Let’s face it – geeks make for a better relationship than any of those alpha-male types. Exactly why is that though? Are you prepared to shun good looks for reliability and utility? What can you expect when you exchange your old boyfriend for a new geek version?
I’m going to assume here a geek boyfriend case type, though of course geek girlfriends have also been known to exist in the wild. Unfortunately, data on these rare creatures is still quite scarce, so we will not discuss them today. It’s tragic that I have to say this, but please don’t take this as 100% serious dating advice, and take a deep breath before posting vile comments about how shockingly generalised and stereotypical this portrayal of geeks is.
Free Tech Support
A standard issue geek is, by default, able to stop both your microwave oven and the TiVo, from flashing incessantly at you 00:00. His tech-savviness will ensure you stay atop of HDMI, HTML, HTTP and HDTVs with attached HDDs. He’ll certify that your virus definitions and various operating systems are all up to do date, managed via a central house server while-u-wait.
Don’t test his patience though – while the geek boyfriend will be more than happy to tutor you in Java and PHP, he will not appreciate questions about Windows XP. You have an expert at your disposal here, not a replacement search engine. Girls not willing to learn for themselves need not apply for a geek boyfriend – your Facebook will be checked, and you will be Googled!
Logic-Based Functionality
All geeks are pre-supplied with a Logic Interpreter, though they lack the typical Emotional Response Decision Determiner. While they may not be of much use in emotionally troubled times, you can depend on them to make logical decisions when the water level climbs. When the floods come, who would you rather be with? Someone to offer a shoulder to cry on, or a geek who can seek out the nearest high ground, upon which to set up an ad-hoc wifi communications protocol?
They won’t leave you
In terms of “going to cheat on you” and related factors, geeks are far less likely than their jock detractors. A geek is eternally grateful that you chose to merge with his interface, and won’t be in a hurry to seek out an alternative base.
They will however, have an unhealthy obsession with one or more of the following mythical beings:
- Rei from Evangelion
- 7 of 9
- Princess Leia
- Starbuck
Since he’s never going to get laid with any of them though, you should regard these as harmless fantasies, and they may even lead to…
More Fun in the Bedroom
Your geek has probably spent hours on the internet exploring every possible facet of his sexuality watching a lot of pR0n, so if you have a geek that’s open about it then you can always be sure to find something to guarantee fun. You might want to be open to the naughty side yourself though, or be in for a shock when things go down below.
At the very least embrace his kinky side, and keep a healthy collection of sci-fi costumes supplied. Slip into one of these anytime you need to a send an intra-person control message (ICPM) of “I want sex now”, and I guarantee a 100% error-free transmission rate, (wow)!
You-Time
It’s likely that at numerous times in your relationship, your geek will become 100% absorbed in a new video game, surrounding himself with chips and dip. Don’t worry about leaving him alone sometime, geeks are expert hunter gatherers - in their prime. They use the power of logic, Google maps, and PayPal, to find and locate daily essentials within their locale. Unlike your typical man who drives around for hours yet ends up buying beer, the geek knows exactly what he needs and what it is near. Don’t feel guilty about using this time to get out more – your geek is simply being hardcore.
Is It Worth it?
Dating a geek will require you to have a wild side, but it’s a dependable and fulfilling ride. You’ll end up understanding an unhealthy number of four letter acronyms, and may even develop a keen interest in programming the next Sims. As long as you can handle long periods of hardcore gaming and more or less no social contact ever, your geek will ultimately serve you well, and leave you never. So what are you waiting for? Upgrade now!
Image Credit: ShutterStock 1, ShutterStock 2
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My girlfriend can attest to the awesomeness that is free tech support! It’s nice being able to impress her with things that I think are rather mundane and simple. :D
Also, if you’re trying to date a geek, don’t make the mistake that this article makes, labeling Catwoman as “Batwoman”. You will be met with laughter (punctuated with the occasional snort), and when you inevitably get fed up with the teasing and say “who cares, it’s just a comic book character”, you will realize too late that you have crossed a line, and the date will be OVER.
OMG, that’s pretty shameful. I hereby forfeit 50 geek points..
Geeks are not going to get in relationships , I have my Skyrim and my own shouts to find GTFO
im sorry, BATWOMAN? WTH. THATS CATWOMAN. and a rather lousy one as well.
