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Imagine an Internet where every picture, including cats and babies, included a beard. Where every new tab you open sounds like a can of pop opening. Where AOL’s “You’ve Got Mail” alert isn’t a thing of the past.

Welcome to the useless web.

Today Cool Websites and Apps takes a break from useful tools that can improve your life to focus on five things without any redeeming quality whatsoever. Seriously: all of these apps are stupid, and you shouldn’t bother to read about them.

But you will.

And when you’re done, you’ll install everything on your workmates’ computers. Because you’re a jerk.

Don’t ever change.

Ask Vin Anything (Web): Answers Any Question With a Vin Diesel Quote

If Siri or Cortana Do Siri, Cortana & Google Now Need Too Much Personal Data? Do Siri, Cortana & Google Now Need Too Much Personal Data? Read More aren’t fast and/or furious enough for you, consider asking action star Vin Diesel for advice.

ask-vin-anything

Ask him anything and you’ll get a relevant(ish) clip from one of his movies. That’s all this site does, but seriously: you don’t need anything else. Consider replacing your browser’s search engine How To Change Your Browser's Default Search Engine How To Change Your Browser's Default Search Engine So, what are you searching with? Bing? Google? You might know how to use any search engine you want on the Internet, but do you know how to change the default search engine for your... Read More with this (or, if you’re feeling helpful, do this for/to a friend).

Wurstify (Chrome): Add Unnecessary Facial Hair to Every Photo

Beards. The Internet has a few of them, but the creators of Wurstify feel like it needs more. Their Chrome extension delivers, by editing image you look at – from news articles to Facebook – so that it includes a beard.

wurstify-beards-web

Seriously: that’s it. It’s the perfect solution if your Facebook timeline is full of annoying baby photos, but it’s also worth knowing about for its prank potential (be sure to record the inevitable “my computer is full of beards, do you think it’s a virus?” phone conversation.)

wurstify-startup-parody

Even if you’ve no interest in installing this one, you need to check out the website. It’s a pitch-perfect parody of every self-obsessed startup in existence.

You’ve Got Gmail (Chrome): Hear AOL’s “You’ve Got Mail” Message Every Time You Get Email

If you had home Internet in the 90s, there’s a good chance you’ve heard this sound before.

AOL was a dominant ISP in the dialup age, and a weird one at that. Rather than just provide a connection, AOL turned itself into a gateway to the entire web – sometimes to the point of obscuring the rest of the web. Logging into the web meant using their custom browser, which took you by default to their home page. If you had email, you’d hear a voice saying “You’ve Got Mail”.

It was…weird. And now you can bring that voice back, and hear it every time you get a new Gmail message. Prepare to be overwhelmed (or to overwhelm a friend).

Tab Cola (Chrome): Hear The Sound of a Tab Cola Opening, Every Time You Open a New Tab

Tab was a diet soda popular in the 60s, which you can still find in some areas. It also shares a name with the main way most of us organize our web browsing.

This pointless extension pointlessly plays a pointless sound every time you open another tab.

tab-cola-new-tab

That’s right: every tab you open sounds like you’re opening a soft drink. If nothing else, this will teach you that you open way too many tabs The 10 Best Extensions For Chrome Tab Management The 10 Best Extensions For Chrome Tab Management If you’re a multi-tasker like me, you love tabs. Perhaps a little bit too much, as it’s easy to suddenly find you have a buffet of tabs available, but you’re no longer quite sure what... Read More during the day.

Seriously: way too many. And you never think about it, until doing so plays a sound.

PointerPointer (Web): Find Out Where Your Mouse Pointer Is

Are you not sure where your cursor is? PointerPointer can help. Load this site and a helpful photograph will point to your cursor.

pointer-pointer-cursor-pointless

Move your mouse around; new photos pointing to the cursor will pop up. There are seemingly thousands, and it never stops being delightful. Spend the next 15 minutes playing with this instead of working: you know you want to.

What Are Your Favorite Useless Sites?

We’re no strangers to wasting your time. We pointed out the Useless Web, which can take you to all sorts of pointlessness The Useless Web - StumbleUpon For The Strange Side Of The Internet The Useless Web - StumbleUpon For The Strange Side Of The Internet There are thought to be around 7.6 billion pages on the Web at the time of writing. Even I, someone who spends most of their life online in some capacity or other, would never be... Read More . We even showed you how adding Nyan Cat to your progress bars Add Nyan Cat To Your Progress Bars, Because It's Awesome Add Nyan Cat To Your Progress Bars, Because It's Awesome Is your Windows progress bar stupid, green and boring? Make it 5011% more awesome: add the infamous Nyan cat to it, complete with the trademark music and rainbow. It's just a simple download away. There... Read More is useless/awesome.

But we want to know: what useless sites and apps are we yet to discover? Help us trek the insanity in the comments below, and together we’ll make the web a less productive place.

  1. Teri Greene
    May 13, 2015 at 11:59 pm

    Sounds like a good life.

  2. Teri Greene
    May 13, 2015 at 1:23 am

    Zombo.com.
    You can do anything at zombocom.
    I've gone there a few times a year for a decade, and always come out feeling better.

    • Justin Pot
      May 13, 2015 at 3:20 am

      I tend to just leave it open, constantly.

  3. Logan MacBride
    May 12, 2015 at 6:50 pm

    Wurstify has changed my life

    • Justin Pot
      May 12, 2015 at 7:13 pm

      Nothing will ever be the same.

  4. Kelsey Tidwell
    May 12, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    With You've Got Gmail, Seattle is about to be sleepless again.

  5. Vampie
    May 12, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    Or search for faces : https://duckduckgo.com/?q=faces&ia=images&iax=1

    Wurst is taking over......

    • Justin Pot
      May 14, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      Beards beards everywhere.

  6. Vampie
    May 12, 2015 at 10:04 am

    Wurstify together with Pointer Pointer.

    Hilarious :)

  7. David
    May 12, 2015 at 5:07 am

    PointerPointer is fun, but a little buggy in the upper right corner.

    • Justin Pot
      May 12, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Thanks for /pointing/ this out.

      ....I'll see myself out.

    • Daniel
      May 14, 2015 at 2:56 pm

      We tested, there's no bug on the upper right, the image is adjusted to stay closer, if you from that bug point moves slightly inside you will see that the pointing finger is at the right border,.

    • Justin Pot
      May 14, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      Are you the genius behind PointerPointer, Daniel?

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