I’m so angry with “Justin” Bieber for smoking “Pot” and making it impossible for me to Google myself.
At least I can get some consolation: Destroy The Web provides the necessary crosshairs, pumped up music and destructive capability I need to therapeutically blast my fellow Canadian Justin from my search results. And if something on the web bugs you as much as this bugs me, you should check Destroy The Web out. It’s not useful, but it is therapeutic.
Tired of seeing stuff you hate on the web? Shoot it. Destroy the web is a stress-relieving diversion that allows you to target elements of any site you dislike, leaving destruction and high scores in your wake. Even if you don’t have Bieber-related psychosis this could prove relaxing: taking a few moments from your research in order to destroy it entirely never hurt anyone.
WARNING: the contents of the article, and the extension it pretends to review, are completely useless. Do not read any of it, or install this extension. You’ve been warned.
My Justin Bieber Problem
So I have a problem. My first name is “Justin”, and my last name is “Pot”. This has been a perfectly acceptable combination of names for most of my life – Justin meaning justice, which I like, and having a memorable last name isn’t a bad thing if you write for a living.
So yeah, great name. Love it. Thanks Mom and Dad! Nearly three decades later, however, your stupendous naming skills are conflicting with popular culture, thanks to this plastic performer:
These days over half the Google results for Justin Pot are related to this particular Justin (coincidentally like me also a Canadian living stateside) smoking pot. And I hate it.
Did you know that 33 per cent of the Internet’s bandwidth is Justin Bieber related? It’s not true, at all, but you wouldn’t know it to ask their fans. This group is massive, and every publication on the planet wants them to visit their site and click on ads. It’s no wonder, then, that any controversy about Bieber is covered on every news site on the web – and ranks high on Google. Add drugs to the mix, and I don’t stand a chance.
It’s no one’s fault: the click-driven media is just doing what they do best and I’m sure if Bieber knew his smoking pot affected Google searches for “Justin Pot” he’d stop immediately. I’m just a neglected cog in a machine far bigger than myself, at the mercies of Google’s heartless algorithm.
Speaking of the machine: I need to rage against it. Which brings me back to Destroy The Web: here’s me using it to de-stress about the whole Bieber situation:
I also attempt to remove Dave LeClair, who I hate, from MakeUseOf. It feels good.
As the video gets across, it’s the music that makes this great. I got really, really excited about destroying stuff. You will too. Do well enough and you can submit your scores:
Become the champion of destruction. Click quickly to rack up your score, then compete with the world!
Download Destroy The Web
Seriously: check this out, now, because it’s free and because I told you to.
Not sure sound effects are what you’re looking for? Check out Kick Ass, the web destroyer game. It’s simpler, but it might be just what you want.
Or, if you’re looking to avoid destruction entirely, you could check out Chrome Maze. This official Google game turns any site into a maze you navigate, using a ball. Even better: you control said ball using your phone, Wii-mote style. It’s worth a diversion for the less psychotic among us:
It’s got a Marble Madness thing going, though some sites work better than others.
Destroy It All. Now.
You’re still reading? Really? I’m not sure I’ve written anything less useful – Nyan Cat Progress Bars aside. You must think less of me after wading through all that nonsense, but I really can’t say that I’m sorry.
What are you destroying? Let us know, along with your top scores, in the comments below. Or defend Justin Bieber, who I actually don’t know enough about to dislike for any real reason. Mostly I know that he might smoke pot and shows up in Google searches. Educate me if you must.
Justin Bieber doll by Emily Burnett via Flickr