Yeh, I’m pretty sure if I had got the name right Google images would have been more forthcoming. Still, there’s a lot of batwoman costumes out there obviously, whatever the hell she’s supposed to be. …
I find it totally unacceptable that a geek is assumed to be a guy by default..! grrr……
Actually, I think this article is pretty spot on. I can attest to the logic situation with my girlfriend!
What about Leeloo from The Fifth Element?!!
Or Leela from Futurama? Yeh, I had to make some concessions. Unfortunately, shockingly orange hair and wearing tape as an actual outfit just didn’t do it for me!
How about the girl with the dragon tattoo? Elizabeth Salamander or whatever her name is, is she a pin-up girl too? ;-)
Hmm, haven’t seen it yet, but if this picture (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Uiwl6TM5UDA/TeHHhmz4ijI/AAAAAAAAANE/ZMen79Dooag/s1600/Girl%2BWith%2BThe%2BTribal-Dragon%2BTattoo.jpg) is anything to go by, I’m going to say hell yes.
Hey, congratulations for writing female geeks out of this post AND making sure we know that at least some male geeks are self-centered sexist jerks! Naturally, female geeks have already found this out, but for the rest of the world out there, it may be a useful reminder.
I repeat: “take a deep breath before posting vile comments about how shockingly generalised and stereotypical this portrayal of geeks is.”
You do realise this piece was an attempt at humor right? Obviously a shockingly failed one by some of the comments…
Shockingly failed indeed. As a female geek reader of MakeUseOf, I’m really disappointed to see such tired stereotypes masquerading as humor on this site.
Wow. reading the comments of you guys patting yourselves on the back is even more pathetic than the content of the article. I bet you were all on the Alyssa Bereznak bashing and patting yourselves on the back with that one too, eh?
Who the **** is Alyssa Bereznak?
Seriously? Are we still harping on the ol’ “there are no gurls in the internets, hur hur” trope? Please, PLEASE retire that crap. It’s demeaning to female geeks and makes you look like a schmuck.
I repeat: “take a deep breath before posting vile comments about how shockingly generalised and stereotypical this portrayal of geeks is.”
If you say something racist as a joke, is it still racist?
If you leave women out as a joke is that still not sexist?
Quit being obnoxious with your copy pasta reply.
Typical arrogant nerd. I’m more annoyed by the way you’ve trolled your own comments. You’d have been better off saying nothing.
No, if you say something racist as a joke, it’s a joke. I have friends from loads of ethnic groups and we throw racist jokes at each other all the time. Asian, White, Black, etc. If an Asian friend gets an A (as opposed to an A+), I can safely say, “Oh god, you’re in trouble!” (or similar) without fear of being thought of as racist. It’s the tone, and while the Internet removes that, he did put up a warning that he was joking.
And what about the sexism against males? It’s expected of us (not by everyone, but society in general) to pay for a meal, let women go first, even fight for our country sometimes. We don’t complain (YMMV. None of the men I’ve met, nor myself has complained about this). I’m a Black male (with Arab and Asian roots) and I wouldn’t mind any joke being made about my social groups. You can do the accent, make jokes about my grades, etc. and I wouldn’t mind.
“Typical arrogant nerd” – so let me get this straight! You bemoan racism and sexism, but intelligence levelism is fine?
It’s not copy-pasta if I’m the original author. It’s called repeating yourself. You’re allowed to do that, please read rulez of teh internetz.
Seriously though - could I really have written this piece to be non-gender specific? It would have gone over my word limit for a start. Or are you suggesting that male and female geeks are the same, and that really gender has role in our society whatsoever, because men and women are in every way shape and form equal to one another?
****
Obviously I’m aware there are a lot of female geeks, gamers, RPGers, LARPers, anime-lovers, cosplayers, trekkies, furries, technicians, scientists, web developers, programmers, and every other damned geek type out there. An awful lot of female geeks who read this blog – and I’m incredibly happy that we live in a society where girls are free to express themselves in any way they like free of repression.
Please Rachel, fight the battles that are worth fighting, and stop victimising me for suggesting that female and male geeks might be different, and for targeting this particular piece about the male variety.
“Next Article:
5 Reasons It’s Better To Date A Girl Geek
Oh god no, all the guys will be calling me sexist then.
second that
I’m glad you posted this. I always wondered if I would ever get a date. This gives me hope haha ;)
Oh c’mon – I’ve been tech support/build your computer/fix your software and hardware problems for years. I don’t need tech support.
