Can you give me more effective tips to ask a girl out on Facebook?

john August 25, 2011
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In your article 4 Effective Tips To Ask a Girl Out On Facebook 5 Effective Tips To Ask a Girl Out On Facebook 5 Effective Tips To Ask a Girl Out On Facebook What happens if a girl catches your eye on Facebook? How can you approach her and get to know her without scaring her off? Let's discuss some important advice. Read More you say to accidentally hit a key to someone for instance “l” if you do that then say “shit sorry” or whatever, and they say “its fine”. What’s the best thing to say after that? Like in reply to their “its fine”? Thanks!

  1. Steve Campbell
    August 26, 2011 at 12:37 am

    Hey John,

    There's a lot of great feedback here. Since I wrote the article (a long, looong time ago) I figured I might as well chime in. Basically what you say next is entirely dependent on you. I think initiative the conversation is the biggest hurdle. If you have friends in common with this person, that's an easy route to go as far as saying something like "oh hey, how do you know so and so?". You could also say something like "so have we met before?". 

    I feel like the key is to just be confident and smart in your responses. What's the worst that can happen, right? You're already taking a chance by doing this in the first place.

    Hopefully that helps. Like I said throughout the article, I'm no expert on this. Good luck!

  2. Smayonak
    August 25, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    I highly suggest reading the OKCupid.com blog on dating trends, particularly since it contains a great number of analyses of individual preferences, on the aggregate. One of the more shocking revelations within the blog was that men are more successful when they have muscular upper bodies and don't wear shirts in their profile pics. I know: MIND BLOWING. Oh, something else: money helps. A LOT.

    Because of the rigorous methodologies and massive sample sizes, the OKCupid studies are probably very accurate and definitely worth a read.

    http://blog.okcupid.com/

    • Smayonak
      August 25, 2011 at 5:12 pm

      Here's an article that answers your question: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

      • Steve Campbell
        August 26, 2011 at 12:43 am

        Interesting stuff here. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Yaara Lancet
    August 25, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    You already got a number of answers, but I thought you might also appreciate an answer from an actual girl. :)

    Whether you start with an accidental message or not doesn't really matter that much. Many women lose interest automatically if they think all you want is a date. If she already authorized you as a friend, look at her pages, her interests, her jobs, whatever she's sharing, and try striking a conversation in that direction.

    If you can find something you both like or a shared topic, the conversation will flow much  better. After a while you can ask her maybe she'd like to go for a coffee or something sometime, so you can continue your interesting conversation in real life.

    You can even say that you have to go (do it at an interesting point of the conversation preferably) and then ask her if she wants to continue it over coffee.

    Like people already said, appearing like a stalker or someone who only wants a date never attracts anyone.

    Hope you find her out there. :)

    • Steve Campbell
      August 26, 2011 at 12:42 am

      Thanks, Yaara! It's nice to know that I somewhat knew what I was talking about while writing that article. Definitely a difficult piece to write :)

  4. J. Lockhart
    August 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    My friend,

    You are a brave soul, venturing out into the world (of Facebook) to retrieve your chosen lady. That alone is admirable. Many people will just sit around and not do anything, and they will do this until it gets to a point that Mr. Johnny-Come-Lately swoops in and steals the girl.

    However, considering that your name is John, you may very well be Mr. Johnny-Come-Lately. This means you have a greater chance at getting the girl than anyone else. Congratulations. Your parents gave you the perfect name for romance.

    Now, I certainly have been quite the user of the "accidental" message. Typically, it would go along the lines of, "Hey... Oh wait. That was for my mom."

    Don't make that mistake. I speak from experience. Please don't make that mistake.

    Instead, if you do go with the "accidental" message, just go with the flow. For instance, if it is someone that you haven't talked to in a long time, you could simply go with, "Well, since I'm already here, how have you been?"

    BAM. The conversation is open to a plethora of possibilities.

    Alternatively, if it is someone that you don't know in person and just happen to be friends with on Facebook, just go with this: "Whoa. Looks like I don't actually know you on here. Mind if I go ahead and introduce myself?"

    That could easily backfire, but it's worth a shot.

    However, my standard suggestion is this – Simply shoot a message her way and ask her out for coffee. You don't even have to do the so-called accidental message. It's good to keep honesty in the relationship from day one – just sayin'. 

    But either way, I hope it helps, my friend.

    • Michael G
      August 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm

      I agree with not trying to do any fancy 'accidental message' junk. Sure if you want to delay any real contact with that person and include more variables for things to go wrong then by all means go with the 'accidental message,' but know that could backfire in a lot of ways. It may seem like more of a risk to just ask her out on a date directly, but it isn't. You might be hesitant because directly asking her out has two foreseeable outcomes, while doing anything else is just delaying until the moment you ask her out. You may think you are getting to know her or establishing some common ground, but that should happen after you both know that you are going out on a date. If she does decline your invitation then anything before that will seem really awkward and weird.

      My suggestion: just send her a message asking her out to get lunch.

  5. Jeffery Fabish
    August 25, 2011 at 10:26 am

    This is a information technology website, you won't find much productive dating advice (:

    I say, if you truly want to tell her you want her, ask her out in person. Anyone (except you apperently) can type something, it is much more difficult (but rewarding) to say it in person. It just seems to me unaffectionate to ask someone out online or via text message. Why must you "ask her out" in the first place? Invite her to a movie or something, simply "asking them out" isn't really dating. It's elementary school "check yes or no" garbage.

     But hell what do I know, I haven't had a girlfriend since the bicentennial.

    • Bruce Epper
      August 25, 2011 at 11:03 am

      You do realize that "inviting her to a movie or something" is "asking her out," right?

      • Michael G
        August 25, 2011 at 1:30 pm

        I think he meant instead of asking, "Do you want to date?" it would be better to just ask her out on a date directly: "Do you want to go to a movie?"

        • Jeffery Fabish
          August 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm

          Quite exactly. I think John is insinuating that he only wants to ask her out, rather than actually "go out".

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