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Sometimes on social sharing sites and social networks 5 Facebook Notifications That I Can't Stand [Opinion] 5 Facebook Notifications That I Can't Stand [Opinion] We recently talked about an easy way to clear up email notifications, but that doesn't mean Facebook notifications themselves aren't still a problem. These notifications are great when they actually pertain to you and are... Read More , there are deviants – the “rebels” who set out just to make your life a little more miserable. Granted, it’s not so much that they are bad folks (I’m sure that in real life they volunteer Crowdrise - Armchair Fundraising for Charities & Events Crowdrise - Armchair Fundraising for Charities & Events Read More at soup kitchens and work with after school programs), but when they provide or comment on links to articles, their dark side comes out.

So here we are once again, discussing netiquette 6 Things The Internet Has Taught Me About Etiquette [Opinion] 6 Things The Internet Has Taught Me About Etiquette [Opinion] Over the years, I've learned that the Internet has its own sets of rules and etiquette much like any other culture. Granted, I have also learned something else about the Internet – it's very cynical... Read More and all the nasty things that come with it. Today, I’m not here to tell you how to make online friends. I’m here to show you how to avoid having any of them.

Keeping Up That Blogspam

If there’s anything that folks absolutely love, it’s blogspam 6 Precautions You Should Take Against Email Harvesters & Spammers 6 Precautions You Should Take Against Email Harvesters & Spammers Spam has its roots in email harvesting. Email harvesting is the umbrella term for the methods spammers (or bulk email marketers) use to obtain email addresses in volumes. It could be as low tech as... Read More . In fact, and I don’t know about you, but I for one wish they would actually make a breakfast cereal called Blogspam. I’d eat it every single morning. There’s nothing quite like clicking a link in a comment only to discover that there’s only about a paragraph of the article I want to read. I hope the owner of the site earned lots of ad revenue for it!

But really, blogspam isn’t cool, and if you do it, you should be ashamed. What would your mother think?

Reposting My Stuff As Your Own

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All it takes is a nice dish of plagiarism to really make your day fantastic. It’s so exciting, right? Sometimes, what I’ll do is copy and paste a sentence into Google Google Docs For Android Updated With Real Time Collaboration And Rich Text Editing [News] Google Docs For Android Updated With Real Time Collaboration And Rich Text Editing [News] Read More from one of my MUO articles only to discover a plethora of other sites that have copied and pasted the entire thing. Granted, it’s not so bad if they actually link back to the original, but come on – really?

Furthermore, folks sometimes do the same exact thing with comments on social sharing sites – “This looks hilarious! I wonder if they’ll notice if I say it in an entirely different thread…”

Showing Off Those Superior Grammar Skills

“Grammar Nazi” is such a cliché term, but the act of being one is fairly cliché itself. It’s high time that these individuals be recognized for their services to the Internet, right? Well… no. Not really.

Grammar Nazi-ing LibreOffice 3.5 Released, Offers New Grammar Checking Tool [News] LibreOffice 3.5 Released, Offers New Grammar Checking Tool [News] Read More never exactly contributes to the conversation (unless it aids in saving Grandpa), and I believe that it is now common knowledge that typos exist, and this is due to the modern-day individual whose mind is constantly whirring. Basically, with all the information that is coming in and going out, I think that folks should give a little lee-way when it comes to online grammar.

Besides, if an article or comment has great grammar throughout its entirety, and there is one minor slip-up, there really shouldn’t be much fuss – “You used the wrong ‘to’; therefore, your argument is invalid.”

Demonstrating Just How Intellectual You Are

I see this way too often with comments. Sometimes, people write their opinions in plain talk. Take me, for instance. I don’t like to use a whole lot of big words or lengthy statements, and this carries over into everything I write – including comments. However, there are folks who like to respond with comments that appear as if they have sat down for hours with a thesaurus 10 Cool Uses Of Wolfram Alpha If You Read And Write In The English Language 10 Cool Uses Of Wolfram Alpha If You Read And Write In The English Language It took me some time to wrap my head around Wolfram Alpha and the queries it uses to spout out those results. You have to dive deep into Wolfram Alpha to really exploit it to... Read More just to make themselves appear smarter than you.

I mean, it’s great that you have such a delicious vocabulary, but it’s also quite obvious you are only using it as a means to degrade someone. Not cool, man. Not cool.


So there we have it, folks – four ways to avoid making friends on the Internet. All you really have to do is play nice, though. We could actually be friends, in that case….

What other ways can you avoid making friends on the Internet? How do you typically try to make friends online?

Image Credit: kakisky, Urban Dictionary, KnowYourMeme

  1. David
    March 7, 2012 at 1:50 am

    I think the last one is the most relevant to me. People who think they're too smart and use those big fancy words (especially when we're having an exchange of opinions). It's annoying and doesn't prove anything at all.

    • J. Lockhart
      March 7, 2012 at 9:58 am

      It's true, for sure. I really just never see the point in it. I suppose this goes for my life offline, too. It happens everywhere!

      (At first, I misread your comment and replied, so you may have already seen my original response. I thought you were talking about grammar.)

  2. Rick Winters
    March 6, 2012 at 9:13 am

    You forgot to include bloggers who write articles complaining about those articulate folk who legitimately draw attention to their take on previously published work, but do so in a grammatically correct and syntactically accurate manner: they're the worst.


    And don't forget the punction smiley users...

    • J. Lockhart
      March 6, 2012 at 10:35 am

      Baha! Tell you what. You can email my editors and ask for more grammatically incorrect articles. I'd be happy to oblige.

      • Arif
        May 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

        This is a very compelling piece & I am so glad to have had the outorppnity to read it. Even though I've always known that these women exist & have these situations occur, I don't think I've ever truly thought about it in this depth. I know people have it tough, not everyone has the advantages we've been fortunate to have, or the support necessary to give you what you need in life. But I guess, like most of us, just excused it away by saying everyone has choices & you just need to make the right ones. Lots of people have it hard but they don't end up in prison. But like Shelley stated, those of us with loving people in our lives to give us that confidence, let alone the safety net to fall back on, are the lucky ones. What if we hadn't had parents who cared & were there for us, unconditionally; who accepted us for who we were & encouraged us to do great things & be decent, confident,compassionate people. If most of these woman had grown up with that, maybe things would have taken a different path for them also. Sometimes we just need someone like Shelley to make us take a closer look at those we usually judge then turn away from.

  3. InYrDreemz
    March 6, 2012 at 3:15 am

    Hey Joshua, I got a chuckle from your article. You made one faux pas (#4), -* Only post negative political comments - no matter which side you're on. One of my "friends" made his last negative post on my wall today. You don't have to agree with everyone, but please-sometimes the Thumper's Mom Rule is best: if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all.
    Peace out.

    • J. Lockhart
      March 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

      And that's why I no longer discuss politics.

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