After reading this post and some of these comments, why are you so surprised that women geeks fly under the radar?
Most of the self-appointed guy geeks I’ve talked to had little to no real knowledge or information about computers and technology. A few well placed comments and questions and it’s obvious if a guy knows what he’s talking about or he’s just tossing terms around without knowing what they mean.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Ahh, testing the techie knowledge of a guy trying to get with you by playing the fellow geek card. Clever!
Not testing, trying to have a conversation about something I love. =)
Lol, speaking of tech support, when I was like 3 I was the only one in the house who knew how to shut off the blinking “12:00″ on the VCR ^_^
My mom only knew of a low-tech workaround which was to put one of my coloring books in front of the display to block it from view. I remember too that Bob Saget offered a similar solution on the old America’s Funniest Videos where he stuck duck tape on it to cover up the light.
Man, I’m such an ’80s geek, aren’t I? ;-)
My mother still tapes over her alarm clock because she says it’s too bright. Oh, and some random blue LED on her bedroom VCR that she reckons stops her from going to sleep. Serious problems there…
Heck yeah dude, geeks are jsut cool like that man.
http://www.Total-Privacy dot US
“Are you prepared to shun good looks for reliability and utility?” – uh, look at me? A shining example of an awesome geek with good looks.
“A shining example of an awesome geek with good looks”
Lol, don’t take this the wrong way, but a crescent moon, a recycle symbol, infinity and the Mac logo? OMG hawwwt ;-)
LOL, true. That’s been my Gravatar since I was a kid and:
a) I didn’t have a webcam
b) My dad was trying to keep me safe online, and being careful about where I upload photos of myself were part of the rules of being online.
I’ll change it some day, but meanwhile, you can see my actual face if you visit my author page on MUO: http://makeuseof.com/tag/author/habib
P.S. Apple logo.
Lol, this was a hilarious article. I thought of that episode of Friends where Ross asks Rachel to dress up like his fantasy babe Princess Leia (yup, “slave edition”), but for whatever reason, the image of Chandler’s mom ends up in his head instead of his sexy girlfriend. XD
Not much of a technophile myself (I’m a girl). Not too into the jock straps either, however. My ideal would be more of the eccentric, brooding artist type who’d probably avoid things like iPhones and sci-fi just the same as the Alpha Betas would (to mock the Lambda Moos). ^_^
Although I don’t know if it counts as sci-fi, but being the book lover that I am, I always sort of harbored a tragic-hero crush on Winston Smith and Harrison Bergeron. ;-)
You should totally write an article on geek girlfriends. I am one. We need some limelight, too, because girls can be just as nerdy and computer-techy as guys!
I think Tina would be better off writing that though. My wife isn’t a geek, so I don’t really know much about a geek girl stereotype. They’re usually really good DnD players????
No time for playing games here. Besides, I think Jessica or Yaara are definitely more geeky than I am.
The #1 reason is the free tech support. Many times when my computer or my parents’ computer has failed one of us have I wished for a computer savvy boyfriend.
This kind of “humor” does no one any good. Why perpetuate stereotypes that there are no female geeks, that male geeks are all the same (and, incidentally, all heterosexual?!), and reinforce everyone’s insecurities about their desirability? I am a woman who reads Makeuseof for my (geeky) job, and seeing an article that dismisses my entire existence is not making me laugh.
Juliana, I’m sorry you feel that way. This piece was posted in humor, and you were under no obligation to read it. It was not presented as a factual piece, and I quite clearly stated at the beginning that it was going to be stereotypical. I am in no way anti-gay, anti-female-geek, or any other view points you seem to think I’m trying to perpetuate. I am well aware that this is a highly stereotypical view of a male geek, as is every single person who read the piece, and enjoyed it.
Thank for reading MakeUseOf, and I’m sure you’re a lovely geek. I’m sorry this article made you feel bad about yourself, as that truly wasn’t my intention, nor were you the intended audience.
Haters gonna hate. Nice article, some truths too. x
basically, he was excluding women for the sake of SIMPLICITY. I know a writer who does that. They’re not saying women aren’t important or, there are no geeky girls, but he’s rather speaking about males for simplicity. all of you ladies, keep that in mind. It would’ve gotten way longer and would’ve reached his word limit without completing the article. Maybe he’ll write one for geek girls in the future.
I thought it was rather funny myself:) It made me chuckle
OMG! This describes my boyfriend!!!! HAHA!