand Society (ASS). An added bonus is if what you say is a little bit difficult to understand. This keeps your friends and followers interested to keep reading your post in order to fully understand it, guaranteeing that they’ll do the same next time!
Bottom line is, spell check is for lazy people. And grammar is for those with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Discuss Or Inquire About Private Situations… Or Even Better, Laugh.
There’s nothing better than talking openly about a sensitive or private topic. The best way to do this is to ask or talk about it publicly on a friend’s Facebook Wall, your own Facebook Wall or even tweet about it to your followers and to any one that it may be concerning. If you want to create the least dramatic experience in social networks, sharing sensitive topics openly with everyone is an excellent start.
Laughing and joking about these things also does the trick.
To recap the things you need to make sure you do in order to ensure complete and utter chaos (in a good way of course) of your online and natural life, remember to talk about yourself constantly, share everything that’s on your mind and never stop to listen to others, invite everyone to events (even if they aren’t real events) share all your online activity with friends on and off line, and never use correct spelling, punctuation or grammar. I promise that if you do these things, the quality of your life will improve, as well as your experience on social networks and throughout the Internet. I encourage you to adopt each one of these into your life. If you chose not to, it’s your loss. But as a result of not doing these things, you’ll have more friends and attract more attention to yourself in a positive manner. Personally, that doesn’t sound very “positive” at all, but the choice is yours.
For more information on annoying your Facebook friends, check out Dave Parrack’s article, 5 Facebook Status Updates Guaranteed To Annoy. His article has helped me grow tremendously in annoying my social media contacts.
Do you have any tips for those striving to annoy their friends online? Do you enjoy doing it yourself? Let us know!
Image Credit: I Hate You Paper Note via Shutterstock
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